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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

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Antarctica 10-day tours and so can be had from ~4000 bucks, if you can get yourself to Ushuaia.


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So I've noticed this thread's regulars all follow similar trends.

 

RPG is constantly dealing with psycho exes.

Muggi reminds us of the joys of polygamy.

Saq is totally oblivious to how much chicks dig him.

I strike out every other week.

Kalphite wages a war against the friend zone.

Randox pretty much stays rational.

Etc, etc

 

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I hope hell exists and it's reserved for people who stand others up

 

I'm more reliable than a [bleep]ing clock why can't others be.

 

that's it for tonight

 

...

 

I deleted  the extra rude bits. I tend to get egotistical when I get mad. I apologize.

Edited by Veiva

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think of it this way: that person proved quickly and conveniently they aren't worth your time and attention. Often times it takes a lot longer to figure that out :)

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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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Did you text them that day to confirm it was still on?

 

If not, its a good strategy to gauge interest. If so I'm sorry they lied to you on top of it

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he said he was going to come when I messaged him earlier

 

w/e people suck

 

@obfuscator yeah I know.

 

Working in retail and being more social just made me realize even your seemingly average nice person is in all likelihood an asshat though which is a bit ... depressing.


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Shit happens. Might be a reason that someone flaked. Everybody is super busy these days. And people cannot be relied on all the time anymore.

I know I am as guilty about standing up to others as most people, but at least I try to be everywhere and if I can't I'll at least let people know. Even if it's after the fact.

 

 

*

 

A young vet (as in veterinary) seems to be flirting with me. Think she was here once last year, I didn't even recognize her at once, but she remembered me and asked about how my trip to the States and on was...

Even my mum, who is here working with me in this farm mentioned she smiled very brightly and laughed to nearly everything I said. The vet even wondered how long I'd be here and made sure to mention when she'd be working

 

Oh, and she pretty.

Dang it, if I'd really lived here and she'd live closer than ~100 km's (2-hour trip over mountains) away...


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So I've noticed this thread's regulars all follow similar trends.

 

RPG is constantly dealing with psycho exes.

Muggi reminds us of the joys of polygamy.

Saq is totally oblivious to how much chicks dig him.

I strike out every other week.

Kalphite wages a war against the friend zone.

Randox pretty much stays rational.

Etc, etc

 

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btw if I hear "you're [cute / funny / sweet / nice / good] but..." one more time

 

apparently none of those attributes mean anything

 

none of them

 

Socialization and dating has made me cynical of people.

Edited by Veiva

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it does mean something, that they aren't attracted to you. it just doesn't mean what they're saying :)

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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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btw if I hear "you're [cute / funny / sweet / nice / good] but..." one more time

 

apparently none of those attributes mean anything

 

none of them

 

Socialization and dating has made me cynical of people.

 

What do you think you're doing wrong?


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btw if I hear "you're [cute / funny / sweet / nice / good] but..." one more time

 

apparently none of those attributes mean anything

 

none of them

 

Socialization and dating has made me cynical of people.

 

What do you think you're doing wrong?

 

I'm trying to figure that out but I honestly don't know. One of my friends said I'm too positive and talkative in a way that's possibly off-putting but he was probably being an ass.

 

It may not come across online but in person I'm genuinely nice and polite; I listen to people and can recall most things they've said later*; I'm a very positive person and am mindful; I can keep a conversation going and as it turns out often have to carry it (that may be a sign?). I think I'm reasonably funny and witty. I'm think I'm physically attractive (I'd bang myself [not literally] but I may be being narcissistic or egotistical lol), at least above average. I also respond reasonably promptly to texts/messages within a reasonable time frame... (That may be another problem?) But I do that with friends, work, school, or anything. (Because I'm literally carrying a magical device which lets me know when I get an email text or other message instantly and reminds me later if I don't read it right away :|).

 

I try and replay dates I've been on and I don't see where I personally did anything off-putting, but things sizzled usually whenever I tried to set up a second or third date (usually they ghost me or go "you're an X guy but...").

 

Is it it a bit weird to have been on over a dozen dates with different peeps but no one finds me attractive? Then again on the dates I went on I only fell for one person... It should be obvious but I'm new to this and I genuinely don't know lol.

 

There's exceptional cases to my general personality I described, such as when I'm having a break (re: mental illness), or I forget to take my medication (...like the last few days which is probably why I've been overly dramatic lol), But I've never gone on a date, or otherwise talked to people I was dating, when that happens. So I think that's irrelevant.

 

*: Aside: I found out some (a lot of?) people tell white lies and/or exaggerate over time and it's slightly disappointing (not sure if that's the right word?).

 

If anything sounds like an excuse, it's not supposed to be, it's just my thought process. Feel free to correct me or inform me. :P My sister, for example, always blames everyone else for her problems but as an outsider it's easy to see she's the cause of most of her troubles. So I'm trying to figure out where I'm making the mistakes, because I don't think it's likely to be everyone else. That's not likely at all.

 

it does mean something, that they aren't attracted to you. it just doesn't mean what they're saying :)

I know. Doesn't change the fact that it's still annoying.

 

...

 

It may get drowned in in the above post but I apologize for being overly dramatic, I've forgotten to take my medication the last few days. RIP.

 

...

 

Feedback on pictures? Some of these I've posted, some I haven't.

 

 

 

 

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1. Raleigh

 

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2. @ my school, FTCC

 

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3. Feedback on this one has been mixed IRL. Some say it's overly... effeminate/gay. It's like a love/hate. Some love it, some hate it. It's a mixed bag.

 

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4. Posted this one earlier. Pretty recent, at World of Beer.

 

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5. Also at World of Beer. That's a Stranger Things shirt. I like the first one personally.

 

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6. Mixed feedback on this one. TBH I think it's great but I'll probably put it at the end.

 

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7. Local privately-owned coffee place. I like it.

 

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8. I love this one. Also at FTCC. (Actually right next to #2 lol).

 

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9. I personally like/hate this one.

 

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10. This one may make me look gay?

 

 

Edited by Veiva

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I think the more traditionally masculine you look, the more "nice guy" qualities actually work in your favor-- it makes you come off as a powerful person who's capable of showing restraint and warmth despite your ability to be an aggressive [wagon] without much consequence. Conversely, if you look weak and scrawny, and you behave like a "nice guy," it comes off as submissive behavior; as if you're nice because you can't defend yourself so you have to placate others in order to survive. Like, look at the 3rd-top-rated post of all time from r/ladyboners-- even when that guy's trying to be "cute" he still looks like someone that could rip your head off. If someone like Michael Cera behaved similarly, he'd probably receive a much different reaction :P At least, that's been my experience as a naturally warm, empathetic person who finished puberty at 5'8, 105 lbs and is currently about 155 lbs of lean muscle.

 

 

Your sense of fashion seems fine to me and you've got an attractive face (no homo :P). To be completely honest, if I were in your shoes, I'd swap my time spent dating with time spent bulking up at the gym. People will treat you much better and dating will require much less effort. Only in the past 6 months did I bulk up from 125 to 155 and I'm still shocked at how much easier dating is and how much more positive attention I get from women now.

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Same line of thought, you may come off as a "safe" option which doesn't excite most online daters. While it makes you a good long term match for people to organically create something over a long period of time - it's not going to help you in the straight sex tinder experience.

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Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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I'm currently trying to lose someone more weight (~20-30 lbs left, wanna go down to 130-140) then bulk up, so I'm already working on that.

 

It's weird how being nice is being associated with being submissive because I am not submissive.

 

Toxic masculinity is a thing and this is why we need feminism. I'm both joking and being serious at the same time. :P

 

re: pictures, any comments? Because I'm going to keep trying. I'm not waiting another 1.5 years (optimistically) to go dating, I've already waited 26 years. (Well, not quite--obviously--but whatever).

 

I'm thinking 5A (smiling @ World of Beer), 8 (leaning against wall with blazer), 9 (smiling in red dress shirt), 2A (sitting in grey shirt), 7 (coffee place in gryff shirt)), 6 (Carowinds), 3? (bike), 10 (group photo).

 

I've been floating around a few ideas for my bio too:

 

"I'm like Batman, I don't have to worry about disappointing my parents." (funny but probably not good for bio)

 

"I'm actually Aubrey Plaza and Chris Patt's long lost child." (b/c of dark/dirty jokes I make like above + my description of my attitude/personality further up). OR "I'm actually Andy and April's long lost child." (more specific, only appeals to those who've seen Parks & Rec).

 

uh think that's it

 

btw thanks muggi, rpggamer, and ring_world for putting up with me on my adventure lol


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I'm currently trying to lose someone more weight (~20-30 lbs left, wanna go down to 130-140) then bulk up, so I'm already working on that.

 

It's weird how being nice is being associated with being submissive because I am not submissive.

 

Toxic masculinity is a thing and this is why we need feminism. I'm both joking and being serious at the same time. :P

 

How tall are you?


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5' 8". I'm currently 155-160 lbs (haven't weighed myself since I started losing weight middlish of August, want the loss to be a surprise, going to weigh myself @ the end of September). This means I have a smallish gut (noticable at certain poses or topless) and my thighs are a /little/ flabby (only noticable when sitting down without pants lol; I only wear pants so no one would notice).

if you can check my edits. I know I'm bad about editing posts after I post them. Sorry. :P


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5' 8". I'm currently 155-160 lbs (haven't weighed myself since I started losing weight middlish of August, want the loss to be a surprise, going to weigh myself @ the end of September). This means I have a smallish gut (noticable at certain poses or topless) and my thighs are a /little/ flabby (only noticable when sitting down without pants lol; I only wear pants so no one would notice).

 

if you can check my edits. I know I'm bad about editing posts after I post them. Sorry. :P

 

I think you're doing things backwards. You should be gaining weight (including excess fat) and then cutting. Reason being: you're going to be a lot weaker and unable to lift heavier weights the less you weigh, which will make building muscle more difficult. When you're losing weight, you're losing both fat and muscle mass. In other words, the more you weigh, the stronger you get, faster.

 

You might look good shirtless if you try to slim down 130-140, but since you're going to be wearing clothes the majority of the time, you're going to look emaciated at that weight, and you're going to have an even harder time with dating. When I first bulked up from 125-150, I had a little bit of excess fat that I'd never had before. My abs were still visible (slightly), but I had some minor love handles. However, with a shirt on, everyone told me how much stronger I looked since my arms were bigger and clothes fit me better and accentuated my physique better.

 

Two examples of 165 lbs, 5'8:

 

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That's my goal, anyway :P

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It's self image issues. I still feel like I'm fat. (There's some unresolved issues there lol.) I'll talk to my therapist about it. You're right. Thank you.

 

I'm never going to look good shirtless because I have a lot of loose skin. Which only exacerbates the self image issues.


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I can't do a single push-up. I can just barely lift 10-ream cases of paper at work. There's printers I have to get coworkers to lift.

 

I bike (mostly), run (a little), and diet. So my legs are great, my arms and body... not at all.


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I can't do a single push-up. I can just barely lift 10-ream cases of paper at work. There's printers I have to get coworkers to lift.

 

I bike (mostly), run (a little), and diet. So my legs are great, my arms and body... not at all.

 

Duuuude you gotta start doing some heavy compound lifts at least 3x a week. If you didn't adjust your diet at all such that you maintained your weight, but you just started lifting, you'd go from being skinny-fat to swole in no time. Lifting's fun af, it's like an RPG IRL :lol:


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Any advice?

 

I know less than nothing about muscle building / lifting / etc. I'm not joking, I only recently found out the what a rep and a set are.


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Any advice?

 

I know less than nothing about muscle building / lifting / etc. I'm not joking, I only recently found out the what a rep and a set are.

 

Here's a solid novice workout, feel free to change the days around to better fit your schedule, but you should have a day of rest between each workout (two days rest after the 3rd workout of the week). You're always going to be squatting and deadlifting every time you lift, and you're going to alternate between bench press and overhead press each time you lift.

 

Monday:

Squat 3x5*

Bench Press 3x5

Deadlift 1x5

 

*3x5 means "3 sets of 5 reps," meaning you squat 5 times. Then you rack the bar, rest for 3-5 minutes, then do another 5 reps. Rest for another 3-5 minutes, then do your 3rd and final set.

 

Wednesday:

Squat 3x5

Overhead Press 3x5

Deadlift 1x5

 

 

Friday:

Squat 3x5

Bench Press 3x5

Deadlift 1x5

 

 

Next Monday:

Squat 3x5

Overhead Press 3x5

Deadlift 1x5

 

Next Wednesday:

Squat 3x5

Bench Press 3x5

Deadlift 1x5

 

Next Friday:

Squat 3x5

Bench Press 3x5

Deadlift 1x5

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

 

 

Make a note on your phone to record your lifts so you remember what weight you're supposed to be doing and so you can see your numbers get bigger every time you go to the gym. If you successfully complete all reps and all sets for a lift, then congratulations-- you leveled up IRL (imaginary fireworks detonate above your head)-- and you get to add 5 lbs next time you lift :)

 

Since you're a complete beginner, expect to be very sore after the first workout. The soreness might last a week or longer. You'll still have strength despite the soreness so you can continue lifting through the soreness if you wish, but if you want to be safe, you can just start slow and do the first Monday's workout, then rest until you're no longer sore, then continue the program. Within a couple of weeks you'll stop feeling sore since your body will have adapted to the stress and you can go 3x week.

 

Since you probably don't know how much weight to use, just start with the bar for all the exercises when you perform them for the first time (except for deadlifts; maybe start with like 95 lbs; deadlifts kinda weird with just the bar since the bar starts on the ground). Do 5 reps with just the bar, see how it feels, add 5 lbs, rest for 0-5 minutes till you feel recovered, then do another 5 reps until it starts getting difficult. When it starts getting tough, call it a day, write down the weight where it got difficult, and pick up where you left off next time you go to the gym when you're fresh.

 

Ideally, you'll be able to increase the weight for every lift every time you go to the gym since you're a novice and you'll get stronger extremely rapidl-- just like how you level up super fast when you're a noob in RS. You'll hit a wall after around a couple months, assuming you're consistently going to the gym and consistently adding weight. Some lifts will progress slower/quicker than others. Don't push yourself too hard, it's better to be slightly weaker the next time than it is to be injured from lifting with shitty form.

 

 

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS CONSISTENCY. IF YOU'RE NOT LIFTING 3X WEEK, YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME

 

Your #1 priority/goal, more than anything else-- including getting stronger/leaner-- should just be to be CONSISTENT. Doesn't matter if you have a shitty workout or get lazy/wimp out and leave early... just go to the gym and TRY to finish your workout. You do NOT want to get into the habit of talking yourself out of going 3x a week.

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Thank you so much!

 

I never quit so that's not going to be a problem. :) I'm the

.
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also if you don't like tracking on paper, there are some apps that are good for tracking workouts - my favourite is progression


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"It's not a rest for me, it's a rest for the weights." - Dom Mazzetti

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