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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


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#19561
Veiva
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Happens quite often. You win some, you lose some.
Only way to get over it is just keep trying to find new, better people to talk with.
And always helps if, somehow, someway you don't project the depression outside when trying to meet someone new. Gotta show that everything is going perfect in the best possible way. Fake it till you make it.

 

People are genuinely surprised if I confide in them I have depression and 'high-functioning' schizophrenia. You learn to hide it.


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#19562
Estonian dude
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Damn. I ended up on a girl on Tinder who just wanted to [bleep]. That shit be scary :D
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#19563
RpgGamer
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Hold on to your kidneys!
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




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#19564
Veiva
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So me being a bit oblivious, I agreed to a friend trying to set me up on a date before I saw the other guy. I've told him what I'm interested in, but... He sent me pictures at some point and I didn't find the guy attractive but I thought hey, maybe his photos are bad. We texted back and forth and he came across a bit needy...

 

...so to prevent my having to in the future say I'm not interested, I dressed really girly (blush + miniskirt + long socks + blouse + [bleep]ing cute vest). I think it worked. He was taken aback (and not in a positive way) by how I was dressed judging by his initial reaction, so I think I was able to let him down indirectly.

 

was that bad

 

I don't like conflict lol it's annoying


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#19565
Bonez899
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I think the general consensus response will be "Just tell them you don't want to meet." You don't have to provide a reason, and even if you do the fact that youreot interested should be enough. Better to be straight forward, because where would/will you be if the guy actually like(d) the look?

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#19566
Veiva
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Sorry I'll do that in the future. Bit dumb way of handling it on my part. D:

 

 

Better to be straight forward, because where would/will you be if the guy actually like(d) the look?

 

maybe I would've liked him then LOL

 

...

 

So I've been going to the gym for a few weeks (3x a week); I've made some progress. I'm looking forward to seeing what I can do, and also what I look like, in six months and a year from now...


Edited by Veiva, 13 October 2018 - 04:25 PM.

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#19567
muggiwhplar
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Just be upfront and straightforward/honest next time— being dishonest/manipulative like that is a bad habit to get into. Good job with the gym consistency so far, keep it up.

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#19568
Veiva
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On the flip side anyone I'd date for a long term relationship would have to be willing to accept my dressing in such a manner or it's not going to work.

 

That really limits my dating pool lol.


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#19569
Ring_World
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My style is 2nd date disclosing things that I believe or do that are unconventional, controversial, or otherwise break a norm. 

 

It gives them disclosure and time/incentive to warm up to it.



#19570
muggiwhplar
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On the flip side anyone I'd date for a long term relationship would have to be willing to accept my dressing in such a manner or it's not going to work.

 

That really limits my dating pool lol.

 

yes your options are going to be very limited to nonexistant >_> lol


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#19571
Veiva
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On the flip side anyone I'd date for a long term relationship would have to be willing to accept my dressing in such a manner or it's not going to work.

 

That really limits my dating pool lol.

 

yes your options are going to be very limited to nonexistant >_> lol

 

I'm not interested in a long term relationship because I doubt I'll find someone who mutually loves me after they get to know me because of my quirks, personality, and mental illness.

 

Dating is a game to me and I want to be good at it. The relationship part is irrelevant.


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#19572
Nyosuht
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I'm not interested in a long term relationship because I doubt I'll find someone who mutually loves me after they get to know me because of my quirks, personality, and mental illness.
 
Dating is a game to me and I want to be good at it. The relationship part is irrelevant.


I used to think that. Sometimes I still do.
I wasn't looking when I met my wife, and I spent a long time enjoying what we had and waiting for her to "wake up" and leave. We just celebrated our third anniversary.
We both have mental health issues (dissociative disorders and friends), but we're mostly functional from an outside view. Maybe it helps that we have some similar struggles.

Honestly, I'm kind of glad I missed out on dating. We go out for "date nights" every now and then, but I have a feeling that it's different when you know each other so well.

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In a state of tranquillity, wealth, and luxury, our descendants would forget the arts of war and the noble activity and zeal which made their ancestors invincible. ~Samuel Adams; 1 August, 1776
There are men, in all ages, who mean to exercise power usefully; but who mean to exercise it. They mean to govern well; but they mean to govern. They promise to be kind masters; but they mean to be masters. ~Daniel Webster; 15 March, 1837


#19573
Estonian dude
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That moment when your last night's date tells you the next morning she should have invited you in to put a beautiful "point" on a day.
Damn that dating with 2 shy people who are not too experienced with body language.
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#19574
RpgGamer
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Eh, I see it as a classic string along tactic. I guess you'll find out next time.
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




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#19575
Kalphite
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I feel like I have a ton of problems with first dates. I went on my first date from Tinder in a long time last week. We met up, she was really cute, we had a nice conversation over coffee for like an hour, and...that was it. Like we had a ton in common but we never really broke past talking about mutual interests / kinda small talk-y background stuff. Like at the end of the day this was one date and maybe this girl just wasn't attracted to me in person or something but I feel like I'm doing something wrong with how many of my dates I've been on have ended this way, like I need to find a way to make these more fun. bleh, just kinda frustrating, especially when I've been in a way better place mentally lately and I just want that to translate to other areas in my life I've been trying to improve on lol.

 

But it's all a process I guess and at least I'm finally trying again - a string of bad dates / an extended bout of depression after moving here  / latent oneitis / excessive weed use really set me back for a while and now I'm just trying to make up for what feels like lost time now that I've mostly moved past these things.



#19576
Estonian dude
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Did you do body contact straight from the beginning? That helps.
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#19577
Boris5000
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Ah the patented elbow touching strategy - can confirm I did it and she didn't run away... yet.
Luck be a Lady

#19578
muggiwhplar
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I feel like I have a ton of problems with first dates. I went on my first date from Tinder in a long time last week. We met up, she was really cute, we had a nice conversation over coffee for like an hour, and...that was it. Like we had a ton in common but we never really broke past talking about mutual interests / kinda small talk-y background stuff. Like at the end of the day this was one date and maybe this girl just wasn't attracted to me in person or something but I feel like I'm doing something wrong with how many of my dates I've been on have ended this way, like I need to find a way to make these more fun. bleh, just kinda frustrating, especially when I've been in a way better place mentally lately and I just want that to translate to other areas in my life I've been trying to improve on lol.

But it's all a process I guess and at least I'm finally trying again - a string of bad dates / an extended bout of depression after moving here / latent oneitis / excessive weed use really set me back for a while and now I'm just trying to make up for what feels like lost time now that I've mostly moved past these things.


Did you touch her at all? If not, she’s prob gonna assume you just want to be friends

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#19579
RpgGamer
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Initial meet and greet is important but it sounds like you're not planting enough seeds of intimacy. Physical touch helps with that a lot. You can carry conversation and be funny all day but so can her mom/brother/best friend/other non sexual acquaintance. You have to have some degree of primal energy in order for someone to reciprocate it.
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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.




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#19580
Bonez899
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Was going to ask you guys a question, but then did a quick search and the first results were all you guys responding to me asking the question 3 years ago. Guessing the advice still stands but figured I'd make a post anyway just for fun.


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