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Splish splash today I took a bath.

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I'm going to milk Goon's teats

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Today I am drunk.  Happy Thursday.

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[bleep] the law, they can eat my dick that's word to Pimp

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Today I am going to get drunk again.  Happy unemployment.

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[bleep] the law, they can eat my dick that's word to Pimp

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Enjoy it while it lasts

 

 

i didn't enjoy it. It was humid, then there was rain. Lots of it, thunder, lightning, the whole shabbang.

but then from toronto we had a bloody 3-hour bus ride only to be left at a depo in the middle of nowhere.

 

finally got a checker limo (kinda snazzy compared to our taxis in the UK i won't lie) and got driven to the halls where we collected our keys.

it was good to get wifi and see my fancy little geographical location thing on snapchat.

i finally got a ride to where i'm living for the next year and i'm happy it's not the shoebox that i thought it would be but yeah, the people i'm living with are all cool as cucumbers. a hungarian guy, a dutch girl, me, and a singaporean guy who has good banter.

 

the arrangement of the flat has all the rooms really close together and a living area so it'd be mad awkward if there was a dispute of any sort, so honestly i'm gonna be on my best behaviour this year and not pick fights with people :D

at the end of the day, this year is kind of a gap year in the middle of my degree unless i do really well which would just enhance my degree classification when i complete it.

 

i already had the soccer vs football discussion with a girl and i really need to get used to my accent being out of place here.

i don't really like the look of the snacks i was given but i liked the wildberry juice.

 

why is there a canadian flag on every other building?

we judge people sooo badly for england flags being put up in the UK unless it's the world cup.

otherwise i'm happy my laptop is charging, that i had a safe journey, that i have chill housemates by the looks of it. 

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North america loves our [bleep]ing flags.  In the USA [bleep]ers put that shit up everywhere they can. It's absurd.

 

 

(Surprise, I'm drunk now. Good times at the bar.)

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[bleep] the law, they can eat my dick that's word to Pimp

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why is there a canadian flag on every other building?

we judge people sooo badly for england flags being put up in the UK unless it's the world cup.

otherwise i'm happy my laptop is charging, that i had a safe journey, that i have chill housemates by the looks of it. 

 

It does get out of hand at times, but drunkSkull is correct. The flags are essentially how many of us show our love for our country. I don't have a flag, but it would probably be stolen if I did. I don't exactly live in a nice part of London.

 

The people are generally polite (apart from one guy who takes every little thing as a personal attack) but in 3 years our vehicles have shown noticable tampering at least a dozen times. Most recently, they finally got in and searched through everything. They left my mom's CDs, but took her $1 sunglasses. There have also been a few cases of tires being slashed, but only once were any of ours.

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Also been drinking tonight. Work soon.

 

But flags are proud objects in north America. Europe has that weird nationalism-was-the-cause-of-WWII feel to it so being extra proud of your country is seen as negative. Here in America flags and patriotism are so encouraged that you'll be hated if you arent flying a flag or two every now and again. What a country

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Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Today I am going to get drunk again.  Happy unemployment.

I don't understand purposely inducing detachment from reality, especially if you're using it to self medicate some issue in your life (note: I don't mean you are depressed or upset, by any means, and using alcohol as a coping mechanism [i.e., due to unemployment]; I just want to provide an anecdote).

 

Every moment I later reflect on seems no more real than a fictional story penned by some author, or watching a movie, or so on. The present seems real enough, but so do my dreams, especially the ones I wake up from, get out of bed, have breakfast or use the bathroom or check the news--and then I wake up, frustrated, thinking didn't I already do this? So I get out of bed, have breakfast or use the bathroom or check the news, and then I wake up... When do I know I'm not dreaming? How do I know my current wakeful period is simply a longer dream than the others?

 

Since I can't ever be sure, so I must continue as if I am awake. So I see it's nearly 5:00 pm--I was in bed for upwards of 12 hours, some of it asleep, the rest confused and thinking and waking. That's nice, considering I only had 2 hours of sleep, at best, for nearly a 24 hour period prior (which is also nice, because at least I had managed to fall asleep, rather than start falling apart after being awake over 50 hours). There's not enough time to put together a dinner, but there's too much time to idle at work before I clock in. Oh well.

 

So I have a quick dinner, get ready and walk to work. On the 20 minute walk, I listen to at most a few songs over and over; today was Detroit Social Club, and try to focus on the song instead of thinking. Thinking often leads to a reflection of my state of mind; a sense of unknowing and distrust for my own experiences. I'm somewhat successful, I guess, while I listen to "Sunshine People," and then "Rivers and Rainbows," and then "Kiss the Sun", and then repeat. I arrive at work 30 minutes early, so I grab some stuff my brother and I need at home, and then pay with my EBT card, wondering how much the benefits will decrease since my brother and I have been working for a bit now. Will our increased income not cover the decrease? Is feeling "full" after dinner more important than staying cool in 90+ degree weather and high humidity? Oh well, worries for another day.

 

After listening to "Sunshine People" and "Rivers and Rainbows" and "Kiss the Sun" about twice more, I begin work. As it happens, some one is having some breakdown at the front end, either from not taking the medication they were prescribed or abusing something that they obviously weren't. Her yelling and aggressive behavior, although not directed towards me, is discomforting... and then scary... and then, oh no, there's something following me. I know what it is, somehow--a lanky, smiling, humanlike abomination--and it's right there behind me. So not only is there that crazy women, there's crazy me. Of course, unlike the customer, I work here and have to hide my fear and paranoia. So I continue doing my job, although I'm unable to look behind me (because what if I see it with my eyes!) or back up (because I don't want to touch it). Once all the garbage is gathered, I head outside to collect carts (and to get away from that customer who is still [bleep]ing after nearly 45 minutes). It's a bit difficult to do so without backing up, but I manage it, even after the police show up to defuse the situation. Their presence doesn't help--they aren't trained to deal with someone like me, and I don't know how well I'd be able to deal with them if something happens. As well, did anyone of importance notice how I would circle around rather than back up? I hope not, because then I'd have to explain myself. Luckily, no one did.

 

The persistence of this delusion fades, and I'm able to finish my job by closing. My brother stopped by from his job and is waiting outside. We sit and talk a bit until a coworker is able to drop us off home an hour later. So I take off my uniform, have a sandwich, and then head back to my room. I essentially sit at my computer, trying to do something. A visit a few forums and sites, post a reply that will be dismissed in a discussion about climate change. An hour later, I watch an episode of a show I appreciate. Despite me enjoying the show, it's hard for me to watch it, or any show, or movie, because I don't want to do anything. Finding motivation or the will to click "Play" is pretty hard. Finding the will to diddle around in some programming language, or continue reading from where I left off a week ago, or doodling on some program or paper, or so on... those are harder.

 

The show ends. The next episode is queued on the playlist. All I would have to do is click "Play." But instead, I stare at the screen for a bit and then hit my usual internet sites. Ok, World War III hasn't started... Nothing new in the world of A Song of Ice and Fire since yesterday... And so on, until I realize I hadn't checked Off Topic in upwards of a day. I skim the posts. Oh, my brother still wouldn't be able to handle a tarantula even in an terrarium... someone is getting their annual shower... and then a post about getting drunk.

 

I took Abilify (and had tried a bunch of others under a psychiatrist's direction) and Zoloft for a few years. It seemed to work better than not taking them. Upwards of a year and a half ago, their effectiveness essentially dropped. Increases in Abilify caused me to sleep for nearly 18 hours, and be drowsy for the rest, so I returned to my regular dosage as prescribed and directed; ok, I don't sleep for as long and feel more awake, but it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep now. Zoloft is too expensive, so I stop taking that and don't notice a difference. I finally dropped Abilify on my own (not cold turkey--I'd probably be more screwed up now if I had). Good thing too, the patient assistance program is dropping the medication (nothing odd that the patent expired this year and the program was discontinued in turn, nope, perfectly coincidental).

 

So here I am, disconnected from Ye Olde Reality, not of my own doing. I'm suffering, miserable, scared, paranoid, sad, lonely... All day, every day. My doctors, therapists, and prescribed medications are at best a temporary solution to this seemingly permanent problem. I mean, my care provider doesn't think my issues affect my daily life "significantly." I suppose being a good imitator of general social interaction helps hide the issues, and mostly staying in my room hides the rest. Numbing myself in any way--alcohol or tobacco "recreational drugs"--would be yet another temporary solution. However, unlike, say, going to a therapist, they would accelerate my descent, as they do many others, both sick and otherwise healthy.

 

In the end, I'd rather be aware of my problems and not introduce any more. I wonder what it would be like, being "healthy" and otherwise functioning. I guess those who are healthy tend to take it for granted, and those who aren't value temporary relief, regardless of the aftermath, than perpetual suffering.

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ozXHe7P.png

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someone's put glow stick all over my ceiling so turning off the light is so distracting.

my bed is hard as a rock, and my phone only charges from the computer but otherwise i'll just go and buy a charger and new sim etc.

canadians are so cute though, i'll explain later

 

will definitely take some getting used to, esp as a lot of the street names are exactly the same as where i live in the uk.

man, seeing 'oxford street' and it not heaving with people just felt so different!

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I'm in Canada and it's so hot

Just wait until winter.


j0xPu5R.png

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So I bought cereal and I'm going to eat it for lunch because I can  :shades:. It was $6 too...

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"Fight for what you believe in, and believe in what you're fighting for." Can games be art?

---

 

 

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My blog here if you want to check out my Times articles and other writings! I always appreciate comments/feedback.

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I've had a wonderful time in Rome. I believe it's time I show my face on the forums anyway so here are a few photos we took on the visit. Understandably, I am the male in the photographs.

 

VAGMfgyl.jpg

3CBJqLul.jpg

ZFIowX4l.jpg

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Check out my upcoming Progress thread in the spoiler!

 

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*Currently postponed until further notice

   

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I'm in Canada and it's so hot

Just wait until winter.

 

Mid- to late-Autumn, really. Right around the end of October is when it usually starts getting ridiculous, at least in the London area.

 

 

will definitely take some getting used to, esp as a lot of the street names are exactly the same as where i live in the uk.

man, seeing 'oxford street' and it not heaving with people just felt so different!

Yeah, you'll see a lot of familiar names around here. We stole a majority of our naming schemes from the UK. Out of respect and love, of course.

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Today I am going to get drunk again. Happy unemployment.

I don't understand purposely inducing detachment from reality, especially if you're using it to self medicate some issue in your life (note: I don't mean you are depressed or upset, by any means, and using alcohol as a coping mechanism [i.e., due to unemployment]; I just want to provide an anecdote).

 

Every moment I later reflect on seems no more real than a fictional story penned by some author, or watching a movie, or so on. The present seems real enough, but so do my dreams, especially the ones I wake up from, get out of bed, have breakfast or use the bathroom or check the news--and then I wake up, frustrated, thinking didn't I already do this? So I get out of bed, have breakfast or use the bathroom or check the news, and then I wake up... When do I know I'm not dreaming? How do I know my current wakeful period is simply a longer dream than the others?

 

Since I can't ever be sure, so I must continue as if I am awake. So I see it's nearly 5:00 pm--I was in bed for upwards of 12 hours, some of it asleep, the rest confused and thinking and waking. That's nice, considering I only had 2 hours of sleep, at best, for nearly a 24 hour period prior (which is also nice, because at least I had managed to fall asleep, rather than start falling apart after being awake over 50 hours). There's not enough time to put together a dinner, but there's too much time to idle at work before I clock in. Oh well.

 

So I have a quick dinner, get ready and walk to work. On the 20 minute walk, I listen to at most a few songs over and over; today was Detroit Social Club, and try to focus on the song instead of thinking. Thinking often leads to a reflection of my state of mind; a sense of unknowing and distrust for my own experiences. I'm somewhat successful, I guess, while I listen to "Sunshine People," and then "Rivers and Rainbows," and then "Kiss the Sun", and then repeat. I arrive at work 30 minutes early, so I grab some stuff my brother and I need at home, and then pay with my EBT card, wondering how much the benefits will decrease since my brother and I have been working for a bit now. Will our increased income not cover the decrease? Is feeling "full" after dinner more important than staying cool in 90+ degree weather and high humidity? Oh well, worries for another day.

 

After listening to "Sunshine People" and "Rivers and Rainbows" and "Kiss the Sun" about twice more, I begin work. As it happens, some one is having some breakdown at the front end, either from not taking the medication they were prescribed or abusing something that they obviously weren't. Her yelling and aggressive behavior, although not directed towards me, is discomforting... and then scary... and then, oh no, there's something following me. I know what it is, somehow--a lanky, smiling, humanlike abomination--and it's right there behind me. So not only is there that crazy women, there's crazy me. Of course, unlike the customer, I work here and have to hide my fear and paranoia. So I continue doing my job, although I'm unable to look behind me (because what if I see it with my eyes!) or back up (because I don't want to touch it). Once all the garbage is gathered, I head outside to collect carts (and to get away from that customer who is still [bleep]ing after nearly 45 minutes). It's a bit difficult to do so without backing up, but I manage it, even after the police show up to defuse the situation. Their presence doesn't help--they aren't trained to deal with someone like me, and I don't know how well I'd be able to deal with them if something happens. As well, did anyone of importance notice how I would circle around rather than back up? I hope not, because then I'd have to explain myself. Luckily, no one did.

 

The persistence of this delusion fades, and I'm able to finish my job by closing. My brother stopped by from his job and is waiting outside. We sit and talk a bit until a coworker is able to drop us off home an hour later. So I take off my uniform, have a sandwich, and then head back to my room. I essentially sit at my computer, trying to do something. A visit a few forums and sites, post a reply that will be dismissed in a discussion about climate change. An hour later, I watch an episode of a show I appreciate. Despite me enjoying the show, it's hard for me to watch it, or any show, or movie, because I don't want to do anything. Finding motivation or the will to click "Play" is pretty hard. Finding the will to diddle around in some programming language, or continue reading from where I left off a week ago, or doodling on some program or paper, or so on... those are harder.

 

The show ends. The next episode is queued on the playlist. All I would have to do is click "Play." But instead, I stare at the screen for a bit and then hit my usual internet sites. Ok, World War III hasn't started... Nothing new in the world of A Song of Ice and Fire since yesterday... And so on, until I realize I hadn't checked Off Topic in upwards of a day. I skim the posts. Oh, my brother still wouldn't be able to handle a tarantula even in an terrarium... someone is getting their annual shower... and then a post about getting drunk.

 

I took Abilify (and had tried a bunch of others under a psychiatrist's direction) and Zoloft for a few years. It seemed to work better than not taking them. Upwards of a year and a half ago, their effectiveness essentially dropped. Increases in Abilify caused me to sleep for nearly 18 hours, and be drowsy for the rest, so I returned to my regular dosage as prescribed and directed; ok, I don't sleep for as long and feel more awake, but it takes me 2 hours to fall asleep now. Zoloft is too expensive, so I stop taking that and don't notice a difference. I finally dropped Abilify on my own (not cold turkey--I'd probably be more screwed up now if I had). Good thing too, the patient assistance program is dropping the medication (nothing odd that the patent expired this year and the program was discontinued in turn, nope, perfectly coincidental).

 

So here I am, disconnected from Ye Olde Reality, not of my own doing. I'm suffering, miserable, scared, paranoid, sad, lonely... All day, every day. My doctors, therapists, and prescribed medications are at best a temporary solution to this seemingly permanent problem. I mean, my care provider doesn't think my issues affect my daily life "significantly." I suppose being a good imitator of general social interaction helps hide the issues, and mostly staying in my room hides the rest. Numbing myself in any way--alcohol or tobacco "recreational drugs"--would be yet another temporary solution. However, unlike, say, going to a therapist, they would accelerate my descent, as they do many others, both sick and otherwise healthy.

 

In the end, I'd rather be aware of my problems and not introduce any more. I wonder what it would be like, being "healthy" and otherwise functioning. I guess those who are healthy tend to take it for granted, and those who aren't value temporary relief, regardless of the aftermath, than perpetual suffering.

You might appreciate this:

 

http://edgartheschizophrenicanteater.tumblr.com/

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I'm in Canada and it's so hot

 

Just wait until winter.

Mid- to late-Autumn, really. Right around the end of October is when it usually starts getting ridiculous, at least in the London area.

 

 

will definitely take some getting used to, esp as a lot of the street names are exactly the same as where i live in the uk.

man, seeing 'oxford street' and it not heaving with people just felt so different!

 

Yeah, you'll see a lot of familiar names around here. We stole a majority of our naming schemes from the UK. Out of respect and love, of course.
of course. I like looking at my phone weather location, its constantly overcast. Sometimes my phone says I'm in London, other times it says arva

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of course. I like looking at my phone weather location, its constantly overcast. Sometimes my phone says I'm in London, other times it says arva

 

I am legitimately surprised your phone recognises the intersection that calls itself Arva. I mean, I would understand if it said Middlesex Centre, which Arva is a part of, but Arva itself?

 

No offense to anybody (however unlikely they read this) from there, it's just really small is all.

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of course. I like looking at my phone weather location, its constantly overcast. Sometimes my phone says I'm in London, other times it says arva

 

I am legitimately surprised your phone recognises the intersection that calls itself Arva. I mean, I would understand if it said Middlesex Centre, which Arva is a part of, but Arva itself?

 

No offense to anybody (however unlikely they read this) from there, it's just really small is all.

I had to wiki it. I've been so tired, went to the mall on the bus. Wtf that the way to stop a bus is pull a cord?!!! Don't have that in the UK. Bought some trainers or what Canadians call running shoes. Embarrassed myself by not reading the label on maple syrup and seeing it in a glass bottle made me think it was liquor. The shop guy couldn't stop laughing. And ffs Canadian tax. Dhjnsnsnkshjs. Had a nice subway, why the hell do Canadians not know what chicken tikka is, and why don't they have hearty Italian bread? No luck finding a phone plan today. Have to wait till Wednesday or something because Monday is a holiday and Tuesday is busy. I might go drinking tomorrow night apparently people go to the bar more than clubbing so might look at some place.... Apparently there's a mechanical bull at one of them. My boyfriend has been begging me to go on it and snapchat it to him. We're yet to figure out a Skype arrangement but we'll sort it out. My poor Chinese housemate is really jet lagged and can't deal with life atm. I'm tired as hell and it's only 9
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Veiva, what youre describing is exactly why most people drink. Or smoke. I have a friend with severe narcolepsy and a fist full of other medical issues that she's learned to "cure" with weed and liquor on top of her recommended dose of GHB. If the legal medicinal cabinet is failing you and you feel you need a solution, no matter how temporary - there's no shame in drinking or smoking a bit to get by. That being said, I think you'd feel better just by shaking things up a bit and reclaiming a sense of control over your life. But regardless of how you handle yourself, I hope the best for you. You know your body best and hopefully figure out how to function as best you can

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Quote

 

Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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I'm in Canada and it's so hot

Just wait until winter.

 

Mid- to late-Autumn, really. Right around the end of October is when it usually starts getting ridiculous, at least in the London area.

Eh, it's mostly the winter months here. Then again I live like a couple hours from London so... 


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