For those of you who missed the announcement, Jagex will be holding a new Machinima contest for 2010, complete with another round of lifetime membership for the winners and a trip to Jagex HQ for first prize. This time, the theme is advertisements--the video must be a 30-second ad for something in Runescape. You know what I think? I think that [cabbage] is easy! Anyone can write one of those, and to prove it, here's a good half-dozen or so ideas right off the top of my head!
Do you have permission to use these ideas? Hell no. These are my ideas. Any video I see using any of them will be reported for copyright infringement for STEALING MY IDEAS! GAH!
Seriously though, if you actually do want to use my ideas, we should totally collaborate. I'm game.
1. Anti-drug public service announcement
These things are comedy gold. Here's what you do. Decide on a Runescape thing to represent drugs. Herblore potions are great, although I prefer to think of them as steroid-type drugs rather than "Kids, don't do drugs!" drugs. (Of course, I already made that joke.) Sea slugs would be great too, especially since "slugs" rhymes with drugs. Once you have your drugs picked out, play on famous drug PSAs. Use scare tactics to show what will happen if you do slugs. (Clips from Slug Menace would be welcome here: "If you do slugs then a terrible evil will overthrow the world! We're not kidding!" There's probably something from Hunt from Red Raktuber you can use too.) Get celebrity spokespeople to testify against slugs. And don't forget the catchy lines! "Winners don't do slugs!" If you need to do some photoshopping, Armies of Gielinor has good sea slugs to work with, I think. (By the way, I'm seriously hoping a new Sea Slug quest comes out soon, because I've been waiting months for a good excuse to make a "This is your brain on slugs" joke.)
2. Sea slugs
Or, instead of advertising against the slugs, you get to be Mother Mallum and pitch them to the masses. [black and white footage of a sad-looking player] Have you ever felt alone? Do you lack a purpose in life? Do your friends make fun of you for being "intelligent" and "thinking"? [switch to color] Worry no more! Simply insert the slug directly into your cranium, and you'll instantly lose all individuality and become a mindless servant of our great Mother! Just hear what this satisfied customer had to say:
[trance-like] "Soon now...so soon...the stars are almost right..."
3. Army recruitment
Make an ad encouraging the viewer to enlist as a Falador Guard. Boast about how the average life span has increased several seconds over the past six months. Show clips of the duties you'll have (standing around the square waiting to be killed). End every scene with the guard being slaughtered and start the next one with a brand new guard taking the old one's spot each time.
4. Foreign aid
This one requires the correct mood from the soundtrack. I'm imagining an ad with no dialogue, just panning shots of tragic poverty and starvation in Meiyerditch and Burgh de Rott with captions explaining depressingly tragic statistics, urging the viewer to make donations, all set to a plaintive music track. As we all know, Morytania is Runescape's version of sub-Saharan Africa, where poverty rates suck, disease rates suck, corruption literally sucks, etc. So you can play on that.
5. Political advertisement
Well, the other ones come together in my head a little better, but this seems like a fairly original idea that would be great if you pull it off well. Introduce yourself, talk about what position you're running for, right? Then normally the politician would talk about their background and their vision of the state, so do that, only change it to be about Runescape, and make it funny. Also, be sure to make vicious attacks on your opponent, preferably in a silly way. Meta-jokes would work well here..."If elected, I vow to bring back the Wildy," or "My opponent is a safer, rusher, pjer, and/or def n00b," might be the platform of someone running for Chief PKer or something, for example.
6. Parodies of famous real-life ads
Think of a well-known real-life ad. Think of a Runescape something-or-other similar to it. Parody the original ad. Which ad? I don't know. Maybe one of those "Foreverything else, there's Mastercard" ads? Maybe a "Trix are for kids" ad? You all watch TV. You see commercials all over the place. Pick one and shamelessly rip it off. It'll be great.
7. Any item in the entire damn game
Seriously. You could make an infomercial on ANY item. Allow me to click "Random page" on the Runescape Wiki. Let's see...Skin Paste. Okay, we could do it, but maybe that's a little risky, so let's try another one. Brawing gloves. Easy. You start by advertising that they give double xp. You go on to advertise other uses: oven mitts! Sock puppets! And so on. Okay, another one. Snakeskin armor. Again, easy. This time you might emphasize the quality of the snake leather from which it was crafted--none but the finest swamp snakes of Mort Myre could produce leather of this quality! Why buy expensive dragonhide armor? Get your set of snakeskin armor today! Call now and receive an Amulet of Glory absolutely FREE! Okay, how about another? Green gloop soup. Let's just extend this to all Cave Goblin food. Make it an ad for the fine dining of Dorgesh-Kaan. Take the viewer on a tour of the caves where the ingredients are collected. Demonstrate how they are harvested by killing some frogs, cave slimes, wall beasts, and so on. Show a shot of them placed on a table like a banquet. Add a clip of customer testimony.
This [cabbage] is easy. I could do it for any item. Seriously, comment on this post. Give me an item. I will give you an ad for that item. I mean it--post some in the comments and I'll prove it. Not hard at all. It's not going to win any points for originality, though.
Anyway, there's some quick brainstorming on ideas. I got loads more of these too. And I could write out full scripts, too. Trouble is filming and editing an actual video. I have pretty much no idea how to go about that, haha.