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Ash6110

Tai Bwo Wanna Clean-up Rate please!

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WARNING: This peice of writing will contain some intense action/violence, infrequent profanity and some mature themes

 

 

 

Rating: PG-13

 

 

 

Dawn was rising over Karmaja. My arms and legs were stiff and sore. This was Tia Bwo Wanna a remote village on the island of Karmaja. I was cleaning up the mess that had been made in Tai Bwo Wanna. And not only that; I was serving community service for the kingdom of Misthalin for my horrendous crime! I had been walking up the street in Varrock I was approached by two extremely drunk thugs. They started to pick a fight and when they threw a weak misguided punch I lashed out. First I pulled out my Dragon longsword and chopped the first one into 4 peices. Then I pull out my Torags Hammers and smashed his skull into peices splattering his patheticly sparse brains all over the place. Just as I finshed him off I felt a sharp pain in between my shoulders; the two more bursts of pain in my left thigh. Oh sh*t I thought as I went down to the ground. I had taken three bolts froma sniping gaurd. As I flailed in pain two guards came up to me. I tryed to get up and flee but a guard pulled out his nightstick and beat me with it. He landed one good blow on my arm breaking my upper arm bone and also landed a hit on my face giving me a bloddy nose and a broken jaw. The world started to sspin as the other of the two gaurds took out his sword and stabbed right though my side. Everything went white. I thought I was dead

 

 

 

Chapter 2 coming soon please comment

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Very descriptive of the violence and the horrendous crimes you comited, just goes to show, always speak softly, and carry a big stick (since it's non-lethal ;) )

 

Let's see how you term of community service goes.


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Part two

 

 

 

I woke up in a dark cell next to a guy named Jimmy the rag. Although I was not dead, in fact I felt fine but later I would with that I had been because then I entered an unexplicable hell known as community service. I was found guilty of 2nd degree murder and I was sentenced to 19 months of prison and 1000 days of community service. Oh what a long nine months that was. I was locked away in a cell with a noob who was arrested for password scamming. When I finally got out I was shipped to Tai Bwo Wanna where I was to do my community service. Turns out what I was doing was chopping at obstrucuring plant life and shaking off aggressive locals.

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Part 3

 

 

 

Recalling these events in my head made me late so I ate part of a pineapple, pulled out my trusty machete, and walked to Murcaily's hut to see what I needed to do. Murcaily gave me an assignment that I hate; to stand at the entrance to the Tai Bwo Wanna jungle and keep watch. I was given a bamboo beating stick and as my main weapon I was given a Rune spear(kp). Two hours of keeping watch and nothing happened; just then a Tribesman came up ti the entrance and demanded access. I said no and he kicked me. I took out my bamboo stick and beat him senseless, then one of the other gaurds whom I befriended tied him up to a wooden plank, planted the plank upright and left the man there until he was taken away to prison. At lunch time I was switched to a hole digger because one of the other diggers was recovering from jungle fever. As I was digging (cursing to under my breath) a creature snuck up behind me. I turned around to see the creature (a jungle spider) crawl up behing one of my fellow diggers and bite him. The man screamed in pain grabbing his leg which was bleeding horribly. In a quick reaction I raised my trowel over the spider and smash down hard chopping it in half. I bent over with my first aid ration and tryed to help him but it was too late. I took out a body bag from the cart in town and gently placed him in it, and waited for the undertaker come and take him away. When the day was over I read the death chart in town square

 

 

 

Deaths frrom Tribesmen: 13

 

Deaths from spiders: 45

 

Deaths from fever: 102

 

Deaths from other animals: 167

 

Deaths from Jogres: 2

 

 

 

The man whose name turned out to be Johan was buried later that day. As I looked into the wooden box that held him I noticed many deep gashes in his leg and being a worker but also a medic ! determined his cause of death was bleeding. Then I payed my respects and left.

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Part 4

 

 

 

WARNING: This section contains very descriptive violence and gore.

 

 

 

My eyes were frozen into the distance. Beads of sweat came down upon my face. My arms were weary from the burden of my x-bow. But I knew that resting wasn't an option. I was gaurding the entrance again. And this time it was because Tribesmen fallen vitim to Brodoo were spotted by the gate. Ashadow appeared into the nightand surely enough it was a Brodoo. I raised my x-bow and started firing; plugging a whole clip into the victim. He gave a scream of agony but kept walking my way. I shoved another bot rack in and used about half of that clip before he fell down. Me and two other gaurds slowly approached him. As it turned out it took me 112 bolts to shatter his shell and then I hit him twice in the chest. There were two bolts sticking out of his discolored skin. He was still alive but his chest was gurgling blood. Another gaurd controlled the bleeding and I tied him up to a plank and took him in a nearby hut for questioning. This wasn't of much use because he couldnt speak english. Then the death sentence was issued and he was thrown into a celll. All and all it was a pretty good day. Nobody got killed!

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Part 5: Hard Labor

 

 

 

Morale was high in Tai Bwo Wanna. The Brodoo was behaeaded and everything was pretty much back to normal. Biting into a ornage I recalled its lovely taste. Then Murcaily came up to me and told my to sharpen my machete because I was going to be chopping vegetation. When I got to where I was working I hacked at trees humming happily and occasionally chatting with other workers. The at lunch something happened. A swarm of Harpie bugs (attracted by our food) started savagely attacking. There twisting blade like attack was horribly painful but luckily Murcaily had a latern and he shined it at the bugs. They eventually went away and we continued eating. The rest of the day was spemnt again hacking at trees and nothing very interesting happened. But when I got into a camp I was in for a surprise. Murcaily was murdered. The murderer was sneaky, he had put 30 explosive potions in the chest in his room. He opened to chest and BOOM! no more Murcaily.

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That was the best story I've ever read...but you should keep the deaqth toll dow a little, i mean there tribe would probably be erased if that continued... :shock:


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so far so good but yeah you do need to keep the death toll down but then again i like it the way it is :P


Death shall not leave my side untill i have succumbed to darkness or i'm to wasted to give a damn!

 

I shall now join you at the gates of heaven.......if i'm allowed!

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The End... A mystery and a ticket home part I

 

 

 

Everyone was shoocked to find out that Murcaily was murdered but we were even more shocked when i was announced that who ever found out who did it would get to go home. I decided that I had spent enough time on the goddamn island and I was gonna figure out who did it before anybody else. For about 10 hours straight I was looking for clues. Finally I found something unusual. Rusty cannon parts in the village. It had just rained the night of the murder so it was very possible that it was fresh. After that I realized that exploding potions couldn't of been the cause of the murder. It must have been a cannonball. After measuring up the size of one standard cannonball with what was left of Murcaily's had and face. Everyone thought a brodoo did it but I knew the truth. It was one of us! the villagers! And I only knew one person who owns a cannon Markandu.

 

 

 

Good Night more tomorrow!

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Part 2: Betrayal, Espionage, and explosive results

 

 

 

Holy crap! I though to myself its Markandu? Thats f***ed up! What motive would he possible have in killing Murcaily? So I decided to question him. I walked into the law enforcement hut Markandu behind me. When we sat down I asked my first question. "So Markandu" I said cooly "I hear you own a cannon, is this true?" He responed giving the "I'm taking my rights" statement. I took out my axe: but it to his head, and shouted "Do I look like I give a f*** about your goddamn rights?!?!?!?!?! Then he whispered "It was me" under his breath. Pulling out his crossbow at the same time. He shot me twice and ran out the door just in time to miss the Rune axe that I threw at him. I pulled the axe out of the wall; knowing quite well that my suspect had gotten away. But I couldnt give up! I grabbed everything I could equip fromn the weapons rack and grabbed a lot of food and then set out to have a stakeout. Ando so I waited by the entrance to the jungle waiting for someting to happen. For several hours I waited until somebody was walking around the junlge border. I ran up and it looked a ton like Markandu. I caught him I did it! I thought. After I nabbed him I tied him to a board and he started speaking in a frantic voice. Im not Markandu he paid me, Im just a simple tribesman. Infuriated I decided to execute him on the spot. I untied his board and had him stand up at bow point. Then I pulled out the machete and put it deep into his groin upside down. Then after he said his final words I brutally sliced up to the top of his neck. I stood there watching as all his insides fell out and I put him under the white sheet and gave the call for fallen enemy. Then I waited more and more until I saw another figure dropping potons around the village. I sneaked up behind him and jumped him. This time it was Markandu. I tied him up to the board nd then I ran around like a chicken with its head chiooed off picking up the exploding potions and chucking them as far as possible in all direction. Then People who were very startled got out of bed just at the right time to see me hauling Markandu around town square. Then town's honorary police chief came out and exclaimed "holy sh*t you caught him!" Pretty soon Markandu was being dragged away and I was getting my medal of valor. "Whats going to to happen to Markandu?" I asked, "Well" said the police chief "Technically he committed the crime on Asgarnian land so were sending him to the white knight's fortress for a little working over." Theres just one thing left to do for me on this island, and that is to get the hell outta here. Thank you for reading my stories I hope you earn much wisdom from them.

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gd gd u should carry on writing, your pretty good you just need more practise


Death shall not leave my side untill i have succumbed to darkness or i'm to wasted to give a damn!

 

I shall now join you at the gates of heaven.......if i'm allowed!

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Hm...doing fine.

 

 

 

You could try to be a bit more in depth, and make the story a tad more realistic.

 

 

 

That'd make it really good. =)


Does anyone happen to know death_siren? She stole a green mask from me, and I think I found my way into her ignore list. If you know anything, please, don't hesitate to give me a pm.

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I see that you put some effort into the plot and you wroting so I'm going to concentrate on the negatives here.

 

First use paragraphs. Large blocks of text kill the eyes.

 

Second, Don't abbreviate. write out crossbow instead of saying x-bow. that might be alright for talking game chat or instand messaging, but in a paragraph it breaks the flow.

 

Thrid, make your chapters a bit longer, this isn't that important, but its kinda disappointeing to see and update, get all excited, and then finish reading within the next minute. (I'm a fast reader so this is especially annoying for me)

 

And most importantly keep on going. I like your premise. Kamaja seems to be popular is legends but rarely used in fan fiction in its present form.


Pm me if you need anything proof-read, I may not be very good, but I am always willing to help.

A Seal Clubber is me!

A Oxygenarin is me!

6*9=42

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