The First Annual Off Topic Rap Battle

[Shiny]

Dupin. I respect your decision

To taunt me, but lets with precision

Look ahead, to the future and beyond

Flying, we really must abscond

[Dupin]

I tried, my friend, to the point of praying,

But I still have no idea what the [bleep] you're saying.

[Shiny]

Abstract, my dear old friend

With abstract expressions comes a way to mend.

[Saru Inc]

See and that's the thing,

Like a midnight summer's fling.

You act like an affair with flames I have

As if my forum time I enjoy to halve.

 

But in reality it's only respect

That I have to give, now with inspect

I have decided to reflect all your

Lame land country wide tours.

My visa was revoked cuz I'm too hot for this

So ahem. Case dismissed.

 

Now, with this let's redefine

What we mean by the word battle.

Because line by line

You merely and meekly rattled

The bars of this prison holding me back

Like starving lion I attack.

I call you mufasa cuz I run over

Your attempts to save the owner

But you can call me bonkers cuz

Cuz I carry all you like a tonka

Truck into the storage bin

The cleaning men nd women

Will be by later to pick you

No hate, just playing, chin up.

 

 

 

*in all serious, my original rap was completely playful, and i didn't intend it to come across as rude...*

[Sam]

We seem to be getting very posh,

but it's starting to sound like a load of tosh,

I'm sorry to sound mean,

old bean.

[Shiny]

Old Saru, I must attend

With my power, I'm willing to bend

The laws of this land, to gift you a visa

Lets hope my decision doesn't liken to Black Mesa

 

I know. Hate is not here

Jest I was, lest in fear

OT, is place to celebrate

Now, lets ... masturbate?

[Sam]

That breaks a rule,

You fool!

We are rapping,

not [bleep]!

[Dupin]

Sam's right, and the rhyme is quite entertaining

I reccommend the "Favorite OTers" thread for that type of straining.

[stevepole]

I'm up like viagra,

Back to kill this [cabbage]

 

Sam be drinking like a child

looking like Tony Hayward, BP

chunder everywhere.

 

With that,

I'm outa here.

[Sam]

Say what?

You been smokin some pot?

People who smoke green,

say it's rather keen,

but smoking is bad,

But think of the good times we've had

[RpgGamer]

why all these white boys be trippin'

these lyrical raps you rippin'

are flippin' whack

 

wheres our local ethnic crew

with the flow of a poetic attack

I'm just a white boy, too

 

Don't feel bad, we're all ex- 'scapers

but when i saw a thread for rappin'

i wanted to jump off some 'scrapers

 

Y'all are ridiculous

and all you posers are talentless

so stop word smithin', and go back to fappin'

[ThurinEthir]

what's up in this thread yo

i just got back from piano

i can't rap with a meter

'least i measure in centimeters

yea this rap fails so hard

so i'll stop tryin to be a bard

[Zaaps1]

Lol little moddy, you think you got it rough?

Go to the life of the Crew, that's where it's really tough

Cuz when the coding attacks, no it don't give back

And when you're validating, no, you don't get cut no slack

Take a screenie once, no that's not good enough

Take it five more times, better get paid a million bucks

What's going on around here, you say that you got enough?

But I'm just getting started, so sit down and buckle up

I know what you're thinking, way to drag this debate to a rap

But once the rapping gets going, there's no way of turning back

So let me reiterate this statement, Crew owns, hows that sound?

And I know I getting banned--

So I might as well change my status to offline now.

[GottaGetDownOnfriday]

Woke up this morning and saw this post.

Went to the kitchen and made me some toast.

I came back to my computer out of breath

OMG WTF

its the blue screen of death

 

I rebooted my computer because im bored

I logged into warcraft, FOR THE HORDE!

I farmed wailing caverns for hatchlings

scored a few deviates cha-ching cha-ching

Now I have a few thousand more gold

its off to the auction house

to see my loot sold.

 

I really suck at rhyming,

its not the timing

I just fail at life.

[Saru Inc]

So since the last posts are inundated

With lame jokes and rhymes restated

I'll make a post that's wholly unrelated

About a history class I keep highly rated.

 

(in other words, I wrote this earlier today on my other forum L )

 

"

I listened to the teacher. Now called preacher,

Because I was sittin in the classroom bleachers,

Listening to him, damn my brains a fast leecher,

talking about Christianity, and hi Jesus, nice to meet ya!

So I haerd the other blokes, stand up straight and talk about all the folk,

The ones who lived and died when burdens were still called some "yolks."

They talked of a tail of someone you might know.

They talked about how great Rome was and all,

But quickly changed subject to what exactly brought around the fall.

Like walking down a history lane shopping mall,

They showed all the mental sidetracks and artifacts

With which Rome became enthralled.

They talked about how Jesus was said to have come to save the world,

But never knew if he was human, in others words, don't know boy from girl.

I listened to the rambling and put my brain back in control,

Speeding down the intellectual super highway, as my wheels roll.

The facts all become blurs like the words uttered from the girl with the pole;

That I imagine she'd fit so nicely wrapped around

Because in this town

The only way to not frown

Is to divulge.

All your secrets and your lies and your reasons soforth untold,

That you find happiness despite all the trees in the fold.

Who are massacred and murdered and numbered so high, oh [cabbage] a toll--

Booth and I'm back up and speeding down the high way fast,

Clock on my dashboard says hurry up your boy, you're gonna be last.

So up I stand out of the car as high as I can be,

My rational and concrete car coming to a stop. a tall six-three (6'3")

I simply talked about how Virgil wrote his Aeneid (teacher prounded it 'ey-knee-id')

Was merely just a wager against homer and his illiad.

So then the teacher said well Sam, listen here you kid.

I listened to the words that came from your tongue and such,

Your knowledge of history could make even one like me kinda blush

However, not to knot your panties or cut off your long tall (anal) bush

BUT THAT ASSIGNMENT WAS FOR LAST CLASS. HAHA KID, LATE MUCH?

"

[Pirate_Felix]

(The guy above me doesnt seem to realise its actually red ring of death.)

 

Is it time?

Sam, can you spare a dime?

People watch me rhyme...

Hearts go colder than rime.

[mcneilp]

I saw this thread from my pier

I almost choked on my beer

Its makin me bleed from my ear

Like bein stabbed with a spear

I cant rap without sounding queer

Thats it, im done here...

[Saru Inc]

I saw this thread from my pier

I almost choked on my beer

Its makin me bleed from my ear

Like bein stabbed with a spear

I cant rap without sounding queer

Thats it, im done here...

 

 

Sound queer? Boy come here

Don't fear, I can't leer.

However not to jeer, but like a deer

You are caught in headlights clear.

Off goes your head into the field near

I pick it up and dust it off. And call it Mcneilp

 

Oh so i couldn't think of a last rhyme

But don't worry, I will. NEXT TIME!

[Ieyfura]

So it seems rap ain't my thing

I much rather listen to the Industrial swing

Don't get me wrong

This style can be strong

But the things here in

Make me scream within

All this sex, drugs and crunk

Is really just junk

So lets all rap

About the meaningful crap.

 

Yeah, my rap is lame

But thats me being tame.

This society we live in

In not much to be given.

Where has our sight gone

Our blindness should be undone.

Pull our [cabbage] together

And lets change the weather.

Thats all I've got to say

Rap really isn't my way.

[Pirate_Felix]

I saw this thread from my pier

I almost choked on my beer

Its makin me bleed from my ear

Like bein stabbed with a spear

I cant rap without sounding queer

Thats it, im done here...

 

 

Sound queer? Boy come here

Don't fear, I can't leer.

However not to jeer, but like a deer

You are caught in headlights clear.

Off goes your head into the field near

I pick it up and dust it off. And call it Mcneilp

 

Oh so i couldn't think of a last rhyme

But don't worry, I will. NEXT TIME!

Hello im Chris Hansen with dateline NBC

Why dont you have a seat over here?

Lately we have been watching you pee

And i think you are queer.

[Sam]

yo, guys,

don't be a homophobe,

or I'll take your ear lobe,

you won't be able to listen to my rap,

but hey, it'll probably a load of crap.

[Bows]

If you take my ear lobe,

I can still hear, yo.

[Dupin]

It's bad enough that y'all can't rhyme.

At least spell "hear" right next time.

[Bows]

That was my bad,

Don't get so mad.

[Shiny]

Rap. What the [bleep] is rap?

A vast world, you need a map

OT, let me take you on a journey

Listen to me and stop being horny

 

Rap, as some of you know

Lyrical poems, a real big show

Attempted, mostly by black

They have something white men lack

 

Soul. Boy, soul is what they got

You remember their rhymes, you never forgot

White men, like Vannila Ice

Lack the soul, lack the spice

 

But boy, girl this aint racially charged

Because white men, need to get recharged

They can rap, if they give it a punch

Hold on a minute, let me get to the crunch

 

OT, I have a confession

When I was twelve I got an obsession

Hip-Hop, was my name and my game

Back then, I didn't think I was lame

 

Da Hom3yz, was my band oh yeah

Something about it, didn't strike me as queer

Take a look, on youtube, yo

You'll see my rap talent, bro

 

- A link is what I got

My rap talent is smoking hot

So OT, take a tip from me

Keep on rapping, you'll be the best you can be.

 

Word. (I am the one in the white and grey hoodie, and caution, bad language)