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On philosophy, and changing because of it.

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Since my fiancee and I broke up I've done a lot of thinking about life. I have to say, I'm a happier person now than I have been for years. I don't think it's necessarily because we're not together anymore, mind. Frankly, a lot of it's to do with my improving health. But anyway, I've come to a conclusion about what I really think the purpose of life is. When I was younger, I was such a cynical stoic that my opinion was the only purpose in life was to continue life. But here goes: Life is short. I don't hold hope that there's an afterlife. So the purpose of life is only what you make of it. Given that, happiness is the only thing really worth striving for. (Ideally not at the expense of the happiness of others but whatever.)


So what makes me happy? Well, right now my job makes me happy. I'm greatly respected at work by pretty much everyone, because I bust my ass all the time, not to mention the fact that I can find pretty much anything in the store. But more than happiness at work, I really want to be somebody to someone. More than a friend and a respected colleague. Plus, I want to be more to myself.


On the me front, biking to work has been getting me in much better shape than I've ever been, and I've been working my upper body too. One thing I've wanted for a long, long time--certainly more than I ever cared about physical fitness--was to dye my hair blue. It's naturally very black, but I've always thought a good dark blue tint would look nice. So, on Tuesday, I got my ex to drive me (I don't have a car) over to the local Sally Beauty, and since then, I've had blue hair! I'd post a pic but my webcam has trouble picking up the tint in my home light. :wall: I've gotten tons of compliments on it at work, though, even from some of the older ladies who I thought would hate it. :grin:


As for the significant other bit...well, that's where things get complicated. There's this girl at work I've had my eye on for a while. She's both attractive and dorky, the perfect combo. <3: Some quick Facebook stalking (don't judge me) told me she had a boyfriend, though. But all this newfound confidence has made me rather cocky, honestly, and since literally every girl in work that I'm interested in is with someone already, I thought, what the hell, I'll try my luck. I went up to her today when she was conveniently alone in the breakroom and mumbled out "Do you wanna go to a movie or something sometime?" (Mind, I haven't asked someone out in seven years. I'm rusty.) I did this fully expecting her to say no, she already had a boyfriend. I told myself I needed to experience the rejection, that it was a good thing, that I needed to try and damn the consequences. So imagine my surprise when she said "sure." I believe my response was along the lines of "Buh, come again?"


So now I have a dilemma. I have a date with this girl two Fridays from now. But she has a boyfriend already. What if she doesn't think it's a date, that it's just casual? That'd be fine, I guess, but what if, God forbid, she brought her boyfriend? Needless to say, I'm...rather confused. The wheels in my head are spinning and it's gonna be hard to get them to stop for a while, I think. x.x


But on the whole, am I happy? Yes. I think I am.






Yes, I ended some sentences in prepositions. Hush.

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Hey Dragoon, it's so terrific to read you're back on your way up!! Don't worry about the facebook status, it could be that she has a boyfriend but it could also very well be she didn't change it because she's in a rebound phase herself. Or maybe she broke up with her boyfriend long ago and simply forgot to change her marital status on FB. Or one of the million other reasons you can think of for a wrong status there.

You Rock!! Have fun at work and while scaping, and make the most out of everything.

And especially be sure to take the mental time to fully enjoy and appreciate everything you like, especially the small things. Hearing the wind in the trees, hearing the birds, the sun coming up as you pedal your way to work. Those little things mean so much.


Big hugs,


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Sounds like you've been making excellent progress with moving on with your life. I had a similar epiphany after my ex-wife and I separated (after nearly 10 years, no less).


You're doing things for yourself and having a much better time of life than you did before. Keep it up and good things are sure to happen. :thumbsup:

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Queen and Kaida have said what I have wanted to say, just wanted to add that it makes me really happy to see that you are taking your life by your own hands now and doing things how you want them to be done, even if it means a risky confrontation with this mysterious boyfriend.


Hope you are enjoying this new side of life mate :P

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