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Da_Latios

"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

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Maze, if she was laying it on heavy she was just letting you know there's competition and you're probably not in first place. Yet. Absolutely call her out and ask her what youre name is in her contact list and feel free to change hers to something silly when she reverses the question back on you.

 

And ignore the bullshit aboit wait this many hours and this many days. Everyonr has different tolerence levels. As long as you aren't being attention needy or clingy you're fine. And don't ask if youe being to clingy. THAT would be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

@egg

Imagine how much shit shed give you if you did the same to her. Tell her that and ask for an explanation, I'm sure there is one. Hopefully she's mature enough to give it to you.

Agreed. People who say "wait this many hours" generally have no idea what they're talking about. That whole concept is formed around an idea someone once saw in a movie and took it a bit too serious. The best thing you can do is call her when you think it's a good time to call her. When I was still living in the US i guess I hit a peak in terms of my game. I approached every girl different because they were all different. Some of them i would text hours after getting their number, some i would text 4 or 5 days later. Some of them i had a 60 minute first date, some of them ended up leaving the next morning. Again, its going to depend inthe type of girl she is ( or the type of girl you think she is). For example: when I was seeing Claire i knew from the get go that she was a party girl, but the type that only parties with her girlfriends. She had the whole [bleep] thing written on her forehead so it made her hard to approach. She was hard to make conversation with which told me that she wasn't really looking for a relationship. So I asked her number anyway. I knew she would remember me because of things i told her the night we met, and well I'm the first South African she ever met. So even if I talked to her 5 weeks later she would still remember me. Anyway, I texted her right as we left the bar, then waited 5 or so days before the next text. We ended up fooling around for a few month. A different girl i met, Meghan, well she was a much different girl. She wasn't a party girl at all. In fact the night i met her she told me it was her first night at a bar in a few months. So I knew that she was more of a "say indoors and watch movies" girl. So she was the kind of girl I'd have to text 2 days after meeting her max. I wasn't scared that she would forget me, I was just scared that, because she doesn't get out much, she would get the wrong idea if i didn't text her. She would probably end up thinking i just wanted to be a [bleep]buddy if i waited too long to text her (since she doesn't get out much, her idea of "the game" would be much different).

 

Anyway point I'm trying to make is that each girl will be different. So you can't really say " wait this long" before texting her.

 

That's true, and I agree (and believe Muggi would as well) that you have to kind of feel for it and see what would best, read the situation as best as you can. However, for many cases 2-3 day waiting period is good, especially if you don't have any prior relationship (ie friendship) with the person. As RPG said, being clingy and needy in the first month (or at all for that matter) is an automatic lose.

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Maze, if she was laying it on heavy she was just letting you know there's competition and you're probably not in first place. Yet. Absolutely call her out and ask her what youre name is in her contact list and feel free to change hers to something silly when she reverses the question back on you.

 

And ignore the bullshit aboit wait this many hours and this many days. Everyonr has different tolerence levels. As long as you aren't being attention needy or clingy you're fine. And don't ask if youe being to clingy. THAT would be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

@egg

Imagine how much shit shed give you if you did the same to her. Tell her that and ask for an explanation, I'm sure there is one. Hopefully she's mature enough to give it to you.

Agreed. People who say "wait this many hours" generally have no idea what they're talking about. That whole concept is formed around an idea someone once saw in a movie and took it a bit too serious. The best thing you can do is call her when you think it's a good time to call her. When I was still living in the US i guess I hit a peak in terms of my game. I approached every girl different because they were all different. Some of them i would text hours after getting their number, some i would text 4 or 5 days later. Some of them i had a 60 minute first date, some of them ended up leaving the next morning. Again, its going to depend inthe type of girl she is ( or the type of girl you think she is). For example: when I was seeing Claire i knew from the get go that she was a party girl, but the type that only parties with her girlfriends. She had the whole [bleep] thing written on her forehead so it made her hard to approach. She was hard to make conversation with which told me that she wasn't really looking for a relationship. So I asked her number anyway. I knew she would remember me because of things i told her the night we met, and well I'm the first South African she ever met. So even if I talked to her 5 weeks later she would still remember me. Anyway, I texted her right as we left the bar, then waited 5 or so days before the next text. We ended up fooling around for a few month. A different girl i met, Meghan, well she was a much different girl. She wasn't a party girl at all. In fact the night i met her she told me it was her first night at a bar in a few months. So I knew that she was more of a "say indoors and watch movies" girl. So she was the kind of girl I'd have to text 2 days after meeting her max. I wasn't scared that she would forget me, I was just scared that, because she doesn't get out much, she would get the wrong idea if i didn't text her. She would probably end up thinking i just wanted to be a [bleep]buddy if i waited too long to text her (since she doesn't get out much, her idea of "the game" would be much different).

 

Anyway point I'm trying to make is that each girl will be different. So you can't really say " wait this long" before texting her.

 

That's true, and I agree (and believe Muggi would as well) that you have to kind of feel for it and see what would best, read the situation as best as you can. However, for many cases 2-3 day waiting period is good, especially if you don't have any prior relationship (ie friendship) with the person. As RPG said, being clingy and needy in the first month (or at all for that matter) is an automatic lose.

Being needy/clingy isn't always a negative thing for some girls. It might not be in YOUR best i interest, but It might be in theirs. With a girl i met, Rebecca, she liked me being needy. It made her felt wanted/needed in the beginning. If i went a day or two without talking to her she would contact me to find out what was up and why I was being "quiet". So in order for me to get from her what I wanted I had to be the clingy guy dealing with the clingy girls. Again I say it might not be in your best interest because a clingy girl can be very hard to deal with. But it could be in her best interest because some girls, as I said, want the clingy guy. Rebecca did eventually become less clingy which was a good thing, but It was kind of hard to maintain while i was with her.

Although in his case, since it seems like he wants a relationship and not a [bleep]buddy, being clingy would be a bad thing haha.

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Keeping up the clingy/needy act (or not act) is where it becomes an issue regardless. Even of you do benefit from it in the short run, constantly texting eachother and becoming codependant is a super dangerous game to be played; unless if you both truly intend on spending the rest of your lives together (or as muggiw will argue, that's also bad for numerous reasons.) Basically its a long haul style of creating bonds that results in a lot of heartache in the midrange (read:average) relationship.

 

I've made the mistake of being the clingy one once. It was certainly something. I can't say it didn't have its moments but I don't think I want to do it again.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

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I can't think of how it's ever a good thing. Not least because being clingy on one person basically involves paying so much attention to that one person, you're effectively sticking the finger up to the rest of your friends and family, who you'll probably want to be there if the whole thing disintegrates. Which it's more likely to do in the first place, because relationships have to exist within the context of both people's wider social circle if they want to be healthy.

 

What happened to Romeo and Juliet in the end?

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They lived in a time where "[bleep] it let's just elope to Vegas" wasn't an option.

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Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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Poignant Purple to Lokie's Ravishing Red and Alg's Brilliant Blue.

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Ideas for the second date?

 

I'm not very experienced with this.

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Invite her back to your place for something stupid like movie night or to look at your stamp collection or to check out the cool stick you found in your back yard that morning.

 

If she's not down, Charlie Brown, just do another coffee date with her.


77yLQy8.png

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I wouldn't repeat dates consequtively, but that's just a me thing. I like playing MTG, roller blading, movie at home, bonfire, frisbee, etc. Body movement increases odds of physical contact which is always a plus on the second date

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Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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It was one of those things where I didn't realize how funny it was until after the fact.

 

I guess I walked up to her really confidently/seductively without breaking eye contact and then when I finally got to her, I just anticlimactically asked her where the bathroom was and she started cracking up :lol:


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Meanwhile, on OKC:

 

Your profile is probably the leading reason I'm messaging back. At first glance, I thought 23 and fresh out of college might be a bit too young for me but your profile was so well put together that any initial reservations were set aside. Sure, it comes across a bit over confident but that's not always a bad thing, or at least, not in this case :)

 

I'm turning in for the night so I'm not game for back and forth messaging tonight but would love to get to know you.

 

Thanks for putting yourself out there.

 

Jen

 

Feels good man.

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Msg back saying "tl;dr"

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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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MSG back asking "cup size and dft?"

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They're cute when they're new :P

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Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Almost had four first dates today. Would've been a new record. I was really looking forward to utilizing my new "Shocked Vegeta" meme too :(

 

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MSG back asking "cup size and dft?"

 

Isn't it dtf? Hahaha.

Haha yeah it is. This is what happens when i post from my iPad.

 

Last night the Mexican girl i used to "date" in Florida told me how much she misses me. She sent me a random dirty picture with a text saying "I'm ready for you".

I awkwardly had to tell her that i am back with my Ex, and i told her that i really lost all attraction i had to her when shit went down between us. She didn't really want to hear any of it. Sent me a few more pictures in between the conversation we were having till i just stopped replying to her because i thought her pictures were a bit inappropriate. I'll be seeing her again in October when i go back to school. Sad thing is i still am kind of attracted to her physically, but emotionally i have nothing. I don't feel like i can trust her at all. She tried saying sorry for everything that happened between us, but part of me thinks the only reason she's doing this is because she wants attention.

 

In other news, me and my ex have had one or two conversations this past 3 weeks (while i've been on holliday), that i think are pretty important and intense ones. We spoke about our sex life and what we can do to improve it. We have a great sex life, but i guess we both just want to be sure that both of us are satisfied. And we spoke about the relationships we've been in the past 2 years, which might explain certain habits we now have. It's very risky, but i think it will pay off because we have a better understanding of each other now.

 

She wants to move with me to Florida in October. I really don't mind having her come with me. The way my school schedule is going to be will only allow me to see her at night anyway, which is good. I told her to still just think about it before she gives me an answer.

But as always, there's a catch. I think the only way she could come with me is if we are married or get married within 90 days of being in the US. I'm still not 100% sure of this because it seems to be extremely hard to do any sort of research on American visas. But if marriage is the only way to get her there, i'm gonna have to take a pass on that one.

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Depends how long she's moving there. Technically you could just make her a permanent visitor and then make sure she doesn't get arrested for some reason. But you should probably research more, I'm in america and I'm not even 100% sure how it works

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Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Depends how long she's moving there. Technically you could just make her a permanent visitor and then make sure she doesn't get arrested for some reason. But you should probably research more, I'm in america and I'm not even 100% sure how it works

It's just gonna be for the duration of my course which is 9 month, or till we break up (if that happens). This will be a good thing for me cause ive never lived with a girl before (as in girlfriend) so ill get to see how it is and if I'm cut out for it. I have lots of research to do but so far I've not had any luck.

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There's other practical issues too. If she's living with you, will she be contributing financially? If so, how is she obtaining those finances? If you're living with other people, don't assume they'll be fine with it; I know from personal experience and the experience of my friends, I certainly wouldn't be okay with a housemate basically having their girlfriend live with them for free, unless they're chipping in extra for bills and such. What about her friends and her own life? What's she actually going to be doing on a day-today basis to keep herself busy, when she's miles away from home in another country, apparently isolated from everyone she's ever known?

 

It all seems quite grey and boring stuff compared to the romantic idealism of moving in with someone you have feelings for, but that's part and parcel of living with other people. You have to sort through those questions sooner rather than later, or they very quickly become a source of tension.

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In terms of finances, i have $1 000 a month for rent and $1 000 for other living costs. She has money saved up from working the past year and a half that will cover anything else (not that i think anything will really be needed). I planned on moving into my own place when i got back anyway, so nothing needs to change now. So i wouldn't have to worry about any extra income being needed (except a bit for food), and i don't have to worry about roommates being okay with it.

Only real issue i can see is what she's going to do while i'm there. I mean the ideal would be for her to get a job to keep herself busy, and she agrees about that. Only problem that there might be is if her visa doesn't allow it.

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