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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios
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AFAIK it's pretty much a 100% success rate from those who choose to follow his system. Those who cannot make his system work are those who willingly choose to violate certain principles within his system. In other words it's their fault it doesn't work, but they could make it work if they chose to; the system itself works.

 

Assuming those 50,000,000 men share the same goals as BD (which is to have frequent sex and loving relationships with beautiful women with minimal drama), then there's no reason why his system wouldn't work for the vast majority of them. The reason why 50,000,000 men across the world are generally unhappily single or unhappily married or cheating is because they're doing things wrong. They don't have a system to follow, or they do have a system to follow but the system just doesn't work. One of BD's core arguments is that long-term monogamy as a system doesn't work for the vast majority of the population.

 

The system works for all socioeconomic classes, however some people have to put in more initial effort to make it work than others. For example, if your method of meeting women is online dating and you're unattractive, you're either going to have to dedicate a few months to cleaning up your looks or you're just going to have to message many more women than a good-looking person would need to in order to achieve the same results.

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So my impression is that the system involves soliciting sexual activity with x amount of (subjectively) beautiful women and thus the probability would tend towards 1. (much like the existence of humanity)

 

I mean 50,000,000 out of 120,000,000 is still a minority of the male population (in the US) so I guess we can assume the other 70,000,000 men are either happy or too young. This is under the assumption that the 50,000,000 men are all desperately unhappy and fall into BD's target demograph (which would be much much smaller than this).

 

And this system probably works due to the sheer distribution of how men in the area operate. It would be interesting to see what the stats would be like if all 50,000,000 singletons in the US did BD's stuff and those cheeky-monogamist-scrublords would be the new BD method.

 

I mean at somepoint during human evolution we switched from polygamy into monogamy. Genetic imprinting seems to suggest (the evidence of polygamy) so anyway.

 

Nonetheless, interesting stuff.

Luck be a Lady

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. The same thing cannot be said for those who want what their grandparents have, for example.

That's not entirely true, it's just much more difficult for them than it was for their grandparents.

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. The same thing cannot be said for those who want what their grandparents have, for example.

That's not entirely true, it's just much more difficult for them than it was for their grandparents.

 

 

Correct. And if there's anyone out there who can create a system for people to follow in order to consistently and reliably achieve what their grandparents have, then that person will become very rich :P After all, I think most people would prefer that over BD's lifestyle

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At the risk of opening a can of worms...

 

I saw on OKCupid that people can set their sexual orientation to "sapiosexual." I looked it up and apparently it means you're sexually attracted to intelligence.

 

Really? Is this actually a thing? Were there sapiosexuals sitting next to me in college lectures getting boners and jizzing their pants whenever the professor discusses the next PowerPoint slide? Are there people jacking off to TED Talks instead of porn?

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I think it's just a new way of being pretentious

 

Yeah. Whenever I see someone's profile with their sexual orientation as sapiosexual I just roll my eyes and think, "wow what a douche" and move on to the next profile. Unless they're hot, of course, in which case I message them anyways because I'm trying to get laid. :lol:

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. The same thing cannot be said for those who want what their grandparents have, for example.

That's not entirely true, it's just much more difficult for them than it was for their grandparents.

 

 

Correct. And if there's anyone out there who can create a system for people to follow in order to consistently and reliably achieve what their grandparents have, then that person will become very rich :P After all, I think most people would prefer that over BD's lifestyle

 

 

I find it ironic that you're both the most outspoken against* that lifestyle yet at the same time probably have the highest chance of achieving it if you put your mind to it. It'd be interesting to see you 5 years (and 25 years from now) if you suddenly shifted all the effort you spend towards your polyamorous lifestyle and focused on a monogamous lifestyle instead. I truly believe you'd be happily married 25 years from now.

 

*by against I mean you don't believe that lifestyle is realistically obtainable, not that the lifestyle itself is bad.

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There's like no benefits that monogamy offers me which poly doesn't. Do you really think a guy like me who's become used to sexual variety could remain happy with just one partner for 50+ years? Imagine only being allowed to jerk off to just one porno for the rest of your life or eating the same meal every day. Even if it's your favorite, it's not enough to overpower the basic human need for variety. I'd be better suited for monogamy if I were still a virgin :P

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I think that he was talking more hypothetically.

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“I had a feeling we weren’t coming back from this fight when it began.”

“Do you have any regrets?”

“I don’t. It seems surprising, I know, but I wouldn’t change a thing. This is how it was meant to be.”

“Huh, you never really notice how lovely the day is until you realize you’ll never see it again.”

“Mmmhmm.”

 

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There's like no benefits that monogamy offers me which poly doesn't. Do you really think a guy like me who's become used to sexual variety could remain happy with just one partner for 50+ years? Imagine only being allowed to jerk off to just one porno for the rest of your life or eating the same meal every day. Even if it's your favorite, it's not enough to overpower the basic human need for variety. I'd be better suited for monogamy if I were still a virgin :P

At least you're realistic about it. That's a huge problem in our society today - it's so easy to have massive amounts of sexual variety when people are young (college age), but then they think that drive can just be turned off by finding "the right one".

 

Marriages were much more successful before widespread promiscuity was commonplace, because people were much more likely to be satisfied by having only one partner.

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There's like no benefits that monogamy offers me which poly doesn't. Do you really think a guy like me who's become used to sexual variety could remain happy with just one partner for 50+ years? Imagine only being allowed to jerk off to just one porno for the rest of your life or eating the same meal every day. Even if it's your favorite, it's not enough to overpower the basic human need for variety. I'd be better suited for monogamy if I were still a virgin :P

At least you're realistic about it. That's a huge problem in our society today - it's so easy to have massive amounts of sexual variety when people are young (college age), but then they think that drive can just be turned off by finding "the right one".

 

Marriages were much more successful before widespread promiscuity was commonplace, because people were much more likely to be satisfied by having only one partner.

 

 

 

This is where the whole 'no sex before marriage' thing comes from. If a long term marriage (closed relationship) is really your endgame, having a lot of sexual partners before you find 'the one' is just going to make sticking with 1 person a whole lot harder. This can (and will) cause issues in your marriage later on, namely cheating and sexual frustration. 

19509_s.gif

 

“I had a feeling we weren’t coming back from this fight when it began.”

“Do you have any regrets?”

“I don’t. It seems surprising, I know, but I wouldn’t change a thing. This is how it was meant to be.”

“Huh, you never really notice how lovely the day is until you realize you’ll never see it again.”

“Mmmhmm.”

 

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On the flip side, settling down with your first and only partner can create a fear-based mentality in the relationship. No experience or confidence in one's dating abilities can lead to neediness and dependency on your partner rather than having a willingness to walk away if you become unhappy

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On the flip side, settling down with your first and only partner can create a fear-based mentality in the relationship. No experience or confidence in one's dating abilities can lead to neediness and dependency on your partner rather than having a willingness to walk away if you become unhappy

I think plenty of people who've had multiple partners exhibit those same symptoms...

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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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On the flip side, settling down with your first and only partner can create a fear-based mentality in the relationship. No experience or confidence in one's dating abilities can lead to neediness and dependency on your partner rather than having a willingness to walk away if you become unhappy

I think plenty of people who've had multiple partners exhibit those same symptoms...

 

 

Definitely. My point is it's a catch-22: either have full control of your dating life and therefore be more willing to walk away, yet also more willing to cheat or get sexually bored/frustrated; or have no control over your dating life and therefore be more willing to commit yourself to just one person, yet also be afraid of leaving the relationship when it starts making you unhappy. There's going to be a certain degree of risk involved regardless of where you fit on the spectrum

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Definitely. My point is it's a catch-22: either have full control of your dating life and therefore be more willing to walk away, yet also more willing to cheat or get sexually bored/frustrated; or have no control over your dating life and therefore be more willing to commit yourself to just one person, yet also be afraid of leaving the relationship when it starts making you unhappy. There's going to be a certain degree of risk involved regardless of where you fit on the spectrum

 

I agree, but I think you can still choose to have a great deal of control while committing yourself to one person. Obviously you don't have total control unless you're prepared to leave, but with the right attitude and a discerning taste you do have a good chance of getting to a point where things won't ever get that bad.

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It's just that a lot of the stuff you talk about Muggi, such as living according to values instead of in-the-moment feelings, personal growth, getting finances on track, choosing to live according to your values instead of valuing people's (or society's) opinion, etc. are some of the key pillars to making a marriage successful. Or, well, success in general tbh.

Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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It's just that a lot of the stuff you talk about Muggi, such as living according to values instead of in-the-moment feelings, personal growth, getting finances on track, choosing to live according to your values instead of valuing people's (or society's) opinion, etc. are some of the key pillars to making a marriage successful. Or, well, success in general tbh.

Monogamy contradicts certain values of mine such as sexual abundance and freedom. Additionally, even if I'm doing everything "perfectly" in the relationship, that's only a 50% chance of success; unlike in business, where I'm basically 100% of the equation. Monogamy as a system is an extremely terrible fit for my personality and goals. That's why I have no interest in pursuing it, even though many of my friends seem to think I'm insane for not desiring it :P

 

Last Christmas...

Friend: So what happened to Ashley?

Me: We quit seeing each other a couple of months ago.

Friend: Why?

Me: She wanted to be exclusive with me.

Friend: WHAT?! I just can't imagine why you would do that!

(he literally made that exact facial expression lol)

 

 

It's kind of interesting to see which of my friends gradually begin to become jealous of my relationships and which of my friends become more disapproving and believe that I'm going to end up lonely and unhappy :P Pretty much all of my happily single or unhappily monogamous friends belong to the former and the unhappily single or happily monogamous friends belong to the latter. No surprises there I guess.

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I don't believe that whether or not marriage will work out is simply a toss of a coin. There are numerous things that can lead to divorce, but I don't believe for a second that couples who manage their finances well, live beneath their means, make time for each other, are truly determined from when they got engaged (or before that) to live the rest of their life together, chose to live according to the same values before they got married, determined how to raise their kids before they got married (as best as you can plan something like that out in advanced) have a 50% shot at divorce.

 

Conversely, I believe that people who got into marriage thinking they have a 50/50 shot at it actually have a much higher then 50% chance of divorce.

 

As for your values, well.... I don't think I fully understand them, nor do I have any desire to live my life by them, but I truly hope they bring the happiness you seek. I admire how well thought out your life is and I admire that you have the discipline to follow through on that plan.

Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


7ApdH.png
squabharpy.png
Poignant Purple to Lokie's Ravishing Red and Alg's Brilliant Blue.

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