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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


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#61
meol
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Now, I know this will be weird for you people here, but I don't want to ask how to get a girlfriend. I really wanted to ask how not to get one.



There is this girl at my school I really like, and I'm pretty sure that she feels me friendly. In fact, I'm quite interested to get to know her better, and I was thinking of inviting her somewhere soon. However, my problem is that I don't really want to get into a love relationship at the moment, and especially not with her, but what I really wanted is to have a friendly relationship with her. Seeing that this happens the other way around, I'd be afraid that she thinks I'm interested in her as a girlfriend, and eventually hurting her feelings. Any advice on this?
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#62
magekillr
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Now, I know this will be weird for you people here, but I don't want to ask how to get a girlfriend. I really wanted to ask how not to get one.



There is this girl at my school I really like, and I'm pretty sure that she feels me friendly. In fact, I'm quite interested to get to know her better, and I was thinking of inviting her somewhere soon. However, my problem is that I don't really want to get into a love relationship at the moment, and especially not with her, but what I really wanted is to have a friendly relationship with her. Seeing that this happens the other way around, I'd be afraid that she thinks I'm interested in her as a girlfriend, and eventually hurting her feelings. Any advice on this?




give her advice...especially pertaining to guys, act overly nice, compliment her often, be there around all the time, avoid touching

#63
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Tell her exactly what you're looking for. I'd be mad if I was her but I'd appreciate your honesty. If you were never honest with me and lied to protect my feelings, I'd actually be angrier at you for lying/misleading me.



I can't promise you she'll agree to have fun with you though. That really depends on what she wants too. One mistake women do make though is by thinking that if she has fun with you, she can make you fall in love with her. They become emotionally attached after telling you they wouldn't and you are still left with a problem :ohnoes:



really wanted to ask how not to get one




You're better off being blunt but if you really want to scare a chick off, be overly nice, always give in, go shopping with her and hold her bags, watch chick flicks with her and compliment her all the time.
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#64
magekillr
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I went looking for it but can't find it :P



I think it was something like next time she asks you to do something (like the movies, or lunch) ask her playfully if she's asking you out on a date. If she says no, laugh it off (because you said it playfully, it was just flirty fun) and if she says yes, you just scored yourself a date and they actually think it was their idea :P



I can't remember who I gave that advice to but they said it scored them a date and a kiss, so that was pretty cool.




i do that often....especially with girls i've been on dates with before.



like one girl was like just randomlly..."i'm hungry.." *3 minute pause* "i really want some chipoltle but i'm too lazy"



i just playfully said "are you implying you'd like to go out for lunch with me right now dear?"



she of course said "haha...no"...but then i just said "well i'll be over in 20 mins"



works like a charm \<img src=/' />

#65
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Alright, where to start...



This schoolyear, I notice that some girls like me. Dont get me wrong, I am not showing off about it to you. Last time I posted here and I said the same, I got called a show off :P . Im not like that at all.

I have always been a quiet person, I never liked to be in the centre of attention. When I was 15 years of age, I wanted to change who I was because I didnt want to be that quiet guy anymore. I wanted to have better social skills, being able to talk to people normally and getting new contacts. I am 16 years old now and things seem to go pretty well, I am alot more confident of myself than I was back then. I like to talk to people I dont know yet, but there is still room for improvement.

Back to the 'girl' thing. It feels good to know that girls seem like you, but I have come to the conclusion that this isnt progressing in any way. 90% of the girls that give me 'looks' and seem to talk about me havent spoken to me, and I havent spoken to them. Simply because we never meet, we only see eachother at school.

There are 3 girls that I could talk to, (and I know they like me) looking at friends/work/church etc/



Girl 1: She goes to the same church as me, and I have known her since I was a baby. We havent talked much yet, but I really want to know more about her. She had a boyfriend for...a month? but she seems to have broken up yesterday.



Girl 2: Sister of a friend of mine. Me, 2 drop out friends, she and her best friend played at the table soccer once, that was long ago. She seems to be a bit more introvert, like me but she seems like a nice girl.



Girl 3: Talked to her a few times at work, she is very open and has alot of friends. We both work on fridays so there are plenty of chances to have a chat. I wonder if we could work out, because she is the only one of these 3 who parties. And I dont party :)



And time is running out, I am in the last year of highschool and I will be studying for my exams in ..April/May. It would be such a shame if I would let this pass by. #-o



Could someone help me with this situation, I am quite new to this. And the plan is to get a girlfriend sooner than my dad in his teenager years, he was 20 when he got his first girlfriend :P My mom. :)



Feel free to ask me anything I forgot to tell, its 22:35 and I need to go to school tomorrow so Im going to sleep now.
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#66
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^Well, I'd say, make sure that Girl 1 and her boyfriend broke up....



I'd say give 3 a chance. Even if things don't work out, you guys will probably still be friends, right? :ohnoes:
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#67
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This schoolyear, I notice that some girls like me. Dont get me wrong, I am not showing off about it to you. Last time I posted here and I said the same, I got called a show off. Im not like that at all.

I have always been a quiet person, I never liked to be in the centre of attention. When I was 15 years of age, I wanted to change who I was because I didnt want to be that quiet guy anymore. I wanted to have better social skills, being able to talk to people normally and getting new contacts. I am 16 years old now and things seem to go pretty well, I am alot more confident of myself than I was back then. I like to talk to people I dont know yet, but there is still room for improvement.

Back to the 'girl' thing




Ok this is going to be no help at all but I have done almost exactly the same thing. From being the quiet "normal" (and geeky in my case) guy that's just "there" and doesn't try to get too much attention to the outgoing warm confident and social party-goer who improvises his own dance moves. I believe that, actually, it's not necessarily about changing your personality or who you are, it's just that you're maturing as a person.



One of the times where I really changed was when I went to high-school prom. I went just because I didn't want to miss out on the experience but none of my close friends were going so I was kinda stranded. That really put my social skills to the test and all of a sudden I had people asking me "hey, how come I don't see you going out much" or "I didn't know you were a party person". Felt great. Then, this past fall I went to various social events at school and started going out to bars. Relationships and dating is the obvious next step. So anyways, moral of the story is that social gatherings of ANY kind (not limited to clubs/bars) open you up socially.



Now let's see if I can provide something useful:



It feels good to know that girls seem like you, but I have come to the conclusion that this isnt progressing in any way. 90% of the girls that give me 'looks' and seem to talk about me havent spoken to me, and I havent spoken to them. Simply because we never meet, we only see eachother at school.




What I've noticed about school is that people are constantly weighed down by schoolwork and assignments. Now a lot of people and mostly girls seem to be (in my experience) not too social during the schoolday. It's not like they don't talk but they are less open. Where this changes is at parties or bars where everyone doesn't care about school/work, have no more pressure and simply want to have fun. Wanna socialize more with girls? Go out to parties or any activities when they aren't burdened by work.



Girl 1: She goes to the same church as me, and I have known her since I was a baby. We havent talked much yet, but I really want to know more about her. She had a boyfriend for...a month? but she seems to have broken up yesterday.




Depending on circumstances she might not be ready for a relationship right away.



Girl 2: Sister of a friend of mine. Me, 2 drop out friends, she and her best friend played at the table soccer once, that was long ago. She seems to be a bit more introvert, like me but she seems like a nice girl.




Ask her out. The only difficulty would be the awkwardness around your friend.



Girl 3: Talked to her a few times at work, she is very open and has alot of friends. We both work on fridays so there are plenty of chances to have a chat. I wonder if we could work out, because she is the only one of these 3 who parties. And I dont party




Now out of the 3 it sounds like she would be the ideal. Try and go out to parties where she is
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#68
RpgGamer
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Now, I know this will be weird for you people here, but I don't want to ask how to get a girlfriend. I really wanted to ask how not to get one.



There is this girl at my school I really like, and I'm pretty sure that she feels me friendly. In fact, I'm quite interested to get to know her better, and I was thinking of inviting her somewhere soon. However, my problem is that I don't really want to get into a love relationship at the moment, and especially not with her, but what I really wanted is to have a friendly relationship with her. Seeing that this happens the other way around, I'd be afraid that she thinks I'm interested in her as a girlfriend, and eventually hurting her feelings. Any advice on this?




Give a different guy to chase after. Kind of like throwing someone else into the line of fire to save yourself. If she's interested in some one else, chances are she won't think of you as a potential boyfriend.



This schoolyear, I notice that some girls like me. Dont get me wrong, I am not showing off about it to you. Last time I posted here and I said the same, I got called a show off . Im not like that at all.

I have always been a quiet person, I never liked to be in the centre of attention. When I was 15 years of age, I wanted to change who I was because I didnt want to be that quiet guy anymore. I wanted to have better social skills, being able to talk to people normally and getting new contacts. I am 16 years old now and things seem to go pretty well, I am alot more confident of myself than I was back then. I like to talk to people I dont know yet, but there is still room for improvement.

Back to the 'girl' thing. It feels good to know that girls seem like you, but I have come to the conclusion that this isnt progressing in any way. 90% of the girls that give me 'looks' and seem to talk about me havent spoken to me, and I havent spoken to them. Simply because we never meet, we only see eachother at school.

There are 3 girls that I could talk to, (and I know they like me) looking at friends/work/church etc/



Girl 1: She goes to the same church as me, and I have known her since I was a baby. We havent talked much yet, but I really want to know more about her. She had a boyfriend for...a month? but she seems to have broken up yesterday.



Girl 2: Sister of a friend of mine. Me, 2 drop out friends, she and her best friend played at the table soccer once, that was long ago. She seems to be a bit more introvert, like me but she seems like a nice girl.



Girl 3: Talked to her a few times at work, she is very open and has alot of friends. We both work on fridays so there are plenty of chances to have a chat. I wonder if we could work out, because she is the only one of these 3 who parties. And I dont party



And time is running out, I am in the last year of highschool and I will be studying for my exams in ..April/May. It would be such a shame if I would let this pass by.



Could someone help me with this situation, I am quite new to this. And the plan is to get a girlfriend sooner than my dad in his teenager years, he was 20 when he got his first girlfriend My mom.



Feel free to ask me anything I forgot to tell, its 22:35 and I need to go to school tomorrow so Im going to sleep now.




Well, I'm really no good in these kind of situations, but if you really want my input:



Girl 1: she's religious, and since you've known her for so long, you may want to hold off for a real relationship with her. You seem to be looking for a short term thing



Girl 2: Sister of a friend? don't go there. If things get gly between you two at some point, it will get ugly between you and a lot of other people. Not a road you really want to go down, unless you really like her.



Girl 3: Party girl? sweet. They're loads of fun, even if you're not usually a party person. If you're looking for some short term fun; go for this girl.
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#69
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*sigh*



That girl I like (let's call her Sarah) got back from a band trip to London. I sent her message, and, well, I haven't heard from her since. I'm at that point where I'm trying to give myself hope but at the same time creating a safe "pillow" of other things to fall back onto if it all goes awry.



Known her 5 months (about), we ran together a couple times, she seems affectionate around me, don't know if she likes me or not. I'm also one of those guys you is "no push." I don't want to make someone do something they don't want to do.



I just want this to go somewhere, 'cause last winter I was having some trouble/was depressed, etc. and I don't want to go there again.



I'd appreciate any advice that you good people would be willing to offer. :)
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#70
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*sigh*



That girl I like (let's call her Sarah) got back from a band trip to London. I sent her message, and, well, I haven't heard from her since. I'm at that point where I'm trying to give myself hope but at the same time creating a safe "pillow" of other things to fall back onto if it all goes awry.



Known her 5 months (about), we ran together a couple times, she seems affectionate around me, don't know if she likes me or not. I'm also one of those guys you is "no push." I don't want to make someone do something they don't want to do.



I just want this to go somewhere, 'cause last winter I was having some trouble/was depressed, etc. and I don't want to go there again.



I'd appreciate any advice that you good people would be willing to offer. :)




Send her another message, give her a call, just get ahold of her somehow. Don't let what could be a good thing go down the drain ;)

#71
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Thanks for the replies. Ill keep this in mind.



Girl 1: She goes to the same church as me, and I have known her since I was a baby. We havent talked much yet, but I really want to know more about her. She had a boyfriend for...a month? but she seems to have broken up yesterday.




Depending on circumstances she might not be ready for a relationship right away.


Thats the thing, she didnt show interest in me (and reversed) because she was dating. And 2 days ago, she started acting like she did before the relationship with that other guy. She was online at MSN the same day, and I didnt see any kind of 'I love you [name]' in her screenname. But Ill try to check indeed if its really over between them.



Girl 2: Sister of a friend of mine. Me, 2 drop out friends, she and her best friend played at the table soccer once, that was long ago. She seems to be a bit more introvert, like me but she seems like a nice girl.




Ask her out. The only difficulty would be the awkwardness around your friend.


Like I said before, she isnt the 'party type' at all. So asking her out would be out of the question :P . Funny thing is, One of the 2 friends that i had played that soccer game with told our group of friends that the other friend that I played the soccer game with seems to like Girl 2 too, but I dont think he will stand a chance to be honest. :)



Girl 3: Talked to her a few times at work, she is very open and has alot of friends. We both work on fridays so there are plenty of chances to have a chat. I wonder if we could work out, because she is the only one of these 3 who parties. And I dont party




Now out of the 3 it sounds like she would be the ideal. Try and go out to parties where she is




K, thanks.



@RpgGamer:

Well, I'm really no good in these kind of situations, but if you really want my input:




Girl 1: she's religious, and since you've known her for so long, you may want to hold off for a real relationship with her. You seem to be looking for a short term thing


Im not really looking for the short term thing, I just fear that 'if something would happen' we wouldnt be able to see eachother because I would be studying for my exams. But thats something I have to deal with.



Girl 2: Sister of a friend? don't go there. If things get gly between you two at some point, it will get ugly between you and a lot of other people. Not a road you really want to go down, unless you really like her.


I dont really talk that much to him, he is alot more quiet than I am. I dont think he would mind that I would date his sister.



Girl 3: Party girl? sweet. They're loads of fun, even if you're not usually a party person. If you're looking for some short term fun; go for this girl.




Alright, thanks.



Keep the replies coming, I could use any help. :-w
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#72
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Now, I know this will be weird for you people here, but I don't want to ask how to get a girlfriend. I really wanted to ask how not to get one.




what are you trying to imply here, meol?
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#73
meol
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I just want to befriend this girl but not as a girlfriend (I simply don't want to get a girlfriend at the moment). I'm asking how I should approach her without having the 'risk' of her falling in love with me.

[Edit] Ha. And to think I was actually gay, and that was the reason I just wanted to befriend the girl. It's funny. And why are you reading this? Don't stalk me.

Edited by meol, 23 December 2009 - 07:54 PM.

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#74
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*sigh*



That girl I like (let's call her Sarah) got back from a band trip to London. I sent her message, and, well, I haven't heard from her since. I'm at that point where I'm trying to give myself hope but at the same time creating a safe "pillow" of other things to fall back onto if it all goes awry.



Known her 5 months (about), we ran together a couple times, she seems affectionate around me, don't know if she likes me or not. I'm also one of those guys you is "no push." I don't want to make someone do something they don't want to do.



I just want this to go somewhere, 'cause last winter I was having some trouble/was depressed, etc. and I don't want to go there again.



I'd appreciate any advice that you good people would be willing to offer. :)




Send her another message, give her a call, just get ahold of her somehow. Don't let what could be a good thing go down the drain ;)




Yeah, but I don't want to seem overprotective/obsessive of her. Also, she goes to another school, so I don't see her than often (which is good...?) but yeah, I could probably do that. Yeah, I really don't want to lose her...
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#75
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No, I'm not gay if that's what you were implying. :wink:

I just want to befriend this girl but not as a girlfriend (I simply don't want to get a girlfriend at the moment). I'm asking how I should approach her without having the 'risk' of her falling in love with me.




Just hang out with her like any friend of yours. If she thinks you want to go out with her, and you don't, kindly tell her that you just want to be friends. It's much better to tell the truth than to end up having her find out you didn't want to be her boyfriend while you are dating.

#76
meol
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My problem is inviting her to go out with me. How can I avoid it sounding like a date? It's worse 'cause we have no real common friends. That's where I feel I'm "stuck".
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#77
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My problem is inviting her to go out with me. How can I avoid it sounding like a date? It's worse 'cause we have no real common friends. That's where I feel I'm "stuck".




Don't use "go out", use "meet up".

#78
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Or blow up :twisted:
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#79
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Or blow up :twisted:




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#80
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My problem is inviting her to go out with me. How can I avoid it sounding like a date? It's worse 'cause we have no real common friends. That's where I feel I'm "stuck".




Just ask if she wants to hang out. If she asks if its a date, just say that you are doing it as friends.




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