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Posts posted by Sir_Squab


    I don't recall getting an eye examination in school. Pretty sure I got one at one point, but doubtful it was after the age of 10.

    Do you wear glasses?



    No. Up until the quick eye exam I had for my learners permit, I thought I saw perfectly fine. I mean, slightly in denial because hey I know I see better with my right eye then my left, but with both eyes open I haven't had trouble seeing.


    (Okay except when I got diagnosed with diabetes and the change in blood sugar made me need glasses for a month, but that's just a common side effect of getting diagnosed with diabetes.)

  2. In other news, I think I have lazy eye.


    I've known for years, since I was a young kid (maybe?) that I saw better with my right eye then my left. I never really paid it any attention till today when I did my learner's permit, and then got a small eye exam where not being able to see well with my left eye became relevant.


    So apparently I have bad depth perception.

    • Like 1

    People of opposite genders can never be real friends. Unless there's a crazy circumstance of being raised as brother and sister or something


    I partially agree... I'd say that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them (unless both of you are genuinely unattracted to each other permanently for whatever reason)



    Hmm. Generally, I think it's easier for girls to view guys as just friends whereas guys have trouble viewing a girl as just a friend. Which is where the friendzone comes from.


    I have a good female friend I met in highschool; we're just friends and we're only ever going to be just friends. A huge part of this, however, is how in highschool she had both of us convinced she was asexual...


    It doesn't make sense to me that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them though. My limited understand on this subject has led me to the viewpoint that, well, the human brain is almost incapable of treating sex as just sex. (Especially for both parties to treat it as such.) Sex changes the dynamics of the relationship.


    @Noxx: Your second explanation of the situation gives a very, very different sounding story then the first.

  4. So my friend is in quite the pickle. Him and his girlfriend have been fighting this entire weekend. About shit i'm not 100% sure of. But as far as i could make out, she's been talking to this guy on whatsapp a lot. Like a lot. It's nothing weird, he was just asking her relationship advice. He's engaged to get married to a girl he's never met, and he wanted advice. Or something like that. Apparently my friend went through her phone, because he suspected something. He found their message log (this is how he knows about it). She sent him 3 pictures of herself. Again, nothing crazy, just pictures showing the guy her different hairstyles over the past few months. But either way, i personally find it quite inappropriate to do what she was doing while you're in a relationship.


    So last night we went out for a few drinks. My, my girlfriend, him and his girlfriend. She got a bit drunk and started talking to my girlfriend about her and her boyfriend. She was telling her about how she would never have the passion for him that she had for her ex. But he takes good care of her, and hes a good provider. And she loves that about him. She said something along the lines of "When we're in bed together the fact that he takes care of me so well turns me on. Security is a big thing to me". Something like that, i'm not 100% sure about what exactly she said.


    Now she's known to say and do a few stupid things when she's drunk. So i told my friend that personally i wouldn't react on it straight away, i'd "confront" her about what she said first. Try and find out exactly what's going on. But chances are that's how she really feels. In which case it's probably in his best interest to break up with her. 

    She's not going to leave him, because he's a good provider. But he might have to live with knowing she's never going to love him the way he loves her. Or maybe, eventually, she might. But is he willing to take that sort of risk?


    What would you guys do in a situation like this?


    I left out a lot of detail, just because i don't know the story 100%, but this is more or less the gist. 


    Am I the only person who seems absolutely nothing wrong with her talking to this guy? She's talking to him via a purely electronic medium without (at least what it looks like from what I read) any romantic or sexual subtext to it. Even if you do believe 100% in monogamy (which, for the record, is my personal choice) I see nothing wrong with someone having friends of the opposite sex, so long as they are just friends.



    I feel like I'm hijacking this thread. Would any of you mind talking to me over PM (or anywhere else)?

    I wouldn't worry about that. This is why this thread is here. We often focus on 1 individual at a time.






    Nobody likes me. I want someone to care about me. Because of this, nobody will.


    What am I supposed to do? Or is affection like job experience in that you need it in order to get it?

    Do you like yourself?


    Give me 5 things you like about yourself?


    Sorry if this reply seems harsh/stupid, but it sounds to me like you might have some psychological problems and that you need to learn to love yourself first.


    I don't like myself.




    Why do you need to love yourself before someone else can love you?


    Hoo boy.


    So, there's more to relationships then this, but... think about getting into a relationship like sales for a moment. You are selling yourself. Not in the sense of prostitution, in the sense of trying to get people to pick your product over the competitor's. Pretend you own a car and you're selling it. Now some guys are like "here's this lamborghini that's awesome" or "here's this 30 year old sports car that I spent the past 3 years fixing up." And then there's you: "my car is a piece of crap. Please buy it." So, you've either got a car that is legitimately sucky and need to spend time fixing it up before someone will buy it, or you've got a half decent car and you need to stop comparing it to lamborginis.


    Anyways, it really sounds like step one for you is getting a good therapist. And if your parents tell you they hate you, you need to find good enough work so you can move out and cut contact with them.

  6. I seem to recall hearing somewhere in High School that once a girl starts having sex, she doesn't really stop. My impression (and I realize I'm naive about this so I could be wrong) is that a lot of girls save sex for their first long term relationship. After that, it's much less of a big deal in future relationships.


    [hide]I love my relationship, most parts.I try my best to keep it together, but I do struggle.

    I have been mean, unfair, and sometimes unwilling to move on from some of the problems that reoccur.

    Some of the problems are my fault, because I am a sensitive individual, others are my boyfriend's,

    but one thing that I have always struggled with is the feeling of being invisible.

    Feeling invisible is something that whether it's with my family, friends, boyfriend, people I come into

    contact with in general, is something I have always really struggled to cope with.


    But I have, for the most part accepted it as a part of life, everyone feels like a shadow at one point or another,

    but with my boyfriend, it is more apparent than it ever has been. Part of this issue is the frequency at which

    he will unexpectedly change plans, to suit what his friends are doing. His friends are lighthearted, not particularly

    serious, people who like to chill out and have a good time. These aren't things I'm not, but the way in which

    we have a 'good time' just differs. My boyfriend tiptoes around me because he has no confidence that I will take

    things the right way, when there are a handful of times that I've taken things wrongly, but I feel like he will

    continuously treat me differently to his friends who seem to not see the boundary that is our relationship.


    Do not get me wrong, everyone needs friends and I have no problem with him hanging around with friends

    (these are friends I don't trust at all but respect that they are a part of my boyfriend's life and as such, I

    treat them fairly) but at the end of the day, I am a spare part in their group (expected; as I'm not any of their

    friends, and more of a 'spare part') which is obviously going to happen as I'm just the girlfriend of somebody

    in that group. The problem lies here, in that, I do not bring myself into contact with his friends, the ones

    I don't feel fully comfortable around, he willingly brings me into contact with them such as on a handful of occasions,

    we have plans to go to town together as a pair, and his friends will say they want to come to town,

    it becomes a joint trip when I do not see why it should be. No offence, everyone can go town if they want

    but when we say we're going it does not mean we all have to go together. Likewise, we will be sitting together

    in each other's company, in a garden square, and his friends will walk by, which I do not have an issue with

    him saying hi to, but then they invited him to play pool. Sure, pool with the friends sounds like a great idea,

    however, considering he was occupied (with me) I was irritated by the swift acceptance of the offer and not

    considering what I was about to do for the next half hour. I was not willing to sit by myself in the garden

    square so off I went, to sit and watch pool games. Now, that has dragged me into a situation that I

    did not really feel like being in. Every now and then he'd notice me but his main focus was his friends,

    and I just don't like the dividing time between us in my presence. I don't care what he gets up to with his friends

    but when we have time together, I do not enjoy the ease at which he chucks our time together away.

    At first push, his friends don't need to convince him much, they could be just going on a walk, or watching a movie,

    if he is with me at the same time, he is considerably more likely to accept their offer and then think about me later

    either I join their plans or go and do my own thing. If the situation is reversed and he is out with friends

    and I asked to do a b or c, he would be more honest in rejecting me. While I have no problem with saving things

    for later, he has shown that he would rather say no to me, than no to his friends. I approached him with this

    and he had the tone that I was being unreasonable or strange for being upset when he "just went to say hi to

    his friends playing pool" but "hi" is not equal to actively engaging in multiple games of pool whilst I sit

    in the background awkwardly. I did actually try to interact but was ignored by some of his friends, although

    there is one who always tries talking to me and I like him for that, but they aren't close.They're his only

    group of friends, so I understand his attachment and will to be included, but it isn't my fault he did not

    try to make new friends; he does not like change and therefore doesn't adapt until forced into a situation

    where he has to. In this case, it's his friendship group expanding and including other parties which he now

    feels are closer to the core of the group than he was. This is something I thought he would have understood

    from getting a girlfriend. He still hangs out with his friends plenty, it's just reduced maybe from 10 hours a day

    to 6 hours instead. 


    Of course there are times where when my friends invite me out in his presence and I'm with him, that I reject 

    even if I would really like to go out with them, it's because I'm putting what I most want to do second

    because I am doing something already, with someone I'm going out with. I think he jumps at instinct

    on what he wants to do, rather than considering us as a pair. When approached, he said he wants to remain

    a core of the group as much as he used to be, but that his friends seem to be closer to each other than they

    are to him. He fears that his friends do not care about him as much as they "used to" or that the balance is

    wrong in that he cares more about them than they do, him. And the reason why he wants to be so involved

    is so that his only real group of friends do not grow distant from him, but him trying to be the core of the group 

    is leaving me in the sidelines too often which is why I actually get upset.


    There are other friends in the same friendship group that are in relationships, but their partners are 

    more controlling and evidently possessive and I am far from a fan of relationships like that,

    but there is a respect and boundary for their relationships that other people notice and know not to cross.

    I just want that boundary to be with our relationship too, I want people to feel free talking to him when

    I'm there, of course, but I want people to not walk over our time together, just because they know he will agree

    to whatever they suggest.

    One thing I've tried to do is become less invisible by doing things with the people he lives with, so it feels less

    of an intrusion when I'm at their house, I've cleaned the place when they all went out, bought pizzas

    for everyone without worrying about being paid back (one gave me some money which was handy) but I have tried

    different options but not found a solution and the nicer I am trying so hard to be, the easier I make it

    for him to walk on me. I know you can't buy people's approval by buying ice cream and cookies but it was worth a try lol. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm trying to buy the ability to be comfortable and feel accepted to no avail.

    I feel like a doormat sometimes, but that is no one elses fault but my own, I have made myself that way and

    now I want to reverse what I have done. [/hide]



    Tl;dr: Feeling invisible. Bf ditches me at first opportunity when friends invite him out IN MY PRESENCE without considering me



    He fears that his friends do not care about him as much as they "used to" or that the balance is

    wrong in that he cares more about them than they do, him. And the reason why he wants to be so involved

    is so that his only real group of friends do not grow distant from him, but him trying to be the core of the group 

    is leaving me in the sidelines too often which is why I actually get upset.


    Honestly? I think someone needs to tell him "you can keep close to your group of friends or you can keep close to your girlfriend, but not both."


    Also, doing things like cleaning and buying them pizza honestly makes you, well, how should I put this... cleaning and buying them pizza is supporting this behavior. You want to do the opposite.

  7. I didn't start using the dating sites until after I graduated, but I'm sure it would still work while in college. Most of the girls I date are still in college.


    As far as grammar goes, the vast majority of women don't use proper grammar (even the ones with advanced degrees). Hell, I think most people in general these days don't understand proper grammar. It's just how the world works.


    I find it far more likely that people just don't care and don't even try. If they can get dates whilst using poor grammar, what motivation do they have to use good grammar?

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