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The Cataphract of Kun!... Now with extra Plot!


Xewleer

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Prouncation is difficult to type here, Kun is pronounced KUNE will say the correct pronouncations when they show up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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In our future, technology has reached its height, but philosophy has reched its lowest peaks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teacher Alexandre Welar looked at the student with obvious disapproval, what other glare can you give to someone who was once the best, but now a slacker.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You know why you are here, you have begun to slack..."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Everyone else is! Its part of life! To enjoy it!" interrupted the youth, Phillip, to all purposes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"And you? does that settle well with you?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I am a victim of bad peers" Phillip stuck his tongue out. "Its not my fault. But the adults, for keeping my creativity at bay!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Creativity! To use chatspeak LOL!!! But, it's not my problem, come with me."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Why?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'll have you expelled otherwise."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Phillip hurried after him to a transporter, "where are we going?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"To the dimension of war, where existed the greatest military power that ever existed! To Kun!!! And my hideaway."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was perhaps the most trusted teacher on the campus, they both stepped into the portal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And they were met by barrenness...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

--------------------

 

 

 

more to come! It will be an epic story of madness blood lust and honor for the country, their country!

 

 

 

For the glory of Kun!!!!

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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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Looks good. Try not to use the brackets to much. Just add it in...somehow.

 

 

 

But most off you are right, as technology increases the philosphy does decrease. So I wait for the next installment.

Well I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.

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Phillip looked out over this barren world, only a small metal ball broke the grayness. "You brought me here for this, old man? There is nothing here."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Exactly, perhaps you are unfamiliar with the work of Ben Wheeler?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Wasn't he that guy who almost destroyed the internet or something? And didn't he write and spread it around on the internet and stuff? And died a lonely old man, Exile to the internet mind?"

 

 

 

At this, Teacher Welar flinched, that wasn't the true story at all... he should know. But he made no sign of the true knowledge and continued on. "He wrote something about a world he created, a world that was war. It was not war as we ever knew it, they were completely different from us. Some read his story and said that they were socialists, fascist or ogliarchy all incorrect. They were something completely different I can' explain."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The youth went over to the metal ball, talking as he went. "So this is all that is left of them?" He bent down to pick it up, and was sent flying back. The teacher, hiding a smile, helped him up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm sorry, but I had to let you touch it, it has lost a huge amount of potency since it was first used, as a weapon to end the life of the Kun empire!" Teacher Welar went over to an area perhaps a hundred feet from the portal. He stepped on a metal plate that had been put in the ground. A great bookcase stood there, silently rising on its rollers. The student, fighting against his training his family had gave him, forced down his excitement over this fact, books! He looked them over, books were a rarity now seen only in those who refused to truly accept the present, "That old fool! he would have a creative child of the future like me spend my time reading books?" He thought to himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The teacher ignored all this. "I have the only book that Wheeler ever put in print, and I shall read it to you so that you may understand what could happen to us, but not the war, the pride. Here begins the tale of the last true cataphract of Kun!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

character (I will do this randomly!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teacher Welar, The descendant of Wheeler (secretly) he works hard to counter the culture poisoning that is destroying the future. he knows its just a matter of time before it self destructs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kun will begin in earnest tomorrow, Its cataphract was feared by all, I will go though a little culture lesson (its needed!) first then truly begin.

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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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well despite the whole bracket thing and some places where the language could be better, i thought it was brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in forms of plot and thought put into the structure its the best thing i've seen you write so far =D> . Keep going!!! \'

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sorry peoples, cont get a chapter up til maybe sunday, sorry, random trip was impromptu thrown together by family, buts its all good!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Road trip!!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Spoiler* this will be a mecha type technology tree

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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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Teacher Welar began to read from the introduction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"This section is dedicated to Kun, the great, the powerful the warlike. It is situated in the middle of the single continent of the world, neither of which has names. It is a great empire, greater in size than the Mongolian empire overall, considering all emperors, and more secure and militarily great than the British empire at its most powerful. It extends to the east coast and extends to the north about 20 miles from the former capital of Zai, now destroyed by corruption. The south, though largely unexplored, is almost completely Kun's. The east, however, is another story.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zai used to be the greatest of empires, except for maybe the fairy kingdom of Naecami. It was very stable for years, but it suffered by corrupt emporers, and it collapsed, the rebellion, led by the province, now dukedom, of Karmand. It fell then, tot he empire of Zuglank Khun, the undying, the immortal, but that kingdom has gone back to its original size, allied to Kun. Damath and Narca are allied also to Kun, they are Horse and Ship lords respectively.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of the three non-human occupiers of the continent, only one is friendly, the fairy/dwarves they are secretive but will help humans in need, especially in the case of Tarag. (pronounced TA{hard A} RAG {another hard A} Those are primarily in the wild and the Norgaeth empire. The Norgaeth empire is ruled by Kraarc, the Tarag king. The other non-human sentients is the Montags, and no one will speak of them, and my travels to their kingdom only brings horror to my memories, they are like vampires, but not like them in a way, I can't describe them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But enough about this, now for Kun!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-------------------

 

 

 

Phew! taking a break, will post later tonight maybe! Hope you kept up!

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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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Teacher Welar continued to read, this time from the introduction to the chapter of Kun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Kun is the most unique of all nations, concerning morality, battle, government, and cuisine. I will try to describe as I can, but you cannot rationalize this... empire by anything I describe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its morality is different from all others because it is not as uptight, to the first glance, as any other nation. But it is very complex. Women and men are equally rated on combat skill levels, discriminating only against pacifists, which are all but non-existent. They consider the top portion of women nothing special, and do not care whether it is covered or not, the same with men also. However, they hold their female portion of the populace in almost sacred regard, protecting them if need arises with no regard to themselves. However, that is a thing of the past, as the mecha suit nullifies that aspect in war, men and women now fight together.

 

 

 

Marriage between the people of Kun is based on combat skill levels at age 22. Then, it is for life, no divorce except under dire circumstances.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In battle, a person of Kun, as we do not call them anything else, will fight with no thought to their personal safety, desiring only victory for Kun. Kun, to its people, is the greatest good, if it benefits, it is alright to do. So, the cataphract of Kun, its call for empire building, is considered the greatest good that can be done in the person of Kun's eyes. If the cataphract should lose a terrible battle, the soldier with the most able body will call the death gale, and that is very terrible to behold, it summons up the dying and recently dead to fight for the glory of Kun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its government is empirical, the emperor and empress of Kun, and his ministers. Kun is always ruled by the emperor, only checked by the empress, whose only job was to keep bad laws out of the system, besides providing companionship for her husband. The emperor has complete power and is inherited, he calls Kun to war or peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cuisine involves a lot of meat, that is only thing I can say about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here begins the story...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

----------------------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

gonna stop writing for tonight, in case your wondering, this is done as if the writer (Ben Wheeler) visited there, just a writing style I'm going with.

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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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Well its really non-sensical, but in some strange way makes some sense....sort of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its really...not a great system. If all are equal seperated only by their skills, then that would mean that each skill would have a value and everyone who was part of that skill would have a value. Similar to a Guild. Now introduce a King and you now have a new skill system altogether. By saying there is a King you are tying the many different skills into one super skill. Therefore the 1st in each skill is second to the King. If this is taken to be true then we have to assume that everyone is good at only one skill.

 

 

 

This is such as rating people on Runescape based only on their highest level. Then refusing them the chance to train any other skill. Therefore you create a VERY Communal Guild. However you have said that people are now divided into sub clans depending on the skill. This therefore mean that you have a Highearcy of people all doing one thing, but they are notable different from each other because they are not as good as each other. Therefore you have a situation of stagnation. If everyone does one thing forever more then they will not over take anyone else because they will be doing that forever more. Therefore you have created a system in which progress is stopped because people see no point in continuing their work. (This is often used to combat my Communist Attitude)

 

 

 

Therefore you are creating a system where all are equal in their inequality. This only ever works when the group is dispersed with many people from many different skill backrounds. You have clumped everyone from the same skill backround into one area. This promotes a feeling of discontent as progress is none existant. The super skill of being King overules the entire process as the system is controlled by a Despot. Someone that is better than everyone else for no particular reason. This is in the same way that the Army is better than then Navy and Airforce for no particular reason. This creates an inequality in a system of equality of the inequality. Therefore the entire system grinds to a halt because there is no point in working together because everyone is sharing equally. This structure is similar to Communism(*) with one major difference. Because everyone is together the world cannot function. In the same way that if you gave 4 people an axe and told them to cut 3 logs in total, and to do the same for the next 5 years. Only 2 things will ever happen.

 

 

 

1: one person will do the whole job.

 

 

 

2: three people will kill the forth person and do the job themselves.

 

 

 

Never does the system work that each person does their own work in a system where the work cannot be shared easierly equally. Per chance you might have it work for a few weeks but sooner or later one person will get sick of doing their share. Then they will either tell the others they are not doing any work. Which eventually stops the 2 others from doing any work. Resulting in the 1st. Or the other three will get rid of him. Resulting in the 2nd. Which may eventually lead to the 1st.

 

 

 

Basically people only work when they need to. There are 2 forms of Communism that work in this way. Normal Communism(As tried in Russia) resulted in people that didn't work being killed off. This seems barbaric but realistically was the only answer that could have got it back on its feet. The other form(My form) creates a system where if you don't work everyone dies. Not by soldiers or by death squads. But by simple stavation. Again barbaric but it gives a true incentive to work. Rather than the false incentive of Money. But I am getting side tracked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Basically the story is good but the system would have to be alot more complicated if it was going to work.

Well I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.

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That was quite a post about the structure... I don't know how one is supposed to equalize the inequalty of an equal inequalty, equally. :-k About the story, it's OK, better than some, not my favorite story EVER though. I would like more, but please remeber to either capitalize all the Kuns or don't capitalize any of the kuns, but don't make it Kun kun Kun kun please. *** out of *****

)-(

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will edit to make more sense, I was talking fighting skill... And they are indescribable concerning government, the only thing Ben Wheeler can think of is an Empire, with an emperor. this nation is geared for war and only war. They do jobs out of necessity, but are industrious, especially when they have to... the emporer inherits, but ... too hard to explain! argh! story after this I hope... got to study...

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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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YAY destroy the dream!!!

 

 

 

=P

 

 

 

Anyway back to the story... *cough*

 

 

 

*dances around in a generally stupid manner, mouthing We are the Champions*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry...

Well I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.

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Teacher Welar continued the Narrative of Ben Wheeler.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the benefit of the reader, I will tell you now that I will switch between fiction and narrative points of view, this said just to avoid confusion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a long time ago, only 5 months, one month to go, then they would marry. Kale and Kammy, at 3 months after Kale's birthday, 1 month after Kammy's, the small party when the marriages are chosen by the town wise men and elders. In Kun, you can choose who you want, and if both want each other, then it is likely that they will get what the want. Kammy and Kale had been rivals, they were going to get married, both to their joy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A klaxon sounded, it was time for the second watch of the night. Kammy jumped out of the mecha onto the ladder, sliding down, they shared a mecha now, sharing more and more, preparing to officially share their lives. She gently kissed his cheek and they rushed to both of their perspective posts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kale felt his mecha warm up, the few gears and mechanical clickings the mecha was top of the line, 30 years ago. It was named Belladonna, not a relic, but not new either, it served his purpose. The mecha started off, for patrol he did not have to turn off autopilot unless he saw something. He sat back, he had a few minutes of leisure before he must actually start. His eyes rolled around, glancing at the green lights. Eventually he found himself looking at his promised. Kammy, and she was very beautiful to his eyes. Equal in fighting skills they had continuously tied in combat simulations, he loved to get this over with so that he could spend a midnight snack with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The klaxon sounded and he was off! Taking it slow, he saw a lone mecha, attempts to hail it only brought back threats. He took aim with his missile launcher. The aim was true, the mecha fell back smoking. He switched off autopilot and went towards it, hoping to figure out its origin. He saw that it was a drone. One look was all it took to realize the inevitable, he rushed for the self destruct button. But it was too late even in the second he realized.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Air elemental one, laughing neither machinelike or human like, ordered his air elementals to strip the mecha for parts. He then focused his attention on the small town Kale had been protecting. "Take it! Take what we need! Go!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kammy, sensing it before the report came a day later ran off. She was found by a mercenary team, who decided to take her in, no mercenary force is complete without a person of Kun to complement it. Especially one such as her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Tis true that thou are a sorry lady, but would working for us ease that sorry, sad lady of Kun?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"*sniff*My sadness is beyond reckoning, but it would be an insult to *gulp* him not to live *starts crying*"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

----------- (this denotes its not actually part of the story.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Elementals: Elementals are half human, half machines, Humans who sold their bodies to become powerful. But they ended up losing their humanity. No one is ever forced to become an elemental. Elementals are generally long lived.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All elementals fall under four categories.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Air elementals have jet packs, missile launchers adorn their shoulders (right one) and have one grasping hand, the other one has a multi laser emplacement on it. These are raiders and pirates, no one trusts the word of an air elemental, no matter who the... thing... used to be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Earth elementals. These go on treads. one arm has missile launchers the other has lasers and machine guns. They have spider like graspers that comes out of their backs. Certain of the Earth elementals forgo this, just increasing the amount of weaponry instead. They are led by the first earth elemental ever made. Allied to Kun, it is generally accepted that an Earth Elemental is a trustworthy person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fire elementals. These are basically flameheaded, flamethrower packing androids, the least human of the elementals. They congregate in volcanoes and rarely go out at night without purpose, preferring to feel the sun. They use flamethrowers in between the joints of their fingers, which are razor-sharp, capable of cutting soft metals. They are considered a good force to send out as first strikers. Have a great affinity for the Earth elementals, so that they go to war always on the side that the earth elementals are on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Water elementals. Rarest elemental seen. These are a peaceful, friendly to the people of Narca, the ship lords. They have a giant laser cannon on their shoulder, and a harpoon missile launcher on their right arms. They are a mysterious elemental. Very intelligent, may speak in riddles if a hard question is given.

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I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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Supreme General Krace looked over the report from his scouts, another town raided by these blasted Air Elementals! His secretary let in a scientist, nervous and wary, he gave the office a long look over before addressing the General.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"My lord of Kun! (this is a polite greeting between two persons of Kun) I have something that you may feel joy at seeing." Here he put the suitcase that was handcuffed three times to his arm. Opening it, he brought out three cubes of unidentified metal and a sheet of another, strange metal. "My lord, this is a new metal, impervious... you doubt?" He took out a gun and tossed the sheet on the ground, shooting it. He picked it up, the small soot stain fell off naturally at the slightest slope. "It is called Kunium, and it is impervious to every laser or missile or projectile weapon we have. How much can we make? We can make a lot of it, the empire of Kun is well prepared in mineral resources."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The general, smiled, three years since his last, and he smiled a war smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He sent his report to the Emperor of Kun in a whirlwind, an army was not enough for him to send the information by. Rumors spread... Cataphract? Will there be a Cataphract? Will the glory of Kun be rekindled? The great building grounds of the Kun armies stoked their furnaces to their hottest. The workers of Kun set to with a great will. The youth of Kun, those too young to Join the Great Army of Kun trained themselves in War. Old ones of the towns of Kun bent their heads and told of the heroes of old. The Great Kar Ancthelion of Kun its Greatest Warrior of that age took of the best of the soldiers and created his guard, the cream of Kun's army!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The brother of Kale, Kal, applied, for a position in the Kar-Ancthelion's guard, he got one. Air elemental One, killer of Kale, was actually surprised, but didn't really live long enough to truly register it. After all, how long does one last when you raid the town the Kar-Ancthelion is secretly in?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps one week later drums were unleashed a wild warlike beat, the very pulse of Kun, and the people heard and rejoiced. The Cataphract was called!!! Hundreds of Thousands of Singles, couples, even whole families attempted to join the armies of Kun. If war is the lifeblood of Kun. Then the Cataphract is its narcotic! Those who were turned away rejoiced all the more, they would not slow the Cataphract down with their weakness! And they worked hard, the metal that was given to cover all Mechas in was guarded all the time, a ceaseless watch was called.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Those who were not Kun sent soldiers arms and terms of their unconditional surrender. The Zai petty king sent 20,000 of his best soldiers and 300 lesser battle airships and 100 greater airships. Zuglank Khun the undying promised to attack the Wild and the Tarag King's kingdom of Norgaeth, Narca sent nearly 1,000 greater airships and a fleet of fighters in such a swarm that it was uncountable, it blotted out the sun a mile square. The King of the Earth elementals promised nearly his entire army, and the Fire elemental lords swore their allegiance. The emperor of Kun, Kayne Kevelin, saw all this and gathered 2 million soldiers, male and female, and gathered them in the square of Kun's palace, his empress with the females and he the males.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I get ahead of myself I shall backtrack, beginning with the Emperor and Empress of Kun!

 

 

 

----------------------------

 

 

 

Zai empire- As said before it once was a great power. Its people are a cruel people, they fight with blades on a great chain, which may cut a strong man in two. They are ruled by a petty king currently, and have declared allegiance to Kun. They are pierced and crooked, often bickering, but will not cross a true friend. They have a great hatred for the Dukedom of Karmand, desiring its destruction.

pre2asoldierofthekingce8.png

I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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The Emperor of Kun, Kayne Kevelin, called the cabinet of his empire. He sent word to his ambassadors from the other nations under the thumb of Kun. The Zashrank, second in command of the Zai army came, he was a broken man, with a great number of piercings, if your were far enough away it would look like chain mail. Nausiccaa, heir to the throne of Damath, came with her two giants, who had guarded her since her birth. The Earth Elemental King appeared, flanked by another earth elemental and the High Lord of the Fire Elementals. Zuglank Khan the immortal, sent one of his sons. And there were others, Narca sent one of their nobles, but a surprise to them all was that Dukor (hard u) sent an ambassador, promising to help Kun if it was spared from the rumor of the Cataphract.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Emperor started the discussions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"My lords, ladies and Generals, I thank you all for coming here. Thats enough formality, My general tells me that we have the winning edge on any battle we might face. You all know what this means, the Cataphract! What can Kun expect from your nations?" He sat and waited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Dukorian ambassador stood and cleared his throat. "My Lord, Dukor offers its immediate and total unconditional surrender... for your mercy."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"It is granted, What of the ship and cavalry nations? Will they support Kun if we attempt the world itself?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nausiccaa stood up. "The ship lords place all that is theirs under thine hand. 1,000 greater air battleships and innumerable smaller vessels. Thou know thine servant's capabilities, also thine servants will harry the shipping of Karmand, so that they can receive no succor for the tribulations upon them."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Zashrank scowled, "You didy nagaoty show us thaty courtesy whenaga we attemptedy to inagavade Karmanagady. Inaga facty you helpedy them! Why the suddenaga chanagage inaga thoughty*?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The emperor raised his hand and the Zashrank fell silent. "I will not have these petty squabbles here... bring any issues not involving kun out somewhere else? What can Kun expect of the Zai?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Zashrank stood, his pride reestablished, he moved his hands over certain of his piercings, obviously showing the campaigns he had been in. "We canaga sendy onaga hunagadredy greater air battleships, three hunagadredy lesser air battleships. We are havingy problems with the Ashmenaga of the Far Nagaorth. So we cannagaoty senagady more thanaga thirty thousanagady troops, buty we shall senagady our besty!*" He sat down, thinking of harm to Narca.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The noble from Damath pledged whole armies to the cataphract of Kun. Zuglank Khan's son said that they would attack the Tarag kingdom of Norgaeth and raze its ziggurat to the ground, also the wild would be taken. The Earth elemental king came forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"My Lord knows that we have ever been allied to Kun, starting in your fathers grandfather's great grandfather's great great grandfather's time. We have ever come on your empire building wars. You have our complete allegiance. I remember the first cataphract, three millions had come, and they charged toward the nearest kingdom. I remember the spoils. See I have a piece of the dethroned king's crown... This shall be no less successful if you tell no untruth." Everyone gasped at wonder, a great jewel, a ruby, the size of the Earth elemental's grasper, appeared, it was inlaid with gold, and it had an emblem on the top of it, a great dragon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The high lord of the fire Elementals, who until then was asleep in the sunlight that fell on his chair, woke up and made his speech. "Since the first Elementals came to be, the Fire elementals have ever been on the side of the earth elementals... To war, to death, to raids... We will pledge whatever the Earth elementals send that should be enough."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The meeting ended after this, it was enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That night, the Emperor of Kun, usually calm and quiet, was nervous. He did not know what to do. He knew he could do it, it was merely a love for the lives of his people that kept him from it. And they all expected only one choice. His empress sat in the bed attempting to calm him down. Trying to entice him to rest before the announcement. He allowed himself to be in her arms and slept, mind made up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-----------------------------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* Zai speech impediment causes them to say aga after all n's, except in the double n sound. All hard endings... k, t, d, c, b, etc. get a ee (written y) sound at the end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dukor, Narca, Damath: all three were once under the Zai empire, but they revolted after The Zai lost to Karmand. Even thought the Zai would love to have them destroyed, they do not have enough military might to do it. Dukor was the last of them, and kept the Zai empire back with constant warfare. Dukor also has no liking for the Dukes of Karmand, preferring Zuglank Khan, who helped them out against a Tarag invasion.

pre2asoldierofthekingce8.png

I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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Kayne Kevelin sent word to his generals, to his messengers and to the Kar Ancthelion. The Cataphract was called! Drums struck up a beat that roused the adrenaline, and caused people to be excited. Perhaps two days after the drums first sounded the Emperor called together about 2 millions. They were all couples, each about 24-30 in age, experienced fighters all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He came up to the podium, regal and imperious, in a functional mecha jumpsuit, this merely proved to all what he planned to do. He cleared his throat one last time and began.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"We stand here at the edge of doom! many of you will not come back! Many of you will die! Those who survive, however, will reap rewards greater than that of any other you may have had before, greater than your father's rewards! You know that I am known as a cautious emperor! And you know that I always look to the safety of my People first! My Lords of Kun!!!! Shall we go to war!?!?!?" He raised his hands, waiting for what they would say, he was not surprised.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"TO WAR!" came back the reply!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"To war then..." silently said to himself, then. "TO WAR!" he stood up straight, reahing out his arms as if he was soaking in the adoration of his people. Metal, gold, started to climb up his legs and covered him, it took the form of a mecha, be it smaller and golden, and a great spear appeared in his hand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"TO WAR! THE CATAPHRACT IS RELEASED!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They left the area with a roar, Kayne Kevelin, already called, "the Golden" by the soldiers raced ahead and led the way, charging toward the sea, conquering all before him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Empress, in a silver mecha, came up, matching his pace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Well, my golden one," said the empress to the emperor, "you have caused the glory of Kun to become great. Your people love you, and you are all but assured victory. I'd say you made the right choice."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kayne Kevelin the Golden led the way to the eastern border of Kun, they sent him off with an honor guard of 50 soldiers. The Kar Ancthelion led the way to east, and Karmand, but there were kingdoms in the way before then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-------------------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Karmand, the first area to break away from Zai. They are proud and good warriors, having once fought the previous Cataphract to a standstill,it didn't last, of course, but it proved that Karmand was a nation. The dukes of Karmand form an Oligarchy, about 11 members, the 11th serving as a tie breaker. They are hated by Zai and are respected by Kun, but that does not stop fighting against them.

pre2asoldierofthekingce8.png

I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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You really don't need to double post every time you update your story... when there's about 4 minutes difference.

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my mistake Issy, corrected, but what do you think of it so far?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It seems to be written slightly childishly and the description and flow could be lots better in some places. However the storyline and ideas seem to be very interesting. I do really admire the quote you based it on - Technology has reached it's highest peaks... etc, it's true. I suggest that once you've written a certain amount, say, a paragraph, read through it aloud and make any changes you want to make, add more descriptive words, etc, join sentences up, until it sounds perfect aloud.

 

 

 

I think you've got a great imagination and this story has alot of potential. Just keep going, and editing. Some authors write about 50 drafts of a story before they've decided it's right. It's not bad so far.

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This is really a story that mirrors the cold war.

 

 

 

Each side has enough power to destroy the other.

 

 

 

But because there is more than two superpowers, the attacker would be the loser if the third attacked quickly. So everyone is pretty much as they were to begin with, because a battle larger than a skirmish can leave you open.

 

 

 

The story otherwise...it seems really...superpowered. I mean its a story were the sides are so superpowered that doing anything but embrass technology is suicide. Classic cold war again. They have to pour everything into technology or they will be crushed.

 

 

 

But to be honest its not gripping. Its...a game. It is a description of the final scene in a stratagy game. Total defeat of your enemies and the killing of their leader, or of a victory party. Its not so much a story.

 

 

 

And you seem to have dumped the whole teacher student thing that was at the beginning.

 

 

 

In the same way that Comand and Conquer:Red Alert, dumped a really exciting intro in. Then ignored the time travel prospect completely, though the chronosphere(Transporter) was resurrected later on. It just wasn't...what you wanted. You wanted the Time Travel, even if it was just in the story rather than the game...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry Xeelwer but its not a story, it's an entry in the manual that explains what you are doing...

Well I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.

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You found me out, that was my intention... however, I have not abandoned anything... there is a surprise waiting... Archimage...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And Issy, In response to what you have said, I will copy my story down and rework it, so that it is more... whatever, I'll just improve it. But some things I have to keep that may jar the story as you feel like. Anyway... I'll probably retool it at school.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So don't expect more for a tiny bit...

pre2asoldierofthekingce8.png

I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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You found me out, that was my intention... however, I have not abandoned anything... there is a surprise waiting... Archimage...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are planning to make a game....? But anyway, I never said you were abandoning it. I said you had dumped it. In C&C they bring it back in number 2 so...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As for the don't expect any more for a tiny bit, how long a tiny bit? A tiny bit could be a day a week a month, even half a year.

Well I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.

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:P wait and see, also,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm working on another story...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

you might also see some really stupid stories come from my pen soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mmmm.... Bananaco, the land of stupid fruits and a very angry volcano god... The antarctic tropical isthmus island of contradictions... whose exports are criminals and politicians... the national anthem is "I've got a luvverly bunch of Coconuts..." mmmm I may post some of those on there

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(by the way, the mayor of Bananaco is a grape :shock: )

pre2asoldierofthekingce8.png

I'll show you how terrifying a true Christian can be!

It's Xewleer: ZEW le ar, got it memorized?

Hermit of the Varrock Library and its proud guard.

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Share on other sites

Gives me an idea...

 

 

 

What if we create a "And now for something completely different" Thread where the authors can invent stories off the top of their head, sort of like the reverse of the Literacy Bites topic. So something completely stupid and is downright balmy.

 

 

 

Could even do plays- thats it the whole story is cut together by a serouis of increasingly nonsencical links such as:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Cut to a newsreader*

 

 

 

Newsreader: And now for something completely different

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Cut to an office block*

 

 

 

I don't want to be an office worker...I want to be A newreader

 

 

 

*Cut to newsreader*

 

 

 

I don't want to be a newsreader...I want to be an office worker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or something equally as silly and outragous.

 

 

 

I am not sure how it would be done but if you and me were to do something like this, like you write a story that is about not alot of anything, then we just cut random links into it to make complete stories that makes sense because the stories are all proper stories but they are seperated by these sorts of nonsensical connections.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mmmm.... Bananaco, the land of stupid fruits and a very angry volcano god... The antarctic tropical isthmus island of contradictions... whose exports are criminals and politicians... the national anthem is "I've got a luvverly bunch of Coconuts..."

 

 

 

*Cut to a newsreader*

 

 

 

Newsreader: And now for something completely different

 

 

 

*Cut to a different story*

 

 

 

*Cut to an office block*

 

 

 

I don't want to be an office worker...I want to be A newreader

 

 

 

*Cut to newsreader*

 

 

 

I don't want to be a newsreader...I want to be an office worker

 

 

 

*Cut to the next chapter of the story.*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So it made sense, and was actually serouis, even though the stories wern't...Is this making any sense?

 

 

 

But more importantly would people want to do something like this?

Well I knew you wouldn't agree. I know how you hate facing facts.

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