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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

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We played Deadpool today on the ps3 and then had sex. Pretty sure the second part would be hard to do if I was single. (And I guess the first part too). I can see being single being fun because you can flirt and have one night stands, but at the end of the day, it just seems nice to have a stable relationship instead of just random hookups.

 

I cannot say how you can get sex out of your system though? Or are you speaking about one night stands?


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Three months banishment to 9gag is something i would never wish upon anybody, not even my worst enemy.

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I played video games w/ my MLTR on Friday and then we banged afterwards... and I'm single ;)

 

Just remember things aren't as black and white as "single and one night stands only" vs "in a long-term exclusive relationship." You can have the best of both worlds if you do as I do :P

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Had to look up what MLTR meant.

 

Found this, http://www.pua-zone.com/showthread.php?5995-What-I-ve-Learned-From-10-Years-Of-MLTR-s

 

And yeah this sums up how I've encountered this stuff in the past. And even my monogamous relationships fit half the criteria too. Aside from the irksome condescending tone its not really bad advice.

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You'll probably never get it out of your system, at least not until you're like 50+ years old.

Yep. If you're used to having sex with multiple women, i find it very hard to believe you'll be content with a long term monogamous relationship.


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un less she has three vaginas like that lady from the fifth element ???


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Found this kind of interesting.

Guess being in a relationship has it's upsides.

 

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The sex frequency of single people vs people in relationships/marriages is a misleading statistic. The average single person can't get laid unless they're in a relationship. And then once the relationship has dragged on for a few years or so, they'll probably only be having sex 1-2 times per month. Compare this to the non-average single person who has learned how to date and get laid, who can easily get laid practically whenever he wants, without getting into a relationship.

 

Why else do you think men are so excited to get monogamous with a girl after only sleeping with her once or twice (or sometimes never)? It's because they know that if they don't lock her down, they're going to have to wait around until they "get lucky" again and find another girl willing to have sex with them.


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The sex frequency of single people vs people in relationships/marriages is a misleading statistic. The average single person can't get laid unless they're in a relationship. And then once the relationship has dragged on for a few years or so, they'll probably only be having sex 1-2 times per month. Compare this to the non-average single person who has learned how to date and get laid, who can easily get laid practically whenever he wants, without getting into a relationship.

 

Why else do you think men are so excited to get monogamous with a girl after only sleeping with her once or twice (or sometimes never)? It's because they know that if they don't lock her down, they're going to have to wait around until they "get lucky" again and find another girl willing to have sex with them.

Well polygamy is all good and well when you're a guy it seems. But according to something i read the other day ( it was research done by Brown Uni) women is polygamous relationships are more likely to be victims of domestic abuse. And children who's parents are in polygamous relationships are more likely to NOT succeed. It has been proven through their studies that children who get a good amount of attention and financial support from their father are more likely to succeed. And children of polygamous fathers more often that not, don't get the needed financial support or attention.

 

I mean, i think if you're going to encourage polygamy on this thread so much, at least in the future you should show people both sides of the coin and not just the shiny side. Sure, you'll probably have more sex. But are you okay with your children being statistically expected to fail? Are you okay with your partners being statistically more likely to be abused (either by you or one of her other partners).

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I don't think you understand how statistics work >_>

Of course not. No one choosing to be monogamous can understand statistics. We're just all mindless drones, aren't we?

Simple fact is, my previous post is based on a reliable source of testing. Not some guy that asked 100 guys in a bar, the same question.

Again, i'm not saying anything bad against Poly. All i'm saying is if you're going to advertise it so much perhaps you should let people know that their kids are going to fail, and they're going to start beating their women.

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I'm not going to give you a very detailed response, as you've made it clear in the past that you have no interest in discussing things rationally. As always, this response is mostly for the lurkers and other posters in this thread :P
 

 

I don't think you understand how statistics work >_>

Of course not. No one choosing to be monogamous can understand statistics. We're just all mindless drones, aren't we?

 

No. Everybody is unique with their own freedom to make their own decisions. With that said, however, we live in a cause and effect universe. Certain actions and behaviors have certain consequences. These trends can be generalized towards the vast majority of human beings. Sure, there are exceptions to the rules, but if you're going to pretend that you're the exception to every rule out there, you're going to be unpleasantly surprised when things don't turn out how you'd expect. In other words, if you see that there's  50% divorce rate, and you choose to enter your relationship the same way every other human being does, then you're probably going to end up just like those guys.
 

Simple fact is, my previous post is based on a reliable source of testing. Not some guy that asked 100 guys in a bar, the same question.
Again, i'm not saying anything bad against Poly. All i'm saying is if you're going to advertise it so much perhaps you should let people know that their kids are going to fail, and they're going to start beating their women.

 

Please tell me you're not being serious. >_> I shouldn't have to tell you that correlation does not imply causation.

 

Additionally, you're talking about polygamy. I don't do that and I don't recommend it to anyone; there's too much drama involved and it's unfair to women. I practice polyamory.

 

Polygamy: Man allowed to be with as many women as he wants; all of "his" women are only allowed to be with him.

Polyamory: Man allowed to be with as many women as he wants; all of the women he's dating are allowed to be with as many men as they want.

 

Like I said, I'm not going to get very detailed here. If you want a more detailed explanation you're welcome to read through this, this, and any other relevant topics on that blog. Unlike monogamy, there exists a consistently proven system for polyamory which offers consistent long-term happiness to basically anybody who chooses to use it.


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http://mindfulconstruct.com/2009/02/14/why-neither-monogamy-nor-polyamory-are-more-natural/

 

Edit:

The reason modern day marriages are often ended in separation and divorce is because of how easy it is to get married (sign-here-and-here-Viva-Las-Vegas-open-24-7-marriage) , and how poorly people (couples) understand marriage (due to media/radio/television/hollywood).

People rush into marriage, thinking it's the quick fix to their unhappy lives, thinking their partner is the solution to all their needs, thinking "this will solve my problems and make me happy". Their ideas of a happy marriage is based on what they've seen on television. Perfect husbands who bring home the bacon, mow the lawn, take out the trash, does what his wife asks, never said no, always smiles. Perfect stepford wives, that clean, cook, home-make, never says no, always says yes, never argues, 

This is obviously unrealistic, but this is the way a marriage is portrayed. And this transfers over to non-marriage relationship types too. I know when me and my girlfriend argue money of these reasons are the cause of it. So marriage ends because of unrealistic expectations and a misconception of what marriage is. It's kind of like a team sport, the only way to win is to work as a team. 

This of course all depends on your understanding of happiness, too. This argument is reinforced y the fact that most of the articles posted are usually more relevant to western cultures. And i'm sure most of it will have no relevance in say, a traditional Arabic marriage. They have Arranged Marriages (usually). They don't expect to love their partner right away (maybe not ever), but that does not mean they're unhappy either. Because their expectation of marriage is different. They don't expect smiles and sunshine, they expect a big house, a nice car, and money to go shopping. 

I'm sure that's how it is for most women in the Arabic countries. They don't necessarily love their partners, but this does not make them unhappy or unsatisfied because their partner gives them what makes them happy (according to their cultural beliefs). Children, money, security, etc. 

 

So i'll agree that the divorce rate is high, and that more than 50% of marriages will end in divorce. But saying the cause of this is "people are meant to love more than one" is ridiculous. The reason is because people don't understand marriage, and that our expectations are unrealistic. Not always our own faults. This is just the way television tailored us.

Something more or less appropriate: http://www.theriseofeve.com/2013/08/why-the-divorce-rate-is-so-high-observations-from-the-front-row-seat-of-a-couples-counselor/ 

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My basic point is that people get into relationships (of any type) to satisfy certain needs. And my argument is that for the vast majority of people, a typical monogamous relationship is a poor way to try and satisfy those needs. Additionally, most aspects of monogamy are inferior to polyamory.

 

Monogamy "works" for people with low sex drives and people who are drama-prone and "enjoy" frequent emotional ups and downs (as opposed to consistent happiness).


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Human beings were not originally meant for monogamous relationships. They practiced polyamory. Monogamy for humans was invented by society. That being said, with monogamy so well ingrained within society and many parts of the world, it is easy to see why people argue for it. In fact, it is easy to see that social standards look down on anything that has the word "poly" in it when it comes to relationships.

 

Then again, I can argue that human beings has surpassed or at least learn to suppress their primal instincts. If we didn't, we would kills or hump anything that moves.


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Three months banishment to 9gag is something i would never wish upon anybody, not even my worst enemy.

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In the animal kingdom, things are divided into four categories.

 

1. Things to eat.

2. Things to mate with.

3. Things to run away from.

4. Rocks.

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In the animal kingdom, things are divided into four categories.

 

1. Things to eat.

2. Things to mate with.

3. Things to run away from.

4. Rocks.

Depending upon the situation Rocks can fall under each of the other 3, hence its own category.

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>proven through studies

No, for real, you don't know what you're talking about. Science doesn't prove theories to be true, it's an evolutionary process through which the least bad theories are selected.


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Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

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[hide]I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months, and for the most part, after a pretty rocky start, it has been a good relationship, we get along really well, have good days out, have that basic level of understanding for each other etc.

 

My boyfriend has two friends he is incredibly close with, and before we started dating, they hung out together pretty much every day. They have an online chat that they talk about stuff on, and it's been going on for years.

 

These events are about the beginning of our relationship:

 

In January, I was with him and he was on my laptop talking in the chat and he mentioned I was next to him. Then, another friend said "Oh I hope she doesn't read this chat" so I asked him what they talk about. He said "oh just guy stuff" and I let it rest, I assumed it was just fit girls, football, banter, gaming etc, it honestly didn't bother me that before me, they must have used that chat to compare girls they liked or "would". 

 

Out of curiosity I asked him how much he talked about me before we started going out in that chat and he said only a handful of times. One weekend he logged into the chat and went home for the day, and yes, being the nosy person I am, regretfully I typed in my name in the search bar to see what they might have said about me. I hand on heart did not expect many, if any, results but I was proven wrong. There were about 120 results so I clicked on a few. There were some of the most horrible things I've seen said about me before. I couldn't believe someone I was dating was saying things like they rated me 3/10, hoped our relationship would fizzle out in a month, even planning a way for me to "get with" one of his friends so he could break up with me. They laughed at the clothes I wear and my weight. He had called me disgusting looking, even insulting me for suggesting I'd buy him a tie for his birthday (I didn't really know him well at the time of his birthday in early January, I just wanted to be friendly and get him a proper little generic gift) but they really ripped into me for it. In addition to this his friends chimed in and essentially just blamed me for being short, he said he could "do better" and that he'd kick me out the minute I wore odd socks. One friend of his said something, that I remember and probably won't forget but he asked whether he'd rather sleep with a corpse or with me. I was in absolute shock after reading this, not least because he had lied to me about saying he didn't talk much about me, but also because he had told his friends some of the personal things I mentioned to him on dates. He never criticised my personality, and said he found it hard to let go of me because he "just couldn't be a jerk to a nice girl" Yet, he was being a horrible person behind my back all those months, avoiding texting me etc so it really cancels out his "good intentions" I guess. He also made fun of one of my friends who 'gets around'... 

 

He had never said anything of the sort after we officially started going out, this was all in the buildup to it, him debating whether I was worth going out with or not whilst we were dating.

 

Anyway, so I confronted him about it, not really saying anything because I was too stunned to, but I printscreened everything and just let him read his horrible words .. and he just broke down. He has maintained that really, after he had acted up the "Oh I don't need Maddy she doesn't mean anything to me" role to his friends, it was very difficult to back down and admit that he started liking me. He was so afraid of being ridiculed by his friends for having a change of heart, that he kept it up, and said he exaggerated massively, trying to downplay me as unimportant. He allowed them to slate me, even though they didn't even know me. He said he didn't feel bad at the beginning as he didn't really know me, but through getting to actually know me, he felt awful but didn't know how to stop what he started. He said he acted like a coward, purely because he was afraid of being mocked. So he threw me under the bus instead. He expected to be dumped, and my friends unanimously said I should get rid of him, particularly the one he made fun of, and very controversially, I stayed with him. I didn't defend him, I fully stated I do not want to be friends with his friends, not after that, and that he has not got my trust with his friends.

 

We've had a good 8 months and over time, I started mildly making small conversation with his friends, because they were ashamed and were afraid of talking to me first and I saw that it would only make things easier for me if I learned to accept they're my boyfriend's best friends. However, I question whether I have any respect for myself for doing that, for pretending it never happened and for moving on. Or even for staying with him. He hangs around with them a lot still, and I question whether it's normal that someone seems so attached to their friends all the time, I hang out with different people, everyone likes to chill with their friends but I feel as if he has an impulsive need to be around them so much, and yes, it unnerves me because I don't trust them. He said he'd not be friends with whoever I told him to, but for me, that just isn't the kind of person I am, to tell someone who not to associate with because it makes me uncomfortable. Personally I think if I have any insecurities they are my issues to deal with, and that I shouldn't push it onto my boyfriend, but this is kind of an issue he created, and I co-created by reading his private messages when I shouldn't have, and I did apologise for that. I also find myself questioning his maturity and sensibility quite frequently due to his actions. I'm just asking really, is it wrong for me to have concerns about him hanging round with those people so much and to have some trust issues relating to that?[/hide]

 

Tl;dr: Boyfriend was derogatory about me early in relationship with his friends for fear of being mocked about him liking me. Every so often, the comments replay in my head and make me doubt myself and decision to stay with him, but feels mean for bringing it up 8 months on. So when it comes down to it, if there was a situation where he had to decide who his priority was, I'm pretty sure I'd lose against his friends almost with certainty.

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I'm not going to try and "excuse" his and his friends' behavior/comments, however I will say that that's just how men can be at times. In other words, "boys will be boys." While he may have genuinely felt that way in the past when he had those conversations, he's probably still with you because he cares about you and he probably regrets what he said in the past.

 

Anyways, if I were you, I just wouldn't hang out with his friends at all simply because you're "incompatible" with them. I have plenty of mutual friends whom I don't get along with. So whenever my friends invite me to go hang out with those guys, I politely decline the invitation because I know that accepting their invitation would make me unhappy.

 

Just keep it at that, though. Don't try to turn him against his friends or talk shit about his friends to him or anything like that. That's a horrible thing to do, even if they are horrible people. Just bite your tongue and do your best to minimize time spent with people who you don't like. :)

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I'm not going to try and "excuse" his and his friends' behavior/comments, however I will say that that's just how men can be at times. In other words, "boys will be boys." While he may have genuinely felt that way in the past when he had those conversations, he's probably still with you because he cares about you and he probably regrets what he said in the past.

 

Anyways, if I were you, I just wouldn't hang out with his friends at all simply because you're "incompatible" with them. I have plenty of mutual friends whom I don't get along with. So whenever my friends invite me to go hang out with those guys, I politely decline the invitation because I know that accepting their invitation would make me unhappy.

 

Just keep it at that, though. Don't try to turn him against his friends or talk shit about his friends to him or anything like that. That's a horrible thing to do, even if they are horrible people. Just bite your tongue and do your best to minimize time spent with people who you don't like. :)

 

I think that's a really sensible thing to do. I kind of pushed myself into hanging out with them because he insisted they weren't horrible people and I thought I'd 'get over it' faster if I threw myself in the deep end but I've realised I can't genuinely like people like that, but felt a bit trapped because I was at a loss of things to do. It was just a bit more difficult as we lived kind of close together, so he was pretty much always in their company when I would come round. But yeah I'll keep my distance and it's probably better for him to visit me, rather than the other way around.

 

He can't really be cordial with my friends either which is a bit of a shame because they don't like him for what he did to me and think I could "do better"

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that's the problem with sharing too much stuff with friends as well. they're much less likely to understand that people can make mistakes...

 

at the same time, what he said is worrying. what's also worrying is you felt the need to snoop. Hopefully you learned your lesson - relationships are nothing without trust. I'll agree with what muggi said about the friends - do your best to be polite and kind to them, but if you don't like them, don't force yourself to hang out with them. just accept that he likes them and leave it at that


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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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Honestly, as much I think snooping is bad, in hindsight it seems like it was a good idea... idk...


Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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that's the problem with sharing too much stuff with friends as well. they're much less likely to understand that people can make mistakes...

 

at the same time, what he said is worrying. what's also worrying is you felt the need to snoop. Hopefully you learned your lesson - relationships are nothing without trust. I'll agree with what muggi said about the friends - do your best to be polite and kind to them, but if you don't like them, don't force yourself to hang out with them. just accept that he likes them and leave it at that

 

Yeah it does bug me that it was so extreme, they were a long time ago now but it still runs in my head a little bit. I am naturally a curious person, and I can say I probably wouldn't have if one friend hadn't explicitly said in front of me "I hope she doesn't read this chat". That really is what made me think "Hmm, what is in this chat that I shouldn't know" If it was girls they found attractive, I wouldn't have cared, because I find it funny reading about guys talking about girls they find hot, but because it was me in such a negative light, and reading firsthand about yourself, is hurtful, but would not have happened had I just not looked at the chat, but equally, it's something that would have been hidden from me, forever really. And this is kind of something that was shared between four people, people that have said these things and gotten away with them, which they have anyway because I have been nice to them since, but it is hurting me to keep it up.

 

I have not snooped since, and won't, because there isn't really anything worse than I can discover. Obviously it was kind of early in the relationship, the trust wasn't fully formed back then, and now it's damaged but it's not like it doesn't exist. I've done all you've said except the "don't force yourself to hang out with them", so I'm doing that now.

 

The reason I felt like I had to post here is because I try talking about how I feel with him, and he will be a bit comforting, but I can see this visibly either upsets him, or he puts it on really well like he's too distressed to talk about it. But I thought maybe if he had a small idea about how I felt, he could be more empathetic, understand a little more about my growing distance from the group.. but he will say need to not hang onto negative things etc, and then visibly lose interest and stop talking to me, particularly when he's gone to see them, and truthfully I can't ever feel safe in the knowledge that it isn't still happening, he says it isn't and I probably have 85% certainty that he isn't, but it'll never be 100% in that respect. He claimed to be embarrassed to be in photos with me back then and really played the "She's nothing I dont care about her" card a lot. It isn't really that he was maybe unattracted to me at the beginning, and that his friends agreed with him, you're not going to be attractive to everyone, and I know that, it's more the fact that they went into so much detail several times about the stuff (aesthetically) they didn't like and that has kind of made me unsure about my appearance which is a struggle loads of girls go through everyday. That struggle was a bit alien to me, not because I thought I was great looking, but because I thought, yes people care about your looks but if I don't look homeless, my clothes are ironed, I must be doing okay. I don't wear make up and have never been bothered about hair or clothes but maybe I should have cared a little more lol. 

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