For a first blog entry, I want to create a splash.

So here it is.

Ok, now that I've gotten that stupidity out of my system. I'm going to post my first serious post. EVER.

Now, for my first post, my original idea was going to be about people not taking me seriously enough (a rant), and how to some extent it's my own fault, for being somewhat innapropriate - what with me being quiet when everyone else is loud and me being loud when everybody else is quiet. Simply, all opposites - that and I can't go for more than a minute without trying to be funny.

But as I wrote this I found that it was hard to continue, I found myself pedantic about the tiny details, I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I never want to, I get this feeling of digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself all the time. It happens when I open up in the slightest (even when I try to be funny - I can't help but feel I'm making a mistake). I try to convince myself that all I need is desensitasation, but honestly, I feel so darn sure that that's not the case.

The feeling even comes when I make a forum post detailing my opinions, I convey them wrong and I spend an hour editing and re-editing after it's been posted. I feel great remorse after longer, more meaningful posts (perhaps it explains my lower postcount). I even check back to see if anyone's responded to it. I pray no one has (or I would if I thought there were a "God"). I ask myself, is it fear of being shot down, mocked, ridiculed? Maybe I'm feeling the same feeling many people do before they perform a speech? Am I sounding like a cliched teenage girl from those drama novels (I hope not, I don't like my masculinity being challenged)?

Even now, I'm forcing myself to post this entry, my first one. The hardest one. I know it's short, crude and probably not going to be read (hopefully). But by doing this, perhaps I can improve upon my voice as a writer. Be profound like all these amazing articles I've seen plastered all over the internet (Truthscape, All those Cracked Articles (well, the Not-NSFW ones to say the least), to name a few you may know), of course it's going to take a while, a long while. And become closer to this community (I've been meaning to do it for a while now).

That sums it up, I think. Please check back in an hour after I've re-edited it several times.