Since my fiancee and I broke up I've done a lot of thinking about life. I have to say, I'm a happier person now than I have been for years. I don't think it's necessarily because we're not together anymore, mind. Frankly, a lot of it's to do with my improving health. But anyway, I've come to a conclusion about what I really think the purpose of life is. When I was younger, I was such a cynical stoic that my opinion was the only purpose in life was to continue life. But here goes: Life is short. I don't hold hope that there's an afterlife. So the purpose of life is only what you make of it. Given that, happiness is the only thing really worth striving for. (Ideally not at the expense of the happiness of others but whatever.)
So what makes me happy? Well, right now my job makes me happy. I'm greatly respected at work by pretty much everyone, because I bust my ass all the time, not to mention the fact that I can find pretty much anything in the store. But more than happiness at work, I really want to be somebody to someone. More than a friend and a respected colleague. Plus, I want to be more to myself.
On the me front, biking to work has been getting me in much better shape than I've ever been, and I've been working my upper body too. One thing I've wanted for a long, long time--certainly more than I ever cared about physical fitness--was to dye my hair blue. It's naturally very black, but I've always thought a good dark blue tint would look nice. So, on Tuesday, I got my ex to drive me (I don't have a car) over to the local Sally Beauty, and since then, I've had blue hair! I'd post a pic but my webcam has trouble picking up the tint in my home light. :wall: I've gotten tons of compliments on it at work, though, even from some of the older ladies who I thought would hate it. :grin:
As for the significant other bit...well, that's where things get complicated. There's this girl at work I've had my eye on for a while. She's both attractive and dorky, the perfect combo. <3: Some quick Facebook stalking (don't judge me) told me she had a boyfriend, though. But all this newfound confidence has made me rather cocky, honestly, and since literally every girl in work that I'm interested in is with someone already, I thought, what the hell, I'll try my luck. I went up to her today when she was conveniently alone in the breakroom and mumbled out "Do you wanna go to a movie or something sometime?" (Mind, I haven't asked someone out in seven years. I'm rusty.) I did this fully expecting her to say no, she already had a boyfriend. I told myself I needed to experience the rejection, that it was a good thing, that I needed to try and damn the consequences. So imagine my surprise when she said "sure." I believe my response was along the lines of "Buh, come again?"
So now I have a dilemma. I have a date with this girl two Fridays from now. But she has a boyfriend already. What if she doesn't think it's a date, that it's just casual? That'd be fine, I guess, but what if, God forbid, she brought her boyfriend? Needless to say, I'm...rather confused. The wheels in my head are spinning and it's gonna be hard to get them to stop for a while, I think. x.x
But on the whole, am I happy? Yes. I think I am.
Yes, I ended some sentences in prepositions. Hush.