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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


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#19381
Ring_World
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You'll be even more annoyed when you are as rich as bill gates or moderately successful besides.

 

The 180's I've gotten in some people when I got that NASA contract back in October still makes me livid.



#19382
RpgGamer
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Don't let the compliments of others make you think you have to live up to any kind of expectation. They're trying to make you feel good (a nice thing) and are also probably generally nice people. Be happy you've encountered people that aren't human garbage (or at least less)

Yeah dating has a lot of rejection and insecurity , but it also means total and complete independence
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#19383
muggiwhplar
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I'm just frustrated because people compliment me (I'm so cute / sweet / nice / friendly; I'm such a great person; whatever other bullshit) but I don't see any success as a result of these qualities; ergo they mean nothing. Even the people I dated say those things after saying "sorry this won't work" or before ghosting me.

Like seriously what is wrong with me.


Those qualities you listed are nice to have in a long-term partner or a friend but they’re not necessary for a hookup. You need sex appeal for a hookup (and consequently, a relationship).

If you’re already getting laid, albeit infrequently, then you can just keep putting in the numbers. Otherwise you have to develop more sex appeal if you want to increase your first date->sex ratio

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#19384
Veiva
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I'm just frustrated because people compliment me (I'm so cute / sweet / nice / friendly; I'm such a great person; whatever other bullshit) but I don't see any success as a result of these qualities; ergo they mean nothing. Even the people I dated say those things after saying "sorry this won't work" or before ghosting me.

Like seriously what is wrong with me.


Those qualities you listed are nice to have in a long-term partner or a friend but they’re not necessary for a hookup. You need sex appeal for a hookup (and consequently, a relationship).

If you’re already getting laid, albeit infrequently, then you can just keep putting in the numbers. Otherwise you have to develop more sex appeal if you want to increase your first date->sex ratio

 

I understand.

 

I'd have no problems getting (gay) hook ups if I lowered my standards. (There's 20 average or worse guys for every attractive one on Grindr lol)*. That's not a problem.

 

However I found out I'm not interested in hook ups. There has to be an emotional attachment (even if it's only a few dates in).

 

The excerpt you quoted was concerning long term relationships/dating.

 

*: I made up the numbers but you get the point.


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#19385
muggiwhplar
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To be clear, by “hookups,” are you referring to one night stands? Or just any sort of casual sex outside of a relationship?

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#19386
Veiva
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To be clear, by “hookups,” are you referring to one night stands? Or just any sort of casual sex outside of a relationship?

 

One night stands.


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#19387
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I'd have no problems getting (gay) hook ups if I lowered my standards. (There's 20 average or worse guys for every attractive one on Grindr lol)*.
 
*: I made up the numbers but you get the point.


you may need to re-define your definition of "average" :)

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#19388
Veiva
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I'd have no problems getting (gay) hook ups if I lowered my standards. (There's 20 average or worse guys for every attractive one on Grindr lol)*.
 
*: I made up the numbers but you get the point.


you may need to re-define your definition of "average" :)

 

Average tends to be: beard, overweight, unkempt, or too old/young. Beards are a big turn off (usually, because most guys don't know how to take care of one so it looks bad). Overweight is a hard no; I took 2 years to lose weight before I even thought about dating, they can do the same. And re: unkempt, I literally messaged one guy back and told him how messy his room was (he messaged me first)... I refuse to date or hook up with anyone under 21, and there's a lot of 40+ guys on there, too, which is a hard no as well.


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#19389
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Scene: many beers into drinking with my girlfriend, and a bunch of my friends and their girlfriends.

Girlfriend: I can't believe Z would spend $400 on a bracelet for her. They basically just started dating. I don't even want my engagement ring to be that expensive.

Me: I wouldn't spend that much money on something meaningless either

:facepalm:

(I was talking about the bracelet, but aparently English isn't my first language and so I was thought to have been saying engagement rings are meaningless- obviously being engaged is meaningful)

Moral: Mind your tongue boys (and ladies I guess)

...havent posted here in a bit. Thought I'd share
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#19390
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Before heading to NZ English wasn't even my second language.
And that Kiwi accent and sayings made for some quite funny misunderstandings.

Bloody hell, I think my former classmate (girl, obviously) might like me... Thought so 8 years ago already, but we are pretty different and she seemed way out of my league. After class reunion she paid 10 bucks too much towards the bill while leaving early due to work next morning, and when we met up at a pub with her and a guy friend of hers to settle it (she wanted to bail on the guy, but they had set up the meeting over a week ago) she kept on telling me they aren't together and she is single and kept touching hair and licking lips all the time that guy friend was not around. Are there any more ways a girl can let me know she is into me while in a pub setting or am I thinking too much into it? :D
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#19391
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spending lots of money on an engagement ring is stupid

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#19392
Bonez899
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Before heading to NZ English wasn't even my second language.
And that Kiwi accent and sayings made for some quite funny misunderstandings.

Bloody hell, I think my former classmate (girl, obviously) might like me... Thought so 8 years ago already, but we are pretty different and she seemed way out of my league. After class reunion she paid 10 bucks too much towards the bill while leaving early due to work next morning, and when we met up at a pub with her and a guy friend of hers to settle it (she wanted to bail on the guy, but they had set up the meeting over a week ago) she kept on telling me they aren't together and she is single and kept touching hair and licking lips all the time that guy friend was not around. Are there any more ways a girl can let me know she is into me while in a pub setting or am I thinking too much into it? :D


Just lick her hair and pull her elbow.

That's the thing, right?

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#19393
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So I went on a successful hook-up last night. Sex was good but when I went home I felt really weird--kind of like empty, alone, objectified, and dehumanized. My thought process after was like "The guy seemed cool, he'd easily be a friend, but we just had sex and won't ever see each other again." The whole experience just left a bad aftertaste in my mouth. So I deleted Grindr and went on my way.


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#19394
Ring_World
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I mean you could be friends if you want.

 

Personally whenever I'm hooking up I've never NOT wanted a FwB situation unless I really disliked her



#19395
muggiwhplar
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If you enjoyed their company, before you leave you can say something like, “Hey I enjoyed your company. If you want to hook up or hang out again, I’m down. But if you just wanted a one night stand, I understand, and that’s cool too. Anyway here’s my contact info, feel free to message me if you want, I’m down to meet up again if you’re interested too. Otherwise, thanks for the good time”

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#19396
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I basically did what you said muggiwhplar (more to the point) but he blocked me on Grindr before I even pulled out of the driveway. Apparently that's usual according to my friends who have used Grindr extensively. FWB is uncommon from that app.


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#19397
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What a weird culture
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#19398
muggiwhplar
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Well dayum

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#19399
obfuscator
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block him before you even leave his house, that way you win the blocking war

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#19400
Ring_World
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This probably isn't very unique advice but you'll probably have to screen better in the future.

 

 

Whenever I've ghosted in the past it was from hooking up with someone I was ashamed of in some way. Maybe a girl I didn't find that attractive and I was still down to hook up but I didn't want her hanging around. Or I really disliked her personally.

 

 

 

So I don't know the gay community but I'd imagine the motivation is pretty similar and his reaction was probably impersonal. Such as if that guy was in the closet still and doesn't want to mix his sex life with his social life because of that.






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