The midnight moon illuminated the desolate ground,

 

Casting dark shadows onto the barren wilderness.

 

The lava bubbled and popped,

 

Sending sparks which withered into nothingness.

 

 

 

Aside from the river of steaming lava,

 

Nothing warmed the ice-cold air.

 

A dying red flame was their only lifeline,

 

Yet all they did was sit and stare.

 

 

 

 

 

Each held a stick of firewood,

 

Collected for the fire,

 

That was quickly extinguishing.

 

Yet the fire died without a sound.

 

 

 

The poor one did not give to the rich,

 

The rich one kept his wealth from the poor.

 

The last one followed and kept his twig.

 

 

 

The way these men kept their twigs,

 

Holding them even till death,

 

Represents the con of man,

 

We take but do not give.

 

 

 

 

 

DonÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ã¢ââ¬Å¾Ã¢t only give to people who give. Sometimes, it is you who must make the sacrifices.

 

 

 

-LolzEditor

whoa, this was dramatic. And it had a moral... wow... we haven't had a moral in all my time here (that I remember)

 

 

 

Verra nice! Welcome to the Varrok Library!

Woo Socialism! The stepping stone to Communism. :D

 

It is really nice to see that there are still people out there that see that there is a flaw in Capitalism, I just fear that by the time the rest realise it, it will be too late to avert the disaster that has been caused.

 

 

 

Anyway on topic. :oops: Its a great short story/poem. Far better than I could write most of the time, I don't think there is much that I can say that is bad about the poem, and neither am I the expert when it comes to such matters. As a short story it has few failings, primarly the ending quotation. I think that it should perhaps have been at the beginning, just to underline the fact that it was about everyone playing there part...although it makes little difference.

 

 

 

The only real failings were:

 

"The white man looked and saw one man was black,

 

The black man saw that the rest was white. "

 

Ok it underlines the fact that people base their arguements on predjudices rather than on the facts but still... Its a pretty poor blow to the system, although it does effectlively hit the racial arguement square in the nose.

 

 

 

Otherly there was the fact that their bones rusted, it therefore appears that they were doomed to death regardless of their position or wether they helped each other, and while it does underline the fact that at the end of the day it doesn't matter because we are all stuffed when it comes to death anyway, it does sort of defeat the object of the whole peice.

 

 

 

Well as Xewleer said welcome to the library, I hope that you continue to write, and even more so that I havn't misjudged you and/or offended you :lol:

Yea theres probabally heaps of mistakes...I can't really write poems. I haven't even been taught how to write one.

...Being taught how to do something defeats the object of doing it...If I want to teach someone I will go at least as far as I expect them to, if not futher, and only teach those who wish to be taught.

 

 

 

Besides there is not a tonne of mistakes, its just I think there is always some room for improvement, regardless of how 'owning' the poem is.

Verra nice! Welcome to the Varrok Library!

 

Thanks

 

Well as Xewleer said welcome to the library, I hope that you continue to write, and even more so that I havn't misjudged you and/or offended you

 

Thanks again

 

The only real failings were:

 

"The white man looked and saw one man was black,

 

The black man saw that the rest was white. "

 

Ok it underlines the fact that people base their arguements on predjudices rather than on the facts but still... Its a pretty poor blow to the system, although it does effectlively hit the racial arguement square in the nose.

 

Ok, now I deleted it :D

 

Otherly there was the fact that their bones rusted, it therefore appears that they were doomed to death regardless of their position or wether they helped each other, and while it does underline the fact that at the end of the day it doesn't matter because we are all stuffed when it comes to death anyway, it does sort of defeat the object of the whole peice.

 

Ok I deleted that as well :?

Are you Socialist or just writing a poem that has social impications?

 

I am rubbish at subtly

 

*pokes tongue out*

 

 

 

Anyway you might want to leave them in as additonal verses, fact is that you wrote them to fit with the poem. Regardless of whatever I or anyone else thinks they were designed to be there, so they should be present anyway...they didn't have anything wrong with them after all....Just my opinion.

Im not Socialist...I just write about anything I can think of.

Oh well...There has to be someone else out there. Mind telling me if you support anyone in particular?