"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[RpgGamer]

My typing is fine, its my auto correct that's a total dill hole. When drunk I dont care enough to go back and be coherent. 7 budweisers != 7 golden monkeys

[Kalphite]

In a bizarre turn of events last night my (female and [bleep]ing hot) best friend that I never really got over in the past 4 years or so and I ended up kissing each other last night and I have no idea wtf is going on and feelings are weird

[Estonian dude]

Ooooh, Muggi definitely now comes out with the talk about how a male and female can't have a platonic friendship...

 

Life takes mysterious ways for me aswell.

[muggiwhplar]

These extremely rare cases prove my point :P

[muggiwhplar]

Meanwhile, on OKCupid...

 

Messages from some dude:

(September 8): Hey man. Interested in a 3some with me and my girl?

(September 13): ?

(September 26): Yo

(Just now): Hey dude. Straight but very open sexually (bisexual when it comes to sex). At my hotel now if you wanna come by quick for some good head?

 

 

I should reply, "Sorry man I'm gay (but straight when it comes to sex)"

[Tim]

There's some weird men on dating/hookup sights, especially apps like Grindr. The crap I'd show here would make you facepalm with disappointment over humanity. 

 

 

Sadly the boards are PG15.

[muggiwhplar]

There's some weird men on dating/hookup sights, especially apps like Grindr. The crap I'd show here would make you facepalm with disappointment over humanity. 

 

 

Sadly the boards are PG15.

 

I sent a screenshot of the convo to my [gay] friend. He told me I should go for it since he's cute lol. Same friend that's been having a sexual heydey ever since he came out :P

[Horatio]

On the off chance any of you remember me, I'd like to present a follow up to my previous post.

 

Things have gotten very slightly better. I have 2 friends now. I went to community college with them before I transferred and we're all in the same academic program now, so I guess that worked out nicely. We've been studying together and hanging out (I think I finally understand what that means, by the way) every now and then.

 

Anyway, this is the second time since my last post I've been tempted to seek help with my interpersonal skills and I'm deciding to act on it now because I'm feeling pretty discouraged about what happened last night. I guess I should elaborate on the two incidents.

 

The first time happened immediately after class. It was a lab class. There are like 12 lab sections for 1 lecture section or something ridiculous like that. Anyway, my lab section was one of the last to have their first meeting, so I was able to overhear other people in my lecture section talking about the first experiment. One of these people was a guy who also went to my community college, but we're not really friends. I was actually talking to him one on one at some point and he commented that all the students in his lab at this party school we both transferred to were really stupid and that because we'd already been exposed to the equipment being used in the party school lab at our community college, I should take charge because I knew what to do and it would get done more quickly. A day or two passed and then it was time for my lab section to meet for the first time. (One of the two friends I mentioned previously was in this class by the way.) I got there, the experimenting commenced and I just kind of hovered in the back of my group at first. Maybe 15 - 20 minutes. It was bad. Eventually, I decided to try to help my group by suggesting they do this or that differently (They didn't know what they were doing) and when they ignored that, I suggested that we all take turns using the equipment so we could all gain experience. At this point one of my group mates said that everybody in the room had taken the prerequisites for this class and that they all knew how to use the equipment. This made me feel really bad because I was trying to make everybody's lives easier and I pretty much got a "(Don't remember if profanity is allowed but it starts with an f) you" in return. After that, I just went back to sitting in the back of the group and copied the data from my one friend that was in the group with me at the end. (The groups had 6 or 7 people if that matters.) Then, to put the icing on the cake, my one friend went off with the rest of the group after class and talked to them while I went off on my own. When I ran into him later, he told me that the rest of the group came to the consensus that I was a dick because I knew how to use the equipment but I wasn't telling them how to. Confused and a little bit angry, I asked him to elaborate to which he refused and just commented that he agreed with them.

 

The second incident happened last night. Before that, though, I'd like to comment that I joined 2 clubs on campus and have been actively participating. One was a martial arts club, which both of my friends joined as well. The other was a dance club, which the lab friend also joined. This incident concerns the dance club.

 

The was the club is structured, everybody is broken up by experience level (beginner, intermediate, and advanced. I'm in the beginner group.) and then those groups go off into different parts of the room. Then (at least in the beginner group), the guys go on one side and the girls on the other, at which point they tell the guys to find a partner. Believe it or not, I actually think I handle that part pretty well. Anyway, once we have partners, we form a circle and practice dance moves. After a little while, all the girls rotate to the guy on their right and then we work on the next routine or whatever. Then at the end of the club meeting (~1.5 - 2 hours), the different experience levels perform for everybody to demonstrate what was learned at that meeting. This is still all prefacing; the club meeting itself actually went fine.

 

Anyway, when it got towards the end, I picked my partner for the demonstration. (Not really related, but just to show that I'm trying to view what's coming objectively - Of the 4 or 5 girls I danced with last night, 2 of them went out of their way to say that I seemed like I knew what I was doing and was better than their previous partners) Maybe 5 minutes before the beginner group was about to perform, one of the instructors decided to teach a new move, more difficult than any we'd done before. As you'd expect, our (the whole group's) performance was pretty bad. The demonstration ended and I just kind of laughed it off with my partner, with whom I exchanged an empathetic hug. Then the other groups performed and then the ending announcements happened. During the ending announcements, they mentioned that tryouts for the actual performing dance team at the school were approaching and that after tryouts, they were all going to go to some bar. I was still standing next to my demonstration partner, and kind of jokingly asked if she wanted to go (air quotes) "tryouts" with me. (I kind of use a lot of word play when I converse in real life. I didn't even realize I was asking her out; I was just making small talk) She asked if I was 21+ and I'm like "Yeah...?" and then I asked if she was to which she replied affirmatively and then I realized what had just happened and got all excited and was like "See you there!" and left. Then I got outside and realized that I didn't actually set anything up and thought I had ruined a perfect opportunity for what would have been my first ever date. I somehow managed to run into her again and asked for her number and then she suggested we just go to the bar now, so I agreed.

 

At this point, things started going downhill very rapidly. First, let me start by saying that students not driving on campus isn't uncommon due to its urban nature. I took public transportation to get to the club meeting and she drove, so she had to drive me everywhere for what follows. Oh, did I mention that right after she asked if I wanted to go to the bar her "guy friend" showed up, so he was being driven around in the same car as well? (Actually, I think he was gay. He was in the advanced dance group (and, more seriously) he kind of had that lisp thing going and his ambiance just seemed kind of flamboyant. I didn't know this at first, though. Even then, I'm still not 100% convinced either way /digression). She drove the guy friend back to his residence and then asked me to look up directions to the bar. (She didn't tell me to get lost yet and she still wanted to go to the bar, so it's not a complete loss, right?). Remember when I said I asked for her number earlier? Well, I did, but she didn't actually give it to me, so I asked again at this point and she gave it to me. I pulled up the directions and - they're closed. She then started to try to come up with alternatives (as did I on google - she knew I was new to the area by this point though) By this point it's 11:45 - midnightish and we both had class the next morning, so she suggested we reschedule, but then she actually told me when she was available (Wednesday and Thrusday night) so I thought it wasn't a total failure yet. Then we started driving back to my residence.

 

Maybe 2 or 3 seconds after the car started moving, we hit a curb. She asked me to look at it, and I told her there was mild paint damage on the front. She commented that it wasn't actually her car (I'm assuming it belonged to her parents or something) and seemed kind of flustered. Flustered, not frustrated. I tried to calm her down by jokingly saying things like "What scratch?" and "Oh, that was there before we left", to which I think she actually responded positively (?!?) and went back to normal. We chit chatted on the drive back and it actually didn't seem that awkward until we started getting close to where I lived.

 

Before this point, I think it might have been salvageable, but then I squandered any chance I had. For reasons I can't comprehend, I decided to start interrogating her about her schedule to try to figure out a specific hour and minute to reschedule to. This went on for a couple of minutes and then we arrived and I said "You have my number, right?" (I had texted her my name before) and she just kind of smiled and nodded and said "Yeah". She hadn't looked at her phone since I texted her my information. (I didn't really think anything of it until a couple of hours ago. I mean, none of the unfortunate things that had happened (other than the last couple minutes of the car ride) were my fault.)

 

Fast forward maybe 16 hours (Today - Tuesday) and I'm walking to the gym. (Did I mention I'm exercising now and I quit smoking?) I figured that it would be a good time to contact the girl because after I exercised I'd feel good regardless of how she responded. I recalled that I'd looked into dating advice in the past and that texting vs. calling to ask a girl out was something that came up frequently in the stuff I read. I couldn't remember what to consensus was, so I looked it up really quickly. I'm in the front door of the gym by this point and about to head to the locker room, so I kind of hurried up. The first result on google (Seriously, search "ask girl out text vs call" right now. I'll wait) said only to call if she's over 30, which this girl isn't, so I texted her asking if she wanted to go to the bar that was closed the next night. Then I ran and moved heavy things around for an hour or so. After that, excitedly, I started walking back from the gym and turned my phone on. No new text messages. "Okay", I thought "It's only been an hour. I'll give it a little more time". This is the point when I started doubting myself. A couple hours later I was studying with my two friends and it's getting late. My lab friend left and then it was just me and my other friend. It had been ~6 hours since I had texted the girl and I'd been looking into EVERY OTHER RESULT ON GOOGLE which said the opposite of what the first one said since then. I felt bad. Really bad. I kind of gave up on that working out at this point.

 

Anyway, my friend was talking to me about the homework we were working on or something and I'm just giving one word answers and nodding and flat out ignoring him at some points. This was like <2 hours ago now. I realize now that I probably came across as a bit rude at that point. He'd been complaining about having too much on his plate academically as well as his daily 2 hour commute to school. I'd mentioned previously that he was welcome to crash at my place every now and then because of his commute, which he'd taken me up on a few times. This was another night when he asked if he could sleep at my residence and I said "Yes, for the 20 billionth time, it's not a big deal". I was being sincere, by the way, but it might not have come across as such due to me still feeling pretty bad about this thing with the dance girl. So we started walking back to my place and when we got in my room, he started talking about dropping out and moving to Canada or something. At one point shortly prior, he asked for my opinion on dropping out of a specific class and I said "Yeah, that's a really good idea." I'm assuming even as text over the internet that comes off as very sarcastic. Well, he threw out his notes for the class. When we got back to my room, I went to the bathroom and when I came back out, he told me that he'd withdrawn from the class and that he was headed back home.

 

So then he left my room and I felt horrible for a whole bunch of reasons and then I decided to start typing this because I don't really have anyone else to turn to. I was intending on ending this post asking for help when I started typing it, but I'm not even going to bother this time because I've done it a million times before and I either get stupid advice or good advice that I don't take for one reason or another. I guess I just needed to vent.

[Skull]

Seems to me like you're doing pretty well for yourself.  I wouldn't worry too much about that girl not responding, sometimes stuff like that just happens.  And I doubt calling versus texting would have changed much.  Pretty much everything else seems like you did a good job with it to me anyways.  Next time you see her (I'm assuming you'll see her at the dance club again), my advice would be to not bring up her not responding and just kind of act like it never happened.  Generally once something like that happens it's for the best not to keep pushing, at least not for a while.

 

As for your friend, maybe give him a call tomorrow and talk to him. See if you can help out with anything and let him know he's still welcome to stay at your place if he wants/needs to.

 

Congrats on quitting smoking, I'm fighting with that myself.  It's awful.

[Estonian dude]

Aye, you do have done a good job, keep it up!

 

But do not overthink. Seriously, just do not think that much about what could have happened or what you did wrong or whatnot.

And you can gain a lot of confidence in this dance class. Just go there and enjoy, you don't even have to ask anyone out yet, just get the hang of not feeling awkward when touching someone or when making chit-chat. If you can do that, then you can take a step further.

[obfuscator]

@horatio: you're trying stuff, and making progress. Things aren't going to be magically fixed overnight, but you're taking responsibility for your own happiness and heading in the right direction. Keep it up :thumbup:

[Saradomin_Mage]

Nice progress man. You're doing fine yourself, don't let those other people get to you.

 

Also I assume this is the site you went to?

 

http://www.artofmanliness.com/2015/07/22/asking-a-woman-on-a-date-should-you-call-or-text/

[RpgGamer]

Horatio you seem to be doing well, you just gotta relax. I imagine its because you quit smoking which is good. But relax.

[Estonian dude]

Ex called me at 4.30 AM.

 

She was quite tipsy.

 

Interesting, since she dumped me.

[Major Dash]

Alcohol is a hell of a drug. It makes people do things that they normally wouldn't. You should know better than to think anything of it.

[Estonian dude]

I am not thinking anything of it.

Or well, she would like us to be friends, to which I promptly said no the first time she asked it, which was when she dumped me.

Been seeing another girl for a few weeks now already anyways.

[RpgGamer]

Attaboy

[Estonian dude]

And persistence is key, today the girl who told me earlier that she would like to take it slow pretty much jumped on me and kissed me.

 

She is a catch.

And no, I will not follow the way of Muggi right now.

[Hedgehog]

Persistence is rape

[RpgGamer]

If by "follow the way of Muggiw" you mean "have sex" , that's totally up to you :p

 

Things muggiw might respond.jpeg

 

Personally any girl that wants to take it slow is boring to me, but if she jumps on you and kisses you - I'd take that as a chance to explore your boundaries with her

[muggiwhplar]

idk what the way of muggi means :P

[Estonian dude]

Going poly.

 

I am already exploring boundaries.

Sad part is that since she is a med student and I am busy with all sorts of organizations we can meet only like once-twice a week. But I don't really have time for anything more and that makes every time more special.

[I am the Maria]

Wanna know how to get a gf?

 

Never get 200m Mining off of Warbands or use Silverhawk Boots.

 

Girls are not gonna date a lazy ass man who can't click a rock or obstacle.

[Veiva]

Wanna know how to get a gf?

 

Never get 200m Mining off of Warbands or use Silverhawk Boots.

 

Girls are not gonna date a lazy ass man who can't click a rock or obstacle.

 

This thread isn't for e-dating in a video game, it's for actual relationships.

 

There's plenty of individuals who would appreciate your advice in Prifddinas, though. I think it's that way ---->.

[Bonez899]

Runescape in my off-topic?

I think the real issue here is Runescape in the relationship thread. I mean of all the places!