Ok so... is it wrong to put my own feelings ahead of someone else's happiness?
An old friend of mine and I reconnected about 7 months ago, and we've gotten to be really good friends again after not speaking for about 5 years. We generally spent several hours a week talking and/or hanging out, like friends do I suppose. I've felt happier these past 7 months than I have in years having a good friend back in my life that I can share almost everything with without feeling judged etc. However, this past month or so I've began having very bi-polar feelings towards her. Some days I feel happy, other days I feel very angry, depressed, malevolent because of her. I couldn't take it anymore, so I basically cut off all contact with her. My mental state sort of went back to it's not really happy not really sad state. However, I found out that she's been very upset about the whole thing (rightfully so I suppose) and has been feeling depressed, angry, sad, and some days physically ill because I've stopped communicating with her.
What do I do? I feel like shit knowing that I'm hurting one of the few people I care about and I don't feel very happy (I feel quite sad a lot of the time actually). If I were to try to re-mend our friendship, her state would improve drastically, but mine would dip back down and go back to feeling violently angry several hours of the day again.
Do I stay the course or clear my conscience?
“I had a feeling we weren’t coming back from this fight when it began.”
“Do you have any regrets?”
“I don’t. It seems surprising, I know, but I wouldn’t change a thing. This is how it was meant to be.”
“Huh, you never really notice how lovely the day is until you realize you’ll never see it again.”