Jump to content

"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios
 Share

Recommended Posts

While your theory holds some merit muggi, you have to admit there are differences in real life to online reality.

Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

Link to comment
Share on other sites

While your theory holds some merit muggi, you have to admit there are differences in real life to online reality.

 

It's not a theory. It's my day to day life, and the day to day life of many people I know.

 

The differences are irrelevant because the end result is still the same

77yLQy8.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your "lifestyle" is extremely unrealistic for the average person. Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times. And i'm still baffled at how you think there's no difference between dating online and offline. Completely dumbfounded. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

What kinds of things do you think change

How aggressive and forward you have to be. If he sees her often in real life and has easy access to her through facebook and text he has space to choose what he wants with her. And the way she's presented herself, he has a lot of space.

 

Just to chip in, when you asked him if he'd already got your text, that comes of as needy and it's too much. You're suffocating the poor boy and making yourself seem desperate.  I'm not saying be callous to the boy, far from it, you should never be "mean" or whatever to try and impress him, but unless he's incredibly shy/socially awkward he probably knows you're into him and aggressively going after him won't help. Be open, and if he wants you, he'll get you. 

 

imo

 

 

I know that, and I really never do that except in cases where I actually would appreciate a reply and am too anxious to wait much longer. Sometimes you have to prod to get a response, but only in serious cases. I don't have any plans to prod further and I won't, because I've done it once and I don't like doing it, but with some people you've got to push and make your intentions clear. The pushing I can just about manage, the intentions clear is another story and skill which I haven't yet mastered. Sometimes if you don't push, your questions are unanswered and nothing gets done if they're too shy to speak up. It's a small sacrifice to do something you don't like doing, like prodding someone a bit, compared with just sitting there waiting for weeks and weeks for a reply which you never get. Yeah, I don't do that keep em mean to keep em keen thing, I'm always nice to people in general but that's the issue. There is never really a distinction between me liking someone and me being me because a lot of people get along with me, and I'm far too scared to single anyone out and be particularly nice to them. This is why I look like a friend to pretty much anyone, and then obviously having my opinions under the surface. I'm not trying to impress anyone, I know he likes me at least as a person, and me liking him in a different way doesn't change how I act. It may make me more nervous, or shy around him, but it doesn't change the substance to my personality that he's seen and seems to like. Moreover we communicate very well verbally, conversation is not forced and I seem to make him relax. He's easily the kind of person that if you weren't easy to talk to, he'd be quiet and not say a word and the conversation would be stunted. But it isn't like that with me, and he legitimately seems happy to see me. He just will not approach me because he's shy, and I consistently get over my shyness momentarily to say hi, and approach his group of friends and say hi to them even if I feel incredibly awkward, which I do. I'm only awkward if the person I'm with is awkward. But with me he seems at least slightly less awkward than with a lot of people around, from what I saw when I played cards with him and when he chatted to me one night. He is awkward on first observation with lots of people around or in social situations, my flatmate and friend does his course and sees him a lot in lectures. He said everything about him is awkward, his mannerisms, how he dances in the club, talks, behaves, his friends are awkward if you aren't directly in their group and approach them as a female, and even that doesn't throw me off because I like what I've seen of his personality, so while I need to strike the balance between being forward enough that he gets the message, but relaxed enough that he doesn't feel any kind of pressure or unease around me, I think leaving communication out for a while is a good step.

 

This is partially why getting him alone would be a really nice way to get to know him a little bit more, and him to get to know me some more and talk without feeling, it's that word again... awkward.

 

Thanks for all your opinions though.

Meetup is next week as he's busy this week so I'm going to get on with some work.

Not calling it a date, not yet anyway.

 

I still don't think that asking if he's got your message is worthwhile, cause his lack of a reply is kind of something in itself, and I'm sure he might have replied later when he'd found his phone. But I guess maybe you know him better than I do. Idk.

 

As for him being awkward, haha, some guys are socially retard. I've messed up with so many ridiculously cool women because I was mega, mega awkward. I've had things like a girl come up to me and rub my face, call me a beautiful boy and say "I'd ask mightymuddy to get lunch with me tomorrow but I don't think he'd come" and I still didn't get it.

That also being said, there are a lot of girls who've chased me and I blatantly haven't been interested.

 

Check this thread out though, boys can be stupid sometimes, haha.

 

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=110386641

 

Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your "lifestyle" is extremely unrealistic for the average person. Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times. And i'm still baffled at how you think there's no difference between dating online and offline. Completely dumbfounded. 

While I've agreed more on your side over muggi's thus far, surely this argument is counter-intuitive. If a person is shy, surely trying to set up dates in an environment which doesn't have body language and face-to-face communication would be preferable to a "real life" environment where all the normal rules still apply.

 

Furthermore, shyness doesn't equate to "It's all in my head". Shyness is a very mild form of social anxiety. What you're referring to there is over-sensitivity, which can be symptomatic of anxiety but does not indicate shyness itself. People can be timid and composed about a situation at the same time. For example, if we're using personal anecdotes, I'm a very timid person when it comes to approaching people I've never met before, something which has always held me back in the dating game, but I can still introduce myself and develop therapeutic relationships with fourteen patients on a hospital ward every day. Exposure to our fears provides us with opportunities to develop coping strategies; in my example, I have a framework in my mind for that initial conversation for introducing myself, and getting the information I need as quickly as possible.

 

It's entirely possible to be shy normally, but still hold yourself together when talking to girls and not becoming overly attached too soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your "lifestyle" is extremely unrealistic for the average person. Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times. And i'm still baffled at how you think there's no difference between dating online and offline. Completely dumbfounded. 

 

There's a reason why it's unrealistic for the average person: the average person is unhappy (or just content with a boring life) and terrified of failure and leaving their comfort zone. And it's easier for the average person to just make up excuses and blame the world around them for their problems; rather than accepting responsibility for their own lives. Do you really think I was never terrified of social interaction (regardless of gender)? Do you really think I was born with an abundance mentality? Do you really think I became good at this overnight without ever failing over and over before things started to click?

 

If you want to keep making up excuses for unhappy, unsuccessful people then be my guest. But as always, you don't have the right to whine about something that you have complete control over. It's your life.

77yLQy8.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your "lifestyle" is extremely unrealistic for the average person. Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times. 

Yeap, this is blatantly wrong. Unless there's something wrong with them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

Your "lifestyle" is extremely unrealistic for the average person. Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times. And i'm still baffled at how you think there's no difference between dating online and offline. Completely dumbfounded. 

While I've agreed more on your side over muggi's thus far, surely this argument is counter-intuitive. If a person is shy, surely trying to set up dates in an environment which doesn't have body language and face-to-face communication would be preferable to a "real life" environment where all the normal rules still apply.

 

Furthermore, shyness doesn't equate to "It's all in my head". Shyness is a very mild form of social anxiety. What you're referring to there is over-sensitivity, which can be symptomatic of anxiety but does not indicate shyness itself. People can be timid and composed about a situation at the same time. They're not mutually exclusive.

 

Actually a shy person will probably have more luck in a place filled with people as apposed to setting up an online date. This is only my opinion though. I'll explain why i say that though. 

Being at a social event puts a time limit on things. Limited time to think and react. I think you're more likely to act spontaneously and actually step outside of your comfort zone because of this. There's not too much time to over-think things. The main reason people tend to over-think things is because they have too much time.

If you were to set up a date online with a stranger you have never met face-to-face before you'll have (usually) at least a day to think (over think) about it. Your anxiety will keep growing, and you'll be likely to chicken out.

 

This is largely based on what i've seen from a friend who resorted to online dating. Also a bit of personal experience in the mix. I know a year ago when i tried actively approaching girls it was much easier for me to do so when there were a lot of people around me. Kind of gave me the comfort of knowing that if i mess it up i can slit into the crown and vanish.

 

 

Your "lifestyle" is extremely unrealistic for the average person. Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times. And i'm still baffled at how you think there's no difference between dating online and offline. Completely dumbfounded. 

 

There's a reason why it's unrealistic for the average person: the average person is unhappy (or just content with a boring life) and terrified of failure and leaving their comfort zone. Do you really think I was never terrified of social interaction (regardless of gender)? Do you really think I was born with an abundance mentality? Do you really think I became good at this overnight without ever failing over and over before things started to click?

 

If you want to keep making up excuses for unhappy, unsuccessful people then be my guest. But as always, you don't have the right to whine about something that you have complete control over. It's your life.

 

 

1. Good thing you edited the post, because you started to come across as slightly butthurt. Haha.

 

2. I don't believe i'm "whining". Rather pointing out the flaws in your theory, or "day to day life" as you put it, for the average person. Perhaps these people are unhappy, but that does not make them unsuccessful. Success applies differently to each person. Having a new hook-up every other night is by no means success in my books. I see that as trying to fill a void, or seeking approval from god knows who. Differences in opinions. Welcome to internet 101.

 

 

 

Your "lifestyle" is extremely unrealistic for the average person. Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times. 

Yeap, this is blatantly wrong. Unless there's something wrong with them.

 

You're saying there's something wrong with them because they have social anxiety? Or did i misunderstand? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

There's a reason why it's unrealistic for the average person: the average person is unhappy (or just content with a boring life) and terrified of failure and leaving their comfort zone. Do you really think I was never terrified of social interaction (regardless of gender)? Do you really think I was born with an abundance mentality? Do you really think I became good at this overnight without ever failing over and over before things started to click?

 

If you want to keep making up excuses for unhappy, unsuccessful people then be my guest. But as always, you don't have the right to whine about something that you have complete control over. It's your life.

 

 

1. Good thing you edited the post, because you started to come across as slightly butthurt. Haha.

 

2. I don't believe i'm "whining". Rather pointing out the flaws in your theory, or "day to day life" as you put it, for the average person. Perhaps these people are unhappy, but that does not make them unsuccessful. Success applies differently to each person. Having a new hook-up every other night is by no means success in my books. I see that as trying to fill a void, or seeking approval from god knows who. Differences in opinions. Welcome to internet 101.

 

Happiness and success are the same thing as far as I'm concerned: http://happysaint.wordpress.com/2013/02/06/are-you-successful/

 

You're still just dodging my argument with personal attacks though. You're saying that even if having one night stands consistently is "bad," not everyone can achieve that. You don't believe it's possible for anyone to be successful. And with an attitude like that, well, you know what's going to happen down the road :P

77yLQy8.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites


 

 


 

There's a reason why it's unrealistic for the average person: the average person is unhappy (or just content with a boring life) and terrified of failure and leaving their comfort zone. Do you really think I was never terrified of social interaction (regardless of gender)? Do you really think I was born with an abundance mentality? Do you really think I became good at this overnight without ever failing over and over before things started to click?

 

If you want to keep making up excuses for unhappy, unsuccessful people then be my guest. But as always, you don't have the right to whine about something that you have complete control over. It's your life.

 

 

1. Good thing you edited the post, because you started to come across as slightly butthurt. Haha.

 

2. I don't believe i'm "whining". Rather pointing out the flaws in your theory, or "day to day life" as you put it, for the average person. Perhaps these people are unhappy, but that does not make them unsuccessful. Success applies differently to each person. Having a new hook-up every other night is by no means success in my books. I see that as trying to fill a void, or seeking approval from god knows who. Differences in opinions. Welcome to internet 101.

 

Happiness and success are the same thing as far as I'm concerned: http://happysaint.wordpress.com/2013/02/06/are-you-successful/

As far as you're concerned. Lot's of people chase success and lose sight of happiness in the process. Workaholics are probably a good example. While they think they're happy, chances are that eventually they'll figure out they're not (i'm not referring to the link, just your statement).

 
 

 

You don't believe it's possible for anyone to be successful. And with an attitude like that, well, you know what's going to happen down the road  :P

 

 

Not 100% sure where you get this from. Are we reading the same posts? Of course anyone can be successful, but because success differs from person to person (and happiness too[or what we believe to be happiness]) everyone's take on this will be different. Not exactly a very difficult concept to grasp :P

 

Also, the argument i'm evading, are you referring to this: ''When you become more experienced I think you'll find that all of those self-conscious examples you provided don't exist in reality either. It's all in your head''?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some people do have social anxiety and I am quite sure I am one of them.

Noxx is talking good stuff, but you guys can't get too personal in this and stop direct attacks. Don't help your argument.

t3aGt.png

 

So I've noticed this thread's regulars all follow similar trends.

 

RPG is constantly dealing with psycho exes.

Muggi reminds us of the joys of polygamy.

Saq is totally oblivious to how much chicks dig him.

I strike out every other week.

Kalphite wages a war against the friend zone.

Randox pretty much stays rational.

Etc, etc

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If anyone can be successful, then I need you to clarify this: "Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times."

77yLQy8.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If anyone can be successful, then I need you to clarify this: "Believe it or not, there are actually people out there (shy people) for whom it will never become a case of "Oh, it's all in my head". To them "the game" will never get easier. Whether they've done it once or a hundred times."

So...you're saying that people who can't interact socially will never be successful? Because that's what my post refers to - people who are shy, people who have social anxiety, people who don't know how to overcome it.

 

And by "can't interact socially" i mean "believe they can't". 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, I'm saying anyone can be successful. You seem to be saying the opposite.

Okay i should rephrase that:

 

 

So...you're saying that i believe people who can't interact socially will never be successful?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Then you agree that a shy socially-awkward person can become successful with women if they want to badly enough?

In theory, yes. In reality, no.The reason i say no is because there are people who believe their "problem" is un-fixable, so they'll never attempt to "fix" it.

But now we're talking peaches and pears. because first you're saying success in general (or that is how it seemed), and now you're saying success with women.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.