"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Donnie]

Theres a million reasons why someone can be. Religious upbringing, lack of success in having sex, bad experience with it, etc.

 

People have different values and some people are not accepting of other peoples values. You can choose to not associate with those people. Anyways thats why I think slut shaming is a minor issue overall. Society as a whole is being more open to it because the economics behind sexual morality have changed (ie: sex no longer is a near guarantee of pregnancy like it was prior to birth control).

[Ginger_Warrior]

It wouldn't be acceptable for me to bully someone because of how much income they earned, what job they had or any other choose-able aspect of their lives. I don't see why anyone's sexual behaviour would be an exception to that.

[Donnie]

It wouldn't be acceptable for me to bully someone because of how much income they earned, what job they had or any other choose-able aspect of their lives. I don't see why anyone's sexual behaviour would be an exception to that.

 

Like you I don't agree with bullying for any reason.

 

However there are reasons why people do choose to bully promiscuity. That said you cant really stop it on a societal level but you can filter out the bullies from your social circle. That said with regards to slut shaming, men are more likely to say something negative about a promiscuous girls behaviour however they will drop it at that, women on the other hand will go out of the way to crush that girls same girls soul, most of the shaming and bullying comes from women shaming other women. With this in mind I suspect that slut shaming is mostly about intrasexual competition, with the occasional guy joining in who is anti-sex for w/e his reasons are.

[TTanT]

Often times guys slut shame out of jealousy or the [bleep]/madonna complex as well.

 

But you can do more to fight bullying than just not associate with bullies. When you think about it, racism and all other forms of discrimination are forms of bullying (albeit often more serious than what we often use the word bullying to represent) and had people taken a passive "just don't associate with racists" approach then the black rights movement may have never gotten off it's feet.

The first step to killing any form of bullying is to try to make it unpopular (or at least SEEM unpopular) as the majority of bullies only will abuse you for something if they think they can get support for it. But without regularly whining and complaining about the unfairness of a form of bullying that won't ever happen (or if it does it will be painfully slow).

It's more or less impossible to change people who for whatever reason straight up despise some group, but you can affect the ones that are just along for the ride a lot more easily.

[Omar]

Donnie, I understand that people have plenty of good reasons to abstain. I just don't see which ones can seem valid to a self-described psychopath.

Also, I disagree that social criticism can have no effect on society. I'd argue you can think of it in terms of utility theory if you so desire.

[muggiwhplar]

I think discussing slut-shaming here is basically preaching to the choir. To take it a step further, even if people do slut-shame when the situation arises, despite logically claiming to be against it otherwise, there's really not much we can do about it. Sort of like people who know smoking is bad for their health, yet continue to smoke anyways. Telling them that smoking is bad probably isn't going to influence/change their behavior. Only they can choose to change their behavior. In the case of people who aren't even interested in defending their position, then it's still a waste of time/effort.

 

The best way to incite change in other individuals is to be happy w/ your beliefs and let that influence their beliefs via inspiration. If someone's beliefs are making them unhappy, you're not going to change them by attacking them. They have to feel like they could be happier if they changed their beliefs by themselves.

 

If I catch any of my friends slut-shaming, I'll generally just be like, "Why are you making it sound like that's a bad thing? What's bad about it? Why does that bother you? Why's that a big deal?" With that said, most of my friends have learned to quit complaining about stupid irrational shit in my presence :lol:

[Giordano]

Questioning their beliefs? Yes, people should always do that...to themselves and others. :thumbsup:

[Vezon Dash]

In the case of people who aren't even interested in defending their position, then it's still a waste of time/effort.

 

I would defend my position, but I'd be wasting my words. Not only that, but there really isn't much to defend. Take your example of a smoker. What reasons do they have to smoke? The ones I immediately point out would be a possible psychological/physical addiction to the substance, stress relief (essentially tied with the addiction), or they just really enjoy doing it.

 

In my case, I just find it really fun. I have no reason to do it (which in turn nothing to back up my point), but I find it enjoyable. I enjoy putting other people down, not in an attempt to raise myself mind you, but just because I love watching people get angry or butt-hurt at the stuff that I say.

 

A fun quote that I absolutely love goes something like "happiness is always so much more enjoyable when it's based on the misery."

[obfuscator]

I think we should slut-shame vezon

[muggiwhplar]

In the case of people who aren't even interested in defending their position, then it's still a waste of time/effort.

 

I would defend my position, but I'd be wasting my words. Not only that, but there really isn't much to defend. Take your example of a smoker. What reasons do they have to smoke? The ones I immediately point out would be a possible psychological/physical addiction to the substance, stress relief (essentially tied with the addiction), or they just really enjoy doing it.

 

In my case, I just find it really fun. I have no reason to do it (which in turn nothing to back up my point), but I find it enjoyable. I enjoy putting other people down, not in an attempt to raise myself mind you, but just because I love watching people get angry or butt-hurt at the stuff that I say.

 

A fun quote that I absolutely love goes something like "happiness is always so much more enjoyable when it's based on the misery."

 

I think it's important to acknowledge the fact that Vezon Dash isn't happy with his life. The "happiness" he speaks of isn't "true happiness." He's referring to the same "happiness" you experience from eating unhealthy, tasty foods or smoking cigarettes. Temporary self-gratification, long-term dissatisfaction.

 

It's simple. Happy people have no interest in putting others down. Happy people make other people happy.

 

And yes, you do put others down to feel better about yourself. That's just basic psychology.

[Omar]

Can we change his rank to slut?

 

[Edit] I think it's really difficult to justify the claim that he's not happy when you're not in his head.

[muggiwhplar]

Can we change his rank to slut?

 

[Edit] I think it's really difficult to justify the claim that he's not happy when you're not in his head.

 

It's very easy for me to tell whether or not someone is happy. In person, it's easy to tell just by the way they carry themselves. But in cases like on these forums, it's still pretty easy to tell just by the way people post.

 

There's just a few basic obvious requirements for being happy. Many people lack them.

[nine naked men]

(sits down in armchair, pulls out pipe)

 

I do believe what we have here is called sad nerd on the internet syndrome or SNOTIS. I've fought real hard for it to be included in the DSM-V

[Vezon Dash]

Can we change his rank to slut?

 

I would if I could, but I can't so I won't.

 

 

For clarification I suppose... Am I happy? No. Am I unhappy? No. Am I content? Absolutely.

 

Life isn't always sunshine and rainbows like some people make it out to be. I am putting a lot of effort into my life right now, but I am hardly reaping any of the benefits. These benefits will come in the future once I graduate and start accomplishing my life goals. I don't really see what the difference between me slut-shaming or making fun of people and me going out with my friends for disc-golf or writing a short story is as long as it brings short term happiness. Also, short term satisfaction (slut-shaming in this instance) really has absolutely nothing to do with long-term happiness the way something like eating unhealthy food does. There are essentially no repercussions from it. Long-term happiness will stem from much more important things such as graduating from school, getting a job that you can support yourself with, or becoming part of a group or organization that you can partake in for years of your life where you will meet and influence people for the rest of your life.

 

 

Is that clear?

[Ginger_Warrior]

Because writing short stories isn't usually based around the systematic destruction of another human being's reputation. We're not disputing you get some enjoyment from slut shaming, we're just suggesting there's better ways of getting it.

[muggiwhplar]

Can we change his rank to slut?

 

I would if I could, but I can't so I won't.

 

 

For clarification I suppose... Am I happy? No. Am I unhappy? No. Am I content? Absolutely.

 

Keep in mind that contentment is a dangerous place to be. It generally leads to stagnation/boredom and possibly unhappiness/depression.

 

I don't really see what the difference between me slut-shaming or making fun of people and me going out with my friends for disc-golf or writing a short story is as long as it brings short term happiness.

 

Slut-shaming doesn't make you happy. It makes you less unhappy. There's a big difference.

 

Also, short term satisfaction (slut-shaming in this instance) really has absolutely nothing to do with long-term happiness the way something like eating unhealthy food does. There are essentially no repercussions from it.

 

There's no positive repercussions either, and therefore it's something you should drop.

 

Long-term happiness will stem from much more important things such as graduating from school, getting a job that you can support yourself with, or becoming part of a group or organization that you can partake in for years of your life where you will meet and influence people for the rest of your life.

 

Ehh that really depends. Most of the people I know with full-time salaried jobs are miserable.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Yeah, the whole thing that high school says, about how once you finish university, you get boat loads of money and a job you'll want to wake up for... lol

 

Don't get me wrong; for a job, I love what I do, but it is still a job and you still have to work for somebody at some point.

[Assume Nothing]

... I feel strangely intrigued by his slut-shaming. I would really love to hear the finer points of how you slut shame - are we talking about doing it online, or real life here? Oh, and uh... what exactly do you do?

[RpgGamer]

God damn it there's the perfect quote from Warner Brothers to match this argument, and I cant remember it. I'll rewatch the damn documentary[hide](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfJ2vNcSDjA)[/hide] to find it, brb.

 

"To those who believe; no explanation is needed - for those who don't; no explanation will suffice."

 

Until then, the fact is there is a cognitive state of communal belief whenever any value is well...valued. Cognitive Dissonance occurs when a subjective fact is challenged and group support is required to maintain the check and balance of valued truth. When religious groups are challenged, they fall back on each other to find a logical fallacy loophole to explain how their faith(belief) still prevails as truth. Jesus is the Mesiah? Yeah he died. Well shit, how do we make sense of it? Oh, y'know what - he did it on purpose. Jesus is still the mesiah because his purpose was to die. Thus Christianity (and all its believers were born). The apocalypse didn't happen when predicted? Oh, it's because we believed so hard that God saved us. Or we didn't carry a 1, and now it'll happen in the next century. To change someone's views, you have to apply your views in a non-threatening manner while providing a communal group consensus that your beliefs are true and "better". I was hardcore monogamous until not long ago because of the high support polyamory got from this thread and a few other forums/sources. Suddenly I questioned my own beliefs and found a sort of middle ground to settle into.

 

Slut Shaming is like Christianity, and not only because I'd reckon to say slut-shamers are primarily religious folk. I say it because if challenged in their beliefs, they'll retract within their own community of fellow value-sharers and come up with an answer that allows them to maintain the morale high ground without waiving their values.

 

This being said, changing such a core value in someone is usually impossible. You'd literally have to rip the roots of their upbringing right out from under them to get your point across. Lucky for me, I'm super open minded and ready/willing to abandon the norm. Of course, this trait is often associated with "the lost" and "the wanderer". From a religious standpoint this puts me on par with Cain. And no one likes being Cain. Especially if you were raised by a bible wielding bigot.

 

Back to the point, while I believe slut-shaming is derogatory and selfish, I can totally see why people do it. To try to project their opinion on someone else, and to someone who's never really challenged their "self" (introspection and existentialist crisis) that's absolutely normal.

 

Semi on-topic, I told my ex that the porn star in my class was flirting with me (and my ex claims to be one of those hippy-dippy open minded liberal college girls) and I could practically feel her hate-face through a text message. I would have loved to see her face twist in confusion in person. See cause while she likes being all-accepting, she hates it when A) girls flirt with me and B) girls use their body gratuitously for no reason.

[nine naked men]

... I feel strangely intrigued by his slut-shaming. I would really love to hear the finer points of how you slut shame - are we talking about doing it online, or real life here? Oh, and uh... what exactly do you do?

 

http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/what-is-slut-shaming/

 

Also included is why I personally think why that dude's slut-shaming signature was dumb.

[MlyezSpare]

Where I come from "sluts" get high-fived.

[Omar]

Lang, I know guys who criticize guys for being man [bleep]. Pretty sure Niki did the same. I'm not sure NWP's dog is so easy to interpret.

[Edit] Seriously guys how often do my posts contain completely unrelated auto-corrected words?

[nine naked men]

Lang, I know guys who criticize guys for being man [bleep]. Pretty sure Niki did the same. I'm not sure NWP's dog is so easy to interpret.

 

Sure, so do I but never with the vitriol and dismissal I've heard women be accused of beings slutty and etc. It's always been with a more joking/jealous tone than anything else.

 

I don't really know what you're saying with the rest of the post since I didn't actually read the linked thread, and I don't know how a dog enters into it. :v (i guess you meant sig)

[Randox]

As a technical point, it's more sociopath than psychopath. Psychopaths are violent, where sociopaths have no conscience or empathy.

 

And I actually can't understand getting any sort of enjoyment from putting other people down. I can't make someone feel bad without feeling just as bad, or worse, myself. There is no rush, no sense of satisfaction. Just guilt and regret. It also manifests in making it very difficult for me to hold a grudge. I really have to work at it, or be driven to the point of apathy which has only ever happened once. It even effects me quite strongly online.

[Donnie]

I say it because if challenged in their beliefs, they'll retract within their own community of fellow value-sharers and come up with an answer that allows them to maintain the morale high ground without waiving their values.

 

This is true for ALL humans. Regardless of the belief system.

 

Semi on-topic, I told my ex that the porn star in my class was flirting with me (and my ex claims to be one of those hippy-dippy open minded liberal college girls) and I could practically feel her hate-face through a text message. I would have loved to see her face twist in confusion in person. See cause while she likes being all-accepting, she hates it when A) girls flirt with me and B) girls use their body gratuitously for no reason.

 

Because that girl is a threat to her. She is insecure that you would reject her advances if push came to shove. Girls who are promiscuous are ostracized by other girls because they are seen as a threat. Thats why even liberal feminist girls will trash talk another promiscuous girl. It goes back to the goals between the sexes. A women hits the evolutionary jackpot if the most productive/successful member of the group chooses her and stays only with her. A man hits the evolutionary jackpot by having sex with as many women as possible and not fully committing to either of them. That said I think that your girl friends reaction is her biology, which supersedes ideology.