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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios
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Right, I'm not going to baby him, but that's basically what I want him to realize; it doesn't have anything to do with feminism/how casual he wants his relationships to be. I've told him a few times already that he's got the causation backwards (happiness causes girlfriends, not the other way around) to no avail, so I'm looking for something I can just link to below his latest status.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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Tell him to read the archives of this thread. Maybe he'll learn a thing or two.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Oh, he unfriended me. Problem solved!

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Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I would describe myself as a feminist too, although there's obviously controversy about whether men can call themselves that and there's many different forms of feminism. Etiher way, I've read books on feminism, I follow feminism in the news and social media: I get it, and I support it.

 

His problem has nothing to do with gender inequality. Do women need a man to feel happy? No, at least they don't as a gender if not as individuals; so why would stating the same statement in reverse be any more offensive? He's just feeling sorry for himself: "Why doesn't anyone find me attractive? Why doesn't anyone want to be in a relationship with me? If I was in a relationship I wouldn't have these worries."

 

That quote about loving yourself before you can some somebody else is true. His attitude towards relationships need to change away from seeking relationships as a means of obtaining external validation against internal insecurity.

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Best reading material for needy, insecure, entitled, "nice" guy? Someone I know keeps whining about how he can't be happy without romance on Facebook. Bonus points if not misogynistic because he's probably a feminist and he'll probably latch onto any excuse to avoid being exposed to the notion that you have to make your life happen rather than wait for it to happen to you. But anything will do.

 

[Edit] Lol @ people who drink beer

http://okcupidsniceguys.tumblr.com/

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A bit off topic, but men can definitely be feminists...some of the most cardcore feminists I've encountered have been men

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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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If you have female relatives or friends (and we almost all do, barring an incredibly unfortunate series of deaths), and you support their right to go through life without being prejudiced or having their rights abused simply because they happen to be female, then you support women's rights. You're a feminist. I'm assuming we're decent blokes and we're all firmly in support of women's rights against sexual harassment, for example? There you go then.

 

You can still identify yourself as a feminist and criticise some aspects of feminism. I identify as a feminist, I certainly don't support misandry. There are those who suggest being a feminist is tantamount to misandry, but you only arrive at that conclusion following the most infantile forms of logic conceivable.

 

Similar to how you might oppose racist discrimination, but still criticise some aspects of the civil rights movement. In fact, that's a good comparison, because although Malcolm X and MLK had the same vision in mind, both had radically different methods of accomplishing it and beliefs which drove them. Likewise, people are feminists for different reasons, and believe in different methods of accomplishing gender equality.

 

As far as this guy is concerned, though, it really has no relevance whatsoever. He's single because he feels sorry for himself and wishes a 'rescuer' would come save him from the rut he's dug himself into. That's not how life works, whether you're a man or a woman.

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Oh, he unfriended me. Problem solved!

 

I have a feeling that you weren't as "understanding" as you could have been when you responded to his post and made him feel stupid/silly/embarrassed/inferior. :P

 

As far as this guy is concerned, though, it really has no relevance whatsoever. He's single because he feels sorry for himself and wishes a 'rescuer' would come save him from the rut he's dug himself into. That's not how life works, whether you're a man or a woman.

Don't you think that agreeing with such a principle contradicts support for feminism?

 

Feminism sort of falls apart if you believe that women are responsible for their own wellbeing.

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Feminism is an umbrella term, and some of the ideas it covers have little to no prescriptive overlap. I don't call myself a feminist because that wouldn't actually tell you anything about what I believe, even though I agree with many people who call themselves feminists.

The reason I brought it up was that I initially found a fair amount of PUA material that was way too easy to throw the baby out with the bathwater on the grounds that he wouldn't take his advice from someone who calls women sluts. You don't want to give people reasons to feel admirable for believing falsehoods.

 

@Muggi: No, I wasn't. I've been pretty understanding up until now (he does have mental and physical disabilities, but then so do I) and I didn't reply to his latest. I think he just didn't want me on his news feed, which is understandable given we're not friends and we disagree about politics.
 

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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As far as this guy is concerned, though, it really has no relevance whatsoever. He's single because he feels sorry for himself and wishes a 'rescuer' would come save him from the rut he's dug himself into. That's not how life works, whether you're a man or a woman.

Don't you think that agreeing with such a principle contradicts support for feminism?

 

Feminism sort of falls apart if you believe that women are responsible for their own wellbeing.

 

You're confusing self-respect and respecting other people, i.e. politics.

 

On a practical level, it's much better to adjust yourself to this than to try to change something that cannot be changed. In fact, out of respect for what little freedom you have, you owe it to yourself to do what you can instead of wallowing in self-pity. That's why people who refuse to take ownership for their own well-being are repugnant.

 

But by itself, this doesn't lead to the conclusion that there's no such thing as fairness, or to a kind of fatalism. Still out of recognition of the fact that what you do is what you have decided to do, you have to take responsibility for what you do to others, whether right or wrong. Respecting other people's rights (in our case, choosing to honour women's choices) is part of respecting yourself as a moral agent.

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Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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Don't you think that agreeing with such a principle contradicts support for feminism?

 

Feminism sort of falls apart if you believe that women are responsible for their own wellbeing.

Not really, no.

 

I think I said a rut that he had dug himself into with irrational reasoning and wishful thinking, not a rut that was dug for him by centuries of prejudice, a culture of gender stereotyping which existed before he (or she) was even born, and a drastic under-representation in Congress. Furthermore, feminism isn't about men 'rescuing' women. Just like black people didn't need 'rescuing' from white people. They needed empowering through the democratic process (because that's where the real power lies) and their concerns needed legitimizing. Most of the leading figures in the feminism are women, and rightly so.

 

You could argue this guy needs empowering too. He's clearly feeling hopeless and lacks the necessary attitude and perspective to turn things around. Comparing this guy to feminism is a bit like chalk and cheese, though, wouldn't you agree?

 

Everyone is a first wave feminist. Unless you live in Saudi Arabia. Most people are a second wave feminist. The 3rd and fourth wave feminists who spout rape culture and the patriarchy are a controversial and unsupported even among women who identify as feminists. 

So... you're saying not all people belonging to a political movement necessarily agree with everyone else who's part of that movement. How is this abnormal?

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Id go so far as to say that today there is equality of opportunity to succeed.

There's plenty of evidence which contradicts that belief. While de jure gender inequality has been all but eliminated (and it hasn't totally), de facto discrimination is still very much alive and kicking.

 

As to why its a dirty word is because the social justice tumblr feminist movement is viewed as baroque and sometimes misandrist and a lot of the people who go on about how they can't stand feminists/feminism are simply reflecting that they can't stand this particular group of people who call themselves feminists.

Is it the fault of a movement that some people on tumblr can't differentiate between a smaller, more radical branch of a movement; and the wider movement itself? I'd have thought the burden of responsibility lies with those making the original error, not those instigating the movement in the first place.

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Not really, no.

 

I think I said a rut that he had dug himself into with irrational reasoning and wishful thinking, not a rut that was dug for him by centuries of prejudice, a culture of gender stereotyping which existed before he (or she) was even born, and a drastic under-representation in Congress. Furthermore, feminism isn't about men 'rescuing' women. Just like black people didn't need 'rescuing' from white people. They needed empowering through the democratic process (because that's where the real power lies) and their concerns needed legitimizing. Most of the leading figures in the feminism are women, and rightly so.

 

You could argue this guy needs empowering too. He's clearly feeling hopeless and lacks the necessary attitude and perspective to turn things around. Comparing this guy to feminism is a bit like chalk and cheese, though, wouldn't you agree?

I still can't see the difference between "rescuing" and "empowering" >_> If I say that I'm weak and I need to be empowered, I'm basically asking for someone to rescue me lol

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The largest discrimination occurring today is the poor v. rich. Differences between gender or race are irrelevant.

 

I'm glad this conversation has been brought up, I just love posting this video (revelant part starts at 1:25)

 

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"The cry of the poor is not always just, but if you never hear it you'll never know what justice is."

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Not really, no.

 

I think I said a rut that he had dug himself into with irrational reasoning and wishful thinking, not a rut that was dug for him by centuries of prejudice, a culture of gender stereotyping which existed before he (or she) was even born, and a drastic under-representation in Congress. Furthermore, feminism isn't about men 'rescuing' women. Just like black people didn't need 'rescuing' from white people. They needed empowering through the democratic process (because that's where the real power lies) and their concerns needed legitimizing. Most of the leading figures in the feminism are women, and rightly so.

 

You could argue this guy needs empowering too. He's clearly feeling hopeless and lacks the necessary attitude and perspective to turn things around. Comparing this guy to feminism is a bit like chalk and cheese, though, wouldn't you agree?

I still can't see the difference between "rescuing" and "empowering" >_> If I say that I'm weak and I need to be empowered, I'm basically asking for someone to rescue me lol

 

 

Think of it as extrinsic verse intrinsic motivation. Empowerment comes from within, Rescuing is a reliance on others

Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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This has to be the first time I've seen that LearnLiberty video posted by someone other than me or Horwitz.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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IN OTHER NEWS:

I chased 2 chicks at the same time and failed with both.

If you have read the Today thread, then

The only way life could [bleep] me even more in the ass would be by killing off my close relatives. Everything less serious has already been done this week.

t3aGt.png

 

So I've noticed this thread's regulars all follow similar trends.

 

RPG is constantly dealing with psycho exes.

Muggi reminds us of the joys of polygamy.

Saq is totally oblivious to how much chicks dig him.

I strike out every other week.

Kalphite wages a war against the friend zone.

Randox pretty much stays rational.

Etc, etc

 

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IN OTHER NEWS:

I chased 2 chicks at the same time and failed with both.

If you have read the Today thread, then

The only way life could [bleep] me even more in the ass would be by killing off my close relatives. Everything less serious has already been done this week.

 

Well, things aren't going to better with an attitude like that.

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Radical feminism isn't limited to tumblr, Universities in Ontario and Quebec are infested with them.

yeah there's some pretty ridiculous stuff that goes on there. i'm glad I'm out of university...

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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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Sorry, been a bit busy...
 

All political movements are judged by the radicals.

They may receive disproportionately more attention, but that doesn't make them representative of the whole cause. That's a very obvious logical fallacy.
 

And the only de facto discrimination that exists is in the pay gap right? Or do you have other examples?

Yes, mostly relating to the media. Over four fifths of mainstream newspapers' front page stories are dedicated to male subjects. Only a fifth of frontpage stories are written by female journalists. Meanwhile, Page 3 shoots continue to depict (exclusively young and sexually attractive) women in an overtly sexualised manner.* Studies show barely any difference between the language describing women used in lads' magazines and language used by those convicted of sexual assault. In music videos, men are routinely depicted as suave and suited up, throwing scantly clad women around like confetti on a dancefloor.

 

* (less of an issue in the US where Page 3 doesn't really exist, but definitely relevant to the UK)

None of these examples have anything to do with wealth or a pay gap, but continue to reinforce the idea that a woman is only worth what men find sexually attractive about them. And even if you're lucky enough as a woman to be judged as sexually attractive, the discrimination doesn't stop there.

 

What of your right to say No? Well, not according to Justin Timberlake ('I know you like it...') or Robin Thicke ('I know you want it...'). Very clearly, and in a very accessible, visual format, a link is drawn between sexual desire on the one hand, and aggression, control and ownership of women on the other, for all young men and boys to see.

 

What of your desire to be judged for anything other than how you look? Well, not according to The Wanted ('But who cares? She walks like Rihanna'). Again, very clearly, and in a very accessible format, a message is given to young girls that they could do well in exams and perform well in a job (or not, as the case may be in the song), but it's all an irrelevance because the only thing that women are likely to be judged on is how they look in terms of attraction to men.

 

@Giordano: There's definitely a link between socioeconomic status and inequality, but surely, gender and racial inequality exist against the background of socioeconomic inequality, rather than in spite of it. Does a black woman on a similar income to a white man receive different levels of sexist and racist discrimination? Almost certainly.

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