decebal Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 While it's good that you're capable of maintaining a conversation with girls over IM for long periods of time, I hope you realize that every minute you spend doing that sends you deeper into the friendzone. Sounds like a debate will happen, let me start with an argument presented by Ginger_Warrior in "Things that annoy the HELL out of you" thread: The friendzone doesn't exist. What does exist is the phenomenon that a girl would never have wanted any romantic or sexual involvement with you in the first place, no matter how cool/suave/rich/handsome/charismatic you may (or may not) be. That does not logically connect to "This woman is friendly with me, she'll never see me in any other way apart from that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I'd imagine that they can agree that no matter how you phrase it, acting like a friend will, in most cases, probably gain you friendship and nothing more. "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omar Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Doesn't matter anyway. Whatever he's doing now isn't going to get him with whichever one it is he's interested in regardless of whether the friend zone exists.(Edit) hivemind Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude? Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you? Camera guy: still laughing Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy Camera guy: runs away still laughing Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]! Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Semantics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
decebal Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I meant a debate on whether the friendzone actually exists. Saq's situation is similar enough to past experiences in this thread that both sides will probably agree on the outcome if Saq continues with his situation the same way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omar Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Not really Muggi. You're advancing that your time frame is limited whereas Ginger says it's either closed or open. My point was that this is irrelevant to Saq's situation.I would wager that considering it takes at least a bit of time to get to know someone, your odds gradually shrink. There's more room to make mistakes, actively or passively. Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude? Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you? Camera guy: still laughing Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy Camera guy: runs away still laughing Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]! Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sir_Squab Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I meant a debate on whether the friendzone actually exists. Saq's situation is similar enough to past experiences in this thread that both sides will probably agree on the outcome if Saq continues with his situation the same way. I'm with muggi on this one. Potato potahto. EDIT: The way I see it, yes, for some women the metaphorical door has not and will not open. Are you denying that it's possible to act in a way that the woman will view you as a friend and close the metaphorical door? Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them meBuying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupineThe only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it. Poignant Purple to Lokie's Ravishing Red and Alg's Brilliant Blue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Sorry but that doesn't sound like something very fun/interesting to debate. I respectfully abstain :P ...now if you'll excuse me, Dikembe Mutombo and I have to save the world in 4 1/2 weeks. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaida23 Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 And Kaida, what do you mean with that last sentence?You've never seen The Big Lebowski, have you? The main character is named "The Dude", and he says that line at the end of the movie. Despite everything that has happened to him (and things go terribly, terribly wrong towards the end), he doesn't let it get to him and simply continues on with his life and what he wants. It seemed appropriate. btw - if any of you haven't seen it, you definitely should. Watching Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore together is absolutely brilliant. Check out my blog to read the Adventures of a Big Damn (F2P) Hero. THE place for all free players to connect, hang out and talk about how awesome it is to be F2P. So, Kaida is the real version of every fictional science-badass? That explains a lot, actually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 O wow speak of the devil, this thread just popped up on another forum. Food for thought for you guys who want to discuss that stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donnie Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Heres how you leave the friend zone. "Hi I've been friends with you this whole time in hopes that you would have sex with me and/or love me" Bam. Your out of the friend zone. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giordano Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Heres how you leave the friend zone. "Hi I've been friends with you this whole time in hopes that you would have sex with me and/or love me" Bam. Your out of the friend zone. :lol: "The cry of the poor is not always just, but if you never hear it you'll never know what justice is." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obfuscator Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Heres how you leave the friend zone. "Hi I've been friends with you this whole time in hopes that you would have sex with me and/or love me" Bam. Your out of the friend zone. You're* 1 "It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Heres how you leave the friend zone. "Hi I've been friends with you this whole time in hopes that you would have sex with me and/or love me" Bam. Your out of the friend zone. You're* Relatively sure Donnie is Randox's cleverly-disguised alter-ego. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donnie Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Haha nope. But I used to have an old TIF account Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamtaro Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Can anyone tell me some good topics to discuss when asking a girl to dance? Keep in mind this is a formal dance in a college environment. I'm not looking for anything serious, I just don't want to be boring. Player since 2004. All skills 1M+ XP."If it were possible to cure evils by lamentation..., then gold would be a less valuable thing than weeping." - Sophocles"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." - Plato Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginger_Warrior Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Never been to a college dance so, I'm not gonna be helpful I'm afraid. Re: Previous page. Allow me to clarify, because me and Muggi essentially agree with each other. In human relationships, we like to reduce people down to behaviour which we find predictable and repetitive. We like to know that our coworker watched the football last night, we like to know that during the weekend, our next door neighbour washes their car at a certain time on Saturday, we like to know our other half has a favourite place to eat if we're going for a meal, and so on. We use this information to organise social contact around them; you might watch the game yourself and use it as an anchor to start a conversation, or you might start washing your car around about the same time. When I was at medical school, I knew a couple of people who started watching Scrubs just before the year started so it would help them "fit in" with the typical medical student who, in their eyes, probably liked watching Scrubs. Plenty more people do it for massively popular shows such as reality TV, even if they don't particularly like the show themselves. In the context of sexual relationships, especially teenaged ones, this phenomenon is known as the "friendzone", but really it's a much larger concept as I've described and it's also not a 'final' point, which is another assumption. The friendzone has two parts: Firstly, if you act like a friend to a girl, they will treat you as one; secondly, once you're in the friendzone, you can't come "out" of there. The first part is definitely true, as I've just described, and in Saq's case, the more he spends time talking to this girl online like two BFFs would, the more this girl will treat him like a BFF, because that's the assumption she's drawing from his behaviour. There's no reasonable basis to suggest Saq wants anything else, from the way he's acting. The second part is more contentious. Imagine that coworker didn't watch the football game last night, or your other half wanted to eat somewhere else. That causes problems. We desperately search for another topic to discuss to keep the conversation flowing, or frantically brainstorm other restaurants we could go to in the hope she might approve. In complete and total ignorance, we hope next time they will watch the game and they will want to go to that same restaurant. The assumptions we place on people are incredibly strong because we depend on them so much, and if that assumption has to change, we often find it very difficult to process that change, and it takes time. Not only that, but those assumptions become more rigid the more we use them; imagine your neighbour has washed their car at the same time for ten years and suddenly stops. That's much more dramatic than if they'd only been doing it for six months, and we might read into the motivations differently in that case. Which is why when people do find themselves "friendzoned", most people find it very difficult to create any other impression on that girl (although it is possible and does frequently happen, which is why I don't totally subscribe to the whole idea). A lot of people act with despair, give up and assume (there's that word again) that they'll only ever be friends--because that's what the "friendzone" says--so they carry on acting like friends, which only makes the situation worse from their perspective, while at the same time pining away and desperately hoping that one day, they won't just be friends. Of course, that day won't arrive unless you make it. tl;dr: Saq needs to decide: Make a move now when it's relatively straight-forward and easy; or carry on with the IM chats and the quest to become everyone's best friend, or he'll face a much harder task later. 1 | Favourite Game Music | Last.fm | HYT Friend Chat Rules | Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaida23 Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Can anyone tell me some good topics to discuss when asking a girl to dance? Keep in mind this is a formal dance in a college environment. I'm not looking for anything serious, I just don't want to be boring.The lost art of scrimshaw? Girls like things carved from bones, right? :P Seriously though, there are a myriad of choices. Are you going into this cold, or do you know her already? Do you know if you and she have similar interests? You could always discuss current events, sports, local/national/campus politics, similar classes you might be taking, movies you've recently seen, etc... Check out my blog to read the Adventures of a Big Damn (F2P) Hero. THE place for all free players to connect, hang out and talk about how awesome it is to be F2P. So, Kaida is the real version of every fictional science-badass? That explains a lot, actually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Couldn't have said it any better myself Ginger, that was brilliant. It always irks me when people complain about being in the friend zone. I agree that it exists, but I also think that 60% of it is believing it exists causes it. When two people begin interacting, assumptions are made. The longer you take to "correct" these assumptions, the harder it will be.1) meet girl2) talk to girl3) still not in friend zone4) desire girl->assume you're in friendzone5) you're not getting anywhere vs1) meet girl2) talk to girl3) still not in friendzone4) desire girl->hit on girl5) be adult and direct. she's human too.6)???7) profit. 1 Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamtaro Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Can anyone tell me some good topics to discuss when asking a girl to dance? Keep in mind this is a formal dance in a college environment. I'm not looking for anything serious, I just don't want to be boring.The lost art of scrimshaw? Girls like things carved from bones, right? :P Seriously though, there are a myriad of choices. Are you going into this cold, or do you know her already? Do you know if you and she have similar interests? You could always discuss current events, sports, local/national/campus politics, similar classes you might be taking, movies you've recently seen, etc...Well, I meant besides scrimshaw, of course :razz: Everyone at the dance will pretty much know each other by name and probably accept any request to dance. I don't have any single person in mind so I couldn't say what their interests necessarily are. Asking someone's name, major, year, residence hall, etc is the usual small talk when meeting someone around here and I didn't want to run out of things to say after that. As for sports, the Lions are terrible, I don't know anything about basketball, hockey is locked out, and our football team didn't do so well this year either, so not much to talk about there. The only movie I've seen in the last two months is Skyfall and I'm assuming they wouldn't want to talk about girls, martinis, and guns just as I don't want to talk about sparkling vampires. Similar classes/professors/major is my best hope at this point. Thanks for your advice, Kaida. Also, is it normal to ask a different girl to dance each slow song? I haven't been to a dance in a few years because I went to an all male high school, so I'm trying to refresh my memory on this stuff. Player since 2004. All skills 1M+ XP."If it were possible to cure evils by lamentation..., then gold would be a less valuable thing than weeping." - Sophocles"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." - Plato Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RpgGamer Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 If you're friends with your date, you can ask other girls to slow dance, but I'd highly advise against it regardless. 2 Quote Quote Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic. Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos. PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude Steam: NippleBeardTM Origin: Brand_New_iPwn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muggiwhplar Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I'm contemplating changing my online dating username to >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamtaro Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 The dance went well and I had a lot of fun. Thanks for the advice, everyone. :thumbup: 2 Player since 2004. All skills 1M+ XP."If it were possible to cure evils by lamentation..., then gold would be a less valuable thing than weeping." - Sophocles"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws." - Plato Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaida23 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Good to hear, Ham. :thumbup: Glad we could help. Check out my blog to read the Adventures of a Big Damn (F2P) Hero. THE place for all free players to connect, hang out and talk about how awesome it is to be F2P. So, Kaida is the real version of every fictional science-badass? That explains a lot, actually... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donnie Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 In the context of sexual relationships, especially teenaged ones, this phenomenon is known as the "friendzone", but really it's a much larger concept as I've described and it's also not a 'final' point, which is another assumption. The friendzone has two parts: Firstly, if you act like a friend to a girl, they will treat you as one; secondly, once you're in the friendzone, you can't come "out" of there. The first part is definitely true, as I've just described, and in Saq's case, the more he spends time talking to this girl online like two BFFs would, the more this girl will treat him like a BFF, because that's the assumption she's drawing from his behaviour. There's no reasonable basis to suggest Saq wants anything else, from the way he's acting. As a rule internet relationships suck because the difference between friends and a boyfriend is not what you talk about but how you touch. That said unless she absolutely likes you to begin with your screwed the longer you talk without touching. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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