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Member Since 24 Sep 2004
Offline Last Active Jan 06 2008 12:17 AM

2010 Olympics Press Release - New Local Themed Events

19 August 2008 - 02:19 AM

As a resident of Vancouver, I was quite excited to read this release. I'm glad to see they're adding some genuinely Vancouver touches to the 2010 Olympic Games.


Tentative Program for the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics

The Opening Ceremony will feature a re-enactment of the history of the government of British Columbia, performed by a professional clown troupe and a used car salesman. A flock of peace doves will then be released to celebrate Canada's freedoms. The doves will be available in local Chinese dining establishments shortly after the ceremony.

Next will be an exciting display of synchronized SUV parking. The SUVs will then be stolen. This will be followed by a large variety of

performances celebrating the diversity of Canada's culture. Riot police will be in attendance to keep the performers apart.

There will be no original music, dance, visual art or anything else remotely artsy-fartsy about the opening and closing ceremonies as the Fraser Institute has determined that there are no corporate benefits to such pansy things.

A separate, simultaneous Opening Ceremony will be held in French. This event will be lavishly funded by the federal government and will receive extensive coverage on CBC. It is expected to have a total of 7 attendees.


Venue: Gastown

Description: Competitors must shoot as many spectators as possible within the permitted time.


Venue: Surrey

Description: Matches will be between national teams of 6 or more individuals, each issued with a combination of machetes, knives and lengths of steel pipe. Points will be awarded for the most creative ethnic slurs.

100m Hurdles

Venue: Commercial Drive

Description: Competitors must complete the race while carrying a DVD player and a 32" television. The competitors are free to perform the event as many times as they wish. The original plans to include a police dog chasing the competitors were dropped due to concerns about the lack of realism.

Vancouver Modern Pentathlon

Venue: Downtown Eastside

Description: The event has been amended to include Panhandling, Squeegeeing, Beer Bottle Collecting, Shopping Cart Racing and Cardboard Shelter Building. All events are to be performed while under the influence of crystal meth.


Venue: Kitsilano

Description: Competitors will be judged by the quality of their physical appearance and the brands of clothes they are wearing. Additional points will be added for their skill in selecting the most appropriate wine to accompany dishes consisting of organic pesticide-free artichoke hearts, imported aged goat cheese, and raw seaweed.

Freestyle Gymnastics

Venue: Kingsway at Joyce St, (1 am)

Description: The events will be performed in the back seat of a Honda Civic. The competitor who earns the most wins.


Venue: None

Description: This event has been canceled because the provincial government has deemed bobsleds to be vehicles and none of the competitors were able to afford the compulsory ICBC insurance premiums. Police are issuing tickets to all Bobsledders for being too low to the ground.

Obstacle Course

Venue: West Vancouver

The contestants, mounted on Harleys, will race up and down the winding, excessively steep, fog-shrouded Eagleridge diversion of the Sea to Sky Highway, especially constructed for the 2010 Games. Patches of black ice will add drama to the competition and bonus points will be awarded for squished red-legged frogs. Since the frogs are rare and endangered, they will be augmented by featherless bald eagle carcasses donated by the Squamish Band Council. Double bonus points for picking off any West Van NIMBYs, the silver spoon in mouth, Jaguar-driving snivellers who were more than happy to clear-cut the entire Caulfield plateau to improve the views from their million-dollar homes, but don't want an expanded highway nearby.

Closing Ceremony

The closing ceremony will begin with a fly-over of the entire Canadian Forces helicopter fleet. Please stay well clear of the aircraft's flight

path. In an exciting event without precedent, the ceremony will feature the athletes being evicted from the Athlete's Village, an illegal squat in Stanley Park. The ceremony will then conclude with a gay Mardi Gras parade down Davie St.

The B.C. government will invoke legislation for mandatory attendance, additional gas tax indexed to inflation

and a 2010 surcharge of 7% calculated on family income when the 2010 Olympics occurs - payable in advance.

Posted Image


Contest: Write 30 000 words in 30 days

18 July 2008 - 07:04 PM

Judges selected. Judges will be asked to rate stories on a 0-3 scale, in the categories of effort (the story idea itself), sucklacking (use of proper spelling, grammar, and basic formatting), unputdownableness (how interesting the story is), and epic (overall quality).

30k in 30 days

Do you have imagination?

Can you turn that imagination into literature?

Can you create 30 000 words of literature?

Can you do it in 30 days?

Do you want $50 CAD?

That's right. In a fit of foolishness, I am offering hard, cold cash for the best 30k-word original content the OoC & TIF can cough up. Submit your works by email to blipo.a@gmail.com, formatted in .odt, .doc, .rtf, or .txt.

Contest deadline is August 17, noon PST. (I'll be out when this time is reached, so you have until I check my emails, which could be 8-20 hours after the deadline. Submissions will be accepted if they're late, but before I checked.)

Minimum 30 000 words.

Maximum 30 001 words.

Fiction only.

Updated: Traditional book style - as opposed to poetry or a play.

No fanfics.

NO fanfics!

Must be submitted as an email attachment - blipo.a@gmail.com.

Email subject must be 30k in 30 days.

Email body must contain TIF/OoC username.

Entries will be confirmed by forum PM.

Entries are disqualified if there is any belief they were created before the contest opening.

Updated: Entrants must have joined the forum before this date.

Winning entries will be announced by September 1.

Winning entries will be decided by a to-be-selected panel of judges from the OoC and TIF.

Winning entries will be displayed in this post.

Prizes will be awarded by September 31.

First prize is $50.

Second prize is $10.



You have 30 days. Go.

Posted Image

What is your ideal life?

28 June 2008 - 07:44 AM

A repost of a thread I started on my school's Planning 10 discussion forum.

Most people would say their ideal life entails a large salary, a big house, and a loving family. Why?

In my experience, a large salary demands hard work for long hours. A big house comes with a mortgage or rent, not to mention bills. A loving family generally has a large amount of dysfunction. All around me I see people with what modern western society defines as nice, enjoyable lives. And all around me I see people whose lives involve living to work and working to live. I don't want to live like that.

I don't want to need an excess of stuff to be happy. I want to live for fun and enjoyment. Why bother with a high paying job? They're stressful. Why not a lower paying job? Living on $1000 a month isn't hard - you don't have to pay taxes on that little, I believe - if you don't mind getting roommates.

You may wonder how one can enjoy life, when their annual income is $12k. In fact, those living in the $50k range wonder the same thing in regards to those in the $30k range. And those in the $100k range wonder the same thing about those in the $50k range. And those in the $250k range wonder the same thing about those in the $100k range. And so on. You just get less useless stuff. You find your fun elsewhere.

Where can someone find that fun? It depends on the person. Allow me to be the guinea pig for this post. I could live happily with a comfortable bed, a decent computer, a fast Internet connection, and a gram of cannabis a week. I would require a cheap place to live, a mediocre job, and a nearby grocery store, computer hardware store, and dealer.

Does that sound like an awful life? Me, a stoner in his small house with his mundane job, in another world when he isn't working to finance said elsewhere? And yet, I'd be enjoying myself, wouldn't I? I wouldn't stress over affording that new plasma TV, or that fancy car, or those ridiculous clothes. (Okay, well, that's not true: A plasma TV, The Matrix, The Wizard of Oz, and the Star Wars series in HD would be constant objects of desire. As would an insanely comfy fleece sweater. And a giant matriarchcarnalising beanbag. But I digress.) So why is my enjoyment inferior to yours?

I don't mean to imply that psychosis-inducing drugs are the only way to live a simple life - they are simply one example of a way to do so. This, of course, leads to the entirely separate point of acceptable vs. unacceptable drug use. Please, save those comments for another time. This isn't a discussion about drug use, it's a discussion about lifestyles.

tl;dr: What is your ideal life? Why? Do you really need all the stuff you want? Is there a way you can cut the stress and worrying and anxiety out of your life?

Bonus points for picking up on 'matriarchcarnalising'.

Ports suddenly stopped being forwarded

12 December 2007 - 06:45 AM

So, I was forwarding ports 80, 443, 36316, and 3000-10000 to my computer - one of several on my home LAN. While setting up a Ventrilo server for the OoC, it stopped forwarding completely. My LAN IP hasn't changed, I haven't installed any new firewall software, my Windows Firewall is off, and my router firewall is off. If I point the ports at any computer at the network, it still fails - including my Ubuntu and Mepis boxes.

What happened? D=

Also, Looce scanned a ton of my ports - the above mentioned ones, and more. He sees none open.

And finally, all my ports are seen as open by other computers on the LAN - I can use Vent over the LAN, I can torrent over the LAN, I can view my server's web pages over the LAN. My router is simply blocking all incoming requests.

Edit: Resolved. The firewall has gone berserk, and has been blocking all incoming connections - even when I turn it off. I DMZ'd my LAN IP.

codec errors

30 September 2007 - 07:13 AM

A few days ago I (legally) torrented a movie. When I tried to play it, I received a codec error. I torrented it again to be sure I hadn't corrupted it, and the same error came up. I'm pretty sure it wasn't bogus, because it had 12k seeds and 22k peers at the time.

I thought this was a one-time problem, but recently I torrented a collection of old TV shows. They all have the same errors. I ran them through a codec checker, and it tells me "Open error The specified module could not be found", and then a link to the movie I'm trying to check.

What... is going on?

Note: I have VLC, WMClassic, WMPlayer, Real Player, CCCP, and a bunch of other coded packs. None of them will play my file. Google has not helped me. If you suggest any of these things, I will kill you without hesitation.