Cyberbullying

[Nomrombom]

I get the difference between a minor case and one like that.

 

I can't say I've experience suicide due to cyberbullying, but I can say that I was bullied for much of my life. I had few friends at a time, and I was beat up at least two or three times. A lot of people still don't like me and make no qualms about saying so. But now I have friends and I am aware of the social consequences of actions. I stood up in eighth grade to a bully and punched him in the face. That summer, I stood up to someone else (who had wronged me multiple times) driving him to tears just with words. I know what it's like to be bullied and not have friends.

 

But I didn't commit suicide. I manned up, got physical once or twice, and showed people I was not to be messed with.

 

If people are too... I don't know. Weak? Nice? Too something to do that, then I'm not going to feel sorry for them when they go to the extreme.

 

I'm seeing a pattern here. If someone is not like you, doesn't agree with you, or can't do what you do, they are automatically wrong/weak/dumb. Interesting.

 

Nope. But if they care so little about their own life that they're willing to just kill themselves instead of getting help, I don't feel sorry for them. Maybe that's douchey or whatever, but that's how it is.

[Kimberly]

Alexis Pilkington was in my school. Pissed me off how big they made it WHEN THE PARENTS INSISTED THE MEDIA WAS EXAGGERATING.

 

Yeah...in all honesty, probably a poor example, but it's the most recent suicide that I'm aware of that involved cyberbullying specifically. By 2010 the media already realized what a cash cow such topics were and milked it thoroughly, but nonetheless it's still a tragedy that it happened.

 

Nope. But if they care so little about their own life that they're willing to just kill themselves instead of getting help, I don't feel sorry for them. Maybe that's douchey or whatever, but that's how it is.

 

I don't think anyone agrees with someone taking their own life as a means to solve their problems. But there is a difference between that and what you're doing, which is belittling the tragedy. That is the sort of apathy that allows these things to continue, why people shut up and bottle it in instead of talking about it, why people don't get the help they need. Because of attitudes like yours. Because of the 'tough it up' mentality. It boxes people in and makes them feel trapped with their problems...and it's unfortunately a very common occurrence these days.

 

Surely you can see why that is wrong, and how it's honestly appalling.

[Riku3220]

Alexis Pilkington was in my school. Pissed me off how big they made it WHEN THE PARENTS INSISTED THE MEDIA WAS EXAGGERATING.

 

Yeah...in all honesty, probably a poor example, but it's the most recent suicide that I'm aware of that involved cyberbullying specifically. By 2010 the media already realized what a cash cow such topics were and milked it thoroughly, but nonetheless it's still a tragedy that it happened.

 

Nope. But if they care so little about their own life that they're willing to just kill themselves instead of getting help, I don't feel sorry for them. Maybe that's douchey or whatever, but that's how it is.

 

I don't think anyone agrees with someone taking their own life as a means to solve their problems. But there is a difference between that and what you're doing, which is belittling the tragedy. That is the sort of apathy that allows these things to continue, why people shut up and bottle it in instead of talking about it, why people don't get the help they need. Because of attitudes like yours. Because of the 'tough it up' mentality. It boxes people in and makes them feel trapped with their problems...and it's unfortunately a very common occurrence these days.

 

Surely you can see why that is wrong, and how it's honestly appalling.

But what help do victims of cyberbullying need? Every website ever, including Tip.It, has a block or some sort of ignore function. As I said before cyberbullies are nothing more than dedicated trolls. They're unable to do anything if the victims don't let them and likely wouldn't do anything to them because they don't have the safety of anonymity. It's the very reason why they're attacking the person through Facebook or whatever instead of doing it in real life. The "tough it up" mentality can hardly apply here when avoiding the problem is as simple as a few clicks.

[Viv]

Most of the suicides are from depression not really cyberbullying people use the internet as a safehaven from real life where they may or may not be bullied but dont stay away from the same people that threaten them irl.. or use the internet to escape social phobia.

 

but some things

 

If someones ur enemy irl why would you accept a friend request from them online? Why would u directly associate yourself with people that you hate irl on the internet where thiers so many ways to completely escape it?

 

The fake profile issue is another thing though but then again not good to tell everyone your personal info and u can also block/delete a person if they are being fishy..

 

 

The people that accually call "cyberbully" are not the people called a few names but people that are bullied at school and then come home and go online to a place where people at thier school are associated and then get bullied more. But if they had just came online and surfed the web w/o visiting social networking sites or had played a game like rs instead of visiting social networking sites then they really wouldnt have gotten bullied..

 

cyber stalking is a whole other thing tho if someone wants to physically hurt someone irl.....

[Kimberly]

[reply]

 

Original post

 

In this thread I think it's common knowledge that there are ways to prevent cyberbullying from happening. The people who can take advantage of this are those who are knowledgeable of the product they're using, be it an online game, social media, instant messaging. The parents of children using these applications must be equally if not better versed in the product they're using so they can set it up for their child. Even then that's not foolproof, because children can make mistakes and parents can't watch them 24-7. If it was, this wouldn't be happening, would it?

 

So saying that protections are out there is great but there is still more to be done, especially from the parent's perspective. And that, by no means, gives anyone the right to belittle the fact that it still happens.

 

It's sort of like mocking someone for getting AIDS, even though it's a highly preventable disease. (Obviously this is a bit of an extreme example, but I chose this example specifically so the relationship was clear to someone who might not understand my viewpoint.)

 

EDIT: Lol 7k posts.

[Nomrombom]

I still just don't understand why people don't use the block function or get help. Or get over it, which I know isn't easy. Of course it's hard to make it stop, but is it really easier to kill oneself?

[The_Gabe]

I still just don't understand why people don't use the block function or get help. Or get over it, which I know isn't easy. Of course it's hard to make it stop, but is it really easier to kill oneself?

 

That's right. You don't understand. Some times a block function isn't enough. There are numerous times where people are cyberbullying by texting and facebook combined, and blocking them can cause even more physical bullying and teasing if that's happening. Some people just can't take it, and they see life as meaningless and full of pain so they just end it.

 

 

Of course I just like to go with Darwin's survival of the fittest. If you can't handle life, move out of the way. That's just my own ideology, but don't quote me on this part because I'm not including it as part of my response.

[Nadril]

So you guys are totally okay with being mean to people.

 

Obviously that is the correct opinion to jump to here.

[Ginger_Warrior]

A point about blocking not raised (well, two points actually) is:

 

1) The fact most cyberbullying happens through IM with known instigators;

2) The considerable overlap between IM/SMS/Facebook and real life interaction.

 

It's wrong to suggest people on MSN are "dedicated trolls". The evidence doesn't support this idea that most instigators of cyberbullying are anonymous strangers on an Internet forum like Tip.It. It is also wrong to claim that all cyberbullying can be blocked when the bullying is likely to continue in the school corridors.

[Racheya]

I think relatively little cyberbullying is going to be from strangers, it's from people you know who already bully you. I've had this in the past when I was bullied both online and at school for making YouTube videos. What did I do? I blocked them or deleted their comments, when they posted my videos up on their pages with mean things I reported it and made sure it got taken down. Of course that didn't mean it wasn't upsetting, but you have options out there to ignore them - at least online.

[obfuscator]

Just because people have the option of ignoring someone doesn't mean people with responsibility shouldn't do anything about it.

 

For example, we (mods) discipline people here who often insult and belittle other people despite the fact that their "victims" could easily just block the person.

[Racheya]

That's true. On a forum or even a site like Facebook, I would expect intervention if I reported bullying. For example, someone was bullying my friend on Bebo ages ago so I reported it and they removed the content. It's places like MSN/Skype/text messaging which can't really be monitored and controlled.

[Crocefisso]

It's as simple as that if you've got the maturity to do so. But much of cyber bullying is directed either at people who are too young to let it go that easily or too emotionally fragile.

Pretty much.

[xSxqPowerx]

I think the point is that prior to all this new technology, bullying could only happen in person. You could try to avoid people while at school, and you were safe from it once you got home.

Now with facebook and youtube and texting and whatnot, the bullying can follow you home too. Yes, there are privacy functions, but it's not such a great situation when you're forced to turn on all kinds of privacy settings for everything you do online just to escape some idiot who wants to harass you, effectively limiting the enjoyment you get out of things that kids nowadays find essential.

 

And, of course, kids rarely know how to deal with this kind of stuff in the right way... it's not an easy thing to admit to, even when you're the victim.

[The Dark Lord]

Trolling is actually illegal?

[muggiwhplar]

Gotta be unhappy with yourself to bully and/or allow yourself to be bullied

[Noxx]

Gotta be unhappy with yourself to bully and/or allow yourself to be bullied

It's not always that simple.

[Duff]

There is the social stigma against girls sleeping around. Guys are 'cool' if they do it, girls are '[bleep]s'. So it's often harder for girls (not to mention they are naturally more sensitive).

 

You have to be very very strong willed (and have friends who stick with you through it) to ignore being bullied.

[muggiwhplar]

Gotta be unhappy with yourself to bully and/or allow yourself to be bullied

It's not always that simple.

 

I'll elaborate...

 

If you are bullying someone, you are unhappy about something. Think about all the times you've said something mean to someone, or even just flipped out on someone in the heat of the moment. Or, think of all the times you've said something mean about someone behind their back. You did that because you were unhappy. Something they do or did makes you unhappy, so you try to feel better about yourself by picking on them or talking [cabbage] about them behind their back.

 

If you can understand that, you're already "better" than people who insult you (whether to your face or behind your back) in an irrational manner. If someone tries to insult me about something illogical, it tells me that they're unhappier than I am (at least at that point in time). That alone is enough to not take their argument seriously and walk away.

 

Things are slightly different for me since I'm an adult with all the freedom in the world. If I were still a kid, being expected to go to school every day while living with my parents, things would be more complicated.

 

Regardless, if I were still in middle school, and I was being bullied by a boy, here's what I'd do:

1. Ignore or laugh at any verbal bullying.

2. If he starts to become physical, I'd warn him to stop.

3. If he finally brings it to a physical level, I'd fight him, even if it meant getting my ass kicked.

 

Basically, ignore or reason with him and if that doesn't work, give him a hard time for bullying you. Bullies will stop picking on you if you give them a hard time and if there's plenty of other targets available who will allow themselves to be bullied w/o any resistance.

 

If a girl was bullying me (probably one of the unhappy, yet popular girls)

1. Ignore or laugh at any verbal bullying.

 

 

Like I said, circumstances are different if you're a kid. But if you're an adult and someone or something is making you unhappy, and you aren't doing anything about it, then that is your fault.

 

You have to be very very strong willed (and have friends who stick with you through it) to ignore being bullied.

 

Being strong willed is a very important factor in maintaining happiness. Friends aren't necessary (though my friendships are my greatest source of happiness).

[obfuscator]

@muggi: I agree with you, but that requires a certain amount of emotional maturity that many people unfortunately just don't possess (including some adults).

[Noxx]

Yes but what you're referring to seems to be more pointing towards physical face-to-face bullying and not cyberbullying. Although the two can be very similar, it is not always the case. I posted an example yesterday (which got removed because it was a bit too explicit an graphic). It was basically about an ex-friend of mine. Some guy wrote a 1000 word essay about her. How loose she is, and how big of a [bleep] she is. He sent it to her, her entire family and all of her friends and fellow students using an anonymous Facebook account. My ex-friend threatened to take it to the police, but she really couldn't do anything about it. Had she taken it to the police chances were that all parties involved (her, the author and any person with whom she has sexual relations with) would have gotten caught up in a nasty court case of which the result might have been a mass deportation. Clearly the author kept this in mind when he decided to send it. There was also no way of a face-to-face confrontation because quite simply she had no idea who it was. She lost a lot of friends because of this, her parents don't look at her the way they used too. She's alone and depressed and she doesn't even know who did this to her.

Even if she tried to ignore it, there are close to 300 people who would not ignore it. And trust me, this country is small. By the next day 300 more people will know about it and before the end of the next day 300 more. By the end of the week anyone who knows anyone is going to know about it and wherever she goes people will look, point and stare. It's not easy to ignore something like that. And theres no way of standing up against it.

 

I know this isn't exactly something that happens every day, but i've seen it happen a lot not only in Qatar but in other countries too. So this tells me that it happens often enough to be used as a valid example. I should also add that this happened to an 18 year old, although not fully an adult i don't think you can put her under the classification of "kid". So this would be a perfect example of being bullied and not being able to do anything about it.

[muggiwhplar]

Yes but what you're referring to seems to be more pointing towards physical face-to-face bullying and not cyberbullying. Although the two can be very similar, it is not always the case. I posted an example yesterday (which got removed because it was a bit too explicit an graphic). It was basically about an ex-friend of mine. Some guy wrote a 1000 word essay about her. How loose she is, and how big of a [bleep] she is. He sent it to her, her entire family and all of her friends and fellow students using an anonymous Facebook account. My ex-friend threatened to take it to the police, but she really couldn't do anything about it. Had she taken it to the police chances were that all parties involved (her, the author and any person with whom she has sexual relations with) would have gotten caught up in a nasty court case of which the result might have been a mass deportation. Clearly the author kept this in mind when he decided to send it. There was also no way of a face-to-face confrontation because quite simply she had no idea who it was. She lost a lot of friends because of this, her parents don't look at her the way they used too. She's alone and depressed and she doesn't even know who did this to her.

Even if she tried to ignore it, there are close to 300 people who would not ignore it. And trust me, this country is small. By the next day 300 more people will know about it and before the end of the next day 300 more. By the end of the week anyone who knows anyone is going to know about it and wherever she goes people will look, point and stare. It's not easy to ignore something like that. And theres no way of standing up against it.

 

I know this isn't exactly something that happens every day, but i've seen it happen a lot not only in Qatar but in other countries too. So this tells me that it happens often enough to be used as a valid example. I should also add that this happened to an 18 year old, although not fully an adult i don't think you can put her under the classification of "kid". So this would be a perfect example of being bullied and not being able to do anything about it.

 

How did she lose friends from this? Why do her parents look at her differently? Were the essay's contents actually true?

[Noxx]

Yes but what you're referring to seems to be more pointing towards physical face-to-face bullying and not cyberbullying. Although the two can be very similar, it is not always the case. I posted an example yesterday (which got removed because it was a bit too explicit an graphic). It was basically about an ex-friend of mine. Some guy wrote a 1000 word essay about her. How loose she is, and how big of a [bleep] she is. He sent it to her, her entire family and all of her friends and fellow students using an anonymous Facebook account. My ex-friend threatened to take it to the police, but she really couldn't do anything about it. Had she taken it to the police chances were that all parties involved (her, the author and any person with whom she has sexual relations with) would have gotten caught up in a nasty court case of which the result might have been a mass deportation. Clearly the author kept this in mind when he decided to send it. There was also no way of a face-to-face confrontation because quite simply she had no idea who it was. She lost a lot of friends because of this, her parents don't look at her the way they used too. She's alone and depressed and she doesn't even know who did this to her.

Even if she tried to ignore it, there are close to 300 people who would not ignore it. And trust me, this country is small. By the next day 300 more people will know about it and before the end of the next day 300 more. By the end of the week anyone who knows anyone is going to know about it and wherever she goes people will look, point and stare. It's not easy to ignore something like that. And theres no way of standing up against it.

 

I know this isn't exactly something that happens every day, but i've seen it happen a lot not only in Qatar but in other countries too. So this tells me that it happens often enough to be used as a valid example. I should also add that this happened to an 18 year old, although not fully an adult i don't think you can put her under the classification of "kid". So this would be a perfect example of being bullied and not being able to do anything about it.

 

How did she lose friends from this? Why do her parents look at her differently? Were the essay's contents actually true?

She lost friends because after the letter her friends found out that she had slept with their boyfriends. Although she is only partly at fault, she still could have said no. She betrayed her friends. Would you still want to call a person like this your friend?

Her parents always thought they raised the perfect little girl. If you knew her you would know how good she was at actually hiding her true self from her parents. Her parents were well known within their own community and now had to carry the shame of their daughter. A lot of parents found out about this and a lot of them voiced their opinions about my ex-friend towards her parents. She caused her parents a lot of inconvenience because of her behavior.

And sadly the content of the letter was true. At least 90% of it at least.

[muggiwhplar]

Yes but what you're referring to seems to be more pointing towards physical face-to-face bullying and not cyberbullying. Although the two can be very similar, it is not always the case. I posted an example yesterday (which got removed because it was a bit too explicit an graphic). It was basically about an ex-friend of mine. Some guy wrote a 1000 word essay about her. How loose she is, and how big of a [bleep] she is. He sent it to her, her entire family and all of her friends and fellow students using an anonymous Facebook account. My ex-friend threatened to take it to the police, but she really couldn't do anything about it. Had she taken it to the police chances were that all parties involved (her, the author and any person with whom she has sexual relations with) would have gotten caught up in a nasty court case of which the result might have been a mass deportation. Clearly the author kept this in mind when he decided to send it. There was also no way of a face-to-face confrontation because quite simply she had no idea who it was. She lost a lot of friends because of this, her parents don't look at her the way they used too. She's alone and depressed and she doesn't even know who did this to her.

Even if she tried to ignore it, there are close to 300 people who would not ignore it. And trust me, this country is small. By the next day 300 more people will know about it and before the end of the next day 300 more. By the end of the week anyone who knows anyone is going to know about it and wherever she goes people will look, point and stare. It's not easy to ignore something like that. And theres no way of standing up against it.

 

I know this isn't exactly something that happens every day, but i've seen it happen a lot not only in Qatar but in other countries too. So this tells me that it happens often enough to be used as a valid example. I should also add that this happened to an 18 year old, although not fully an adult i don't think you can put her under the classification of "kid". So this would be a perfect example of being bullied and not being able to do anything about it.

 

How did she lose friends from this? Why do her parents look at her differently? Were the essay's contents actually true?

She lost friends because after the letter her friends found out that she had slept with their boyfriends. Although she is only partly at fault, she still could have said no. She betrayed her friends. Would you still want to call a person like this your friend?

Her parents always thought they raised the perfect little girl. If you knew her you would know how good she was at actually hiding her true self from her parents. Her parents were well known within their own community and now had to carry the shame of their daughter. A lot of parents found out about this and a lot of them voiced their opinions about my ex-friend towards her parents. She caused her parents a lot of inconvenience because of her behavior.

And sadly the content of the letter was true. At least 90% of it at least.

 

So this is basically her fault that she is upset. She sacrificed long-term well-being for short-term gratification. She was dishonest as well.

 

Though, I personally do not believe women should be condemned in any way for having sex with as many guys as they want (as long as they don't have any STDs, or if they do, they let their partner know in advance). I don't even condemn her for sleeping with her friends' boyfriends, but that is another story.

 

It's her ignorant family and friends which are amplifying the drama in the situation.

[Noxx]

Yes but what you're referring to seems to be more pointing towards physical face-to-face bullying and not cyberbullying. Although the two can be very similar, it is not always the case. I posted an example yesterday (which got removed because it was a bit too explicit an graphic). It was basically about an ex-friend of mine. Some guy wrote a 1000 word essay about her. How loose she is, and how big of a [bleep] she is. He sent it to her, her entire family and all of her friends and fellow students using an anonymous Facebook account. My ex-friend threatened to take it to the police, but she really couldn't do anything about it. Had she taken it to the police chances were that all parties involved (her, the author and any person with whom she has sexual relations with) would have gotten caught up in a nasty court case of which the result might have been a mass deportation. Clearly the author kept this in mind when he decided to send it. There was also no way of a face-to-face confrontation because quite simply she had no idea who it was. She lost a lot of friends because of this, her parents don't look at her the way they used too. She's alone and depressed and she doesn't even know who did this to her.

Even if she tried to ignore it, there are close to 300 people who would not ignore it. And trust me, this country is small. By the next day 300 more people will know about it and before the end of the next day 300 more. By the end of the week anyone who knows anyone is going to know about it and wherever she goes people will look, point and stare. It's not easy to ignore something like that. And theres no way of standing up against it.

 

I know this isn't exactly something that happens every day, but i've seen it happen a lot not only in Qatar but in other countries too. So this tells me that it happens often enough to be used as a valid example. I should also add that this happened to an 18 year old, although not fully an adult i don't think you can put her under the classification of "kid". So this would be a perfect example of being bullied and not being able to do anything about it.

 

How did she lose friends from this? Why do her parents look at her differently? Were the essay's contents actually true?

She lost friends because after the letter her friends found out that she had slept with their boyfriends. Although she is only partly at fault, she still could have said no. She betrayed her friends. Would you still want to call a person like this your friend?

Her parents always thought they raised the perfect little girl. If you knew her you would know how good she was at actually hiding her true self from her parents. Her parents were well known within their own community and now had to carry the shame of their daughter. A lot of parents found out about this and a lot of them voiced their opinions about my ex-friend towards her parents. She caused her parents a lot of inconvenience because of her behavior.

And sadly the content of the letter was true. At least 90% of it at least.

 

So this is basically her fault that she is upset. She sacrificed long-term well-being for short-term gratification. She was dishonest as well.

 

Though, I personally do not believe women should be condemned in any way for having sex with as many guys as they want (as long as they don't have any STDs, or if they do, they let their partner know in advance). I don't even condemn her for sleeping with her friends' boyfriends, but that is another story.

 

It's her ignorant family and friends which are amplifying the drama in the situation.

I had a long reply typed out, but when i re-read it i found that it made little sense.Basically, I think it's unfair to put all the blame on her. It's not fair to blame her being bullied on herself and her lifestyle. No one should have to be bullied because of their (stupid) choices. And i don't think it's fair calling her family and friends ignorant either. Not unless you personally know them and know how they operate as a family/friends-circle.

 

This seems to make little sense too, to be honest :s