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Da_Latios

"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

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Laying 15 hens doesn't equal mature. Oh dear god, I am so not looking forward to University and all the baboons who are going to be there.

 

It's his dick; let him live. For all your indignation, you're not any more grown up because you don't want to get laid.

 

Read one of my later posts.

 

And I believe I've said he can do anything he want, but the guys who are counting just come across as tryhards is all I'm saying.

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Freshman = first year of college/university

 

I'm not sure about American terms.

 

It's the same here. It's a pretty universal term.


 

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I did a bad thing. Or an ill advised thing at least.

 

I'm not going to go into the details of it too much, but basically there is a girl who I am friends with. And I slept with her. Multiple times. And while I do like her, there are a lot of reasons why it is very much so not a good idea. I guess I'll briefly go into them because otherwise this won't really make too much sense.

 

Basically, I'm not over my ex, so there's an issue there. Also, the girl I have this thing with broke up with her boyfriend quite recently (a few days after my ex and I broke up a little over a month ago), with whom I am good friends and I'm going to be living with him come the fall. And it's absolutely not cool of me to do what I did and I know that.

 

So the goal is to find a way to pull a 180 on what I've said/done and stay friends with her. The problem is that she seems like she's pretty into the whole thing and we basically came to the conclusion that it would be okay to do, we just have to make sure no one finds out. And I agreed with that, but obviously I've changed my mind or I am at least having second thoughts. Not just because of the shit storm that would come from someone finding out, but also because I don't want to do this to my friend, nor do I want to have to hide the "relationship" from all my friends, because that's just a ton of bullshit.

 

I know this is maybe the opposite of what this thread is usually about, but I need advice on how to get myself out of this situation. Because as it stands, morally I know I am in the wrong and that I need to stop this before it gets more out of hand, but to do that I have to turn down sex from a very attractive girl. And I'm not sure I am a "strong enough" person to do that.

 

So, uh thanks in advance. I'm probably just going to tell her straight up that I can't do it and hope that she doesn't get upset about it. But I kind of needed to share what's going on with someone and I can't go to pretty much any of my friends about this.

 

You May find this task easier by removing the attractive values lf her from your head by noticing things she does that you don't like. Finding another girl may also help to relieve your sexual tension, though before dling anything you may want to guage just how bad thr situation really is with her ex (your friend). You might luxk iut and he mkght be kkay with it. ([bleep] typing on my phone this is painful to read and typeslrry bout that)


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I did a bad thing. Or an ill advised thing at least.

 

I'm not going to go into the details of it too much, but basically there is a girl who I am friends with. And I slept with her. Multiple times. And while I do like her, there are a lot of reasons why it is very much so not a good idea. I guess I'll briefly go into them because otherwise this won't really make too much sense.

 

Basically, I'm not over my ex, so there's an issue there. Also, the girl I have this thing with broke up with her boyfriend quite recently (a few days after my ex and I broke up a little over a month ago), with whom I am good friends and I'm going to be living with him come the fall. And it's absolutely not cool of me to do what I did and I know that.

 

So the goal is to find a way to pull a 180 on what I've said/done and stay friends with her. The problem is that she seems like she's pretty into the whole thing and we basically came to the conclusion that it would be okay to do, we just have to make sure no one finds out. And I agreed with that, but obviously I've changed my mind or I am at least having second thoughts. Not just because of the shit storm that would come from someone finding out, but also because I don't want to do this to my friend, nor do I want to have to hide the "relationship" from all my friends, because that's just a ton of bullshit.

 

I know this is maybe the opposite of what this thread is usually about, but I need advice on how to get myself out of this situation. Because as it stands, morally I know I am in the wrong and that I need to stop this before it gets more out of hand, but to do that I have to turn down sex from a very attractive girl. And I'm not sure I am a "strong enough" person to do that.

 

So, uh thanks in advance. I'm probably just going to tell her straight up that I can't do it and hope that she doesn't get upset about it. But I kind of needed to share what's going on with someone and I can't go to pretty much any of my friends about this.

 

You May find this task easier by removing the attractive values lf her from your head by noticing things she does that you don't like. Finding another girl may also help to relieve your sexual tension, though before dling anything you may want to guage just how bad thr situation really is with her ex (your friend). You might luxk iut and he mkght be kkay with it. ([bleep] typing on my phone this is painful to read and typeslrry bout that)

 

Autocorrect pls

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I did a bad thing. Or an ill advised thing at least.

 

I'm not going to go into the details of it too much, but basically there is a girl who I am friends with. And I slept with her. Multiple times. And while I do like her, there are a lot of reasons why it is very much so not a good idea. I guess I'll briefly go into them because otherwise this won't really make too much sense.

 

Basically, I'm not over my ex, so there's an issue there. Also, the girl I have this thing with broke up with her boyfriend quite recently (a few days after my ex and I broke up a little over a month ago), with whom I am good friends and I'm going to be living with him come the fall. And it's absolutely not cool of me to do what I did and I know that.

 

So the goal is to find a way to pull a 180 on what I've said/done and stay friends with her. The problem is that she seems like she's pretty into the whole thing and we basically came to the conclusion that it would be okay to do, we just have to make sure no one finds out. And I agreed with that, but obviously I've changed my mind or I am at least having second thoughts. Not just because of the shit storm that would come from someone finding out, but also because I don't want to do this to my friend, nor do I want to have to hide the "relationship" from all my friends, because that's just a ton of bullshit.

 

I know this is maybe the opposite of what this thread is usually about, but I need advice on how to get myself out of this situation. Because as it stands, morally I know I am in the wrong and that I need to stop this before it gets more out of hand, but to do that I have to turn down sex from a very attractive girl. And I'm not sure I am a "strong enough" person to do that.

 

So, uh thanks in advance. I'm probably just going to tell her straight up that I can't do it and hope that she doesn't get upset about it. But I kind of needed to share what's going on with someone and I can't go to pretty much any of my friends about this.

 

You May find this task easier by removing the attractive values lf her from your head by noticing things she does that you don't like. Finding another girl may also help to relieve your sexual tension, though before dling anything you may want to guage just how bad thr situation really is with her ex (your friend). You might luxk iut and he mkght be kkay with it. ([bleep] typing on my phone this is painful to read and typeslrry bout that)

I guess the problem with that approach that I didn't specify is that I'm very close friends with her as well, or I was prior to this making us more than just friends I guess. So I guess what I'm saying is that I'd rather not try to make myself not like her to hopefully maintain the level of friendship that we had.

 

Another girl really isn't necessary, the problem isn't that I really want sex (as enjoyable as it may be), it's just that when it is offered it's hard to say no, if you know what I mean. I wasn't actively looking for anything in all honesty, maybe even the opposite. This just kind of happened somehow. I'm more than willing to be sex-less for the time being haha. Plus it would probably cause some problems with her if I cut things off and then went for another girl.

 

As for my friend being okay with it, it's too soon. Even if he said he was, I doubt it would really be true. I know him well enough to know that at this point, no matter what he says he would be upset about it. And I totally don't blame him, I know exactly what it's like to have that happen. Even if he really and truly was okay with it, I still am not sure it's a good idea. I wouldn't cut things off completely, but I would try to make sure it didn't get anymore serious than it already is.

 

However, I haven't done anything to make the situation better since posting that. Probably only worse.


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Sounds like your gonna have to masturbate and then talk to the girl and give her sonething along the lines of "we should stop boning cause I care about your ex". I say masturbate first because itll lower the likelyhood of you falling for her feminine wiles


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Basically if it's going to compromise your friendship, don't. I've never experienced the whole "random sex after a break up" thing (mostly because no one WOULD sleep with me since I live in the middle of no-where, but lets not gravedig that topic), but the friends that have done-so, usually it ends up a mess. One person falls for the other, or it messes up friendship with her ex/your friend, or in the worst case a shitstorm brews between you and her over something.

 

You'll just have to toughen up. You said yourself it's not like your starving for sex so it should be too difficult. Heck, I AM starving for it (since it's been 4 months) but if I can cope im sure you can cope just as easily.

As for the "cant really say no". you can, it's called self control and saying "sorry, im just not up for it at the moment" and slowly cut back the sexual lingo/convos you have.

 

 

....I must be the worst person when it comes to giving advice, since I'm the polar-opposite to everyone's situation. :\


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I guess one of the problems I didn't really articulate well was that she actually likes me or something. So it's not just sex, if it was I'd be out of it really easily and it probably never would have happened.

 

Basically we both got drunk at a party and ended up staying up the whole night lying in a field and just talking about shit. Then like two days later she got drunk and we were texting and she told me she was really into me and I told her that I liked her too. And then she came over on Monday and stayed until Wednesday morning since I had the house to myself.

 

You guys have pretty solid advice I think, but it's a little more than just physical stuff which makes it a much more delicate situation. Her feelings mean just as much to me as my friend/her ex's do. But this needs to be done. I kind of want to do it in person though because that just feels like the right way to do it, which opens me up to the "feminine wiles", as well as meaning I have to wait until next time I get to see her since she lives an hour and a half away.


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Alright, I'm really not sure what to do in my situation right now. Maybe you guys can help me out a little bit?

 

I was basically added to a whole entire new friend group through two close friends for school during the summer. I don't usually like meeting new people just because I'm weird and very awkward. I guess it has worked out so far, because I hang out with most of the group and we all seem to get along fairly well.

 

There is this one girl who I think I like out of this friend group. The biggest problem for me is, I'm really not sure where I stand with her. I know there isn't an easy way to tell or go off of signs or anything like that. She is really touchy and flirty. With everybody. It kinda bugs me when she does this to other guys when I'm around, which is why I'm thinking I like her. Or maybe I just like when her attention is on me, but honestly, who doesn't like getting some attention? I just don't understand, when it's just me and her and a few other people and she is very touchy with me and flirty, and then an hour later she is doing the same thing with another guy. (This guy has a girlfriend and I feel like honestly he is being a terrible boyfriend, but that's a different story). Then again, she is touchy with me at random times. I'm really not sure....

 

I want to confront her, not about flirting with a bunch of people or anything like that, but about where we stand. As friends? as something more? I have no idea. If you haven't been able to tell yet, I'm really not good with reading into situations or responding how most people would respond. I feel like she has dropped hints and things, but I don't know if she does this to everybody or not, or if she even dropped any hints. I'm not sure how I would go about asking her this. Should I just say, "Hey, we need to talk?" or something else? If you guys could help me with that, I'd be very much appreciative. If you think you need to know anything else, just ask and I'll see what I can do to help you help me :)


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Alright, I'm really not sure what to do in my situation right now. Maybe you guys can help me out a little bit?

 

I was basically added to a whole entire new friend group through two close friends for school during the summer. I don't usually like meeting new people just because I'm weird and very awkward. I guess it has worked out so far, because I hang out with most of the group and we all seem to get along fairly well.

 

There is this one girl who I think I like out of this friend group. The biggest problem for me is, I'm really not sure where I stand with her. I know there isn't an easy way to tell or go off of signs or anything like that. She is really touchy and flirty. With everybody. It kinda bugs me when she does this to other guys when I'm around, which is why I'm thinking I like her. Or maybe I just like when her attention is on me, but honestly, who doesn't like getting some attention? I just don't understand, when it's just me and her and a few other people and she is very touchy with me and flirty, and then an hour later she is doing the same thing with another guy. (This guy has a girlfriend and I feel like honestly he is being a terrible boyfriend, but that's a different story). Then again, she is touchy with me at random times. I'm really not sure....

 

I want to confront her, not about flirting with a bunch of people or anything like that, but about where we stand. As friends? as something more? I have no idea. If you haven't been able to tell yet, I'm really not good with reading into situations or responding how most people would respond. I feel like she has dropped hints and things, but I don't know if she does this to everybody or not, or if she even dropped any hints. I'm not sure how I would go about asking her this. Should I just say, "Hey, we need to talk?" or something else? If you guys could help me with that, I'd be very much appreciative. If you think you need to know anything else, just ask and I'll see what I can do to help you help me :)

 

This is what I told muffin mandy to do when she asked and I will give you the exact same advice. Confronting her is the best thing you can do. State how you feel with her and why you feel it and the more honest you are about what you like about her the better.

 

But yeah you have the right idea, just ask if you guys can talk for a bit. I'd probably say something like: "Hey I think your really cute and I really enjoy being around you and I think I'm really liking you. I kinda got the vibe that you liked me too, is there anything to that?"

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Alright, I'm really not sure what to do in my situation right now. Maybe you guys can help me out a little bit?

 

I was basically added to a whole entire new friend group through two close friends for school during the summer. I don't usually like meeting new people just because I'm weird and very awkward. I guess it has worked out so far, because I hang out with most of the group and we all seem to get along fairly well.

 

There is this one girl who I think I like out of this friend group. The biggest problem for me is, I'm really not sure where I stand with her. I know there isn't an easy way to tell or go off of signs or anything like that. She is really touchy and flirty. With everybody. It kinda bugs me when she does this to other guys when I'm around, which is why I'm thinking I like her. Or maybe I just like when her attention is on me, but honestly, who doesn't like getting some attention? I just don't understand, when it's just me and her and a few other people and she is very touchy with me and flirty, and then an hour later she is doing the same thing with another guy. (This guy has a girlfriend and I feel like honestly he is being a terrible boyfriend, but that's a different story). Then again, she is touchy with me at random times. I'm really not sure....

 

I want to confront her, not about flirting with a bunch of people or anything like that, but about where we stand. As friends? as something more? I have no idea. If you haven't been able to tell yet, I'm really not good with reading into situations or responding how most people would respond. I feel like she has dropped hints and things, but I don't know if she does this to everybody or not, or if she even dropped any hints. I'm not sure how I would go about asking her this. Should I just say, "Hey, we need to talk?" or something else? If you guys could help me with that, I'd be very much appreciative. If you think you need to know anything else, just ask and I'll see what I can do to help you help me :)

 

 

Umm I think you could just tell her how you feel... Kinda simple :P Don't overcomplicate things

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I wonder if there's any evolutionary explanation for why telling someone how you feel is the most terrifying thing ever and you will die of shame and embarrassment

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I wonder if there's any evolutionary explanation for why telling someone how you feel is the most terrifying thing ever and you will die of shame and embarrassment

 

It doesn't have to be


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I wonder if there's any evolutionary explanation for why telling someone how you feel is the most terrifying thing ever and you will die of shame and embarrassment

 

It doesn't have to be

 

No. But why is it such a prevalent and common mindset to see? That's what I want to know.


Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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Because we're social creatures and the primitive part of our brains places a lot of weight on being accepted by others.

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I think it's opening yourself up to others in general which can be embarrassing.

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I wonder if there's any evolutionary explanation for why telling someone how you feel is the most terrifying thing ever and you will die of shame and embarrassment

 

Because love is an emotion humanity evolved into to prevent our gene pool from being flooded by brutish males and rape victims. Its terrifying because primal genes want to go all caveman on woman, but the alternative "thinker" gene wants to appeal to her "thinker gene". Overcoming the fear satiates both human needs for ideal results.

 

I came up with this theory when I was high a few months ago. But it makes sense.


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Thinking on your situation Skull.

 

How much do you like her? How much of a future could you honestly see the two of you having?

 

From your explanation, I'd never suggest saying screw it and carrying on, thinking that what you get out of it is worth the loss of any friendships and drama and all that, but you don't have to burn bridges either, depending on what type of guy your friend is at least. I suppose if they ended really badly, and he hates her guts, then it would probably be a betrayal to date her at any point, and it's a one or the other situation, but I would think that likely the best course of action is some of that terrifying honesty, admit that you like her, but you can't do the secrecy thing and that out of respect to your friend you want to wait a month or two, and then be open about it (and yes, it's always going to be weird if you sleep together when your friend is in the same house, you might want to consider not doing that).

 

Just a thought. If you and she are willing to put the brakes on for whatever constitutes a respectful amount of time, and you think its worth the wait or don't have any compelling plans or opportunities coming up, then why not.

 

 

And yeah, the casual sex thing is tricky. What I will say is that in a situation where you can make an FWB, especially over the longer term, work, usually means that your friendship is somewhat doomed. The biggest thing is probably the knowledge that you aren't going to the same places in life, that a long term committed relationship will never be a logistical viability. Logically, that also means the friendship will ultimately end relatively early in life when you do go your separate ways, and that it will never be a good idea to rekindle that friendship, that you will have to move on and find other people.

 

I'm not sure it's something you really plan out, but it can definitely happen. I would not count on it.

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I ended it.

 

Not before managing to ruin everything with my ex because of it. So yeah, a great day with her turned into one of the worst of my life, if not the worst.

 

Edit: I want to tell my friend what happened, his ex doesn't want me to. I don't know what to do, since I want to be honest and own up to what I did, but I don't want him to hate her or any of my other friends to resent her. I really don't care what the repercussions towards me are since I think I deserve it.

 

Edit again: I'm driving to tell my friend what I did today once he's off work. His ex hates me now because I'm doing it even though she doesn't want me to. I hope he hates me for it too instead of being sad about it. He's way to good of a guy for all this.


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It's just sex >_> it shouldn't ruin friendships and cause all this unnecessary drama

 

Muggi, regardless of how you think people should feel towards sex, the fact is that people virtually never treat sex like "it's just sex."

 

Also, she said she liked him, as in had feelings for him, despite just recently having broke up with his best friend. In fact, at one point he said that if it was just sex it wouldn't be that much of a problem. Half of the problem were her feelings for him.

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Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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It's just sex >_> it shouldn't ruin friendships and cause all this unnecessary drama

It shouldn't but it has. I've never had to deal with drama before, I just avoid it. And this time I caused it. I'd honestly not be so upset if my ex hadn't taken it as a personal offence for some reason. And even more so because she told me that she had been just waiting for the right tome to get back together with me, which is all I really wanted. None of this would have happened if she had just [bleep]ing told me that instead of not talking to me for weeks.

 

And yeah, the fact that she had feelings for me is really why all this happened. I wasn't even looking for something. I just wanted to keep going with my life, not deal with any of that bullshit.


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Its people being possessive when they have no right to be

 

Your roommate probably would be annoyed by your and his ex's fling but he has no right to be.

Your FWB has no right to hold it against you if you dont feel the same about her as she does towards you

Edit: And your ex has no right to be upset about your FWB given that she didn't communicate her intentions to you.

 

Here was the drama free approach.

 

With FWB say "hey I like you just as a friend, if thats not okay with you then we can stop having casual sex"

With roommate, you shouldnt tell him. If he finds out later I would say, look you and her broke up and you have no business being possessive about her

Edit: With ex, "I had a fling with another girl because you broke up with me. etc." just say why it happened if shes not cool with it then you dont need to around her

 

Your being a real ass by telling your roommate. I know this sounds backwards but your doing it to clear your conscious regardless of whoever else gets hurt, thats not nice.

 

 

It's just sex >_> it shouldn't ruin friendships and cause all this unnecessary drama

It shouldn't but it has. I've never had to deal with drama before, I just avoid it. And this time I caused it. I'd honestly not be so upset if my ex hadn't taken it as a personal offence for some reason. And even more so because she told me that she had been just waiting for the right tome to get back together with me, which is all I really wanted. None of this would have happened if she had just [bleep]ing told me that instead of not talking to me for weeks.

 

And yeah, the fact that she had feelings for me is really why all this happened. I wasn't even looking for something. I just wanted to keep going with my life, not deal with any of that bullshit.

 

Your ex broke up with you. Its her fault, you dont need to feel guilty about that. She didn't communicate. You should be pissed at her not the other way around.

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