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Member Since 02 Feb 2007
Offline Last Active Jul 16 2015 12:06 AM

#5507938 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 22 July 2014 - 12:31 AM

Too sick to let her boyfriend know she was sick...?

If he had that kind of attitude he'd probably be angry and single now.

IDK, seems to me that going into a talk thinking that any explanation will do and that a breakup is to be avoided at all costs is a bad attitude to have.

#5506835 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 15 July 2014 - 11:41 PM

inb4 everyone tells us about their onesome

#5499365 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 06 June 2014 - 03:21 AM

Try to get her something from a local shop or something rather than a big brand box from Wal-Mart?
[Edit] Lang, I expected much greater things from your display name history

#5497710 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 29 May 2014 - 04:18 AM

Face-heel turn!


Here's a good feminist article. If you think "but not all men are rapists!" is a good objection to Brownmiller's claim that "[rape] is nothing more or less than a conscious process of intimidation by which all men keep all women in a state of fear," you should probably read it, because you don't understand the quote.

Also, de jure discrimination (as opposed to de facto/privately enforced discrimination) can still exist even if on paper, every individual is subject to the same rule. For example, if the law says that the only foods that can be sold as "hummus" must contain at least 5% tahini, and only one company has been making hummus that way, there's a very good reason to be suspicious (it's actually happening, I'm not making this up). A more relevant example would be gun control: granting* that it prevents the reduction of power differentials in violent altercations and that women are typically the ones who would be getting the opportunity to defend themselves if they were allowed guns, those laws are discriminatory against women, in application if not in principle.

(This is just an example of implicit de jure discrimination, not a claim that gun control, in particular, is sexist.)

#5497521 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 28 May 2014 - 06:51 AM

Looks like I found what I was looking for. From r/OkCupid:


So, I felt this was an appropriate subreddit to post this too; but I just wanted to share my thoughts.

24 year old male; At the start of this year, I had never been on a single date. Not one. That's why I decided to sign up with OKcupid and a few other online dating sites.

Lo and behold, I started to actually go out on dates. Not many, but the fact that I was getting any interest was a huge morale booster. I was thrilled! But as time went on, I realized that none of the girls were ever really interested in going out again. There was one girl, one I really did like and went on a couple of dates with (I even got my first kiss; which will remain one of of the happiest moments of my life), but she was the exception to the rule and it didn't last.

But this isn't a "Why won't woman date me post?"; I realize that I'm entitled to nothing; it's more of a revelation that I'm just not ready for this. I'm not sure when I will be. I've got no self esteem, no future aspirations, so it's no surprise my dates haven't been interested in me.

So, I'm probably going to hang up my coat and call it a day. While I was hoping to find somebody to give meaning to my life, I need to become someone who can provide value to someone else. An asset rather then a liability. It may take me a year, maybe two years, maybe more but one day I hope I can make somebody else happy.

Mainly, I posted this for anyone else who may be feeling frustrated with online dating or dating in general. Don't be so quick to judge other people in their lack of interest and first examine yourself.

Maybe quitting altogether is a bit extreme, but damn, dat attitude.

#5497180 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 27 May 2014 - 12:02 AM

If we were talking about race in that context, we'd be calling it apartheid, wouldn't we?

No. Apartheid was legally enforced. It was comparable to Jim Crow laws.

Yes, mostly relating to the media. Over four fifths of mainstream newspapers' front page stories are dedicated to male subjects.

Why do you think this is the case? Are more things happening to men? Are newspapers deliberately not covering things that happen to women? Are readers less interested in what happens to women? Not a rhetorical question, just not sure in what sense you think this is evidence of sexism.

Only a fifth of frontpage stories are written by female journalists. Meanwhile, Page 3 shoots continue to depict (exclusively young and sexually attractive) women in an overtly sexualised manner.* Studies show barely any difference between the language describing women used in lads' magazines and language used by those convicted of sexual assault. In music videos, men are routinely depicted as suave and suited up, throwing scantly clad women around like confetti on a dancefloor.

And 90% of workplace injuries happen to men. Is it any more fair that men are disproportionately expected to put the integrity of their body at stake in order to get a job? Or is doing things you wouldn't do if you weren't getting paid for it exactly what working is?

None of these examples have anything to do with wealth or a pay gap, but continue to reinforce the idea that a woman is only worth what men find sexually attractive about them. And even if you're lucky enough as a woman to be judged as sexually attractive, the discrimination doesn't stop there.

But the same thing is true for everyone. I don't care about my baker as an end in and of him or herself. I care about how good he is at baking bread. This is totally normal in a society with more people than you can know personally.

What of your right to say No? Well, not according to Justin Timberlake ('I know you like it...') or Robin Thicke ('I know you want it...'). Very clearly, and in a very accessible, visual format, a link is drawn between sexual desire on the one hand, and aggression, control and ownership of women on the other, for all young men and boys to see.

I won't comment on Timberlake because I don't remember the song, but you'll note that Thicke hates "blurred lines," not lines. The song is about mixed signals ("the way you grab me [what way, we're not sure, but apparently such that she...] / must want to get nasty"), which, in the interest of consent being taken seriously, should not be part of the lead-up to sex. That song also contrasts Thicke to another man who tried, and failed, to domesticate the woman in question, so I'm not sure where you're seeing that coverture-esque ownership thing.

#5496632 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 22 May 2014 - 11:07 PM

As far as this guy is concerned, though, it really has no relevance whatsoever. He's single because he feels sorry for himself and wishes a 'rescuer' would come save him from the rut he's dug himself into. That's not how life works, whether you're a man or a woman.

Don't you think that agreeing with such a principle contradicts support for feminism?

Feminism sort of falls apart if you believe that women are responsible for their own wellbeing.

You're confusing self-respect and respecting other people, i.e. politics.

On a practical level, it's much better to adjust yourself to this than to try to change something that cannot be changed. In fact, out of respect for what little freedom you have, you owe it to yourself to do what you can instead of wallowing in self-pity. That's why people who refuse to take ownership for their own well-being are repugnant.

But by itself, this doesn't lead to the conclusion that there's no such thing as fairness, or to a kind of fatalism. Still out of recognition of the fact that what you do is what you have decided to do, you have to take responsibility for what you do to others, whether right or wrong. Respecting other people's rights (in our case, choosing to honour women's choices) is part of respecting yourself as a moral agent.

#5496457 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 22 May 2014 - 04:03 AM

Oh, he unfriended me. Problem solved!

#5419052 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 21 June 2013 - 03:15 AM

Why the hell did I even think it was ok for me to say that back to her..

You did something in the spur of the moment and you regretted it. It happens; if you analyzed the consequences of your actions exhaustively you'd probably be incapable of doing anything. What's done is done though, so work with what you've got. C'est la vie.
In passing, I'm going to remind you that you really don't like hurting girls. Remember that time one told you she had been raped and you stopped seeing her because you were somehow repulsed? That felt good for neither of you. As I said at the time, her happiness wasn't your responsibility (it was ultimately the rapist's fault), but you're certainly capable of empathy, so don't leave this problem to future Low_levelled because he's not going to like what he has to do.

#5418999 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 21 June 2013 - 12:36 AM

OK, you're clearly not in love with her, but do you love her? You may not actually have been lying if you play semantics.

Might as well argue he was just making a noise and that he didn't mean for her to interpret it as a sentence.
It's going to bite you back in the ass and you know what to do. Get it together.

@Ring_World: Thanks for that video.

#5417380 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 16 June 2013 - 05:51 PM

hey check it out! we were constructive and productive and useful for like an entire page! bravo ladies and gents!

I deliberately refrained from posting. Coincidence?

#5415826 "I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

Posted by Omar on 12 June 2013 - 01:51 AM

Totes innapropes.

#5407298 hey answer me this

Posted by Omar on 23 May 2013 - 01:31 AM

Related and quite distinct from the point I was making:
  • Alg likes this

#5406175 Intoxication and Consent - morality, legality, and other shenanigans

Posted by Omar on 20 May 2013 - 11:58 AM

Suppose both are wasted, has a rape occurred? Neither gave consent, but committing another crime in that state would result in punishment, so are we to believe that both are rapists and rape victims?

@muggi: K, so we're talking about different things. Here's a way to put things I think none of us can disagree with:
- so long as no rights are violated, it is neither immoral nor illegal to do something like go out in the street with wads of bills in your hands or get wasted beyond ability to consent, therefore, you are neither accountable, nor responsible, nor answerable.
- that being said, while you are not in the wrong for doing either of those things, these actions are instrumental in the creation of circumstances that made the perpetration of a crime possible or more likely. This is different from being at fault, but it does mean that the whole ordeal could have been avoided.
- therefore it's perfectly reasonable to teach people to drink carefully or to conceal their money, not because it's their fault if something bad happens to them but because it's in their self-interest to do so, because what is immoral and illegal doesn't magically stop happening. After the case, however, since the victim was in the right, they are 100% innocent.


#5405861 Intoxication and Consent - morality, legality, and other shenanigans

Posted by Omar on 19 May 2013 - 05:16 PM

EDIT: If we're talking purely about moral responsibility, that can be different. Responsibility and moral responsibility aren't necessarily the same.

Look at the word responsibility, think about where it comes from, and then try to distinguish "moral responsibility" and "responsibility" again.