The oath of a dream, looking for constructive criticism

I know I've been writing a lot of stories here recently, but I ask your patience for one more, for now.

Recently, a friend asked me: "What if you were dreaming, and you told a girl who fell in love with you to remember her and be faithful, for you and her will meet again. So, you wake up and she's next to you, what will you do, will you honor your promise?"

Well, I said yes, and some ramblings about how my word is my bond etc. etc. well, I've decided to write a story about it.

I will switch between 1st and 3rd person according to the scene, I will break these up with - between the paragraphs

The Oath of a Dream Ch. 1.

My name was Kevin, I was thirteen, and reality had not set in yet. I had just come into my own with what I was sure was the beginning of a mustache and an accompanying beard, dad said I was still too young, but still, that was my pride.

I was a quiet boy then, no one really paid attention to me outside the family, but, I was like that then. I didn't need attention like the trouble-makers or the perfectionists. I was 100% unique, from my beard to my comfortable Polo slacks, if anything at all, I was sure of that. I liked video games, ones with long stories and heroes and dragons, books of the same nature would more than do in a pinch too.

I also took pride in the fact that my father trusted me, and told me that I am my own man, and to never let anyone try to make me a servant outside of my own will. I still believe in that. Mom was like that too, she would hug me when I was trying not to cry and sooth me. I suppose I learned that that was the best way to comfort someone, let them say what they wanted to say, then hug them. It's worked.

I also developed what I called "the paunch" and a healthy diet but lack of exercise kept me at a comfortable size. I was never out-going and I never sought things I knew I wouldn't obtain, like a princess-bride or knighthood, though, I would have absolutely loved to have such fantastic paraphernalia, I was perfectly content without them. That was who I am.

Just before my fourteenth birthday, I began to really learn.

I fell asleep, with a book of fairy tales plastered to my skull, and dreamed that I was falling, and that it was okay. It was strange, I was surrounded by a wonderful light, it felt like my mother's arms and warmth. I smiled as I fell everything would be alright, this dream was worth it.

-

Chapter 2

Princess Alexandra was called Lady Princess by her adoring subjects. She was kind and loving, she gave to poor people and often played with villagers. The subjects of the kingdom loved her dearly. Her father was the puppet-regent of a large area west of the Silver Mountains, as the snow was dirty, and it shone like silver at sunset, providing a feeling of contentment to those who looked on them.

The king, Julian, was also kind and strong. He often helped people with their problems and was known as a just and righteous judge, found of newcomers and found of entertainment. He too, like his daughter, was loved by his subjects, however, he had a son.

The son, Royal, was called Anaconda, and he dressed all in green. He was not kind like the princess, nor just like the king. He was strong though, hideously strong, and able to rally anyone he wanted to follow him unconditionally, if they were weak at heart. But if two good things could be said about him, he did not kill without a cause, and he had no love of money.

The Princess was, as she often did, driving about the kingdom in her coach, guarded by her 'rabid,' as the prank-loving boys called him, manservant. She listened to old women, chatted with men and played with young children. She was feeling tired and wanted to go home when a bright light crashed into the forest, right next to the road that passed through.

"Come on then I've got to see what that was!" She called to her manservant, who nodded. "Thank you for letting me play with Jeffry, and I hope the Wise-Woman can cure Jessica!" She called this to the house-wife, Jessica, (whose husband had run to see what had fallen) and Jessica bowed.

"Your are welcome, Lady Princess! Please be careful!"

Alexandra waved her hand and the carriage rattled off. The manservant, Ted, constantly watching out for anything hostile. The woods here were not lawless, but there were still animals that could pose a threat to a thirteen year-old girl. They arrived at the scene. It was a boy, in unfamiliar clothes with a peaceful expression. The husband of Jessica, a stalwart man by the name of Jonathan, was holding his staff defensively, afraid in case the boy was alien and dangerous, yet the father in him wanted dearly to help him.

Ted nodded to him, and the two moved in on the boy, who was beginning to stir. Jonathan prodded him, and Kevin was hit by wakefulness faster than he could attempt saying farfigneuton. Seeing two rather well-built men hovering over him caused him to shy away.

The poorer looking man looked to the larger man and received a nod. "Hey? You okay?" He nodded, it was very strange, his sudden appearance "Can you speak?" The farmer asked.

"Yeeh... (gulp) yes." The two men walked off, talking, then the farmer turned toward the end of the forest, on look out.

"Would you please come with me? We need explanations, and, well, this isn't the time or place for them. The King will need to talk to you. Alright, don't worry, neither I nor the princess bite." He smiled, but it didn't quite look right, his face was not built for smiling.

-

Chapter 3

I got in the carriage, I was positioned so that I couldn't be seen by anyone below or above the carriage. The rather disconcerting body-guard, for I had discovered his purpose by how he spoke to the princess, sat in front of me. The princess was next to him, not uncomfortable at all being close to him.

The body-guard and the farmer exchanged some words before parting. I don't remember what they were, but he told the farmer that there would be rewards if he kept silent about what had happened.

I remember being nervous, very nervous; I thought this might be something like a kidnapping. But the princess, whom I bowed to before entering the carriage, sensed my distress and the pretty creature smiled in my direction, comforting me. I admit that I had almost already fell in love with her.

But I pulled myself together and I thanked her, on reflex.

"Oh, that's not necessary," She said, in a voice that I associated most often with people that would not hurt me. "I think you're pretty cute! Oh! you're looking at Ted! Don't worry, he only bites to protect me... I do hope that lord father will let me play with him." The body-guard, Ted, nodded.

"I'm sure he will if the boy is not dangerous. You, what is your name, where do you come from?" Ted looked over to me and raised an eye-brow so that the Princess could not

"I... I come from America... I go by Kevin..." I mumbled, I was horrendously awkward-feeling and I could barely keep from shaking.

"Kevin is not a bad name, but where is America?"

"It's somewhere, uh, um..." I stuttered as I attempted to discover what it would be in this world. I had figured out that this place was a completely new world to me.

"Oh, let Kevin (giggle) be! He's obviously has been through a lot, after crashing like that. How about I tell you a little about where we are! We live in Harro, my father is king, but he serves someone that controls everything! I have an icky brother named Royal, but everyone calls him Anaconda because he dresses in green. And I am Princess Alexandra Jopp!" She smiled at me, I could give no reply, my tongue was tied.

I guess I had passed out because I arrived at the castle as quick as blinking. The man whom I assumed was king was directing a servant as he hung a flag, bearing an unfamiliar code of arms. Decorations were everywhere, obviously, a big event was being prepared.

"Lord father is hosting a grand ball for my fourteenth birthday! It's going to be in one week so you had better come!" She called as she waited for me to be let out of the carriage. She then launched herself as a giant hug into the king, who took it without flinching. "Lord father! Look! he fell from the sky! His name's Kevin!" She then went into overdrive, while the king listened to it all.

He looked at me, sizing me up and after a few minutes he whispered to the afore-mentioned servant, who escorted me into a sparse, but comfortable bedroom, the king and Princess Alexandra followed.

The servant then brought in new clothes. "I hope you don't mind, but the king has instructed that we do away with your clothes, and burn them. He said that you don't look like you have a disease, but we have to be careful." I groaned, I knew many, many baths and scrubbings were to follow this, and I didn't look for it.

-

Alexandra dashed around inspecting the courtyard decorated in clothe, she poked, prodded and adjusted as Ted followed her around, in case she should [puncture] herself. Her father had gone to attend to Kevin, and every now and then she asked Ted if she could see him, will he be able to dance at the ball and so on and so on.

Thankfully for her fit, but now fatigued guard, she mellowed and began to read her book. The villagers had given the finest of calf and sheep stomachs for the pages, and the leather was embossed with gold. It was illuminated by the personal scribe of the Over-King, who was great friends with her father, and had the most wonderful stories in it. Elves and dwarves populated the world, and giants fought with men, swords and shields were taken everywhere, and heroes fought epically with scary fiends. It was an early gift from everyone, even her brother had given a jeweled silver bookmark to mark her place.

However lovely it was, she loved people more, and that boy just left her too distracted to really enjoy it. Why are new people so interestingly mysterious?

That's all tonight everyone

This will get pretty dramatic, please read!

Chapter 4 (starting in the first person)

It felt weird, living, eating and hurting in a dream. I cannot call it surreal, because it felt more real than my home ever did, but it was not normal. I was kept in confinement for three days, since I didn't die of anything, nor did I show any sickness I was freed and allowed to roam as I pleased, well, as the Princess pleased.

She seemed very intrigued by me, wanting to know about my world with its strong fabrics and nearly wasteful use of new metal and glass. I told her that resources abounded, and that the poorest in my country were able to eat, if they would work. And so on, until I had told her just about everything I could think of, then I asked her questions.

"My world? Or rather this world? Well, Lord Father is one of the Over-king's trusted friends, he often comes over or sends gifts. He is a nice man and he told me to call him Uncle. But I don't like his son, he's mean! He kills puppies and birds and all the things I like. And he wanted to have my father marry me to him.

"He said no, but unfortunately, he's the only one of similar age and rank in the entire area that speaks the same language. He is wicked, and everyone agrees that he should not be king. But we can't tell him that, he'd kill us. He tried to kill me for telling him that..."

I felt a pang of sadness, what was normally a bright and happy person was severely depressed by the evil in the world. After seeing that face I made a promise in my heart to be more pure in word and action, I did not want to cause her pain.

She perked up later and we both went out into the country side with the bodyguard, who still sat across from me. However, I was allowed to sit on the same side as the Princess. We had a wonderful time with the villagers; they dropped vague hints and joked with us, I couldn't help but wonder, did they think I was her fiance? Heaven forbid, but still, she was nice enough... I sometimes couldn't believe some of the things that popped into my head at that time.

I kept one main thought throughout that first week there, it was still all a dream. But, I lost that train of thought that Saturday, during the Princess's birthday, as I danced with her, I decided to bring this world into my reality. What felt real, what I felt as I lived there, felt very, very real.

- Chapter 5

The Over-king's son visited soon after, with another proposition, of marriage to Princess Alexandra. He arrived with his guard, five large men, whose sole purpose was to do as he wished, and they were cruel men who enjoyed their job.

He marched up into the throne room as the first of the complaints against him reached the ears of the King.

"He nearly ran over my son! And my son was bowing on the sidewalk!"

"He had me beaten for note bowing low enough, I was bowing as low as I could!"

"He had my dog killed for barking at him!" And so on, until the king finally had enough of it and sent them away. He was not powerless, but he had to follow protocol.

"What do you want, not that you haven't caused enough trouble already..."

The Over-King's son, Julian II, was not put off by the king's open hostility. He smirked at him, as if he were insignificant compared to his own greatness.

"It behooves me to declare that the proletariat are quite egregious." He began, looking at the marks the peasants had made. "And that, similarly, your felicitous and aesthetically pleasing scion appreciates their fraternization, not to mention, the stripling." He had bent down and had rubbed his finger through the dirt, and felt it.

The king did not appreciate the fact that that one person had called his precious daughter "Aesthetically pleasing" or the boy that she had actually taken an interest in was a "stripling." There were rules of etiquette to follow for land's sakes!

"I would have you converse with me more politely, young one, lest I forget my tongue and my oath to your father in my anger. I can always beg forgiveness. What is your desire, then? Not that I'll grant it."

"Heh." Was all he said for a while, smiling. "You comprehend? I have designs on your daughter!" He laughed, this was nothing new.

The King had an answer before he had finished laughing. "I would rather die or kill her than let you touch another hair on her head!"

"Now, now, protestations like that will effect naught." He turned and saw Alexandra and Kevin walk in. Alexandra was holding Kevin's hand, and he was feeling uncomfortable. "And she arrives! Do give us a hug!" He opened his arms, she walked right past him and faced her father.

"Dearest daughter, please, leave! You remember who he is!" He motioned for Ted to take her to her room, but she resisted.

"Lord Father, someone has killed the puppy the subjects gave me for my birthday!" She began to cry, she had cried earlier; it was a cute puppy.

Julian smiled a cunning smile and began to walk up to her while her father was distracted with comforting her, Kevin had been pushed behind Ted as he had tried to reach her before her break down. He hugged from behind, placing his head against her hair. "Now, now, it'll be passable."

As soon as she realized that it was the prince who was touching her, screamed and fought her way out of his embrace, trying to scratch him. He was strong though, and he began to pull her away with him. "I have my accolade!" He called, his bodyguards moved to assist him.

Anaconda, who was watching from the shadows, moved in quickly. He did not want to become king, but he did love his family secretly. He drew his sword and held it between the bodyguards and Julian. "Take one step forward, and I will not hesitate to kill you, and you won't be the first people's blood I spill." His fierce glare failed to deter them, and he stabbed the first, and the rest backed off.

Julian glared around him, then took out a dagger. The king was quick and knocked it out of his hands and ripped him from his daughter in a surprising display of strength. She flew into Kevin, who had maneuvered himself in front of her. He then collapsed under her, knocking himself out on the stone step leading up to the throne. She had fallen senseless herself, but was unharmed.

"Take him to the dungeon. I will send a runner to inform the Over-king about what has happened. Son! Go!" Anaconda nodded and stalked off, using his eyes to dare the remaining guards to challenge him.

The king and bodyguard Ted picked the two up and carried them away, hoping that they were not badly hurt. "Ted, you're getting too old, you protected me, my son, and my daughter. I'm going to have to ask you to train a replacement, sorry." Ted nodded, he had been feeling old too, he had lost his hair a long time ago.

Besides, the boy had tried to protect her, and, if he was willing, he would make a fine candidate.

Chapter 6 (first-person)

I supposed time passed, it was kind of strange though, like I had matured in the space of an hour with all the memories of four years of living and growing. And I know I fell in love with the princess, looking back on it, but then it was kind of rare for me to talk about my feelings. I had never loved anyone outside of my family before, and the thought of falling in love in a dream scared me.

My mom and dad had been VERY thorough about what love should be and how to go about it. They, apparently, had known each other practically their entire lives, and it came to no surprise to the families when they started to date and then got married. But this was a darned dream! I was in my bed, snoring away, with my sister in the room across the hall and my parents on a summer vacation cruise thanks to the church's Bingo grand prize.

I was falling in love with a dream! I kept telling myself that, but in the end, I forgot. I wanted to forget, I suppose, I wanted to keep living in this world that had so many new things, and I had only ever been to one area of it, and a very pleasant area it was. Trees lined streets, houses had attractive flowers, magnolias bloomed, even the farms were planned to be aesthetically pleasing.

The only thing unpleasant was the massive training that I was put through by Ted and the King. I learned martial arts, sword-play, philosophy and some languages. That took up at least three years worth of my time there, I never knew that dreams could make you stronger, but, they did. So, I began to arrive at my eighteenth birthday. Where, according to tradition, a guy would say what girl he would like to marry (even if he couldn't) then, if the girl said yes, they would get married that same day.

Personally, I didn't want to get married in a dream, but I thought, its only a dream, whats the worst that could happen? Well, the worst did happen, the Over-king died, very conveniently for his son, as the will had been lost and he was the only legitimate heir. And he was nineteen. There was only one girl that he would want to marry, and she was certainly not interested in him. The only acknowledgment of his existence was the same one gives to an insect that one hates.

He wasn't too pleased by that and swore revenge, obviously. Meanwhile, both the King and Anaconda both dropped broad and subtle hints who I should marry. And one doesn't say no to Anaconda when he asks you for something in a dark alley.

The very day before my birthday, the day the Over-king's period of mourning had finished, the new Over-King, Julian II gathered an army to attack us.

Chapter 7-

The attack came not expectantly, and on the very day of Kevin's eighteenth birthday, around noon, they arrived at the castle and began to siege it. The king refused to let his daughter be taken by such an evil man, and both he and his son swore terrible oaths that they would die before that ever happened.

The Over-king took them up on that request. The attack went on throughout the night, but Kevin was not fated to see it's end.

Kevin laid with his back toward the battlements. He had fought soldiers all day. This was just like his old video-games. A group of heroes against insurmountable odds. He hated it, it's alright when it doesn't actually include your life.

The king sat down next to him. "You're eighteen aren't you?"

"I suppose so, I can't remember, battle has kind of drained my mental resources."

"You know, you haven't said who you wanted to marry yet. It means a clean bed and a good nights rest..." He grinned, expecting an answer.

"Your daughter, now, let me sleep..." He was beginning to sleep when the King roughly grabbed him and dragged him away, the stairs hurt. Arriving on the ground floor suitably awakened, he was met by Anaconda and Alexandra. Anaconda shook his hand and Alexandra hugged him.

"I suppose you were hoping I'd pick you." He felt, in the back of his head, he was beginning to awaken, but when? "Your father mentioned somewhere I could sleep..."

"Now now..." The King reminded, he obviously had something to do first that included me. "I pronounce you Duke of the castle, I knight you, and make you head of my household staff, in name only. I think that raises your status considerably. I, as King, join you two together in holy matrimony. Do either of you two disagree?"

They shook our heads. Kevin was thinking of sleeping in his armor, just so he could get a few extra minutes. "Good, you're husband and wife, now, get out of here before they begin bombarding us again!" He ushered them out towards the keep.

Anaconda stood there for a moment, then turned his back to his father and turned his head sideways. "Even me, who's pretty sacrilegious, found that rushed, can you really marry them like that?" The king shook his head.

"I can, but, I can't stop the new Over-king. We'll all die here." He sighed and looked at the sky that overhung the area that he once ruled. "Maybe, just maybe they'll find happiness as the end comes."

"That's insane logic, the only thing that guy is considering is whether it's comfortable to sleep in his armor or not." Anaconda retorted, and began to walk away. He had chosen a girl who he knew would deny him. He hadn't found anyone worthy of his affection yet.

"You just don't get it, my son, it's not what the guy thinks, it's what he gets out of it. And what my baby daughter wants."

"A 17-year old girl who actually has made up her mind... astounding." Anaconda started to mount the stair-way to the battlements. The noises outside the castle indicated that they were aiming their siege weapons. The walls had barely held up in the first place. Anaconda knew they wouldn't survive a second attack for long.

"A pity you were never happy in life, my son. I just hope you find a reason." The king said sadly. His son had needed a reason for everything. But he was not curious, leading to a bitter, resentful person who was only content when walking his own path.

He then walked into his castle, waiting for someone to ask him something, anything, to get his mind off the fate of his children.

Chapter 8-

We began talking as I was half-supported to the room. I don't remember all of it because I was so tired, but I remember her talking about something very strange. "I wonder, is this all someone's dream or story. Like the ones in the book I had you read to me. With the damsel and the knight, dragons and all kinds of things."

I nodded, I remembered. I also remembered having to play the knight, while fighting with some poor servant for her entertainment, it was fun. Sometimes, the servant won. She continued. "And if it is a dream, will you promise me one thing?"

I roused myself with a start. As much as I liked her, I was still feeling the vague uneasiness that one feels when something big is coming. "I'd do anything for you." I said, I don't think I sounded convincing.

"Thank you. I want you, when, if I mean, we part, I want you to love me, and to be with me." She said in a choppy, but direct manner.

"I promise that, but I warn you, I love you, but, I don't think we can be together for much longer." I replied, I looked her in the eye. I saw the hope in her eye and felt guilty, I was promising the impossible to a dream...

We both arrived fairly tired, from battle or helping me move about. I began to shuck my layers of armor in preparation of sleep. Which was about the only thing on my mind, I suppose. I also had a brief moment of a Alexandra faced fluffy teddy bear, but that was asking a bit much pf my dream.

"So, uh, what are you planning." She hesitantly asked.

"Sleep. Sleep, maybe some more sleep." I replied drearily, she looked hopeful as I walked towards the comfy looking bed. I was beginning to feel a breeze, but there was no window, and the door was certainly closed. I did remember that there was an open window in my room, back where I was thirteen.

"Okay!" She replied cheerily, she looked tired too, I don't know exactly what she did, but it had involved a lot of running around, helping put out fires perhaps? She had a little soot on her dress... I then collapsed on the bed, not bothering to remove my sword. "Goodnight my love." I heard, and I felt sleep beginning to both cut into my senses and leave my body when I felt a jolt and heard a scream.

We both were flying out of the room and into open space. A large catapult shot, aimed wrong, had torn the side out of the castle, leaving a big gaping hole where the floor had been. We plunged down toward the ground. On instinct, I grabbed my sword and rammed it into the wall, finding purchase, it held.

"This will sound cliched in my world, but, I love you!" I said, as I held her tight to me with my free arm. I suddenly began to feel pressure from my neck down, and I had the feeling of being in two positions at once. A large ball of flame was rising toward them, coming from the Over-king's forces.

"I really believe you, and I love you too. Please, I know we're about to die, but, remember your promise!" She said, almost too quietly to hear. Her eyes were riveted to that ball of death that was coming toward us. I turned her a little, so that the last thing she would see wasn't about to kill us.

I felt jerked out of that reality and found myself back in my bed, with warm bedsheets, no sword in my hand and Alexandra beside me. It took me a moment to figure everything out. But, I guess I screamed a little and made my sister come in. Well, Alexandra was a surprise, and I had some explaining to do.

A very good read!

YES!! FINALLY! SOME FEEDBACK!!!!

Thank you very much!