(Sort of) Contest Essay - Need Ideas, Please!

[nerdattack16]

This is an essay I'm writing for our local newspaper. The text of the newspaper article:

 

[hide=Article]Just in time for football and tailgating season, we're launching our search for the area's Favorite Fingers -- chicken fingers, that is.

 

 

 

We're scouring the seven-county Birmingham metro area -- Jefferson, Shelby, St. Clair, Bibb, Blount, Chilton and Walker counties -- to find the restaurant that serves the most succulent fried chicken strips around.

 

 

 

 

 

The first step? We want to hear about your favorites. Send your nominations in by 5 p.m. Monday, Aug. 10, and be sure to tell us why those chicken fingers are the best.

 

 

 

A newsroom team will narrow the nominees down to finalists, and a team of celebrity judges (plus a reader judge or two) will decide the winner.

 

 

 

To nominate your favorite fingers, or to tell us why you should be a reader judge, e-mail Bob Carlton at [email protected]. You can also fax your nomination to 325-2494 or write to Favorite Fingers, The Birmingham News, 2201 Fourth Ave. North, Birmingham, AL 35203.

 

 

 

Remember, the deadline is Aug. 10.[/hide]

 

I want to be a reader judge, so I'm writing in. Trying to be funny, casual, yet not stupid and desperate. Yes, all of the article is true. Please critique it, give ideas, etc.!

 

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When I was a young boy, I was appalled by the idea of chicken fingers. What right as people do we have, cutting off that poor chicken's fingers, frying them, and enjoying them, while those miserable chickens walk around unable to pick up their things?

 

 

 

I have since realized that I am an idiot. Chickens don't have fingers!

 

 

 

I have also come to an absolute and unarguable truth: chicken fingers are - not possibly, they simply are - the greatest food we can find on this earth. Except for cheesesteaks. But that's another story.

 

 

 

Seriously, don't say I'm wrong. I'm not. Everyone likes chicken fingers!

 

 

 

Well, maybe your aunt Ruth doesn't. But she's old and stuffy anyways, always makes meatloaf when you come to visit, but it's the dry, crusty kind, not the juicy, tender, flavorful kind your mom used to make. Plus, your mom never painfully pinched your cheeks and commented on how BIG you got from the last time she saw you!

 

 

 

Where was I? Oh yes. Chicken fingers are, without a doubt, the greatest food on this planet. (Except for cheesesteaks.)

 

 

 

My father has always agreed with me that I am a connoisseur of fingers. It's been a favorite food of mind, ever since I realized that not only do chickens not lose their fingers to my stomach, but they simply do not have fingers. Wings, on the other hand... sigh. Those poor, flightless birds.

 

 

 

But I digress.

 

 

 

I have eaten chicken fingers in many places, in many styles, and with many people. Although I am young, I believe I am (or at least, could be) a Finger Master. I just may truly know the difference between what is "finger lickin'" good... and what is not.

 

 

 

Please forgive me for the pun.

 

 

 

When I read the article about a chicken finger contest, my jaw dropped. Cannons detonated. Birds sang. I leaped to my feet and danced the happiest jig you've ever seen. Well, I guess you didn't see it. But you should have. It was impressive.

 

 

 

The opportunity to become a judge in a chicken finger contest? Unreal! This is something only my dreams could have brought me.

 

 

 

Naturally, I pinched myself after reading it. Hard. Then again, to make sure. Nope. Real.

 

 

 

I'll share a dream I have with you. I've wanted my very own Food Network show for some time now. I'm sure you've seen them: a charismatic guy, traveling around, finding all the greatest spots to eat. I have a desire to be that guy, but with one major focus: chicken. Whether it be wings, fried chicken... and of course, chicken fingers.

 

 

 

This opportunity to be a reader judge? It's only the first step! A very important step, but it could be a trampoline to the stars! Or at least, the top floor of Food Network headquarters. Maybe they'll notice the kid jumping up and down right outside their window with a plate of chicken and a big smile on his face.

 

 

 

So hear me, Birmingham News. You need someone to tell you what chicken is the best. You'll find that someone in me,

 

 

 

Plus, I'd never pass up the opportunity to eat delicious chicken. Who would?

[i_love_burritos]

The first step? We want to hear about your favorites. Send your nominations in by 5 p.m. Monday, Aug. 10, and be sure to tell us why those chicken fingers are the best.

 

 

 

 

 

You haven't done anything the paper has asked you to do.

 

 

 

I suggest you re-write the whole thing.

 

 

 

A newspaper "essay" is no different to an essay you might do in school.

 

 

 

You have to see what the question is asking and then from there pose your response. So far you haven't done that.

 

 

 

Also the type of writing style here is more like a speech. So focus less on making funny quips and instead get the material itself correct.

 

 

 

If you are not going to write another one, I can try to help you improve this one - if you want.

[l0rd]

Oh hush Adrenal. I think it's fine, and it made me "heh" a few times. Anyways, writing a judge's application was an option in the main article: "...or to tell us why you should be a reader judge, e-mail Bob Carlton at...."

 

 

 

I think what you have now is fine, and, if only a guy named Bob is going to read it, as it seems like a personal email address, then I really wouldn't worry about trying to put forth a formal essay. I'm sure that what you have is enough to get you qualified for your little finger competition.

 

 

 

Your article seems to convey your interest, your projected personality, and your experience with chicken fingers. I'd let you judge my competition.

[i_love_burritos]

Oh hush Adrenal. I think it's fine, and it made me "heh" a few times. Anyways, writing a judge's application was an option in the main article: "...or to tell us why you should be a reader judge, e-mail Bob Carlton at...."

 

 

 

I think what you have now is fine, and, if only a guy named Bob is going to read it, as it seems like a personal email address, then I really wouldn't worry about trying to put forth a formal essay. I'm sure that what you have is enough to get you qualified for your little finger competition.

 

 

 

Your article seems to convey your interest, your projected personality, and your experience with chicken fingers. I'd let you judge my competition.

 

 

 

Ehhhh. Shaddup'

[nerdattack16]

Gotta finish reading the article, Adrenal. ;)

 

 

 

Thanks for the feedback.