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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios
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Right.

 

Might have been a polite rejection on Saturday but today he's asked me out.

Really unexpected.

:D

 

So...

that's what comes of overthinking things....good luck!

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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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See I read all that and figured he's just getting his shit in order. All you people are cynics. Have fun maddy, sorry I didn't read until now to balance the scales of opinion.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

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See I read all that and figured he's just getting his shit in order. All you people are cynics. Have fun maddy, sorry I didn't read until now to balance the scales of opinion.

Never got a chance to reply either, but these are the bits that stuck out to me:

 

(which might just be because he's shy, which is something he's told me, and I'm with my friends a lot too)

 

[...]

 

In the conversation (the drunken phone call) I suggested meeting up when we're both free during the week "because I never get to see my friends that live off campus" and he said yeah and that he'd have to check his timetable.

...he's shy...

 

...shy...

 

SHY

 

What do shy people do when someone asks to meet up with them? They look for excuses not to meet up.

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It's definitely a polite rejection

Well... this is awks...
That's probably the first instance I've ever heard of where that excuse was genuine... And I hear that excuse hundreds of times per month, both in online dating and at work in sales.

 

Granted, in both cases I do things by putting in the numbers so if someone ever gives me that excuse I immediately forget about them and move on, as opposed to prodding them to ascertain whether or not it's genuine.

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Whether or not it was a rejection you do the same thing. Don't pine over him and make other plans if he hasn't with you after a reasonable time has passed. But im with muggi in that department I have personally never seen the "I'm busy" exuse be genuine unless "I definitely can try for this day" followed it. But anyways goodluck with your date :lol:

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You forget muggi, in your quest for higher numbers you're too accustomed to rejection. Youre on a totally different playing field. "I'll have to check my schedule" absolutely is a polite rejection line. Until it isn't. Some people really are busy and have to get their shit in order to accomodate unforseen plans. Thats why I'm always sure to follow up with a counter offer when I say the infamous "I have to check my schedule". Unless I really am politely rejecting them.

 

It reminds me of one of the first girls I ever aproached through okcupid. I gave her my intro and she replied a day later "I'm sorry I'm not interested". At first I was taken aback, but the simplicity of the situation sunk in and I got over it as quickly as I'd met her. Its a better polite rejection line is my point.

 

People should be more clear with their intentions, and people should stop being so sensitive and understand everyone is their own person with their own things going on

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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See I read all that and figured he's just getting his shit in order. All you people are cynics. Have fun maddy, sorry I didn't read until now to balance the scales of opinion.

I operate under the assumption that if they wanted to go on a date then they'd attempt to find time almost immediately, not wait an entire day to get back to them.

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See I read all that and figured he's just getting his shit in order. All you people are cynics. Have fun maddy, sorry I didn't read until now to balance the scales of opinion.

I operate under the assumption that if they wanted to go on a date then they'd attempt to find time almost immediately, not wait an entire day to get back to them.

 

Yes, because no one should be allowed to think about something, or be shy, or be insecure.

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It's definitely a polite rejection

Well... this is awks...
That's probably the first instance I've ever heard of where that excuse was genuine... And I hear that excuse hundreds of times per month, both in online dating and at work in sales.

 

Granted, in both cases I do things by putting in the numbers so if someone ever gives me that excuse I immediately forget about them and move on, as opposed to prodding them to ascertain whether or not it's genuine.

 

I find it completely stupid that you try to compare online dating to non-online dating. 

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It's definitely a polite rejection

Well... this is awks...
That's probably the first instance I've ever heard of where that excuse was genuine... And I hear that excuse hundreds of times per month, both in online dating and at work in sales.

 

Granted, in both cases I do things by putting in the numbers so if someone ever gives me that excuse I immediately forget about them and move on, as opposed to prodding them to ascertain whether or not it's genuine.

I find it completely stupid that you try to compare online dating to non-online dating.

Women are women, regardless of how you choose to communicate with them.

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It's definitely a polite rejection

Well... this is awks...
That's probably the first instance I've ever heard of where that excuse was genuine... And I hear that excuse hundreds of times per month, both in online dating and at work in sales.

 

Granted, in both cases I do things by putting in the numbers so if someone ever gives me that excuse I immediately forget about them and move on, as opposed to prodding them to ascertain whether or not it's genuine.

I find it completely stupid that you try to compare online dating to non-online dating.

Women are women, regardless of how you choose to communicate with them.

 

Yes. And men are men regardless of how you choose to communicate with them. But relationship is a game, and the rules change when you go from dating to online-dating. You can't aply the rules of rugby to a game of soccer just because they're both played with a ball.

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What kinds of things do you think change

How aggressive and forward you have to be. If he sees her often in real life and has easy access to her through facebook and text he has space to choose what he wants with her. And the way she's presented herself, he has a lot of space.

 

Just to chip in, when you asked him if he'd already got your text, that comes of as needy and it's too much. You're suffocating the poor boy and making yourself seem desperate.  I'm not saying be callous to the boy, far from it, you should never be "mean" or whatever to try and impress him, but unless he's incredibly shy/socially awkward he probably knows you're into him and aggressively going after him won't help. Be open, and if he wants you, he'll get you. 

 

imo

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What kinds of things do you think change

Everything up to the point where you actually have to meet the person face-to-face.

 

Some people are extremely photogenic. So photogenic that they look better in pictures than they do in real life. I could have professionally taken photos of me on my profile. I'll look like the the hottest guy that's ever set foot on earth. And then you see me in real life and the truth is revealed. I'm no ore than an average Joe. It's hard to fake your physical appearance when you're face-to-face with someone. I know your looks (as a girl) can be altered with the help of make-up, but generally it's pretty easy to spot the ones wearing a mask.

Rejection or acceptance is a lot easier online. I send a girl a message on a dating site. I tell her i think she's cute, i want to take her out on a date, i want to get to know her, i want to [bleep] her, whatever you want. It's easy, because all it takes is me sitting behind my computer. I don't need to worry about the zit on my nose. I don't have to worry about my bad breath. I don't have to worry about the sweat stains under my arms. I don't have to worry about a voice crack because i'm nervous. I don't even have to worry about changing into clothes. I can do all of this while wearing my dirty track pants and a mustard stained shirt.

If she rejects my invitation, so what. There's 1000 more girls a few clicks away. I can try again and again. It's not going to affect me the slightest. But when i'm at a club or a party and she rejects me, there's maybe 20 or 30 other girls i can choose from. But i have to be careful who i choose, because i can't exactly try it with all of them. And if she rejects me, i don't have to feel silly. I'm not going to be embarrassed because 20 people saw me try and fail. In fact, no one but the person i messaged would know that i failed. So it takes a lot of stress and pressure away.

If i ask someone out face-to-face and she rejects you there's always the "Oh shit, what do i do now. Act cool. Act cool" going on in the back of your head. She rejects you online and the only thing you're thinking is "Meh"

And then the part that applies to Maddy's situation. If you ask someone out face-to-face they are almost forced to give you an answer right on the spot. Does not have to be a definite answer, but it has to be at least some sort of answer. Whether it's a yes, a no, or a "i'll have to see if i can pencil you in". There's going to be an answer. This puts pressure on both the person who asked and the person who's getting asked. If you ask someone out online they have the option to reply with the exact same thing (or they can completely ignore you), but now time in not a factor. They can reply to you in 10 minutes, an hour, a day, a week. It gives them too much time to think or try and rationalize the situation. You don't want people to think about their answer, really.

 

I know there's still a lot of point i overlooked, but i'm sure you get the general idea.

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On the other hand it's very difficult to project your personality online, that can be a huge plus when doing things irl

And it's also extremely easy to hide who you really are online.

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Conversation between any two people who've just started dating or who've just met each other will be awkward. Even if you are a raving extrovert and full of confidence, there's still that initial fear of approaching someone else or being approached yourself. If he's as nervous as you say, he'll probably be more awkward than most and that might take some time.

 

I understand what you say about making the environment as comfortable as possible, but I really cannot overdo this point about effective communication. Relationships are a lot like life, in that there are always problems, whether it's a short-term crisis or something more long-term. Sex, money, family, careers, friends... it all gets thrown into the mix. The only difference is that you're both in it together, and you need to be talking to each other about those issues, because if you don't and one or the both of you become dissatisfied, the relationship will break apart one way or another.

 

It's okay to be awkward now. Three months down the line? Be careful about that. But let's not get ahead of ourselves... one date at a time. :)

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What kinds of things do you think change

Everything up to the point where you actually have to meet the person face-to-face.

 

Some people are extremely photogenic. So photogenic that they look better in pictures than they do in real life. I could have professionally taken photos of me on my profile. I'll look like the the hottest guy that's ever set foot on earth. And then you see me in real life and the truth is revealed. I'm no ore than an average Joe. It's hard to fake your physical appearance when you're face-to-face with someone. I know your looks (as a girl) can be altered with the help of make-up, but generally it's pretty easy to spot the ones wearing a mask.

Rejection or acceptance is a lot easier online. I send a girl a message on a dating site. I tell her i think she's cute, i want to take her out on a date, i want to get to know her, i want to [bleep] her, whatever you want. It's easy, because all it takes is me sitting behind my computer. I don't need to worry about the zit on my nose. I don't have to worry about my bad breath. I don't have to worry about the sweat stains under my arms. I don't have to worry about a voice crack because i'm nervous. I don't even have to worry about changing into clothes. I can do all of this while wearing my dirty track pants and a mustard stained shirt.

If she rejects my invitation, so what. There's 1000 more girls a few clicks away. I can try again and again. It's not going to affect me the slightest. But when i'm at a club or a party and she rejects me, there's maybe 20 or 30 other girls i can choose from. But i have to be careful who i choose, because i can't exactly try it with all of them. And if she rejects me, i don't have to feel silly. I'm not going to be embarrassed because 20 people saw me try and fail. In fact, no one but the person i messaged would know that i failed. So it takes a lot of stress and pressure away.

If i ask someone out face-to-face and she rejects you there's always the "Oh shit, what do i do now. Act cool. Act cool" going on in the back of your head. She rejects you online and the only thing you're thinking is "Meh"

And then the part that applies to Maddy's situation. If you ask someone out face-to-face they are almost forced to give you an answer right on the spot. Does not have to be a definite answer, but it has to be at least some sort of answer. Whether it's a yes, a no, or a "i'll have to see if i can pencil you in". There's going to be an answer. This puts pressure on both the person who asked and the person who's getting asked. If you ask someone out online they have the option to reply with the exact same thing (or they can completely ignore you), but now time in not a factor. They can reply to you in 10 minutes, an hour, a day, a week. It gives them too much time to think or try and rationalize the situation. You don't want people to think about their answer, really.

 

I know there's still a lot of point i overlooked, but i'm sure you get the general idea.

 

 

When you become more experienced I think you'll find that all of those self-conscious examples you provided don't exist in reality either. It's all in your head.

 

When I'm at my computer messaging girls, and they resist the meet-up, I move on because I know there's dozens of others I need to respond to. When I'm on a first date with a girl and she resists my advances, I move on, because I know there's dozens of others who are into me. When I'm doing sales at work and I get a client who gives me resistance when I go for the close, I move on because I have dozens of other willing clients who can recognize a good deal when they see it.

 

It's no different than if I were to go to the bars either. It may appear to be different to you, but the principles remain the same. The only thing that's different is your perception and abundance mentality. The less confident/carefree you are, the harder it is to maintain an abundance mentality.

77yLQy8.png

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What kinds of things do you think change

Everything up to the point where you actually have to meet the person face-to-face.

 

Some people are extremely photogenic. So photogenic that they look better in pictures than they do in real life. I could have professionally taken photos of me on my profile. I'll look like the the hottest guy that's ever set foot on earth. And then you see me in real life and the truth is revealed. I'm no ore than an average Joe. It's hard to fake your physical appearance when you're face-to-face with someone. I know your looks (as a girl) can be altered with the help of make-up, but generally it's pretty easy to spot the ones wearing a mask.

Rejection or acceptance is a lot easier online. I send a girl a message on a dating site. I tell her i think she's cute, i want to take her out on a date, i want to get to know her, i want to [bleep] her, whatever you want. It's easy, because all it takes is me sitting behind my computer. I don't need to worry about the zit on my nose. I don't have to worry about my bad breath. I don't have to worry about the sweat stains under my arms. I don't have to worry about a voice crack because i'm nervous. I don't even have to worry about changing into clothes. I can do all of this while wearing my dirty track pants and a mustard stained shirt.

If she rejects my invitation, so what. There's 1000 more girls a few clicks away. I can try again and again. It's not going to affect me the slightest. But when i'm at a club or a party and she rejects me, there's maybe 20 or 30 other girls i can choose from. But i have to be careful who i choose, because i can't exactly try it with all of them. And if she rejects me, i don't have to feel silly. I'm not going to be embarrassed because 20 people saw me try and fail. In fact, no one but the person i messaged would know that i failed. So it takes a lot of stress and pressure away.

If i ask someone out face-to-face and she rejects you there's always the "Oh shit, what do i do now. Act cool. Act cool" going on in the back of your head. She rejects you online and the only thing you're thinking is "Meh"

And then the part that applies to Maddy's situation. If you ask someone out face-to-face they are almost forced to give you an answer right on the spot. Does not have to be a definite answer, but it has to be at least some sort of answer. Whether it's a yes, a no, or a "i'll have to see if i can pencil you in". There's going to be an answer. This puts pressure on both the person who asked and the person who's getting asked. If you ask someone out online they have the option to reply with the exact same thing (or they can completely ignore you), but now time in not a factor. They can reply to you in 10 minutes, an hour, a day, a week. It gives them too much time to think or try and rationalize the situation. You don't want people to think about their answer, really.

 

I know there's still a lot of point i overlooked, but i'm sure you get the general idea.

 

 

When you become more experienced I think you'll find that all of those self-conscious examples you provided don't exist in reality either. It's all in your head.

 

When I'm at my computer messaging girls, and they resist the meet-up, I move on because I know there's dozens of others I need to respond to. When I'm on a first date with a girl and she resists my advances, I move on, because I know there's dozens of others who are into me. When I'm doing sales at work and I get a client who gives me resistance when I go for the close, I move on because I have dozens of other willing clients who can recognize a good deal when they see it.

 

It's no different than if I were to go to the bars either. It may appear to be different to you, but the principles remain the same. The only thing that's different is your perception and abundance mentality.

 

Sigh... did not read a single word.

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