Tracking a Noob: A Comedy

BEFORE YOU READ THIS!

As you may have read from the title, this is a comedy about a noob and his actions in runescape. Yes, I am going to be a bit of a hippocrate and use leet speak when the "Noobs" are talking. Also, I am open for all ratings Good or Bad and suggestions. Tell me if I succeded in making you laugh (or at least coming close :shock: )

Ello there! My name is Ray gunnman and i'll be your host today! Now today folks, we will be hunting down one of the most dangerous creatures in all of runescape...Noobs! In this documentary, you will learn the dangers of noobs such as: How they think, What they eat, and how they survive! Alright then, let's go onto our noob that we have been tracking down for days. Ipwnyou7. He is currently level 3 has no job and has hardly any money.

Lets see how he does in this first lesson:

Lesson I: Getting Around

Alright, we're safely cloaked behind these bushes as we observe the noob asking for directions. So far we have been watching him here for 15 minutes and he hasn't really made any progress yet finding his destination. But, what he doesn't know is that the place he is looking for is less than a foot away from him. Let's see how long it takes before he can figure it out!

Ipwnyou7: P4YING 4GP IF ANYBDY CN TELL M3 WHERE LUMBY IS @T!

Grex1: Dude, just open up a world map!

Ipwnyou7: WRLD M4P? IS IT H4X?! I PAY YOU 5GP TO TAKE ME THER3!

Grex1: Whatever noob!

Alright, notice so far the noob is using the usual "I will pay you to take me here" action. But if you look again you will see that this noob is trying a different approach, watch closely!

Ipwnyou7: *Follows Heir49* HEIR49!

Heir49: Hold on, I'm busy.

Ipwnyou7: HEIR49!!!!!!

Heir49: I said hold on!

Ipwnyou7: HEIR49!!! OMFG AWNSER ME NUB!!??!

Heir49: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?

Ipwnyou7: CAN YOU TAKE TO M3 TO LUMBYS?!?!?

Heir49: You're already there Dumba*s, you've been here for over an hour!

Ouch! The Plan B "Follow and annoy the crap out of players" teqnique was super effective for the noob. Uh-oh he's on the go, Let's follow him!

Lesson II: Free Stuff!

It took the noob two hours to get here in Varrok Square, so we followed him to see what he was up too. So far the noob has run out of supplies getting here so he is ready for a long day's hard pay at work, Begging!

Ipwnyou7: NEED FRE STUF PLZ! PREZ 555!

Six Hours Later...

Ipwnyou7: NEED FRE STUF PLZ! PREZ 555!

Now as you can see, we have been here for six hours and so far our noob hasn't got anything. As you can tell on this corner over here there are other noobs begging as well. Uh-oh, oh god i think somebody dropped a tinderbox. Wow! are you looking at this?! It appears that someone has dropped a tinderbox and the noobs are literally fighting to the death for it, let's watch shall we!

Ipwnyou7: OMFG IT'S MINE NUBZ!

*Rips of Erik1337's Arm off*

Justin9: YES! I GOT THE TINDERBOX! W00T!

Ipwnyou7: TAKE THIS NUB! *Beats Justin9 with Erik's arm*

Justin9: REPORTED!

Ipwnyou7: Zomg i am soz.

Ouch, it seems as if our noob Ipwnyou7, has failed in aquiring the tinderbox. Since he did not gain the 1GP goal he set out for, now it seems as if he is going to one of the next steps of being a noob...

Lesson III: Becoming a Level Three Moderator

So far Our noob has come up with a master but not so common plan. Our noob thinks that if he becomes a player moderator that he will gain acess to andrew gower's personal gold stash. Of course we all now that only stupid noobs think that, so in our case lets watch what our noob does!

Rimmer: Hey i'll buy your Rune Kiteshield.

Randy78: How much?

Rimmer: Hmmm.. 49k?

Randy78: Ok, sounds fair.

Ipwnyou7: ZOMG REPORTED! ITEM SCMMING NUB, RUNN SHELD IS 50K ZOMGUEGFHJSGDCKJ!! REPRTED!!!!! YEZ NOW I GET TO B MOD ZOMG!!!

The first predictible "I will report everyone for everything they Do" move has come into place. The next teqnique will be even noobier.

Ghostly: Hey dude are you coming over tonight?

Christopher: I think so, sometime around 7 my mom will get home and she'll drop me off.

Ghostly: Alright, i'll call you, what's your cell phone number again?

Ipwnyou7: OMFGWTFLOLBBQ! ASKNG FOR PERSENEL DETAELS!! REPORTED!!!111111!!1111

Lesson IV: Looking for Girlfreind!

The search is still on for gold, and the day has been long for our noob Ipwnyou7. He has failed at every attempt to gather gold, and he is getting frustrated and cannot figure out why no-one likes him. He is now currently trying to do one of the most stupid and desperate moves in free world runescape...Dating!

Ipwnyou7: LOOKING FOR H0T GF! PREZ 444!!!!

Twenty Hours later...

Ipwnyou7: LOOKING FOR H0T GF! PREZ 444!!!!

Moderator_1: Hey listen dude, you better stop before you get reported.

Ipwnyou7: ZOMG! 111 STFU LEVEL 104 NUB@!222dsdf

Moderator_1: Alright, Your just wait in a few hours...

A few hours later...

Dear Ipwnyou7,

Due to some recent offences you have on your account, Eleveen out of 10 black marks have been place on your account. You have one more chance or else you are Permanetly banned or muted.

- Sincerely, The Jagex Staff

Lesson V: Confusion with Skills.

We are almost Concluded with this documentary on the common noobs of Free World runescape. As he comes to his final attempt of being a noob, he has actually tried playing the game (such as rasing up his skills) He has also been accepted into the noobest clan on earth. It seems as if he is in an arguement with a fellow noob, let's watch shall we?

Ipwnyou7: I PWN YOU NUB!!!

Iownnubz6: OMFG STFU, I'M KILLING LVL 1 RATS NOOOB!!!

Ipwnyou7: LOLZ, YOU CAN'T ANYTHING!111 YUR AXE THROWENG SKILLZ MUST BE LIKE 1 LOLZ, MINE IS 500.

Iownnubz6: WTF R U TALKING ABOUT? THERE IS NO AXE THROWING SKILL YOU NOOB!

Conclusion: Three long days passed as the noob ventured on in runescape. He reached 42 out of 10 blackmarks and was permanetly muted and blind. The noob finally got full bronze but lost it trying to kill Level 123's in the wilderness. After the 43rd blackmark Jagex had to let the noob go. He was permanetly banned.

The sad part was, after 4 months of playing, Ipwnyou7 never reached past level three.

After he was banned, the noob decided he would never play runescape again. But he decided a place he could be a noob at....

THE WORLD OF WARCRAFT!

THE END!

That was pretty funny. Should have put something about string of sausages (whip) in there. That always makes me laugh.

Are you making one about the noob in World of Warcraft? :XD: :XD: That will be hilarious!!!

lol wasnt bad, a couple of them made me giggle a bit :P

ah but noobs will be noobs XD

*String of Sausage* :D

Thank you for the good comments, it really means alot to me.

Are you making one about the noob in World of Warcraft? That will be hilarious!!!

Possibly, I was actually thinking about ending it there but I might just make it.

WOW!!!..I loved it!!! again..I ÃÆââââ¬Å¾Ã¢ÃâÃÂ¥ it

WOW!!!..I loved it!!! again..I ÃÆââââ¬Å¾Ã¢ÃâÃÂ¥ it

Glad you liked you so much :D

Yeah it was pretty good. Creative, and funny. Made me laugh a few times but on the whole it was rather dated....And the 11 out of 10 black marks...really was overkill

The names made up for a good deal of the datedness, they made it seem more personal and more like you were actually following them, rather than just making it up...the 20 hours was a bit OTT as well...

Best bit was the fight over the tinderbox...

Pretty good out of Excellent.