Blog Entries posted by Naive
Source: My final Farewell.
So for my art appreciation class final we have to do a self portrait. Of anything we want, not just ourselves. So I decided to draw Naive. I've spent 9 years of my life playing on her, made so many friends on Runescape, gotten to know this great community, everything.
I have near zero experience with drawing except for the occasional Kirby, so apologies if it looks weird :D
I would've included the TokHaar-Kal and my Greater Harmony aura, but I fear that'd just crowd it and just make it more difficult for me X)
She's wearing the Necromancer robes, a black cavalier, arcane stream necklace, ragefire boots, an illuminated guthix book, and a necromancer's mud staff. I'm probably gonna go out to Walgreen's and buy some coloured pencils to fill it all in. Debating on whether to include some sort of background or not. Ideas?
EDIT: Finished colouring it :D How do y'all like it?
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General Tab is for stuff that doesn't really fit in with the others, Tab 2 is for summoning and summoning related things, Tab 3 is herblore and farming, Tab 4 is runes, teleports, and runecrafting things, Tab 5 is ranged stuff, Tab 6 is shiny gold things and other currencies/shiny things, Tab 7 is food and some farm stuff that just didn't feel right with the farming tab, Tab 8 is the dumping ground for armor, slayer gear, skill outfits, that sort of thing, and Tab 9 is my dedicated clue scroll tab.
And here's a pic of my menagerie!
Of specific note are the dragons and the birds. So happy to have one of each, and I worked damned hard to get them, fighting bots for that green dragon lol
And because why not, here's my stats
Hi hi y'all, I've managed to get my uncle to let me use his computer, so here I am!
Peru's been more or less lovely since I got here. The flight was 6 hours long (7 if you include the hour delay in take off) and during the flight I watched Fame, which just further convinced me that school is ftl. After teh movie I just plumb fell asleep until we landed.
Once landing, we (my mom and I) had to wait at the baggage claim thingy to get our luggage (and some clothes in 4 giant bags that we'd promised to deliver for a travel agency in return to half pricing our tickets... Bloody hell those things were heavy) And by the time we actually get out of the airport and meet our family, it's 1 am. After having a bit of a time finding out how to haul all the baggage (they'd only brought two small Volkswagons), we were on our way to their house (they being my uncle, my cousins, and aunt) After getting there we unloaded, and set about to talk for another 2 hours. As most of the conversation was in Spanish, I was lost quite a bit (I can speak it a little, but they talk so fast x_X) And then I finally went to sleep at 3 am... for 12 hours <.<
After waking up in the afternoon, we sat around, I met the rest of the family, and then my cousin (Chito) took me to meet his mother's side of the family.
There was much booze and cigarette smoking there... (I took no part of it)
After that all, we went to a restaurant, and we had anticucho (I will not tell you what it is, as it will gross y'all out)
After the loverly meal, we came back home, and I managed to get my uncle to let me use the computer, where I started to type this post!
It's been a very lax two days, but I start teaching tomorrow I think, so that's all gonna change soon.
I'll try to post a new entry every other day or so, so loyal fans of this blog enjoy :P
For those of y'all that have read my blog entries before, commented even, thank you for the harsh reality. I wrote most of those when I was in a severely horrid mood, and looking back, damn I am a whiner.
ANYWAYS. This entry, surprise surprise, isn't a pathetic cry for attention from a saddened boy. No. I'm here to say that I'm doing something with my life.
Today, in 10 hours, I board a flight to Peru. Why am I going? I'm going to stay there for two months teaching young children how to speak English.
Why? Mainly because I have family down there and I'm not doing anything else with my life (currently not attending college, so mom came up with this). But I harbor a soft spot for children. And to be able to spend two months in an exotic place actually helping children get a head start on education, is something I could have only wished for. For once in my life I'm going to stop pitying and hating myself. I'm going to make a difference in the future generation (Okay it's only 140 kids, but c'mon, let me exaggerate, I'm rarely in a good mood :P) and I get to have an experience that I would have otherwise never thought I'd have.
I am happy :)
And bloody hell I am going to miss everyone in Lady Heinous chat, since I don't even know if there'll be internet where I'm staying :mrgreen:
Good bye guys, if I can't get internet, I will see you all in two months!
She dumped me. Dumped me for another guy she's been seeing for 9 months. Pah. I probably deserve it, haven't talked to her for a month, didn't send her her Christmas present. He's in the Marine Corp. She's gonna go into the service too. She's been lying to me for the past few months. She never loved me. All I was was an amusement for her to break. Well it [bleep]ing worked.
Love doesn't exist. There's no such thing. I'm thoroughly disgusted that I ever thought it existed. I'm a stupid, hopeless, heartless fool.
I broke my truck's back window yesterday on accident. Was trying to get my brother's attention, he was driving like an idiot while I was in the bed since we were hauling stuff and the back seat was full and my mom was in the passenger's seat, and I hit the window too hard. Now it'll cost $275 to replace it. I don't have a job. Mom and Dad don't want to pay for it. Guess I'll just have to drive with a broken window. Feh.
I missed my best friend's 99 Agility party. I promised her I'd go, and then after I'd help her with MEP 2, but I didn't. She even held off the party for one day, because I wasn't online. And I still missed it. Because I was too busy playing PS3. Now she doesn't even want to talk to me. I told her I was sorry, she said what amounted to "Whatever" then either logged or took me off her friends list. Haven't seen her back online...
My brother's friend Marlon came to our house, I wandered into his room and asked where they were going, Marlon says they're going to his house and asked if I'd want to go. He went to his car, and my brother walked up to me and said "Please don't." Way to make me feel good bro.
I am in a long distance relationship. I haven't talked to her since November. I didn't mail her the Christmas present I'd gotten for her. It's still on my bed stand. I haven't even written in the card. I'd met her over the summer a few years back. She's the only girl who had ever loved me. And I can't even mail her a present. I don't even think she cares about me anymore. Hell, I wouldn't care about me if I wasn't me.
My social life outside of Runescape does not exist. I am morbidly obese. I smell like trash. My teeth are disgusting. My eyes are bloodshot.
I am going to die alone.
Fair warning, you probably won't give a damn about anything I'm about to type, so it's your fault if you're dissatisfied afterward.
So you're probably expecting me to post something relevant to the season, such as a Happy New Year or some cheerful [bleep] like that? Well... Fine, Happy New Year. But enough of that. I just need to get some things off my chest, else I'm gonna explode from bottling it all up.
2009 has been a crazy, most depressing year. I don't even remember much of the first 3/4 of it. Must not have been very important. Oh, that's right, I failed most of my classes in that period, that's why... So I've gone and wasted my parents' money there, not to mention my really crappy venture into out-of-state college life last year, where I went to Worcester Polytechnic Institute in Worcester, Massachusetts, thinking, hey, I got a pretty decent scholarship going here, mom and dad didn't have to pay as much as they thought they would have had to, and I'm finally getting out of home, into the real world, gonna make new friends, graduate, get a good job, get married, have children, blah be-freaking blah blah blah. A pathetic, stupid dream.
The first week in I did make some friends actually, I was shepherded into a program for Hispanic students, which was a main reason for the good scholarship (I don't look it, but I'm half-Peruvian, other half is Irish) and it all felt like... Summer camp to me... That's probably where I made the mistake, I shouldn't have gotten so lax... Anyways, after the week of intro and coddling ended, I moved into my dorm, which happens to be a double. Few days later I meet my roommate, awesome guy, gamer like me. Then I meet other floor mates, lots of gamers, one even straight from Vietnam (he could solve a 5x5 Rubik's cube in less than 4 minutes) and one guy I suspected wasn't all secured up in the mind... And I wasn't the only one who thought it, he was weird.
First week of classes... Completely murders me. I'm in Calculus 1, we're learning about derivatives, none of it makes any sense to me. Computer Science, we use some strange programming language called... Um... I don't remember, but it well confused the crap out of me. Then on to Interactive Media and Game Development. The main reason I had come here. To major in making video games. A dream come true. Only problem? A lot of it is group projects, and I'm still on that summer laze... So I never make it to group meetings, I mostly stayed in my dorm playing Wii, because it was easier than waking up on time for class... By the time I realize what's happened... I've failed all my classes mainly from lack of attendance, and therefor failing quizzes, tests, homework, yadda yadda yadda... I remember coming into IMGD class one day after not having gone for weeks... The professor said "Oh, you still have this class?" Well God damn, way to hit my low self esteem. (Did I mention that?)
I went to see my... Academic counselor I guess was her title, and she's a really nice person... And she notices that I've been sleeping in my dorm most days, not even getting up to take showers (I'd gone a week and a half... I was a disgusting mess, and my cool friends wouldn't hang out with me anymore) and I didn't seem to care. So she recommended I go see the psychological counselor on campus. I go, and I tell her the things that I don't even tell my mother about. About how I'm so damned ashamed of myself for being a fat slob, how I believed myself to be a shame to my father (He even said as much to me) and how I thought no one loved me, no one cared about me, and that y'know, maybe I should die. They'd all be happier. I wouldn't be eating through my parents' and my grandmother's money, I wouldn't disgust anyone anymore... Of course that's a huge no no. So they send me to... Um... University of Massachusetts Medical, big shot psych hospital or summat. I see a doctor, spill my guts out, tell him I want to kill myself, all that stupid crap, and so he prescribes me some anti-depressants. Funny thing, my brother calls me almost right after, and I told him the taxi was here to bring me back to school. He asked where I was... I told him I was out shopping with my friends. I couldn't even bear to tell him that I was about to take anti-depressants...
A week passes... It ain't working. I'm still sleeping 24+ hours, only ever getting up to go to the cafeteria like... once a day. Mom calls... I start crying, I tell her everything... And then I tell her that I can't do this, I have to come back home... And so I came back home in time for Christmas '08. I bid farewell to my friends I was unlikely to ever see again, with only my stupid [wagon] to blame.
I got home, tail between my legs, so damned ashamed of my sorry [wagon]. I had ruined probably the only good chance I'd ever had. I'd wasted at least $5000 of my father's, I could almost hear him thinking of how pathetic a shame I am to the family. Granny called, told me she was disappointed... Mom was sad... *sigh* And I wasn't taking those damned pills anymore, so I just felt worse and worse... At one point I actually had the gun to my head... I couldn't go through with it. Figures.
So next I try community college down here in Miami. Still doesn't go well... I only pass 2 out of 5 classes. I feel even crappier. Dad's threatening to throw me out of the house or start charging me rent. I'm still jobless. I haven't worked once in my life thanks to loving parents and grandparents. I think he eventually gave up trying to get me to do anything.
Next semester, I only take two classes. College Algebra and Computer Literacy. I thought I could do it, I really did. But Algebra was at 7 a.m., and I lived 20 minutes away, and I had to take my brother to school too, since he's younger than me and doesn't have a car. So I failed Algebra because I always was late, and whenever I was late I always felt so ashamed so I just went to the Computer room instead of going to class and drowned my sorrows in Runescape. Hah.... Thankfully I passed Computer class though, which was at 8 on Fridays, and so was much easier to manage.
During that semester, a little before Halloween... Something horrible happened. My brother had a friend, and they both just love annoying the freaking hell out of me... And in a way I enjoyed it too for some stupid reason. He and my brother were friends since grade school, and I really wasn't all the friendly to him. Anyway... One night they and another friend decide to go out biking... At midnight. Bradley (my brother) has been out late loads of times before, so I'm not at all worried, and so I don't even think of stopping them... God why didn't I...
It happened around 2 a.m. They were on their way back to our house. Marlon, the other friend, on the sidewalk, and Bradley and the friend, Rodolfo, were weaving on the street. Bradley all of a sudden hears a very shrill, loud screeching behind him. He looks back and quickly gets his bike on the median, because there's a car barreling toward him with sparks shooting from under the front bumper... But he's ok, nothing's wrong... He looks to see where Rodolfo is, and can't find him, so he looks for Marlon... Marlon is standing looking... Out of it. A few feet from him, is Rodolfo's body. He'd been hit by the driver who was blatantly speeding down the road, completely ignoring their flashers and lights on the bikes... He'd died on impact, I'll spare you the details... He went instantly, God rest his soul... We went to his wake, there were many tears, speeches, all that stuff... His mom had him cremated, I don't know what she did with the ashes... But the entire time, up to this day... I haven't shed a tear for him... There's something pathologically wrong with me...
Sometimes I feel like he was lucky, he doesn't have to go through this crap known as life anymore. He's at peace.
Fast forward to Christmas time... It's a good Christmas, my cousins come over, we play games all night for so many nights, we practically burn out our retinas and lick our lips dry. It was fun. Really fun. I haven't even contemplated hurting myself in a month. That's good, right?
Soon after, comes New Years. Gonna be happy too, right? No.
Dad tells Mom something, she tells Bradley, he tells me; Dad wants a divorce. I... Still don't know how to react. I'm pretty damned emotionless at this point now... The happiness y'all see on me when I'm on Runescape is mostly a mask. All fake. I can't be happy. How can I, I'm literally driving this family apart with my stupid [wagon] lax and do-nothing attitude. Maybe if I actually did something worth something up in Massachusetts, maybe if I didn't fail my classes, maybe if I got a job, maybe if I didn't remind dad of himself when he was a fat kid like me, doing nothing worth a crap, maybe he wouldn't want the divorce... Maybe, I'd have actually been able to make him proud, give him a reason to not give up on our family... But no, I screwed it all up... My life, my family, hell, maybe my own damned sanity is falling apart... I'm going nowhere fast. Sinking quickly in the mess I've made. I don't know what's gonna happen... I'm scared...