I have never written a story before, so I have no idea if my writing will appeal to anyone, but I have decided to give it a try and wrote this story tonight. I know it's small and unfinished, but I am looking for some feedback. Unless some people actually like this story, I won't complete it.

 

 

 

It is fine to have criticism, but please make it constructive. If you are just going to tell me my story sucks it doesn't really help me. If my choice of words sometimes seems strange, I apologize, I don't like using the 'english isn't my primary language' excuse, but I just feel I still can't use english as freely as I would like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tales of an old wizard

 

 

 

 

 

Prologue

 

 

 

It was a stormy day. Frightened by the everhowling wind, the children krept closer to each other, sitting on the stone floor looking up at that old man. They all knew him, everyone in the village did, but none knew his name, nor where he came from. He would just come visit a couple of times each year and the villagers of Rimmington grew to like him, for he would always bring great stories with him.

 

 

 

Rimmington was a small but growing village these days, nothing really happened there and almost no one came to visit this peaceful town. Because of that, people were very friendly to travelers, for they could often share some news from the other parts of the world. People were always excited when a visitor came into town, everyone would know within hours who he or she was and they always rushed in to hear what news there was to be heard.

 

 

 

The old man had been coming here for as long as people could remember, even the oldest men and women in the village couldn't remember a time when the old man wouldn't visit rimmington with his stories. But they tried not to dwell on that fact too much, for even though it was disturbing, the old man had always been kind and generous. Never had he caused any problems, so people just accepted him as a kind of friendly neighbour.

 

 

 

It was a late night and everyone was inside their house because of the storm, when suddenly out of nowhere the old man came. He had to knock four times before it could be heard above the sound of the wind and rain, but when the door opened he was welcomed in by a friendly face and escorted to the dinner table. The old man always stayed over at one specific family and although no one really knew why, people accepted it and didn't think about it again.

 

 

 

Even though the children had already gone to sleep a couple of hours ago they were woken up , for visits by the old man were a joyous occasion and nobody wanted to miss the opportunity to hear his fantastic tales. And so it was that the old man began telling about knights and dragons. About old kingdoms and evil warlocks, witches and castles. He always had a tale about almost anything. Just as he was telling about the proud knights of Falador he stopped in the middle of his sentence, his eyes open wide with shock. As he got up he suddenly seemed very old. He was old, there was no mistaking about it, but now it seemed like he was exhausted beyond even his years, a great weight on his shoulders.

 

 

 

"What's the matter sir?" Asked one of the children, confused because the old man halted his tale. "I was so sure they wouldn't find me, how can this be?" Replied the old man, looking out the window into the dark night. "I have kept myself hidden for so long now, how can it be that they have found me after all this time." After thinking in silence for a small while he turned around, looked everyone in the eye and started talking, his voice growing in power each second. "I want each and everyone of you to go to the basement and hide. I see bravery in your eyes, but this is not a battle any of you can handle, magic will be the weapon used this night." With that he took some stones out of his backpack, mumbling in himself about his fate finally catching up with him.

 

 

 

As soon as the children and their parents started walking towards the entrance of the basement, a great red light could be seen in front of them. For a small moment which seemed to last forever, they couldn't hear anything. But then as time seemed to resume its course, a white light enveloped them and they saw a great explosion appear where the beautiful red light had been. They heard the old man pant behind them: "I can't keep this shield up forever. The light of Saradomin may be powerful, but I'm not strong enough to control it for much longer. Hurry, run to the basement and don't stop!" Frozen in fear, the people of Rimmington watched as more explosions followed red light and a great fire spread in front of them. "Run!" the old man yelled as he stepped behind them and pushed the children in the direction of the basement. As the children started running, the parents could do nothing but follow, their faces frozen in fear.

 

 

 

As soon as the villagers were out of sight, something stirred in the shadows behind the great flames. Someone came walking right through the fire, a black mist surrounding him. ``It is time to repay your debt foolish old man, the great lord is starting to grow impatient. Now if you could please stop resisting the inevitable, I have others matters I have to attend to too.'' With that, he stretched out his hand and while mumbling an incantation a red glow appeared in his hand. As soon as he finished his incantation the red glow shot away, speeding towards the old man. But the old man did not try to dodge it, he walked right towards the attacker and as the glow came nearer, that same white light that protected the villagers surrounded him. The red light exploded, but the old man just walked through the explosion, his robes did not even stir for a moment.

 

 

 

"I might have gone willingly, had you not involved this village. But I can not let you harm these peaceful people, Asmarrin." The old man replied. While walking towards the Asmarrin, he started mumbling his own incantation and his hands too started glowing, but the light never left his hands. As soon as his incantation was over, white lightning appeared out of nowhere and struck Asmarrin. With just a short scream of agony he fell to the ground, reduced to mere ash. As the old man walked through the flames and saw the shadows of Asmarrin's companions nearing, he sighed. He knew this was going to be a long and terrible night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A tall man wearing some sort of crude black armour, wielding in his hand a scarlet sword walked towards the burning building that Asmarrin had attacked. He was accompanied by a rather short elf, wearing green leather with a shortbow and a quiver full of arrows tied to her back. "Hey Ivona, do you think Asmarrin is done already?" "I do hope so, this cursed rain is starting to get on my nerves." The elf replied with an irritated look on her face. "I can't imagine a senile old man putting up much resistance against him. Shall we take a look Irrin?" "Yes, let us see if that old man could do anything but scream." Irrin laughingly replied. As they got nearer to the burning building, a bright white flash momentarily blinded them, followed by a jolt of lighting flying towards them. Irrin yelled: "Watch out!" But it was to no avail. As they both jumped into opposite directions, the jolt changed directions in midair, speeding towards Irrin. Just before he was hit, Irrin closed his eyes, waiting for death to take him. But death never came...

 

 

 

Irrin could smell the scent of burned flesh and quickly opened his eyes to see what had happened. Before him lay Ivona, a wound burned black on her chest where the lighting had struck. "It is too bad it has to end this way." Ivona panted, struggling to keep her eyes open. Irrin gently grabbed her and lay her down in his arms, tears starting to form in his eyes. "Why did you do this? Why did you have to take that shot?!" He asked, trying to keep a steady voice. "You are wearing metal armor, you know as well as I do that magic hits you at full power. I thought my dragonhide would weaken the blast enough for me to survive, but I was wrong. Not even Asmarrin possesses this kind of magic Irrin, it seems we greatly underestimated our opponent." Although Ivona seemed to weaken by the second, her voice was strengthened by a powerful determination: "Go now, run away and abandon this mission. This is not an enemy you can defeat." "But I can't just leave you here, you will die." Irrin replied, trying to keep the tears away. "I am already dying. Only a fool wouldn't see that. I don't want you to die too Irrin. Run now and keep me in your heart forever. Run!" And with that her eyes closed, her chest no longer moving. Gently Irrin laid her on the ground, sobbing softly. Picking up his sword from the wet ground, he slowly got up, his whole body shaking. looking towards the now collapsed building, he saw that cursed old man aproach. With a loud cry he charged towards his enemy, rage blinding him from Ivona's last wish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"It seems they were lovers, or else she wouldn't have jumped in front him" The old man said to himself, a sad look in eyes. "I guess I could give them a final moment to together." As he waited he saw the man in black armour getting up, shaking heavily. "It is time." The old man started walking towards the scene of death, casting a spell of protection on himself. He heard a cry of sorrow and rage pierce the the sounds of the storm and he saw his enemy running towards him. A sudden fear filled his mind as he noticed the weapon in the hands of his enemy. That is no ordinary sword, that's... The old man started throwing balls of light in panick towards his enemy, using no incantations this time. His enemy wasn't even slowed down by the first three balls, but as the fourth hit him he was thrown back, landing hard on the ground. Without hesitating the armoured man got up, once again running towards the old man as if he had never been hit. As the old man regained control of himself he started chanting an incantation, closed his eyes and his voice started growing in strength. Just as his incantation was finished the old man gasped, for he felt a terrible pain spreading through him. As he opened his eyes he saw the armoured man standing before him, his eyes red with hatred. Before even a second had passed he raised his hand and held it in front of his enemies face. "I'm sorry." Light engulfed his hand and shot forward, hitting the armoured man in the face. With the impact his enemy flew back several feet, landing with his back against the wall of a house. As the dying man closed his eyes, his mouth formed a joyful grin. While the old man limped towards him pulling the scarlet sword from his stomach, he could hear the armoured man mutter softly: 'Ivona, we will be together again.' The armoured man stopped breathing. "I wish I could rest and let my injuries heal, but sadly enough I have a long way to go with almost no time left." The old man said to himself as he started walking away to the east, a red stain spreading on his back, the scarlet sword that had pierced him resting in his hand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Red light filled the cave as the dragon breathed its deadly fire towards the attacker. The young knight held his shield in front of him to block the fire, but was not wholly succesful. Bits of fire streamed past his shield and burned his arm, leaving black marks. When he tried to charge forward he was once again greated by a sea of fire. He quickly ran away, taking cover behind a large boulder. There must be a way to get through without me being burned like a piece of meat. If only I could distract it with something... Hey! The young knight picked up a small rock and got ready. With all his might he threw the rock to the other side of the cave. He slowly made his way to the dragon, which was looking at the other side. As soon as the dragon turned it's head he leaped forward with a cry, stabbing the dragon's mouth from beneath with his sword. The dragon screamed as it fell forward, its head almost crushing the young knight. "Phew, that was a close call." Said Phyron to himself. "You can come in now Arthur, the dragon is slain!" He yelled towards the entrance of the cave. Within seconds a man came walking into the cave, looking around suspiciously as if something could attack him at any moment. "Wow, you really did it. You've slain a great dragon!" Arthur exclaimed, sounding as if he still couldn't believe it. "Remember my friend, this was only a young one. An adult dragon doesn't go down this easily." Phyron said. "Shall we search for some valueables and then get the hell out of here?" "Yes, let's leave as soon as possible. I've heard enough of the wilderness to know at least some of the tales are true, and none of them are nice tales" Arthur replied, a frightened tone in his voice. As they walked further into the cave they saw great piles of golden coins and gems. "Hmmm, it seems we'll have to come back another time, because we can't take this much with us right now." "For this, I'll travel through the wilderness as many times as I have to!" Said Arthur, his eyes transfixed on the golden coins.

 

 

 

It was already becoming dark when Phyron and Arthur were walking on the road back to their village. Phyron was a strong, young man. He was quite muscular, with exeptionally strong arms and he was very tall compared to everyone else in his village. He had long red hair, almost coming down to his waist.He also had a very gentle face, although he was famous for his fear inspiring look when he became angry. Luckily that was another thing he was famous for. It was said that it was easier to teach a stone to talk then to make Phyron angry. Arthur on the other hand wasn't very big. He was a man of wits, not brawn. He had short brown hair and an expression on his face by which you knew there was more to him then met the eye. They were just discussing what they were going to do with all that gold when Arthur suddenly screamed. Phyron immediately drew his sword and turned towards Arthur. What he saw made him step back, his eyes wide open in shock. A great man stood behind Arthor, his armor as black as the night. Arthur's mouth was open in a silent scream, the end of a sword protruding from his chest. Just as Phyron edged forward to strike the black knight, something hit him on the head from behind. Darkness...

 

 

 

Phyron awoke in darkness. He could feel he was being moved, but he couldn't see a thing. As he tried feeling around him he realised he was being transported inside a box. After recalling for some minutes what had happened, right when he came to the conclusion that he had been kidnapped he felt the moving stop. Suddenly somebody opened the box and Phyron was blinded by the bright light of the sun. He looked up and was greated by a big face full of scars that seemed none too friendly. "Hello boy." The scarred man said, a wicked grin appearing on his hideous face. "I wasn't allowed to kill you because Master wanted to see you alive, but once he has seen you, it's over." Phyron tried to struggle as he was lifted up, but he found he had no strength left in his arms. These men must have been carying me for a long time, that I am so drained of energy. If I'm to escape, I'll need some energy. "ugh ugh, sir, could I please have some food. Your master didn't say you couldn't give me any food, did he?" "Hmm, you're right, Master never said we couldn't feed you. You stay here and I'll come back with some food. If the guards find you trying to escape, I'll beat you up real bad, got that?!" Growled the scarred man. "Yes sir, thank you sir" Replied Phyron with a voice as weak as he felt. As he waited for the food, he tried to think of some plan to escape, but he could think of no way out. In a little while the scarred man returned, with some of the worst smelling food Phyron had ever come across. But hungry as he was, he ate it all. As soon as he was done the scarred man grabbed him, tied him down with rope and carried Phyron away.

 

 

 

"Well well... What have we got here. I have finally found you, after all these years of searching. Now you are finally mine!" The man that spoke was a little man, though he had a frightening face. He wore red robes and in his right hand he held a black staff with a beautiful ruby on top. Phyron was confused. Why on Gielinor could men be looking for him, he was just a normal adventurer. "Could you please tell me what wrong I may have done upon you, or for what other reason you might be looking for me?" Phyron asked. "Wrong you have done upon me? It is not you that has done anything wrong, it's that cursed old wizard!" The Master yelled. "A bitter world isn't it, where you must pay for other people their mistakes?" The man walked closer to Phyron, until he was mere inches away. "It is too bad for you, but your time is up, sealholder. Kill him!" Phyron tried to break free, but the ropes were too strong. At that moment, he felt cold metal touch his neck, a sharp pain and it was over. Darkness once again surrounded Phyron.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The old man walked over a hill and in the distance he saw a stake in the ground. From that stake a man was hanging. The old man knew who it was, but nevertheless he had to be sure. As he got closer he recognized the boy over who he had watched for so many years, Phyron. Tears started pouring down his face, old age very visible upon it. When he finally stopped crying he laughed, a bitter laugh. "I guess I do have time to let my wounds heal. It all starts anew and this part of the world is still safe, for now. Too bad I couldn't bring this wonderful sword to you sooner. Ah well, I'll just have to save it for when you need it. I better find you fast though, or we'll all be in trouble." With that he stood up, walking away towards the taverly, the cycle once again starting.

One bad thing, Krept is not spelt Krept...its creaped or creapt

 

 

 

Other than that it was a a pretty darn good story. I love Rimmington, I don't know why I just do, and its so nice to actually have a story about it for once...or to actually mention it.

 

 

 

Awaiting next installment.

Thank you for your reply, I've changed the krept part, I think it sounds better this way...

 

 

 

And I like Rimmington too, though I don't know why either. :lol:

Hey you're good! I can't wait to hear the rest please continue!! By the way if I didn't know I'm wrong, I could never tell you're not a native speaker.

Thanks. :D

 

 

 

Just finished writing the prologue, so I'll edit that into my first post.

This reminds me of a really great book I read once.

 

Which I can't find...I am just gonna try to find it on the internet...

 

The Reality Dysfunction, part of The Night's Dawn Trilogy.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Reality_Dysfunction

 

 

 

Anyway it reminds me of that book because every character(that is significant in one way or another), no matter how small is introduced. They are introduced, and then snapped out of the storyline, its something that I can't do for the life of me, and I think it is the mark of a really good writer. I think it is an excellent skill to have, so I really like the story at the moment. Even though some of it is...a bit gingerly put together. What I mean is that when the old man is stabbed, its sort of....'ok your are implying he was stabbed and then highlighting it...over and over...' It makes the story a bit...I don't know, but not as good as it could be.

 

 

 

But besides from that it is developing quite well and I am enthralled to know what will happen next.

This reminds me of a really great book I read once.

 

Which I can't find...I am just gonna try to find it on the internet...

 

The Reality Dysfunction, part of The Night's Dawn Trilogy.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Reality_Dysfunction

 

 

 

Anyway it reminds me of that book because every character(that is significant in one way or another), no matter how small is introduced. They are introduced, and then snapped out of the storyline, its something that I can't do for the life of me, and I think it is the mark of a really good writer. I think it is an excellent skill to have, so I really like the story at the moment. Even though some of it is...a bit gingerly put together. What I mean is that when the old man is stabbed, its sort of....'ok your are implying he was stabbed and then highlighting it...over and over...' It makes the story a bit...I don't know, but not as good as it could be.

 

 

 

But besides from that it is developing quite well and I am enthralled to know what will happen next.

 

 

 

I know what you mean about things that are put in, but don't really seem to have an use. Don't worry though, I have a story in my head and those kind of things are important. Can't really say more, I don't wanna give the story away. :wink:

 

 

 

[hide]Here's a little hint: Chekhov's gun[/hide]