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The start of my story


MetalGator

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Legend of Metrilwin: Dark days as the journey begins

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Erie cries of evil filled the gloomy night as a variety of villagers of all sizes, cultures, and classes made their way to the town center. It was yelled amongst the mass of moving people that a great warrior was about to embark on a terrible and hazardous journey. Guards clad in leather and chain mail made of fine mitril paced the streets and the town edges. Evil never missed a chance to strike and bring about havoc and death. As the treetops swayed in the mysterious wind, the voices full of eagerness and hope drifted to the dark woods beyond.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With a rhythmic tap of a mallet, the event everyone had been waiting for was about to start. ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬Ãâ¦Ã¢â¬ÅAttention everyone! Silence please! Please look this way!ÃÆââââ¬Å¡Ã¬ÃâÃ

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Pretty good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Might be better if you led the readers on in a more serene setting for longer, before you get into the carnage. Seemed rather rushed. Devote more time to describing surroundings, people, your main charecter, the evil, the death, the river, the stallions, basicly everything. Painting the picture is one of the key parts of storytelling. :wink:

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