All jokes and such here please!

[elfkiller21]

Whats a dear with no eyes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have No - I - deer

 

What do u call a deer with no eyes or legs?

 

 

i -Still have no I deer.

 

 

 

Why do ducks have flat feet?

 

to stomp out forest fires.

 

 

why do elphants have flat feet?

 

 

 

to stomp out burning ducks.

Edited December 29, 2011 by Killerred005
double post merged

[Cwazy Casper]

Arti was a real loser. Every job and every idea he ever had turned out wrong. He thought to himself, if I went into business for myself, maybe, just maybe I can do well. He thought and he thought, what could he do. It came to him, he would be a HIT MAN.

 

The next day he put a classified ad in the newspaper reading, "I am Arti, I will be your HIT MAN. Give me a call and I will kill anyone you want rubbed out."

 

Well that very day Arti receives his first call. The caller asks if it were true that Arti would indeed kill anyone and Arti assured him that was the case.

 

The man told Arti he wanted his wife killed. Arti said, "Fine, but how much will you pay me?"

 

The man replied, "£1.00."

 

Arti said, "No way, bullets cost more than that."

 

The man replied, "Look, take it or leave it. Many people would kill my wife for free, but I don't want to be obligated."

 

Arti thought it over and figured he could use the practice so he said, "OK, tell me about your wife, how can I find her?"

 

The man said, "In the clothing department at Tesco's, every day at four o'clock she is there. She wears a yellow outfit and is always complaining about something."

 

Arti decides that he will go there and choke her. At least he will save himself the cost of bullets. Sure enough, she is in the clothing department of Tesco complaining about the colour of a paticular dress.

 

Arti reaches behind her and chokes her. As she fall to the floor, she makes a gasp. The manager of the clothing department turns around and sees what has happened and calls out. Arti lunges at the manager and chokes him.

 

Just as the manager falls to the floor, a lady sees what has happened and screams out. Arti grabs her chokes her and runs out of the supermarket.

 

He is captured a block away. What does the headline of the newspaper read?

 

ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A POUND AT TESCOS!

[Blaze The Movie Fan]

How many men does it take to torn down a building?

 

None, buildings torn down by themselves.

[chenw]

Borderlands 2:

 

What was the Vault hunter's facebook status after he proposed to the Mechromancer and she said yes?

 

[hide] En-gaige-d[/hide]

[jasignhagj]

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here"

The horse calls the ACLU and sues the bar for discrimination

[Gang Sabre]

I dont get that one. Im clueless.