"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Kaida23]

The lowest age of consent in Canada (we have 3 brackets) is 12. We have another at 14, and at 16+ it's all fair game here. I assume Quebec is different, because they always are.

 

http://www.cbc.ca/ne...crime-bill.html

 

In 1890 it was raised from 12 to 14. It was further raised to 16 a few years ago, with a "close-in-age exception," meaning 14- and 15-year-olds can have sex with someone who is less than five years older.

 

And that's a national law, btw. No exceptions for Quebec on this one. ;)

[Randox]

Wikipedia. This is the part where people start wondering why I even know these things, and I start wondering that too :lol:

 

Link

 

Canada

 

The Tackling Violent Crime Act took effect on 1 May 2008, raising the age of consent to 16 from 14.[7]

There exist two close in age exemptions, depending on the age of the younger partner. A youth of twelve or thirteen can consent to sexual activity with an individual less than two years older than they. A fourteen- or fifteen-year-old can consent to sexual activity with a partner who is less than five years older than they.[8]

Criminal law (including the definition of the age of consent) is in the exclusive jurisdiction of the federal government, so the age of consent is uniform throughout Canada. Section 151 of the Criminal Code of Canada makes it a crime to touch, for a sexual purpose, any person under the age of 16 years. Section 153 then goes on to prohibit the sexual touching of a person under 18 by a person in three circumstances: if he or she is in a "position of trust or authority" towards the youth, if the youth is in a "relationship of dependency" with him or her, or if the relationship is "exploitative". The term "position of trust or authority" is not defined in the Code but the courts have ruled that parents, teachers, and medical professionals hold a position of trust or authority towards youth they care for or teach. For determining whether or not a relationship is "exploitative", s. 153 (1.2) of the Code provides that a judge can consider how old the youth is, the difference in ages between the partners, how the relationship evolved, and the degree of control or influence that the older partner has over the youth.

The "position of trust under 18" anti-exploitation rules were expanded in 2005 by Bill C-2 where a judge may choose to term a situation to be sexual exploitation based on the age of the younger party, age difference, evolution of the relationship (how it developed, e.g.: quickly and secretly over the Internet), the control or influence over the young person (degree of control or influence the other person had over the young person). This passed before the 2008 amendments, and they were not repealed so they are still in effect and can apply towards adults in these situations with young persons over the age of consent and under 18 (16-17).

Where an accused is charged with an offence under s. 151 (Sexual Interference), s. 152 (Invitation to sexual touching), s. 153(1) (Sexual exploitation), s. 160(3) (Bestiality in presence of or by child), or s. 173(2) (Indecent acts), or is charged with an offence under s. 271 (Sexual assault), s. 272 (Sexual assault with a weapon, threats to a third party, or causing bodily harm), or s. 273 (Aggravated sexual assault) in respect of a complainant under the age of fourteen years, it is not a defense that the complainant consented to the activity that forms the subject-matter of the charge.

 

I'm not sure why we set our 'romeo and juliet' laws so low, though we did have a relatively low age of consent to begin with (especially for the developed world I think). It seems to be a very specific case of the law accepting reality and working with it, so I'm pretty happy with it.

[Sumpta]

Well, am I late to this party.

 

Regarding the "older men" discussion: I dated an older guy over summer. He wasn't that much older, 6 years or so, but he made a rather big deal out of it. In any case, while he may have had the good job and the houses and all that shit, he definitely didn't have it together any more than any guy my own age I've dated. He was terribly insecure, kept worrying about the size of his penis and about me leaving him for a woman, only to eventually break it off because he didn't love me. People tend to be conflicted at any age. They also tend to hope that as they age, they'll gain wisdom and clarity in exchange for losing their youth, but I don't think it really works that way.

 

Still, I do tend to be attracted to older men. I love a good head of pepper and salt hair on a guy. Sadly, most men lose their hair as they grow older :razz:.

 

Also, I don't know who said that "older" women who are still single, are single for a reason and should be steered clear of... but I take offense :wink:. Relationships go awry, end,... and not all women can or want to jump from one relationship to another. Especially since we're now able to get the good jobs and the good houses all by ourselves too. But I suppose that some would argue that self-sufficient women should be avoided.

[RpgGamer]

 

Also, I don't know who said that "older" women who are still single, are single for a reason and should be steered clear of... but I take offense :wink:. Relationships go awry, end,... and not all women can or want to jump from one relationship to another. Especially since we're now able to get the good jobs and the good houses all by ourselves too. But I suppose that some would argue that self-sufficient women should be avoided.

 

'twas me. I disclaimered that with a gender neutral statement, we just happen to be talking about girls at the time. Just generally speaking it's my belief that generally the older you are as a single person, the stronger the reason why you remain that way.

[Sumpta]

It was you!

 

I will concede that the longer you live on your own, the harder it becomes to share your space and the less likely you are to allow others into that space. There's a reason why the "living apart together" concept is a lot more popular with older generations.

[Noxx]

What do you guys think about tattoos below the belt line on guys/girls?

 

I've got a lovely story as to why i ask this question, but i'm not sure if it's a bit too mature?

[Ginger_Warrior]

There's about a thousand and one things I'd put before whether or not they had a tattoo. Unless it really was a hideous tattoo.

[RpgGamer]

tatoos are sexy as hell. and piercings. Especially nipple and tongue piercings. oh lawd jesus.

[TTanT]

Personally I'm not a huge fan of tattoos, but unless it's really badly done or really in my face I won't really mind. Unless it's on the face or something though the location won't much affect my opinion of it.

[Hobgoblinpie]

I can appreciate well designed or well thought out tattoos. Especially when they're not invasive.

 

For the most part though, I find them trashy and disgusting. Saying that, it depends on context. If it's just a 4F's situation, I won't care. But if it's for a relationship, I'd seriously consider.

[Vezon Dash]

Tattoos are really attractive if done right, and they aren't stupid. However, I find tattoos in the specific area that you are talking about really trashy.

[Noxx]

I kinda always felt the same way. Thought that a tattoo below the belt line was rather trashy. Then last night i found out just how fun, and sexy they really can be.

Now this girl i met, we somehow got on the topic of tattoos, and i asked her if she had any. She kind of gave me a shy smile and said yes. I asked her what/where, and she told me what it was but said that it was somewhere she couldn't exactly show me. I thought it might have been on her lower back, maybe stomach or something. She was wearing a shoulder-less dress so it sould have been anywhere really, i didn't think too much of it.

So later that night i discovered where the tattoo was, and basically it was a black cat, with green eyes and a longgggg tail, going downwards. The cat itself was just off the hip but the tail was going more or less in the direction of her... well her vagina. So as you're taking off her underwear it is kind of exciting at first because you're not sure where the tail is going to end. I found that really exciting for some reason, very sexy too.

 

The tribal/playboy bunny trampsamps are a bit different though. Dislike them.

[Tim]

not a fan of tattoo's around genitalia, or leading to it. just kinda screams tramp (both men or women)

 

Friend of mine is moving up here late January. Once he moves off the Army base into a rental place (in town), he's going to start taking me out and help me regain a social life and break my anxiety once and for all.

[Donnie]

not a fan of tattoo's around genitalia, or leading to it. just kinda screams tramp (both men or women)

 

Friend of mine is moving up here late January. Once he moves off the Army base into a rental place (in town), he's going to start taking me out and help me regain a social life and break my anxiety once and for all.

 

You have a good friend, breaking anxiety is a lot easier when you have a friend like that

[Ginger_Warrior]

It's a good start, and if it gets you at least talking to people, then it's definitely a positive thing to do. Make sure you always remember that it's with the aim of building enough confidence so you can establish your own, independent social life, though. When you do go out, try and put yourself in lots of social situations where he's not there, for example, he's gone off to get some drinks or something--use that as a chance to talk to the people around you on your own, even if it's only to say "Hi, I'm Tim."

[muggiwhplar]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hefnoxis7M

 

Good actionable advice for accomplishing your relationship/socializing goals and conquering fears/anxieties. Funny too.

 

Skip to ~40 mins in if you're lazy.

[RpgGamer]

I don't know how you found time to find and watch all these videos Muggiw.

[muggiwhplar]

When I'm in bed for the night, I either watch a video/TV show or read a book that'll make me smarter and/or happier, until I fall asleep.

 

This usually includes:

-Watching any comedy that makes me smile/laugh out loud

-Watching almost anything on The Science Channel

-Watching any educational and/or funny Youtube videos like the one I just posted (my laptop can hook up to my TV)

-Reading about business, dating, meditation, gymnastics, etc. either on my phone or if I've got a book on it

 

I also do "Trauma Release Exercises" while doing the above (Google it).

 

 

I'm posting this from my phone in bed while watching a science channel documentary on how sheets of titanium metal are made btw :P

[obfuscator]

Sitting in bed with your laptop doing "trauma release exercises"...what kind of "release" is this really? :P

[RpgGamer]

So I've been thinking for the past few hours about how much I screwed up in 2012. I even started 2013 a little weird. I tend to hook up with girls when I'm drunk. I'm remembering fewer and fewer of them. I remember kissing my friend's (we have a strange friendship) ex. I don't remember how either of us reacted. I hung out with her last night. I learned more about her than I had before. I then realized it's because I knew virtually nothing about her prior to then. And I have this blur of blonde hair in my memory as if I made out with a different girl, but I literally don't know. But what has stuck to me is some of the things coming out of my mouth on New Years. Commenting about how cute my friend's new girlfriend is; then having to justify it by saying "cute like together, not cute like I'd hook up with her". Which was true. But it doesn't sound better really. But that kind of sums up my 2012. Drunken sloppiness, and a loose tongue that sometimes finds it's way into other people's mouths. I'm not sure it's ideal anymore. I'm gonna be chilling in bars soon, I really can't keep this up if I want to be welcome to any such place. And I'm glad I realize this now and not when I'm real old.

 

Another thing occurred to me. I've been letting relationships slip through my fingers since I ended things with my ex always for the same reason. I wanted something more. Call me greedy, conceited, insensitive, I don't care. I am to some degree. The first girl I passed on was younger, but her innocence reflected it. Only 2 years my junior, loved talking, and was kind hearted. I could talk to her for hours and hours. But she'd never been in a relationship before, and that freaked me out. How could I play such a role in this beautiful girl's life? Such responsibility for such a fragile state of mind. I couldn't. The second was a little harsher. She'd had relationships before, in fact she dated a friend of mine for a month or so. We "dated" to an extent for upwards of 3 months when I started talking to my ex again. The 2nd girl had let it slip she was a virgin. She was awkward, nerdy, sexy, and fascinating all rolled into one. And she adored me. For a while. She found out I was talking to my ex, and with the same anger you reading this just felt, I was cut off. I didn't care at first. I was talking to my ex. When the fantasy world dream ended I found myself in deep regret. The third girl was amazing incarnate. Sexy, wild, unpredictable, tattooed, pierced, angel with the devil's grin. I was head over heels almost immediately. I went to a rave with her and what turned out to be her ex boyfriend who told me to lay off. I thought they still had something so I did like a respectable gentleman. I was wrong, and I lost my chance. She ended up moving down the shore and has been dating her roommate ever since. So I suppose in theory the next girl I meet and have a chance with will be incredible, as I seem to progressively be more drawn to the girls I meet as time goes on. At least that's what I'm telling myself to give myself something to look forward to.

 

Which brings me to my last point. This was a journal entry that for some reason I felt was appropriate to share with people on the internet. I love you guys (and gals). Ya'll have helped me loads in the past, and continue to help countless others. But I'm not sure why I continue to update with status reports, even when I have no "true" progress to repeat. I also only seem to update when I'm feeling down, or reflective(muggiw read: beta). Perhaps it's time I bought myself a real journal and stopped bothering Facebook/Tumblr/DeviantArt and you, kind readers of this thread with my petty bullshit. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I'll just get lazy and make a vlog that no one will ever watch or care about. But maybe that's why I plaster my feelings all over cyberspace. I like pretending someone somewhere can relate, understand, or maybe even give a shit.

[Ginger_Warrior]

You seem to have a very natural ability to reflect on your experiences and find key concepts, which is a rare quality these days, except you fail to do one thing at the end. What are you going to do, so those mistakes are not repeated? That's where I would focus if I were you.

 

Would you be more assertive to that girl's ex-boyfriend? After all, he's exactly that: Her ex-boyfriend. But that's your own choice; it's not about identifying that you screwed up, and it's about identifying why and what you need to do so you don't mess up again.

 

For what it's worth, you're probably not going to meet the love of your life on a drunken night in a back alley nightclub/house party, but that doesn't turn "making out" on such occasions into an inherently bad idea. That's exactly the reason so many people go to such places. ;)

[muggiwhplar]

Sitting in bed with your laptop doing "trauma release exercises"...what kind of "release" is this really? :P

 

No my laptop sits on my desk and hooks up to my tv :P

 

BUT MY TV SITS ON MY LAP AND IT REALLY HURTS

[muggiwhplar]

Rpg-- feeling down and reflecting isn't beta, it's human.

 

1. Figure out what you really want, and why.

2. Figure out how to achieve it

3. Get to work! If you're not making any progress then try a different strategy (ex. drink less alcohol). If you're making progress, keep doing what you've been doing.

 

I talk about it more in depth here

 

You just need some goals to give your life some purpose/excitement/meaning. You'd be surprised at how good you feel when you make even the tiniest amount of progress towards a goal.

 

If you're out of shape, fitness goals are a good place to start.

[RpgGamer]

I'm not exactly out of shape. I'm not working with much shape to even have at 5'11" (1.8m) 130lbs (~9 stone). I do think I'll start moving around more. I've lost my six pack that I so proudly wore in highschool, kinda want it back. But you're exactly right: I do need to figure out what I want. And believe me, I've been pondering it for many moons. Do you have any patience or attention keeping tips? i'd love to be able to read a nice book from time to time or even watch an hour long educational video, but I can't sit still long enough or focus long enough to really have any of it sink in.

[muggiwhplar]

Just learn to discipline yourself to do things that you don't want to do. Eventually it will become a habit.

 

Fun fact: it only takes about 21 days to develop a new habit.