Poetry Attempt

[DeeDee]

Hello you.

 

No one would ever know.

 

Was it so long ago?

 

When we used to play together.

 

Lived our lives, and chanced forever.

 

 

 

Suddenly

 

It all came crashing down.

 

I thought you'd be around.

 

But then this joy I had was frozen,

 

on the day that your were stolen.

 

 

 

So here I am.

 

Just asking myself why?

 

And was it all a lie?

 

As I lay flowers upon your breast.

 

And in the deep, your laid to rest.

 

 

 

[hide=]I was singing to myself and the first verse popped into my head so I wrote it down. After that nothing else came natural, which is why I feel it's a little rushed.[/hide]

[archimage_a]

Hello you.

 

No one would ever know.

 

Was it so long ago?

 

When we used to play together.

 

Lived our lives, and chanced forever.

 

 

 

Suddenly

 

It all came crashing down.

 

I thought you'd be around. Always?

 

But then this joy I had was frozen,

 

on the day that your were stolen. You?

 

 

 

So here I am.

 

Just asking myself why?

 

And was it all a lie?

 

As I lay flowers upon your breast.

 

And in the deep, your laid to rest.

 

And if I lay these flowers upon your breast

 

Would you sleep. Lay down to rest.

 

 

 

Code:

 

Underline is 'not sure of meaning'

 

Bold is 'maybe the wrong words'

 

Italics is 'punctuation'

 

 

 

Overall it was a good attempt, I am not much for poetry, but it didn't try too hard(in the way that poems do) to force an idea, it was very natural in that sense, so I liked it.

[gummibear95]

funky,

 

 

 

good attempt

 

great poem