Hi everyone, I have quite a lot to dump on you, so please bear with me.. I'm a normal teenager, I have friends, I love music, especially dave matthews band. I have a dog, a sister, a mom, a dad. I don't really know why I'm making this post, just really to vent off some frustration and hope that maybe there's someone here who can somehow relate to me or give me advice. If you can't, well then I want you to know what it's like living as the person you all hate. You guys are the first people I have ever admitted this to, but here it goes... I am gay. I'm not a flaming one, I don't have a lisp and there is really nothing too feminize about me. But I'm attracted to males...I have lost so much motivation to do work in school because I don't see what I'm working for, because I can't live the life I wish I could. I want to grow up and have children, and a wife. I would be straight if I could, but I can't pretend to be. I can't express how lucky you guys are to have been born straight. You don't understand, I just want that. I want to be straight. If there is a God why would he do this to me? Every night before i go to bed i pray, I pray for God to make me stop being attracted to other guys. I'm talking about thousands of prayers just about that one issue. Trust me, I hate it. I hate myself, more than anything. All of this is a lot to deal with, hiding from everyone, EVERYONE, my best friends, my sister. I'm crying while I write this, I don't know what to do, please someone help me deal with this. I smoke everyday as much as I can just to forget about it. I just want to be normal in the sense that I'm not gay. I was hoping that tip.it could give me some advice on how to deal with this. Please just don't say " Just come out". It's not that simple at all. My life is built on being straight. Think about how many people I would have to deal with. Really. My aunts, cousins, Uncles, Teachers, Friends, just everyone, I can't do it. Please help me.. P.S. No matter what anyone tells you, being gay is NOT a choice.
