-=Raiden=-

Well I am serouisly glad to be here. No one really gives a damn about stories in the rs forums, but here (A realf forum site rofl!) I guess ppl will actually listen.

CHAPTER 1:

"Kill him raiden!" The voice behind me. "No!" I yelled. My arm was being controlled, and started to move towards the innocent man. "Please don't!" he begged. The sword in my hand was so close to the man's face, he was near death. The sword lunged foward, and i woke up.

"It was just a dream..." I said to myself. It seemed so real though. I got up out of my bed and ate some breakfast. After breakfast i trailed to my job. I was a seargent in the varrok army. Something still didn't seem right. I felt like i was being followed.

"It's just nothing," I thought. "Just the wind."

The troops all alighned and i gave them spcific orders to guard varrok with their lives. Right now we are at war with the force's of the gnome's, but nothing special.

3,000 troops marched through the city. Citizen's were scared, you could see it in their eyes. A little boy came up to me and asked "Um.. Mr.Raiden... sir," I turned around and smiled. "Yes?" i asked. "Well.... it's just that...Can I join the army?" he jumped with excitement.

"I'm sorry," I Said. "Your too young." The little boy sighed, and cried home. "LOOK OUT!" yelled out a troop. A big catupault boulder came flying over the east wall. Lucky it only landed in the street. It killed a few troops, but we were fine. Until 3 more boulders were flying in the air, heading towards the town.

Smack! 1 hit the general store killing several people. Another hit more civilians. The last one, was heading towards me........

Chapter 2:

The rock heading towards me, it was so close. But all of the sudden, things started to slow down. Everthing was slow. I was in slow motion and didn't even know it. I jumped out of the way the last second.

The rock smashed the street. I couldn't belive it. I just saved my own life! But how? Why did everything slow down? Did saridom want me to live?

The soilders ran towards the east wall, where the gnome's retreated, and was heading towards falador!

"Cowards!" The soilders yelled. I ordered an attack to range them, and arrows came flying towards the gnome's. Several gnome's died. But most got away. The town was safe, but falador was not.

On the way there was barbarian village. But the gnome's didn't want to touch them. They weren't human. The barbarians helped the dwarves in the dwarven war 2,000 years ago.

For some reson i felt like chasing after them, and killing them all. But why? This wasn't making any sense. I left the town while other cheered out town was safe, with little damage.

Later that night, our town celebrated through the city streets. A big parade in town square. A giant fire was in the middle of all this. I stared at the fire. I thought i saw something in the fire.

It looked so beautiful, so i actually reached my hand into the fire and grabbed it. No pain. Somehow my hand was burnt. It was a gem that i grabbed. It was a pinkish purple gem.

A voice in head called me name "Raiden..." i looked but there was no-one around.

Chapter 3:

The gem was so beautiful. I couldn't take my eye's off of it. I stroked the gem and thought over and over of how I got so lucky finding this thing in a fire. But somthing felt strange. The more time i held the gem, I felt more powerful.

I could hear someone walking behind me. They're trying to creep up on me. But how could I hear this? I turned around quickly and grabbed the person. Soon as I tackled them a voice in my head faded "Kill......"

"Hey!" Yelled the person. "It's me, selba." the person said. I got up from the ground. "Good lord, you about nearly took my head off! And not to menton those reflex's. God, it was like an animal!"

I looked at selba and said "How could I hurt my best freind?" I smiled. Selba laughed and said "You know tommorro we're going to falador. There's been sighting's of gnome troops camping out there."

Damn! I thought. This war is never going to end. Not to mention that the gnome's never stay in the battle. They always retreat soon as they get in the battle. They're no soilders. Their new leader "Leon" has become the emporer.

He forced all of the gnome's to fight in this war. Leon want's this war to wipe out all the human race. He's been planning it for years, not to mention that the war tatic's he's studied. Ever since he was a child, he studied and understood the most complicated war taticts.

And now he makes his move for world domination. Just last month the war started, and he force all gnome's either to join or die. The good part is most of them aren't even real soilders. There's a few good parts of this war, and thats what makes our advantage.

But there is a few problems. There is so many gnome's joining each day that their number of troops is rapidly increasing. But the real soilders (Gnome Elites) stay in battle. Trained in every combat skill, and every wepon gives them the best advantage of all time.

"Well," Selba said. "I'm probably going back to base. We gotta go to falador in a few hours which is plenty of enough time for me to sleep." I waved good-bye and said "Good-night" The parade was over, and there was people cleaning up.

I watched all of the homeless creep out from under their holes, and grab scraps from the parade. I looked back at the fire and put it out. "I need some rest." I said. Soon as I knew it, i was at base sound asleep in my uncomfortable bed.

Well, welcome to the Tip.It story forum where people actually read your works of art :wink: That was pretty interesting, but I am a bit confused about what happened. You said the town celebrated the gnomes leaving with parties but there didn't seem to be much of a battle at all. 4 shots from a catapault and they left? I dunno, just thought that was a bit wierd. It also felt strange that you say that luckily only troops were killed as opposed to civilians, you treat them as they individually are no big deal. Just trying to give some constructive critisizm. Anyway, I will read whatever comes next.

Oh yeah, I forgot how you spell (Saradomin?) but I know ow you spelled it was wrong. Just an FYI

Well, welcome to the Tip.It story forum where people actually read your works of art :wink: That was pretty interesting, but I am a bit confused about what happened. You said the town celebrated the gnomes leaving with parties but there didn't seem to be much of a battle at all. 4 shots from a catapault and they left? I dunno, just thought that was a bit wierd. It also felt strange that you say that luckily only troops were killed as opposed to civilians, you treat them as they individually are no big deal. Just trying to give some constructive critisizm. Anyway, I will read whatever comes next.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh yeah, I forgot how you spell (Saradomin?) but I know ow you spelled it was wrong. Just an FYI

Chapter 3 really explains the gnome part. And what I meant about the "Lucky only a few soilders died" meant that the catapualts could have caused more severe damage. And i must not have been thinking about the civilians lol.

I agree with Sirith, You have a really good story but try thinking that kind of stuff through a bit more. Also just for my sake since noone else seems to care, could you write out numbers instead of putting down numerals? It just makes it easier to read. ("Two" as opposed to "2")

Yea, i guess that cleared up the part about the wuss gnomes. They must be very stupid. It would take a long time to mobilize an entire army, postition it in front of a town, attack for like five minutes, and then just leave. They better lose, stupid gnomes. I hate gnomes more than any other race on World of Warcraft, lol. I was writing my reply while u were posting chapter 3, lol.

Yea, i guess that cleared up the part about the wuss gnomes. They must be very stupid. It would take a long time to mobilize an entire army, postition it in front of a town, attack for like five minutes, and then just leave. They better lose, stupid gnomes. I hate gnomes more than any other race on World of Warcraft, lol. I was writing my reply while u were posting chapter 3, lol.

And today i was so freakin mad, cuz i was almost done with chapter four, and it was really really long and i hit a button and it all went away. I'm going to re-type it now.

EDIT: IT JUST HAPPENED AGAIN!!!!!!!

Chapter four:

We all woke up with a boom. I instantly opened my eyes. The battle for falador has begun. Everyone immedeitly got ready to fight. Selba told me to hurry my [wagon] up before I get left behind. I got up, grabbed my stuff, and looked outside. It was still dark out, I must have only got an hour of sleep.

We all ran to Falador. Our base camp was right out-side of barbarian village, so it wasn't far at all. We arrived near the city, and saw falador was being overrun with gnome's. The metal gates were closed, so the gnome's we're climbing up the wall with grapple hooks.

Rangers from the top of the wall shot down at the gnome's, and about killed them all. More gnome's we're heding towards the gate. "RANGERS!" I yelled. All of our rangers kneeled down with one knee. "BOW'S READY!" They raised their bows. "ARROWS!" They each took an arrow from their quived and had it ready. "FIRE!"

They let go of the arrows, and they landed directly in the group of gnome's killing them all. The metal gates started to open as more gnome's started to run to the city. "Hurry!" yelled the gate keeper. "FIRE AT WILL!" I ordered. All of the troops ran to the gate. Ranger's firing as fast as they can and trying to run at the same time is not easy.

"WARRIORS!" I yelled. They raised their swords. "CHARGE!" We all charged towards to the group of gnome's. We slayed them all with ease. The gates started to shut as we we're heading back. Luckily for the ranger's they made it inside. "Let us in!" A soilder yelled.

A squad of about 100 gnome troops was heading towards us from a different direction. "Hurry up, let us in!" yelled selba. "Sorry," said the gate-keeper. "Orders from the king says it's to risky, you will never make it." "But we'll die out here!" yelled selba. The gate-keeper walked away and said "Sorry, I can't let you in."

We prepared to fight for our lives. The gnome's had finally reached us, and we we're losing. Many of our troops we're getting killed quickly. We fought, and fought. I was injured as well. A gnome has stabbed me in the leg with a dagger. Then I choped him in half with my 2 hander. 2 Gnome's tried to sneak up on mem but didn't make it very far(If you know what I mean.)

I looked over to see if sebla if he was ok but he was on the ground. I couldn't tell if he was dead or not. "selba!" I yelled. No Reply. No movement. I hurried over to him, punching gnome's out of the way. I reached him. "selba, wake up!" soon as I said that I felt pain in my back. I fell to the ground dropping the gem.

It was an arrow. I got shot in the back with an arrow. I felt cold. I was also bleeding to death. I reached for the gem, when another arrow hit me in the back. I was dead. We all we're dead. The gnome's all shouted something, but I was pretty sure it meant victory.

The gnome troops searched all of our bodies looking for whatever they could find. Two gnome's we're about to search me, but luckily my gem was clutched in my hand. All of the sudden, I felt life again, or it is that I never did die, and I am cured.

The two gnome's flipped me over and surprised to find me alive and saying "Hello." I took my sword and killed both of them. The other gnome's stopped searching and picked up their wepons. They charged at me but didn't get far. The ranger's from the top of the wall had finally arrived and shot at the gnome's.

None lived. The metal gates opened and the king of falador and his white night body guards came out. "Oh my god!" Said the king. "What happened?" "The gate-keeper wouldn't let us in. He said it was under your orders." I replied. The king looked furouis "WHO TOLD SUCH WRECHTED LIES?" he yelled.

The gate-keeper trembled with fear and said "I.......I did....sir." "YOU HAVE DISCRASCED YOUR KING AND YOUR COUNTRY!" yelled the king. "But.......my lord you said not to let-" "SEIZE HIM AT ONCE!" he yelled. The guards dragged the gate-keeper away and said "No! I'm inncoent, I swear! I'm not young to die! NOOO!!!!"

I looked at selba. He was dead. He had a throwing axe stuck in his chest. An elite must have killed him. For the first time in my life tears we're in my eye's as I said "Good-bye freind." "I'm sorry you lost so many of your men in this battle." Said the king. I entered the city. "I understand, war is a terraible thing to be reckoned with." he said.

I smiled and said "Yes, it is." The king had a worried expression on his face. "Well, I must go." he said nervously. He walked back to the castle with his white knight body guards. I looked at my gem and knew it. This gem kept me alive. It gave me the strength and will to live.

I looked on the back of the gem and noticed something. What seemed to look like a crack, was a message or a word. I took an empty beer glass from the ground and looked with it. The word spelled "Zamarok." I droped the beer glass, shattering it to pieces........

Lol, I'm stuck browsing these forums like all day. WoW got 1.9 and it takes forever with 56k so i let it DL over night, lol.

Anyway, that was pretty kool. You should say what kind of gnome it is that you go up against sometimes, like a mage, warrior, rogue(stupid stupid rogues, i hate you!), etc . . . Also, start a new paragraph when new people talk, it makes it kinda confusing if you don't. Like the part when the king was yelling at the gatekeeper. From what I'm thinking the king told the man not to let anyone in, then said he didn't because they won the battle. Pretty kool story.

P.S.- the reason i hate rogues is beacause in AB those stupid rogues hit me in the back and jump in circles. I am a tauren druid and can kill em, but I can never click them! They are too small! So I either die or have to turn into my travel form and run. I guess that is kinda the reason for a rogue, but its 10x easier to kill any other kind of rogue. The mages hit from far away and are so tiny I can't tell where they are. I see a little name in red, but I seem to always click a log or sumthin...

Lol, I'm stuck browsing these forums like all day. WoW got 1.9 and it takes forever with 56k so i let it DL over night, lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anyway, that was pretty kool. You should say what kind of gnome it is that you go up against sometimes, like a mage, warrior, rogue(stupid stupid rogues, i hate you!), etc . . . Also, start a new paragraph when new people talk, it makes it kinda confusing if you don't. Like the part when the king was yelling at the gatekeeper. From what I'm thinking the king told the man not to let anyone in, then said he didn't because they won the battle. Pretty kool story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

P.S.- the reason i hate rogues is beacause in AB those stupid rogues hit me in the back and jump in circles. I am a tauren druid and can kill em, but I can never click them! They are too small! So I either die or have to turn into my travel form and run. I guess that is kinda the reason for a rogue, but its 10x easier to kill any other kind of rogue. The mages hit from far away and are so tiny I can't tell where they are. I see a little name in red, but I seem to always click a log or sumthin...

Rofl! Dude that is too funny. Are you in a guild in wow?

And omg you run wow on a 56k modem ? :shock:

I have:

a 17 inch flat screen monitor

Amd 3200 processer

Geoforce 6800 gt graphics card

1 gig of ram

Avalanche Mother board

4 fans

And an antec case

(If you don't know anything about computers, this is a good comp lol.)

And I have dsl :D

 

Yea, i guess that cleared up the part about the wuss gnomes. They must be very stupid. It would take a long time to mobilize an entire army, postition it in front of a town, attack for like five minutes, and then just leave. They better lose, stupid gnomes. I hate gnomes more than any other race on World of Warcraft, lol. I was writing my reply while u were posting chapter 3, lol.

Yeah i kinda figured. And why do you hate the gnome's on wow? Rofl. You might not want to hear this but i have a level 30 gnome mage on wow lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And today i was so freakin mad, cuz i was almost done with chapter four, and it was really really long and i hit a button and it all went away. I'm going to re-type it now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EDIT: IT JUST HAPPENED AGAIN!!!!!!!

You might want to type in it note pad or word and then copy/paste.

Nice plot twist at the end, saved by zamarok :?

I recently started WoW (installed it the same day 1.9 came out). I have a Night elf rogue, undead warlock, and Troll Hunter. (elf is my main but is on a crowded server) what servers do you guys play on?

On WoW I play on a server called Spirestone, PvP, medium population. Kinda sucks right now cause our server is really messing up. My name is Nerzugal (lol, check out my new story to see a bit of a reference to this, he he he), feel free to add me. I hit 41 like 20 minutes ago, lol. If you are Horde I could help u out or sumthin.

Also, when is next part coming out? I am looking forward to it. Oh yea, put it on MS word if you have, insta spell check and saves if u exit out. I always save my works after about 2 or 3 paragraphs because I have lost like 8 pages of content one time. You wanna talk about mad, oh buddy . . .

yeah, I lost a 5 page paper once cause the comp rebooted, it was 12 midnight and it was the the next day... that sucked.

I play on burning legion (full), Boulderfist (medium), Eonar (medium) and ome low population server (forgot the name)

I installed guild wars and have now come to the conlusion that WoW sucks.

Indeed, GW owns WoW.

Anyway, one of the unwritten rules of prose is that you try to never use "get", "got" or "getting" anywhere that isn't dialogue. It REALLY harms the professionalism of the piece. They CAN be used in some cases, such as when a piece has a more casual tone, but generally, they should never be used.

Also, try not to use the ellipsis ("...") too much, because overusing it diminshes its effect. Keep in mind that there are only three dots in an ellipsis. Try not to type dialogue in capitals, because like using "get" and "got", it detracts from the quality of the writing.

Zonorhc, I never really thought about not using "get" but that makes sense. Oh, I've been meaning to ask you where you got that avatar for some time now.