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Food Porn - The Manwich

Posted by Dragonkng198, 07 March 2016 · 10,546 views

It's not 100% perfect, but it's come out a damn sight better than my previous effort. I've figured out some mistakes I made during the making of this one, and I'll go through those as I go through the recipe with you bunch of nubs :P

So it's been a long time since I've posted a food porn for you sluts, and I have no excuses, but one explanation. I'm too lazy to record what I'm cooking half the time, or I don't deem it "worthy" of being food porn. I won't lie and say this is the return of my food porn blogs, but if inspiration strikes me, I shall attempt to make you [bleep] jealous of my amazing cooking skills (or at least my attempts).

Without further ado or explanation, I present The Manwichâ„¢.

First off, the usual ingredients shot.

The main batch


Not pictured above


Roasted a small joint of gammon for Sunday dinner, and this was left over so I used a few slices.

I LOVE THIS STUFF!


Garlic is awesome. You don't like it, you can [bleep] off cos it's #1 ya cheeky [bleep].

Now let's get cooking you [bleep]. Peel and slice up some of that Irish fruit right there, and throw those potato slices into a bowl as such:

Like this m8


I threw a small amount of oil into the bowl with the potato slices (to make them crispy when fried, as well as to help the seasonings), and then threw in probably 2 pinches or so of salt, pepper and oregano. Coat the potato slices in everything so it's evenly coated.

A chunk of garlic butter was thrown in the frying pan to sizzle down. You can do this step before slicing the potatoes if you want, but keep an eye on the pan if you do so.

Look at that slut starting to slowly melt...


Once your pan is nice and hot (but before the butter, or whatever you decided to use such as oil), chuck your potato slices in. I did 6 of them (5 to use in the sandwich and 1 to taste test to make sure they were suitable).

See they're not too heavily coated, but just enough for a kick of flavor


Once they're nicely done on the one side, flip them over and cook them some more. MAKE THEM LOOK TASTY!

What's taters precious?


Once they're nice and done, throw them to the side and work on some more of that beautiful cooking.

On par with my love for garlic is my love for mushrooms. I know they're not amazingly popular, and truth be told, I used to hate them when I was younger, but I started craving them one day and can't get enough since. I chopped all these mushrooms into thirds along the stem, and then into halves from there.

Not the magic kind


Next, chop up that whole onion. Yeah, onion's [bleep]ing awesome too. I like nice big chunks of it, so don't worry if it's roughly cut. I threw them into a bowl with the mushrooms, and then gave it a decent spray of garlic cooking oil rather than spraying the frying pan itself.

This looks like heaven to me


Not mushroom left in this pan


Throw them in the frying pan on about a medium heat and stir them fairly consistently. You can leave them for up to a few minutes at a time, but with very little oil/fat in the frying pan, I didn't want them to stick so I stirred about every minute or so. I didn't cook them until crispy or very well done either, I like the mushrooms and onions to still have a bit of oomph to them when you bite into them personally.

EVEN MORE HEAVEN!


Next up is the ambrosia. The god food. Bacon.

What kind you use is up to you, but I dislike smoked bacon, and I had this handy instead of the stuff that's designed to go crispy. It's bacon, it damn well works fine either way. I gave the frying pan a spray of garlic oil, as well as each bacon slice a spray too (I love garlic, what can I say?)

Awwwww yissss.....


Mother &#91


BACON!


And then there's the big boy himself. The steak.

Now there's a lot of "yes" and "no" to do with steaks, but at the end of the day, everyone has their own preferences, and I've found a way to cook them that works for me and I'm happy with the texture and flavor.

First off, let the steak warm to room temperature before you cook it. Second, use a very hot pan to cook it with as little fat as you can get away with. Third, only season it when you're ready to throw it in the pan.

Fourth (and the first of the mistakes for me), I would trim the fat away from the side of the steak. While eating the sandwich while typing this, one of my only complaints is that the fat on the side of the steak is tough to chew through, and while not unpleasant to munch on, eventually took away some of the enjoyment of the steak itself.

Once the pan was extremely hot (almost to the point of setting off the fire alarm), I coated one side of the steak in a small mix of salt, pepper and garlic granules (haters gonna hate, I've found fresh garlic always burns in the frying pan for me), and immediately threw the steak seasoned side down into the frying pan.

The steaks have never been higher


After about two minutes, I picked the steak carefully up, coated the uncooked side quickly and placed it back down to cook for another 2 minutes. After this 2 minutes, I throw a small knob of butter into the frying pan (which was still so hot that the butter pretty much instantly melted), and then used that to baste the steak for another 2 minutes or so.

Butter me up babe


After those two minutes of basting are over, remove the steak from the frying pan, place it in some foil, wrap it and LEAVE IT ALONE! You do not touch that steak for at least 10 minutes now. It needs some time to absorb some lovely steak awesomeness, and you'll [bleep] it up if you touch it.

OFF LIMITS ONCE IT'S WRAPPED


After 10 minutes of sitting and absorbing awesomeness, your steak is ready for you to do with as you wish. I cut mine in half to showcase it, but it went into quarters for the sandwich.

Look at that bad boy


That brings me round to another thing I would change about this meal. As you'll see to come, the steak came out in big chunks, and while it looks awesome, it means that some slices could come without any steak at all. Next time, I'll either shave the steak into smaller pieces to spread it around, make sure there's enough steak to layer the entire sandwich or find another way to make the steak more evenly distributed.

Now, get your big ass loaf of bread (circular loaf is better, trust me), and slice off the top. NOW SCOOP OUT THE INNARDS WITH YOUR FINGERS AND DESTROY IT!!!

Final mistake for me. Leave a bit of bread at the bottom rather than scraping it almost too thin, because the edges of the bottom of the bread might go a bit soggy. They taste amazing, but presentation-wise, doesn't look so nice. Leave a small bit of padding to soak up any juices ;)

BREAD!


Now. LET'S LAYER THIS MOTHER [bleep]ER UP!!!

1. CHEDDAR!


2. STEAK!!!


As you can see, gaps :( Anyway...

3. &#91


4. MOTHER &#91


5. EDAM CHEESE IS &#91


6. Sorry for potato quality. Kappa 123


The final layer was some gammon, but I forgot to take a picture of that until I'd already wrapped it up. Damn it.

Now, you wanna wrap this [bleep]er pretty securely in some foil as such.

SHINY


What I did here was throw a baking tray on top of that [bleep]er, and FLATTENED IT FOR ABOUT 20 HOURS! GET FLAT YOU [bleep], I WANT TO EAT YOU IN ONE BITE YUM.

Let's flatten that &#91


After 20 hours had passed, I removed the books, threw the sandwich (still in foil) on the baking tray into an oven for about 30 minutes to heat it up nicely and get that cheese all melty. Mhm...

After 30 minutes, she came out the oven. She was ready.

Bread Pinata


And now, for the final glamour shots..

A piece not showing any steak


A PIECE SHOWING A BIG ASS HUNK OF STEAK YEEEEAAAAA


And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my dinner for tonight, and my breakfast/lunch for tomorrow. Have a good night, because I certainly shall. :twisted:






literally 0/10

I might legit try this tbh

*is left completely baffled by this recipe*

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