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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

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pretty sure tif is quite tall in general. on the topic the average male height was around 6 feet


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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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Man, [bleep] marriage. I keep seeing everyone else's relationships fail, and I'm reminded why I'm never wanting children or a marriage.

 

Marriage just isn't compatible with how humans are, it goes against human nature. Humans are not by design, monogamous. And to claim anything otherwise is just lying to yourself.

 

I completely disagree with you. Making marriages work requires effort, work, commitment, planning and growth. What you need to do to make a marriage work is something most couples don't do and that society doesn't teach.

 

You know what I really think human nature is? The ability to change your nature. The ability to go "this is how I am, this is how I was raised, this is what society teaches me, but screw all that I'm gonna do something else." A successful monogamous lifestyle, or the successful polyamourous lifestyle muggi talks about, requires figuring out what values you need to live by in order to achieve the results you want, and living by those values no matter how you feel.

 

There's also something to be said for association. If you are actually interested in marriage and kids, start reading books written by successful married people with children and look for people with successful marriages. If 50% of marriages fail, 50% of marriages stay together. Now I'm not nearly stupid enough to think that all of the 50% of marriages that don't end are successful marriages, but what if say half of marriages that don't end are successful? Then figure out what those people are doing. (And yes I'm aware that it could very well be less then half but my point still stands.)

 

Now if you honestly value other things in life then marriage and kids then kudos to you, stay single without kids. (Looks at muggi.) But don't let the relationship failures of others prevent you from having a relationsihp.

 

oh and @ muggi again: why the hell is that girl on tinder? does she not understand that tinder is basically an app to find a ****buddy?


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my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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So you're saying there exists a reliable, consistent and proven system for making marriage work for anyone that wants to make it to work? >_>


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Yes. If people in the past have made successful marriages work, I see no reason why people these days cannot. It would need to vary to suit individual couple's needs, of course.


Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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I'm asking for you to share the system :P For example, I've shared BD's poly system. Whose system are you referring to


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Well off the top of my head, Stephen R. Covey, author of 7 Habits of High Effective People and Dave Ramsey, author of More Than Enough, are successful men with successful marriages. Those books i mentioned are books I have read and own that talk about success in life in general, including marital success.

 

The 5 Love Languages (a series of books all based pretty much on the same premise) by Gary Chapman is also a great read if you're looking at making a monogamous relationship work. Tbh it's a good read regardless since the advice is applicable to most, if not all relationships you have. And a little internet digging reveals he's been married for 45 years.

 

A lot of what I've read on success seems to boil down to "find people who have the results you want, figure out what they did and copy it." If you go looking you can find people with successful marriages.

 

Beyond that, I've read that relationships require time; get your finances to a place where you're secure and where you have time for each other. Dave Ramsey's book speaks of a couple that spent a few years working on trimming down their debt and their lifestyle so the wife could be a stay at home mom, and they live off of 55k a year roughly, down from ~100k/year combined income. It's interesting that good financial advice and good marriage advice are often the exact same thing. (Another thing emphasized in that book is saving up a bunch of money in a savings account at the bank and leaving that money alone so that you have a security blanket for just in case.)

 

Another good tidbit is that quality time is a lie - the best form of quality time is quantity time.

 

So yeah this isn't quite as, well, obvious for lack of a better phrase, as BDs posts on polyamoury but it's a start.


Squab unleashes Megiddo! Completed all quests and hard diaries. 75+ Skiller. (At one point.) 2000+ total. 99 Magic.
[spoiler=The rest of my sig. You know you wanna see it.]

my difinition of noob is i dont like u, either u are better then me or u are worst them me

Buying spins make you a bad person...don't do it. It's like buying nukes for North Korea.

Well if it bothers you that the game is more fun now, then you can go cry in a corner. :shame:

your article was the equivalent of a circumcized porcupine

The only thing wrong with it is the lack of a percentage for when you need to stroke it.

 


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Those guys got married in completely different eras... Covey got married back in the 1950s dude!

 

You're either stuck taking outdated advice from guys who got married decades ago, or taking advice from modern guys who haven't been married long enough to tell whether or not their advice actually works. And even if the advice is valid and you follow it perfectly, like I said earlier it's only half the battle since you can't control your wife. So you're basically gambling, hoping that your wife never changes and she follows through on her promises for the next several decades of her life or else you're screwed.

 

But anyways. What do those books say about keeping sex interesting for the next 50 years of your life? What are you supposed to do when your wife "doesn't feel like it?" The only real solution to a problem like this is to have a very low sex drive to begin with, such that a lack of sex genuinely doesn't affect your happiness. But for the average person with an average (or higher) sex drive? They're in big trouble.

 

Sex aside, what about if/when one of you gets a dream job offer in another city but the other doesn't want to move? In such an event, there has to be some form of sacrifice involved. And when it comes to things like that, your happiness cannot be your #1 priority if you want the relationship to "work." But if you're sacrificing happiness in order to make it work... then is it actually working? I don't believe so. After all, what's the point of doing something if it doesn't make you consistently happy in the long run? Your goal, should you choose to get married, shouldn't be to have a high number of wedding anniversaries; it should be consistent happiness regardless of marriage duration.


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You're either stuck taking outdated advice from guys who got married decades ago, or taking advice from modern guys who haven't been married long enough to tell whether or not their advice actually works.

It seems to me this criticism is vague enough that it can apply to any marriage. It's an easy way to discredit them without having to provide any tangible reason.


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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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On topic of heights, I know a few girls who are over 6 feet.

 

And well, I tower over pretty much everyone everywhere. But I do know a few guys taller than I am.


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So I've noticed this thread's regulars all follow similar trends.

 

RPG is constantly dealing with psycho exes.

Muggi reminds us of the joys of polygamy.

Saq is totally oblivious to how much chicks dig him.

I strike out every other week.

Kalphite wages a war against the friend zone.

Randox pretty much stays rational.

Etc, etc

 

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You're either stuck taking outdated advice from guys who got married decades ago, or taking advice from modern guys who haven't been married long enough to tell whether or not their advice actually works.

It seems to me this criticism is vague enough that it can apply to any marriage. It's an easy way to discredit them without having to provide any tangible reason.
That's why I asked specific questions about specific problems later in my post and requested him to state what his overall goal is for the relationship.

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You're either stuck taking outdated advice from guys who got married decades ago, or taking advice from modern guys who haven't been married long enough to tell whether or not their advice actually works.

It seems to me this criticism is vague enough that it can apply to any marriage. It's an easy way to discredit them without having to provide any tangible reason.

 

That's why I asked specific questions about specific problems later in my post and requested him to state what his overall goal is for the relationship.

 

Fair enough. On a similar note, is there any era, or year, or duration of a successful marriage that you would consider an acceptable role model for people seeking to get married today?


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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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By the logic of not being able to rely on currently married fellows because they 'haven't been married long enough', you'll never be able to get marriage advice from anyone. By the time it's been long enough to be reliable, it no longer applies because it's from a different time period. Marriage success therefore cannot be gauged and should be avoided because most people in the world are, shocker, [wagon] and it's simply easier to go for short term commitments for higher return on happiness.

 

I do not understand how people who eschew marriage as an illogical choice can justify it with such illogical arguments.

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You're either stuck taking outdated advice from guys who got married decades ago, or taking advice from modern guys who haven't been married long enough to tell whether or not their advice actually works.

It seems to me this criticism is vague enough that it can apply to any marriage. It's an easy way to discredit them without having to provide any tangible reason.
That's why I asked specific questions about specific problems later in my post and requested him to state what his overall goal is for the relationship.
Fair enough. On a similar note, is there any era, or year, or duration of a successful marriage that you would consider an acceptable role model for people seeking to get married today?
Off the top of my head, no not really. Things might be different if social norms didn't change so rapidly.

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By the logic of not being able to rely on currently married fellows because they 'haven't been married long enough', you'll never be able to get marriage advice from anyone. By the time it's been long enough to be reliable, it no longer applies because it's from a different time period. Marriage success therefore cannot be gauged and should be avoided because most people in the world are, shocker, [wagon] and it's simply easier to go for short term commitments for higher return on happiness.

 

Exactly.


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We dont know if polygamy is true happiness because its still a newer concept and we wont know what an 80 year old polyamorist feels alone in his apartment everyday ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

But I thought we agreed not to argue about this again


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Yes. If people in the past have made successful marriages work, I see no reason why people these days cannot. It would need to vary to suit individual couple's needs, of course.

 

I'm just responding to this point in particular. It's one thing to argue that it's possible for long-term monogamy to "work." It's another thing to argue that it's possible for anyone to make long-term monogamy work.

 

As far as poly goes, I measure its success by consistent happiness; not length of relationship :P If I'm getting laid with minimal drama and I enjoy her company then I'm a happy camper. If she refuses to have sex or throws drama at me it's not a big deal because I can just move on to someone else and immediately continue being happy. Ideally she'd never refuse sex and never throw drama at me in the first place and the relationship would last forever, but that's not how life works.


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By the logic of not being able to rely on currently married fellows because they 'haven't been married long enough', you'll never be able to get marriage advice from anyone. By the time it's been long enough to be reliable, it no longer applies because it's from a different time period. Marriage success therefore cannot be gauged and should be avoided because most people in the world are, shocker, [wagon] and it's simply easier to go for short term commitments for higher return on happiness.

Exactly.

 

 

It's not a bad strategy but seeking that strategy based on that line of thought is based on info every bit as unreliable as speaking to older married couples.

 

I have no problem with the lifestlye you lead but it makes absolutely no sense to demonize modern marriage with fallacious logic.


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By the logic of not being able to rely on currently married fellows because they 'haven't been married long enough', you'll never be able to get marriage advice from anyone. By the time it's been long enough to be reliable, it no longer applies because it's from a different time period. Marriage success therefore cannot be gauged and should be avoided because most people in the world are, shocker, [wagon] and it's simply easier to go for short term commitments for higher return on happiness.

Exactly.

It's not a bad strategy but seeking that strategy based on that line of thought is based on info every bit as unreliable as speaking to older married couples.

 

I have no problem with the lifestlye you lead but it makes absolutely no sense to demonize modern marriage with fallacious logic.

Just respond to the points I made here then please (the 3rd and 4th paragraphs)


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@RPG if you follow BD on his blog he frequently mentions that at some point he may move in with a woman and have a 'married' lifestyle in that way. He says he will never promise monogamy, but says that he will do this with an open relationship so he can still be have time with others and its within the rules of the relationship.

 

On the same note though I believe that it takes a certain type of person(ality) to live the lifestyle as BD describes and without a partner in the traditional sense. Lots of people in this world are unable to live that kind of relationship because of the loneliness, perceived or actual, that comes from not living with a permanent partner/having constant companionship. Therefore I believe, with BD at the least and presuming those that follow him develop a similar behaviour or personality to some extent, would be so driven or having a good time still at that point of life that it would be a non factor. Let alone any kids you may have that can be relied on to visit once per year or more.

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On topic of heights, I know a few girls who are over 6 feet.

 

And well, I tower over pretty much everyone everywhere. But I do know a few guys taller than I am.

Do they pump HGH through the school water fountains up there or something?

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Howdy folks, haven't posted here in a while. It's been almost a year and in that time frame, I have learned a lot about relationships and dating in general. I've long been over that girl I posted about a year ago.

 

Anyway, I got a new job recently working retail and there's another girl who works there. I've been there a few months, but haven't really noticed her until about two weeks ago. I work on the sales floor usually, but on that day, I had to also be a backup cashier because we were short-staffed. She walked up to me out of nowhere and said, "Oh, you're working both sales floor and being the backup cashier? That's pretty nuts, Maze," I replied with something like, "Oh yeah, I can handle it," but I was wondering why she would know such an insignificant detail of the night. Also, later that night, I was stocking a shelf, and she walked by and said, "Bye, Maze!"

 

I didn't really think anything of it, she was probably just being nice because maybe I took being backup cashier instead of her taking it.

 

Fast forward to a few nights ago, she was working again. This time, she kept playfully teasing me. Whenever I walked past the section she was working in , she would say something to tease me, like "Get back to work, Maze!" or "Get out of my section, you don't work here!" Also, whenever we have huddle (basically it's when everyone who works sales floor gets together to discuss what everyone's doing/how the store is doing), she always finds a way to stand next to me. Like, going out of her way to stand next to me. So, I'm about 80% sure she likes me.

 

However, there a couple things that are keeping me from asking her out. I'm probably blowing these out of proportion and they are likely not too big of a deal, but I'll share them anyway just in case they are not:

 

1. She's a senior in high school. I am entering my sophomore year in college. I've heard through the grapevine that she is 18-years-old, which is my age (though I'll be 19 in a month). The age difference isn't a big deal as is dating a girl in high school. Would this be frowned upon?

 

2. I'm slightly afraid of any repercussions at work just in case she does say no. For example, I ask her out, she says no, she goes and tells her girlfriends at work that a dude in college asked her out when she's in high school, I get labelled as a big weirdo. This is probably an extreme example, but you can see how it would be uncomfortable if co-workers saw me as the dude who tried to ask out their friend and got rejected. Probably an overreaction, but I don't know. Something to think about, I guess. I have no problems asking out girls in bookstores or on campus because I know there won't be any repercussions if they say no. I'll just walk away and never see them again.

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That's not weird at all, you're barely a year older than her. Plenty of high school seniors are dating guys way older than you. She won't even be in school anymore in a couple weeks, I'd say go for it.

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Maze, do you work at target?

;)

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On topic of heights, I know a few girls who are over 6 feet.

 

And well, I tower over pretty much everyone everywhere. But I do know a few guys taller than I am.

Do they pump HGH through the school water fountains up there or something?

 

 

I actually knew a guy who was getting HGH since puberty until adulthood. Guy literally took a [bleep] you to nature and decided his own height

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