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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

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Two new girls popped up in my matches since earlier, talking to the first and waiting for the second to write something.


Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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Decided that I'd push to 23 year olds. Choice sample:

 

"My self-summary

my life is about goals, here are my 4 current goals:

 

1. to hold a massive python, boa or anaconda

2. to be eaten by a python, boa or anaconda

3. to have insects on me naked

4. to be beaten up"

  • What the [bleep] is going on in this profile? I can relate to your appreciation of deafheaven but I don't think I can help you with your snake fetish.

    Sent at 9:58pm

     

  • IT'S NOT A FETISH IT'S A LIFESYLE!

    Sent at 10:07pm

     

  • sorry *lifestyle I could barely type though the white rage

    Sent at 10:07pm

     

[Edit] I think I just have a soft spot for indie chicks. I need to get out of this town.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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Oy vay


Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Muggi, do you use any particular opener for girls who have very little info on their profile/nothing in their pics? I'm asking them to play love it/hate it as a way to get to know more about them, but it's not suuuuper successful.


Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I use the same opener for every woman and I never read their profiles. I only message women w/ pictures. If a woman w/o pics messages me first, I politely but firmly request pictures before I start talking to her :P

 

Just start copy and pasting them all something along the lines of, "You seem a little different from all the other women on here. But I could be wrong. :) Message me back if you want."

 

Close the opener w/ your first initial. Don't tell them your first name till later.


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I want to believe copy paste openers don't work but clearly you've proven otherwise


Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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How does a girl who mentions her love of amateur gore porn three times manage to reach "reply selectively"? All I'm thinking about is where I should leave notes so my mom can find where my corpse was dumped.


Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I made an okcupid account. I had one before but I never messaged anyone and then I deleted it. That's probably what I'll do again tbh. I honestly made one just because I think the prospect of online dating is ridiculous and I needed to see it for myself.  But I'm sure that's because I'm super introverted and the prospect of sifting through a database and then approaching someone to be absolutely mortifying.

 

But my friend is currently doing it and has gotten like 3 dates out of it already so we'll see. Maybe I'll actually try it this time around.


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[bleep] the law, they can eat my dick that's word to Pimp

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I like the fact that I can keep it totally separate from the rest of my life.
Trying Muggi's opener, and shelled out for A-list last night. We'll see what happens.


Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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Here's how I scheduled my last 5 dates.

 

[hide=Exhibit A]
Me: [opener]

 

Her: Hey there :) hows your day been?

 

Me: Today was fun-- went to the pool for a couple of hours to read and relax. What would you say your best quality is that doesn't have anything to do with your looks? I've got my own guesses but you'd probably know better than I would. :)

Muggi

 

Her: What were you reading? And i dont know, im so bad at talking about myself. Haha. I think i have good taste in music and smart. I'd love to here your guesses though :)

 

Me: I just was re-reading parts of The Four Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss and taking notes. I was going to say that you seem to have a good taste in movies (Fight Club is one of my favorites), but then again, I could be wrong and you could actually be a psycho lunatic serial killer... are you a psycho lunatic serial killer? :)

 

Her: Luckily enough, i am not. Haha. Everyone always gives me crap for fight club! What other movies do you like?

 

Me: My favorite movies are probably Dumb and Dumber, American Beauty, Wet Hot American Summer, and just about anything by Quentin Tarantino or Judd Apatow. Ok you seem safe enough then. :) We should meet up-- something simple like coffee or dessert. I'm free tomorrow night at 7pm and Tuesday night at 8pm. If you're up for it, let me know if either of those work for you and I'll give you a time and a place.

 

Muggi

 

Her: I could do tuesday :)

 

Me: Ok cool. There's a Starbucks near xxxxxxxxxx. Let's meet there on Tuesday night at 8pm. My number's xxxxxxxxxxx

 

Her: Sweet, my names xxxxxx, by the way

 

[24 hours prior to our date]

 

Me: Hey just confirming that we're still on for Starbucks tomorrow night at 8

 

Her: Yeah, i'll be there!

[/hide]

 

[hide=Exhibit B]

Me: [opener]

 

Her: Lol you're funny. I haven't written much on my profile so I either come off as bland or ambiguous [her profile description was completely blank but she had pictures and looked hot]

 

Me: Lol, what would you say your best quality is that doesn't have anything to do with your looks? I've got my own guesses but you'd probably know better than I would. :)

 

Her: What would you guess? uh I say that I am driven and creative are my best quality. What's yours?

 

Me: I'm actually a terrible person with no positive qualities. :) Haha but seriously it's my carefree personality. I never get stressed out or angry. You seem pretty down to earth, but then again, I could be wrong and you could be a psycho lunatic serial killer... you're not a psycho lunatic serial killer, are you? :)

 

Her: no, not yet. Lol everyone always appear normal on the internet. I met my ex roommate on craigslist.. perfectly normal person until I lived with her. That's good that you're carefree. I think my worst trait is I have a hard time relaxing when I am focused on something. I need that balance lol.

 

Me: Lol ok I think you seem safe enough then. We should meet up sometime-- something simple like coffee or drinks after work. I'm free tomorrow night at 6pm and Monday night at 7:30pm. If you're up for it, let me know if either of those work for you and I'll give you a time and a place.

Muggi

 

Her: That sounds awesome! I can meet Sunday at 6 PM

 

Me: Ok cool, there's a small coffee shop at xxxxxxxx called xxxxxx. Let's meet up there tomorrow night at 6. My number's xxxxxxxxxxx

 

Her: sounds great. I'll be there. here's my number xxxxxxxxxxx

[/hide]

 

[hide=Exhibit C]

Me: [opener]

 

Her: I went ahead and read it. Not sure what is suppose to sway women away

 

Me: Haha thanks. I think some women are just intimidated by its straightforwardness. What would you say your best quality is that doesn't have anything to do with your looks? I've got my own guesses but you'd probably know better than I would. :)

 

Her: I can accommodate to most settings fairly easy. You?

 

Me: I'm actually a terrible person with no positive qualities. :) Haha but seriously it's my carefree personality. I never get stressed out or angry. You seem safe enough-- we should meet up sometime. Something simple like coffee or drinks. I'm free on Monday and Tuesday at 6pm. If you're up for it, let me know if either of those work and I'll give you a time and a place.

Muggi

 

Her: Alright well I'm not sure on the times to meet just yet because my schedule is pretty hectic at the moment but I think Tuesday may work

 

Me: Ok cool, what part of town are you coming from?

 

Her: xxxx, you?

 

Me: I live on xxxxxx. Let's do Tuesday at 6pm at the Starbucks at xxxxxxx. My number's xxxxxxxxx.

 

Her: ok that works. my number is xxxxxxxxx.

[/hide]

 

[hide=Exhibit D]

Me: [opener]

 

Her: Well, herro! There was absolutely nothing off-putting in your profile. I really enjoyed and appreciated reading all of it and respect your honesty. You seem to really know what you want and what you're looking for...

 

Me: Haha thanks I'm glad you appreciated it. What would you say your best quality is that doesn't have anything to do with your looks? I've got my own guesses but you'd probably know better than I would. :)

 

Her: I definitely am a spunky, energetic, and active person. I dork out all the time and am a no drama, no fuss sorta person. Save that drama shit for your mama. For real, though.

 

Me: Lol I'm stealing that drama mama quote. So you're not like a psycho lunatic serial killer then? :)

 

Her: How funny, I just now read your previous message. My message was not in response to your question, but I guess definitely could be. Haha!

 

Me: Well that's convenient. And don't think I haven't noticed that you seem to be dodging the serial killer question haha

 

Her: But, yeah. My best quality is my sense of humor. I acknowledge and am fully aware that life is full of highs and lows, my sense of humor has gotten me through so much. Sometimes it is nice to just throw your head back and laugh at any circumstance. I believe that life is too short and precious to walk astound pissed off at the world trying to blame everybody and everything. Laughter and a sense of humor is by far the best medicine. :P Haha! How about you? What would you say is your greatest asset other than physically?

 

Me: I'm actually a terrible person with no positive qualities. :) Haha but seriously it's my carefree personality. I never get stressed out or angry. You seem safe enough (even though I'm still relatively sure you're trying to kill me). We should meet up sometime-- something simple like coffee or drinks. I'm free on Monday night at 8pm and Wednesday night at 6pm. If you're up for it, let me know if either of those work for you and I'll give you a time and a place.

 

Muggi

 

Her: Yeah, you sound like a pretty tuuuuurrrrrrible humanoid. ;)

That's the beauty and thrill of meeting someone you barely know. Ya never know if they are gonna pull a Dhamer or Helter Skelter on you, but that's why you need to know some kick ass ninja moves.

Wednesday might actually work, but this is my final full week of school so my schedule is going to be a bit unpredictable based on the amount of projects I complete.

So, maybe we can exchange numbers to remain better connected until then?

My number is xxxxxx. Hit me up. My name is xxxxx by the way.

[/hide]

 

[hide=Exhibit E]

Me: [opener]

 

Her: What was supposed to be off putting about it? I thought it was just honest, straight forward which is good =}

 

Me: Haha I'm glad you appreciated it-- its straightforwardness can be intimidating to some women. What would you say your best quality is that doesn't have anything to do with your looks? I've got my own guesses but you'd probably know better than I would. :)

 

Her: I would say my sense of honesty and being understanding...I try to be as open minded and accepting of other things as much as possible. You?

 

Me: I'm actually a terrible person with no positive qualities. :) Haha but seriously it's my carefree personality-- I never get stressed out or angry.

You seem safe enough. We should meet up-- something simple like coffee or drinks. I'm free on Friday at 8pm and Sunday at 7pm. If you're up for it, let me know if either of those work for you and I'll give you a time and a place.

Muggi

 

Her: That's cool, I can't say I never get stressed but it is hard to make me angry like you really have to be trying. Yea sounds good, I'll actually be free Friday so that works

 

Me: Ok cool, there's a Starbucks on xxxxxxx. Let's meet up there on Friday at 8pm. My number's xxxxxx.

 

Her: Yea I know where that is I live in xxxxxx and it's right down the road. Ok then Muggi, my name's xxxxxxx by the way =}

 

Me: Awesome, see you on Friday

 

(24 hours prior to the date)

 

Me: Hey just confirming that we're still on for Starbucks tomorrow night at 8

Her: Yes we are

[/hide]

 

So in case you didn't notice, I follow the same system every time. Open them, ask them about their best qualities, confirm they're not a serial killer, pitch the meet. When I pitch the meet, if they're 21+ (legal drinking age in the US) I pitch "coffee or drinks," and if they're under 21 then I just say "coffee or dessert." After I pitch the meet, if they say something along the lines of "I'll have to check my schedule" or "let me get back to you" or "can we just talk some more first" I abandon them and move on unless they give me their phone number and start texting me. At which point I nail down a meet ASAP or else I move on. If a girl isn't making it easy for you to set up a date with her, she probably has no interest in ever meeting up with you.

 

After I schedule the meet I either message them on the dating site or I text them ~24 hours prior to our date to confirm. If the date is scheduled 2+ days away, I try to have a brief text conversation with her between when I scheduled the date and when the date is happening so that she won't forget and/or get cold feet.

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I made an okcupid account. I had one before but I never messaged anyone and then I deleted it. That's probably what I'll do again tbh. I honestly made one just because I think the prospect of online dating is ridiculous and I needed to see it for myself.  But I'm sure that's because I'm super introverted and the prospect of sifting through a database and then approaching someone to be absolutely mortifying.

 

But my friend is currently doing it and has gotten like 3 dates out of it already so we'll see. Maybe I'll actually try it this time around.

 

If you're a hardcore introvert like I am, you're never going to find a more introvert-friendly way of meeting women since basically every other alternative requires you to be constantly socializing in person.

 

Though I have a feeling it's not just women that scare you, but strangers in general. You should learn how to socialize and make new friends quickly/easily before you try dating. Even when I was inexperienced with women, by that time I'd developed really strong social skills which in turn made women assume that I was super "experienced" because of how confident and carefree I was around them.


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That awkward moment when a close friend of yours tells you he just proposed... His relationship has notoriously been the unhealthiest in our social circle of friends >_>

 

I'll be back in my hometown for about a week next week and I'll see him then. I predict that we'll both get drunk as usual, and when the topic of his relationship will come up, he'll admit that I'm right but he's too afraid to trust my judgment, and he'll go through with this against his better judgment and continue doing things as if we'd never spoken. That's how it's always been for the past 4+ years at least :\

 

So sad watching my friends make terrible decisions. :(


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yep ^ sometimes people have to sink or swim on their own, regardless of the help you try to give them. interesting to see the openers as well, i guess once you have something that works well might as well keep re-using it!


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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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If he does just go and have a good time and be his bro that takes him back to dating life in a few years when the divorce happens :lol:

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wet hot american summer owns, why wouldn't your opener just be "i like wet hot american summer, your move"

 

is this a gaping hole i've just found in your life philosophy, muggi ???


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sleep like dead men

wake up like dead men

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wet hot american summer owns, why wouldn't your opener just be "i like wet hot american summer, your move"

 

is this a gaping hole i've just found in your life philosophy, muggi ???

 

i think i once went on a first date w/ a girl who also loved wet hot american summer. i brought it up in our conversation but she acted pretty aloof about it, which was bad cuz i was banking on her strongly correlating my appreciation for Wet Hot American Summer with my likelihood of being a suitable mate.

 

ever since then, while i attempt to recollect and assemble the pieces of my broken heart, i've been unable to incorporate my appreciation for obscure comedic cinema into my system

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i'm deeply sorry for reopening old wounds

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sleep like dead men

wake up like dead men

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Yo muggi, could you talk about how you write your profile information or like give a sample of a good way to do it or something? I have no clue how to write something like that and apparently whatever you're doing works for you.


15cbz0y.jpg
[bleep] the law, they can eat my dick that's word to Pimp

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Yo muggi, could you talk about how you write your profile information or like give a sample of a good way to do it or something? I have no clue how to write something like that and apparently whatever you're doing works for you.

 

http://forum.tip.it/topic/192134-i-want-a-girlfriendboyfriend-and-other-such-relationship-advice/page-822?do=findComment&comment=5489193

 

 

i'm deeply sorry for reopening old wounds

 

it's ok but plz give me some gauze of some sort (preferably "Kendall" brand!!)


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You've clearly implemented a number of salesmen techniques in your initial conversation phase Muggiw. While I still dont like the idea of copy + paste conversations, they obviously yield desirable results. I commend your use of trade skills in such a versatile way. I imagine you'd also be skilled at buying cars.


Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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[hide=Exhibit E]

Me: [opener]

 

Her: What was supposed to be off putting about it? I thought it was just honest, straight forward which is good =}

 

Me: Haha I'm glad you appreciated it-- its straightforwardness can be intimidating to some women. What would you say your best quality is that doesn't have anything to do with your looks? I've got my own guesses but you'd probably know better than I would. :)

 

Her: I would say my sense of honesty and being understanding...I try to be as open minded and accepting of other things as much as possible. You?

 

Me: I'm actually a terrible person with no positive qualities. :) Haha but seriously it's my carefree personality-- I never get stressed out or angry.

 

You seem safe enough. We should meet up-- something simple like coffee or drinks. I'm free on Friday at 8pm and Sunday at 7pm. If you're up for it, let me know if either of those work for you and I'll give you a time and a place.

 

Muggi

 

Her: That's cool, I can't say I never get stressed but it is hard to make me angry like you really have to be trying. Yea sounds good, I'll actually be free Friday so that works

 

Me: Ok cool, there's a Starbucks on xxxxxxx. Let's meet up there on Friday at 8pm. My number's xxxxxx.

 

Her: Yea I know where that is I live in xxxxxx and it's right down the road. Ok then Muggi, my name's xxxxxxx by the way =}

 

Me: Awesome, see you on Friday

 

(24 hours prior to the date)

 

Me: Hey just confirming that we're still on for Starbucks tomorrow night at 8

 

Her: Yes we are

[/hide]

 

So in case you didn't notice, I follow the same system every time. Open them, ask them about their best qualities, confirm they're not a serial killer, pitch the meet. When I pitch the meet, if they're 21+ (legal drinking age in the US) I pitch "coffee or drinks," and if they're under 21 then I just say "coffee or dessert." After I pitch the meet, if they say something along the lines of "I'll have to check my schedule" or "let me get back to you" or "can we just talk some more first" I abandon them and move on unless they give me their phone number and start texting me. At which point I nail down a meet ASAP or else I move on. If a girl isn't making it easy for you to set up a date with her, she probably has no interest in ever meeting up with you.

 

After I schedule the meet I either message them on the dating site or I text them ~24 hours prior to our date to confirm. If the date is scheduled 2+ days away, I try to have a brief text conversation with her between when I scheduled the date and when the date is happening so that she won't forget and/or get cold feet.

If Muggi stops posting it will be this person. He forgot to check serial killer status...

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