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Reveal Confessions, Secrets & Regrets...


Leoo
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I spend an obscene amount of time each day thinking about a story that I created about three years ago after a friend of mine was sharing with me one of his wacky dreams that he often had. It isn't anything that I've ever written down or really shared with anyone, so it just kind of sits there in my head, eating away at me. I can't just sit and listen to music or just be alone with myself without this story invading my mind. Sometimes I'll lay awake at night conjuring up new chapters or revising old parts of the story. I know what sort of started me down this path, but I don't really know how I have come to the point where I am now. Just forgetting it or dropping it is impossible at this point as what I have created has become a part of who I have grown to be these past few years. This whole thing is mentally taxing as it takes away my thoughts from what should be really important in my life. 

 

I want to know if any of you have struggled with something similar in the past and want to know how you overcame it.

I have had similar thoughts although probably not nearly as intricate as the story you mentioned...I'd write it down, maybe share it if it's not too private. Spending some time on creative expression (writing) might help more than trying to repress it. I wrote mine down and never really thought about them too much afterwards.

"Fight for what you believe in, and believe in what you're fighting for." Can games be art?

---

 

 

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My blog here if you want to check out my Times articles and other writings! I always appreciate comments/feedback.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 4 months later...

 

Video related.

 

 

 

I wish I were as strong as you, but I cannot forget as I would also give up the cheerful memories of crowded skype calls, joyous hours of board games, scape, pokemon battles, and far to much I could list. I've lived an interesting 23 years and have yet to find another soul that I could relate to as much as him. I'm not into HIM like that, but the bond between us was as stronger than brothers. We had people come into the picture that splintered us many times, but still we remained good friends, both of us mustering apologies after so many stupid arguements of silly banter and interpersonal skype calls. We were together for 6+ hours a day, everyday. WE knew when the other was feeling down, and how to bring them up, yet how to bring each other down to other. WE laughed at our own faults, as well as each others. The last time we spoke was in february when I was on hard times and in a rather trollish mood. Something I said was smited to oblivion even if it was my typical playful passive taunts,  and I regret that day more than any in my life. I was swore off, thrown away, exiled to the hellish land of loneliness. As I said it is my greatest regret, but something I refuse to forget.

 

 

 

Alright buddy, I hate to break it to you, but you're an adult. This isn't how adults are supposed to act. I get you're a kid at heart enjoying pokemon and mmos, but there's a difference between that and not knowing when to move on. 

 

It wasn't working. You guys couldn't go two days without being at each other's throats for the last three months you were talking, probably. It was nothing bad jabs at each other that were rarely in the same playful vein that's usually used. You say passive, playful taunts, but in the end there was nothing but venom behind every single one. It was as passive aggressive as... these constant posts here and elsewhere.

 

You're a fine enough guy but I'm sick and tired of seeing the same whining of this still months later. If you were younger, I would understand, but you're an adult and yet you sound like you're a 13 year old who broke up with their first girlfriend or boyfriend with all the dramatic and flair.

 

I am not commenting on the dynamics of anyone else involved because pure and simple you two are done being friendly and you need to stop treating it like a wound still bleeding four months later. When it scabs over, stop picking out it, or you'll end up with a scar when it could have healed healthily when left alone. 

 

If you had cared, if it had really mattered, you would have done something when it mattered rather than (what is this, the fourth of fifth time?) vague-posting your teenage angst and looking for redemption not from yourself, but from others. So that the next time, if we get another next time, you wont have learned anything and we'll get the same problems and you'll end up on the curb again vague-posting and reposting stupid facebook memes about how your tortured soul gave all to the world and received nothing in return. There is only one single thing in this world that you control, and it's your actions. Think about how next time you should try changing them, instead of others.

 

I'm not looking for a dialogue here or a reply. I'm telling you to move on so that next time you get a similar friendship you will have actually learned something to help it grow, not fester and become foul with toxicity. And if I hear "in my defense" one more time I'm going to punch a wall.

 

A relationship, no matter what kind, should never be the kind of strife you two had 24/7. I am speaking from personal experience here.

 

The scars are what makes you unique. Being plain and unable to stand out is a terrible existence.

Requiescat in pace, Shiva "Anarith" Kumar.
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True friends are never separated by distance, for they are forever linked by their hearts.

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Video related.

 

 

 

I wish I were as strong as you, but I cannot forget as I would also give up the cheerful memories of crowded skype calls, joyous hours of board games, scape, pokemon battles, and far to much I could list. I've lived an interesting 23 years and have yet to find another soul that I could relate to as much as him. I'm not into HIM like that, but the bond between us was as stronger than brothers. We had people come into the picture that splintered us many times, but still we remained good friends, both of us mustering apologies after so many stupid arguements of silly banter and interpersonal skype calls. We were together for 6+ hours a day, everyday. WE knew when the other was feeling down, and how to bring them up, yet how to bring each other down to other. WE laughed at our own faults, as well as each others. The last time we spoke was in february when I was on hard times and in a rather trollish mood. Something I said was smited to oblivion even if it was my typical playful passive taunts, and I regret that day more than any in my life. I was swore off, thrown away, exiled to the hellish land of loneliness. As I said it is my greatest regret, but something I refuse to forget.

 

 

Alright buddy, I hate to break it to you, but you're an adult. This isn't how adults are supposed to act. I get you're a kid at heart enjoying pokemon and mmos, but there's a difference between that and not knowing when to move on.

 

It wasn't working. You guys couldn't go two days without being at each other's throats for the last three months you were talking, probably. It was nothing bad jabs at each other that were rarely in the same playful vein that's usually used. You say passive, playful taunts, but in the end there was nothing but venom behind every single one. It was as passive aggressive as... these constant posts here and elsewhere.

 

You're a fine enough guy but I'm sick and tired of seeing the same whining of this still months later. If you were younger, I would understand, but you're an adult and yet you sound like you're a 13 year old who broke up with their first girlfriend or boyfriend with all the dramatic and flair.

 

I am not commenting on the dynamics of anyone else involved because pure and simple you two are done being friendly and you need to stop treating it like a wound still bleeding four months later. When it scabs over, stop picking out it, or you'll end up with a scar when it could have healed healthily when left alone.

 

If you had cared, if it had really mattered, you would have done something when it mattered rather than (what is this, the fourth of fifth time?) vague-posting your teenage angst and looking for redemption not from yourself, but from others. So that the next time, if we get another next time, you wont have learned anything and we'll get the same problems and you'll end up on the curb again vague-posting and reposting stupid facebook memes about how your tortured soul gave all to the world and received nothing in return. There is only one single thing in this world that you control, and it's your actions. Think about how next time you should try changing them, instead of others.

 

I'm not looking for a dialogue here or a reply. I'm telling you to move on so that next time you get a similar friendship you will have actually learned something to help it grow, not fester and become foul with toxicity. And if I hear "in my defense" one more time I'm going to punch a wall.

 

A relationship, no matter what kind, should never be the kind of strife you two had 24/7. I am speaking from personal experience here.

The scars are what makes you unique. Being plain and unable to stand out is a terrible existence.
What? No way dude. That's the kind of thing that depressed people say to rationalize their depression rather than seeking to improve their lives and become happier. Scars don't make you unique-- depression is one of the most common illnesses in the world; it's easy to be depressed because you don't have to do anything. If anything, happiness is what makes you unique in these days. Finding a genuinely happy person is extremely rare.
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Lmao just because you have scars doesn't mean you're depressed. Are you competently lit? Scars are a remembrance of wounds once had. They're a lesson, so to speak. Lesson of what happened in the past, how you handled it, how you can avoid it in the future, and how to move on with your life. Telling someone they're "depressed" because they have emotional scars is ignorant and completely stupid. You might as well tell a woman her beauty is tainted because she has stretch marks after giving birth. Like seriously, do you even think about the shit you spew sometimes? 

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Video related.

 

 

 

I wish I were as strong as you, but I cannot forget as I would also give up the cheerful memories of crowded skype calls, joyous hours of board games, scape, pokemon battles, and far to much I could list. I've lived an interesting 23 years and have yet to find another soul that I could relate to as much as him. I'm not into HIM like that, but the bond between us was as stronger than brothers. We had people come into the picture that splintered us many times, but still we remained good friends, both of us mustering apologies after so many stupid arguements of silly banter and interpersonal skype calls. We were together for 6+ hours a day, everyday. WE knew when the other was feeling down, and how to bring them up, yet how to bring each other down to other. WE laughed at our own faults, as well as each others. The last time we spoke was in february when I was on hard times and in a rather trollish mood. Something I said was smited to oblivion even if it was my typical playful passive taunts, and I regret that day more than any in my life. I was swore off, thrown away, exiled to the hellish land of loneliness. As I said it is my greatest regret, but something I refuse to forget.

 

Alright buddy, I hate to break it to you, but you're an adult. This isn't how adults are supposed to act. I get you're a kid at heart enjoying pokemon and mmos, but there's a difference between that and not knowing when to move on.

 

It wasn't working. You guys couldn't go two days without being at each other's throats for the last three months you were talking, probably. It was nothing bad jabs at each other that were rarely in the same playful vein that's usually used. You say passive, playful taunts, but in the end there was nothing but venom behind every single one. It was as passive aggressive as... these constant posts here and elsewhere.

 

You're a fine enough guy but I'm sick and tired of seeing the same whining of this still months later. If you were younger, I would understand, but you're an adult and yet you sound like you're a 13 year old who broke up with their first girlfriend or boyfriend with all the dramatic and flair.

 

I am not commenting on the dynamics of anyone else involved because pure and simple you two are done being friendly and you need to stop treating it like a wound still bleeding four months later. When it scabs over, stop picking out it, or you'll end up with a scar when it could have healed healthily when left alone.

 

If you had cared, if it had really mattered, you would have done something when it mattered rather than (what is this, the fourth of fifth time?) vague-posting your teenage angst and looking for redemption not from yourself, but from others. So that the next time, if we get another next time, you wont have learned anything and we'll get the same problems and you'll end up on the curb again vague-posting and reposting stupid facebook memes about how your tortured soul gave all to the world and received nothing in return. There is only one single thing in this world that you control, and it's your actions. Think about how next time you should try changing them, instead of others.

 

I'm not looking for a dialogue here or a reply. I'm telling you to move on so that next time you get a similar friendship you will have actually learned something to help it grow, not fester and become foul with toxicity. And if I hear "in my defense" one more time I'm going to punch a wall.

 

A relationship, no matter what kind, should never be the kind of strife you two had 24/7. I am speaking from personal experience here.

The scars are what makes you unique. Being plain and unable to stand out is a terrible existence.
What? No way dude. That's the kind of thing that depressed people say to rationalize their depression rather than seeking to improve their lives and become happier. Scars don't make you unique-- depression is one of the most common illnesses in the world; it's easy to be depressed because you don't have to do anything. If anything, happiness is what makes you unique in these days. Finding a genuinely happy person is extremely rare.

 

And what if I find happiness in my scars and broken mind?

Requiescat in pace, Shiva "Anarith" Kumar.
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351 Quest Points|99 Strength|99 Attack|99 Constitution|99 Defence|99 Magic|138 Combat|99 Summoning|99 Slayer|99 Ranged|99 Firemaking|99 Dungeoneering|99 Cooking|99 Prayer|99 Runecrafting|99 Smithing|99 Fletching|99 Construction|99 Farming|99 Fishing|99 Herblore|99 Crafting|99 Agility
True friends are never separated by distance, for they are forever linked by their hearts.

Join the HYT CLAN![qfc]90-91-310-65710712[/qfc]

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In retrospect I never should have chased anyone for so long. Kandy's words are bit cruel, biased, among other things, but a bit of truth lies there. I'm still bothered time to time with it. In the end it'll be for the better. I can see exactly how the person I spoke about is, and a man is only as valuable as his word. May his happiness be long, but may his hiprocracy be forever. WE can let this die now.

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REAL TALK BELOW THIS LINE ________________________

 

I came back home 4 days ago. It has been an agonizing 3 months spent in San Francisco not being able to find a job and being ostracized for my recently diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia and what I consider to be intense Aseperger's. I got hurt in San Francisco and decided I should go back home.

 

Back in Florida I was about to go to a job interview, called up my cousin who I asked to watch the dogs while I went to a job interview... He flipped out and thought I was trying to hurt the dogs (he believes everyone's things to be his) and rushed over.

 

A slam on the door. "OPEN THIS [bleep]ING DOOR!" I unlock the door, and it gets flung open. There he is, dressed all in green like a fat kid at the fair, green shades, you'd never guess this manchild was 30. I'm 25 and taller and much better shape for reference.

 

He grabs all three dogs in his hands and bolts for his car.

 

Naturally my id fires off full force and howls "BRING BACK MY PUPS!" I chase after him, the dogs whimpering and Bindi very likely pissing herself. Nikki poor dimentia/cancer ridden addled dog was scared shitless and biting my cousin, and Bubba was shaking badly.

 

I threw myself on his front door and lodged my hand inside his car, screaming for him to give back the dogs. I grabbed his shirt.

 

He unleashed all hell on my head.

 

First impact. I completely start seeing red, id is furious.

 

Second impact. I see stars.

 

Third impact. "[bleep]ING LET GO OF ME YOU PSYCHOPATH" "GIVE ME BACK MY BABIES"

 

Fourth impact. "CALL THE POLICE HE'S STEALING MY DOGS!"

 

Fifth impact. "DON'T LISTEN TO HIM HE'S A CRAZY SCHIZOPHRENIC PSYCHOPATH"

 

Sixth impact. A woman runs over and screams at the cousin to stop.

 

Seventh impact. "IT'S OK HE WAS TRYING TO KILL THESE DOGS I'M SAVING THEM THEY'RE MY DOGS"

 

Eighth impact. "HE'S A LIAR HE'S SSSSSSSSSSTEALING MY DOGS THEY'RE THEY'RE THEY... Parent's.... dogs....

 

Ninth impact. My glasses fall off.

 

Tenth impact. "Are you done yet [bleep]. Give them back."

 

By this time I manage to get his arms out of the car and pin them against the frame to get him to stop attacking. I'm completely in another world right now and really want to break his arms in so many places but my id is in pieces. Superego takes over and tells me not to, he is mistaken and will see sense after this is over. Martyr comes out. "Let him destroy you if it means he will realise the error of his ways"

 

I reach back in snatching for my dogs.

 

First punch to the jaw. GIVE. THEM. BACK.

 

Second impact to the jaw. GET THE [bleep] OFF OF ME YOU PSYCHOTIC [roosters]UCKING MOTHER[bleep]ER PSYCHOPATHIC PEDOPHILE DOG[bleep]ING PIECE OF SHIT [bleep].

 

Third impact. Shove his shoulder, dragging his arm back into the car and leaving a nasty bruise. [bleep] him. I'm concussed badly. But I don't care he's stealing my babies.

 

He bites my upper arm through my nice blue polo.

 

I feel no pain. ONLY ANNOYANCE.

 

He starts backing out. Dragging me along. Me desperately telling the woman to call the police.

 

HE'S A PSYCHOPATHIC ATHEIST DON'T LISTEN TO HIM.

 

I start crying at the betrayal.

 

I lose my grip and he drives off.

 

I dial 911.

 

MY DOGS HAVE BEEN STOLEN

 

address?

 

THEY'VE BEEN STOLEN

 

sir we need your address.

 

2120 ALAMANDA DRIVE NORTH MIAMI FLORIDA 33181 MY NAME IS BRANDON KELLY THE THIEF IS ***************** AND LIVES AT ***********************.

 

what happened

 

HE HURT ME AND STOLE MY DOGS

 

do you need medical attention

 

(Should... SHOULD... we seek.... h-h-h-hh-elp, L-lllll--little l--amb?)

 

(HE HAS OUR FAMILY WOLF)

 

I NEED MY DOGS SAVED.

 

police are en route

 

fire rescue as well to check you out.

 

Long story short. Restraining order. Dogs are safe. I may be permanently brain damaged, I plan on going back to the ER tomorrow after I put in my job app. No insurance currently.

 

I will drop the charges after the trial.

 

He needs to learn that you can't brutalize someone and get off scott free.

 

YOU DO NOT [bleep] WITH US.

Requiescat in pace, Shiva "Anarith" Kumar.
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351 Quest Points|99 Strength|99 Attack|99 Constitution|99 Defence|99 Magic|138 Combat|99 Summoning|99 Slayer|99 Ranged|99 Firemaking|99 Dungeoneering|99 Cooking|99 Prayer|99 Runecrafting|99 Smithing|99 Fletching|99 Construction|99 Farming|99 Fishing|99 Herblore|99 Crafting|99 Agility
True friends are never separated by distance, for they are forever linked by their hearts.

Join the HYT CLAN![qfc]90-91-310-65710712[/qfc]

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well, as bizarre as that story is, i don't think his anger there necessarily had anything to due with his schizophrenia from what i could tell.

 

 

and i'm not sure how you have the ability to tell him what makes him happy and what doesn't.

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Happiness is not having immediate problems and pointing out how other people do.

Not sure what you mean here, could you elaborate?

 

well, as bizarre as that story is, i don't think his anger there necessarily had anything to due with his schizophrenia from what i could tell.

The first paragraph and his references to the Freudian id and superego lead me to believe otherwise

 

and i'm not sure how you have the ability to tell him what makes him happy and what doesn't.

I could write a book on this topic, but in a nutshell there's a bunch of "red flags" I see from various people which suggest that they aren't happy with their lives. And to be honest, whenever I see someone talk about their own "happiness" I usually take it with a grain of salt. For example, there was a time a while back where someone said "I consider myself to be a happy person" and "I get chronic, severe road rage" in the same post. Anyone who gets severe chronic road rage isn't a happy person lol. Or there will be people with depression talking as if they understand how happiness works. That's like a homeless person telling a billionaire that they understand how money works.

 

Or there was a time that I made a thread about a very simple "shortcut" technique to feeling very strong, profound happiness... A technique which is endorsed by the president of the APA, which I learned from my old positive psychology professor in college. I've literally witnessed about a dozen people cry tears of joy for the first time in their lives after using the technique... Yet nobody on these forums wanted to try it :P

 

Some of my friends in RL will talk about how "happy" they are, yet they constantly complain about their financial and romantic lives. These friends aren't happy. Maybe they're "content" or "satisfied" or "not depressed," but they're not happy.

 

I was hanging out with a friend of mine yesterday cuz he quit his job (which he hated) last week. He told me, "dude it feels amazing to finally quit working there. I'm starting to see what you meant-- this freedom's awesome." This was another self-proclaimed "happy" friend of mine. They just don't know what they don't know.

 

It also goes back to the locus of control. Long term consistent happiness is basically impossible if you have an external locus of control-- which is something that's very "readable" in others if you pay attention to the things they say.

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Or there was a time that I made a thread about a very simple "shortcut" technique to feeling very strong, profound happiness... A technique which is endorsed by the president of the APA, which I learned from my old positive psychology professor in college. I've literally witnessed about a dozen people cry tears of joy for the first time in their lives after using the technique... Yet nobody on these forums wanted to try it :P

 

repost pls

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Or there was a time that I made a thread about a very simple "shortcut" technique to feeling very strong, profound happiness... A technique which is endorsed by the president of the APA, which I learned from my old positive psychology professor in college. I've literally witnessed about a dozen people cry tears of joy for the first time in their lives after using the technique... Yet nobody on these forums wanted to try it :P

 

repost pls

 

http://forum.tip.it/topic/324332-gratitude/

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