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jaklumen

All jokes and such here please!

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So I cleaned up this thread a little bit. It appears inactivity got to it which resulted in it being handled so late.

 

We try and keep moderation lenient, however may I remind you guys that offensive or tasteless jokes will be removed and will result in action taken against your forum account. Since the posts were so old (months to a year old) I've just simply removed them without further consequence. However, if you decide to repost them or post them despite this warning I won't hesitate to take action against your account.


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Whats a dear with no eyes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have No - I - deer

 

What do u call a deer with no eyes or legs?

 

 

i -Still have no I deer.

 

 

 

Why do ducks have flat feet?

 

to stomp out forest fires.

 

 

why do elphants have flat feet?

 

 

 

to stomp out burning ducks.

Edited by Killerred005
double post merged

Puss-In-Boots-1.jpg

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Arti was a real loser. Every job and every idea he ever had turned out wrong. He thought to himself, if I went into business for myself, maybe, just maybe I can do well. He thought and he thought, what could he do. It came to him, he would be a HIT MAN.

 

The next day he put a classified ad in the newspaper reading, "I am Arti, I will be your HIT MAN. Give me a call and I will kill anyone you want rubbed out."

 

Well that very day Arti receives his first call. The caller asks if it were true that Arti would indeed kill anyone and Arti assured him that was the case.

 

The man told Arti he wanted his wife killed. Arti said, "Fine, but how much will you pay me?"

 

The man replied, "£1.00."

 

Arti said, "No way, bullets cost more than that."

 

The man replied, "Look, take it or leave it. Many people would kill my wife for free, but I don't want to be obligated."

 

Arti thought it over and figured he could use the practice so he said, "OK, tell me about your wife, how can I find her?"

 

The man said, "In the clothing department at Tesco's, every day at four o'clock she is there. She wears a yellow outfit and is always complaining about something."

 

Arti decides that he will go there and choke her. At least he will save himself the cost of bullets. Sure enough, she is in the clothing department of Tesco complaining about the colour of a paticular dress.

 

Arti reaches behind her and chokes her. As she fall to the floor, she makes a gasp. The manager of the clothing department turns around and sees what has happened and calls out. Arti lunges at the manager and chokes him.

 

Just as the manager falls to the floor, a lady sees what has happened and screams out. Arti grabs her chokes her and runs out of the supermarket.

 

He is captured a block away. What does the headline of the newspaper read?

 

ARTI CHOKES THREE FOR A POUND AT TESCOS!


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Borderlands 2:

 

What was the Vault hunter's facebook status after he proposed to the Mechromancer and she said yes?

 

[hide] En-gaige-d[/hide]


tim_chenw2.png
6,924th to 30 hunting, 13,394th to 30 summoning, 52,993rd to 30 Divination

Kiln Record (Post-EoC): W 25 - L 0, 14 Uncut Onyx, 8 Jad hits received (Best record: Two in the same kiln)
Obby set renewed post update #2: 0

QBD drops: 21 crossbow parts, 3 Visages, 1 Kites, 2 Kits

Max Port Score [2205] Achieved: 27th April 2013 (World 2nd)

 

Farmyard Rampage ranking: 12th, 50,000 Kills.

 

Dragon Pickaxe Drops: 1 (Times after I first entered Battlefield: 2h)

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A horse walks into a bar

The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here"

The horse calls the ACLU and sues the bar for discrimination

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