Tried my luck at short stories.. Not pretty.

[Dreamtongirl]

He never meant it. Any of it.

 

All his promises, his every word, his lips pressed gently to mine, his hands carressing my skin in gentle, familiar movements, the shear beauty of it all..

 

Lies.

 

 

 

I only knew that now, as the unwelcomed truth slowly consumed me, inch by inch, tearing through my heart, breaking me. I lowered my head, forcing my feet to carry what was left of my pitiful self to the edge of the cliff face.

 

 

 

Chest aching, i examined my awaiting destiny. The dark water below was no longer rough and chilling, but warm and welcoming. I could almost feel it pulling me closer, urging me to become a part of it, to become one.

 

 

 

I smiled, tears strewn across my face. My eyes closed. Taking one of my last breaths, i laughed bitterly at myself. At what i had become. At him. At the world. Maybe i was becoming hysterical. I didn't see what it mattered now, as i would soon be at peace.

 

 

 

And with that i flung myself from the edge, wind blowing violently through my dark hair, tears drying on my cheeks. I hit the water hard. Like a hammer onto ice. The friendly, clinging water dis-orientated me, dragging me down to it's very depths. Where i belonged. My last thought was of him. 'You never meant it..'

 

 

 

__

 

 

 

Help me edit, please? D:

[Wongtong]

Maybe you could make it happy.

 

Or make them her push the guy off the cliff. =D>

 

(kidding)

 

 

 

I think my evil short stories are rubbing off on you :S

[Kilo]

I'm naturally an idealist when it comes to stories. Without a happy ending you replicate real life, and are in no way influenced. That's just me, but I believe a good ending is almost naturally required. I'd try writing another story with all the same implications, but twist it so it's less reality and more story.

[Sam]

That's actually really good IMO. It has a nice flow to it, I like how you keep the reason for the girl jumping off a secret.

[The Observer]

I like it your use of literary devices! :thumbsup:

[Nom]

That's actually really good IMO. It has a nice flow to it, I like how you keep the reason for the girl jumping off a secret.

 

 

 

It's a guy. Duh.

 

 

 

More exposition is required to explain why this girl is so mentally unstable as to jump off a cliff over some guy she had a fling with.

[Dreamtongirl]

That's actually really good IMO. It has a nice flow to it, I like how you keep the reason for the girl jumping off a secret.

 

 

 

It's a guy. Duh.

 

 

 

More exposition is required to explain why this girl is so mentally unstable as to jump off a cliff over some guy she had a fling with.

 

 

 

Thanks for the comments, guys. Any advice? Asides from making it happier?

 

 

 

And Nom, It wasn't a fling, it was a relationship. Very big difference. Hence why she was so "mentally unstable" which lead her to jumping off the cliff.

[Nom]

Sure doesn't sound like it was anything more than a fling to the guy.

 

 

 

I find it hard to believe that no one else thinks that a girl throwing herself off a cliff because some boy cheated on her disturbing. Or whatever he did; I just threw down the most likely and most devastating instance. Note that I use 'devastating' lightly. So yes, I am going to assume she has some sort of emotional or mental disorder, because no girl I know is going to kill herself over something as stupid as a high school relationship.

 

 

 

Hence why the attempt at suspense through lack of info falls flat, a) because what is going on is incredibly obvious, and B) because the obvious explanation makes no sense.

[Dreamtongirl]

He tore his eyes away from the mound of bark below him, and glanced sideways at his life. The girl he valued most swung silently back and forth on the rusty, damp swing, completely focused on the fire-lit evening sky.

 

He watched her intensely as she lowered her head, dark, free hair falling loosely around her heart shaped face, concealing the mysterious hard eyes which he was so often fascinated by.

 

This couldn't go on forever. He knew he had to end the silent suffering of unspoken love. Determination in his mind, fighting against the feelings in his heart.

 

Unsure of what he was yet to say, his mouth opened to speak, to just utter a simple word, only to find that nothing would come. It was as though all words, all memory of their meanings, had been erased right there and then.

 

She then stood up, their eyes locking together for a split second. Automatically he lowered his head, unable to meet her gaze. She breathed in a lung full of air and let out a long sigh.

 

"I have to go." Was all she mumbled.

 

Frantically, this mind started screaming at him repeatedly. 'No! Not yet! Tell her to stay!' Again, the words refused to make it from his head to his mouth.

 

Eyes still on the ground, he heard a shuffling noise as she took a few small steps closer.

 

"You'll take care, won't you." She stated, not bothering to ask the question, knowing he wouldn't answer what she'd want to hear, anyway. He looked up several moments later, only to find her no longer beside him, she was heading slowly through the large, moist field. Heart pounding radically he once again opened his mouth to say something. The only word he could manage to utter was her name. She spun around automatically, his eyes on her as he closed the distance between then in several long strides, stopping in front of her about a foot away.

 

She dug her hands deep into her back pockets, taking a deep breath, waiting for him to speak. He sighed loudly and tilted his head upwards, watching the pink clouds fade to a dull grey. She switched her full weight from her left leg to right, still silent. Sensing this movement he turned his eyes back to hers. They never ceased to amaze him.

 

"I.." He creaked, clearing his throat.

 

"I'm sorry.."

 

She lowered her gaze, and at the same time stepping closer, he reached for her hands and cradled her gently against his chest. When she raised her head, he saw that the rims of her eyes were now stained black, new tears trickling down her face. Removing a hand from hers he gently wiped away the grey tears and pressed his lips softly to her forehead.

 

This time when he opened his mouth to speak, the words no longer came out as apologies, or ones with no significance, but what he had wanted to say the whole time - the truth. The words came out as "I love you.."