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Kirschen

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Blog Entries posted by Kirschen

  1. Warning: This is a lengthy episode. If you’re here to see the cute moemons, you are in luck. Otherwise, get some snacks.
     
    Sorry about the delay. I was having a mild breakdown and questioned how I should change my approach, so I changed it towards to the more focus on the moemons, which is the main premise of this hack. With Pokemon X/Y now out, it’s very likely progress will crawl to a slow halt, or slower halt. Something of that sort. In fact, this will be the last update until X/Y comes out and may be while before I add a new "Episode" (read: mostly finished with X/Y).
     
    [spoiler=Episode 3: The First Level of Early Game Hell]
     
    Now that Oak had, without breaking a sweat, drafted me into his sick and horrid project, it was clear than I would be facing an extremely uphill battle for the freedom of myself and all Moemon. Like every startup revolutionary, me and Clara knew we would need to play their game to win, and that mean acquiring allies and tools. But first, we needed a map!
     

    That was easier than I expected. Daisy is a far cry from what Samuel and Luigi are. Maybe there are likeminded human beings who get it.
     

    We made our return to Route 1, sinister shill and all. This time though, we had a mean of befriending potential allies.
     

    Zhu Zhu was the first of many, a bit of a worrywart though. Good thing I cannot read Pokenese.
     

    Karen, a rather weird Mankey, joined not long after. The duo we were became a five man band, but a rather weak one at that. There was no way we were going to be beating any Gym Leaders like this.
     

    So we made like little sissies and manned up, even though the genders said otherwise.
     

    For something with 95% accuracy, missing with Tackle was a rather common occurrence…
     

    But the obnoxious grinding and bad luck was worth it! Now let’s find Luigi and kick his entitled ass!
     

    Hello, you jerk. If anyone knows how to ruin the mood, you’re the go-to guy. And what’s wrong with some tourism?
     

    You’re one to talk you hypocrite! So why are you here? Doing what young males do when nobody is around?
     

    ROUND 2: BEGIN!
     

    I hate Sand Attack. Oh. So. Much.
     

    And there was much revenging and rejoicing!
     

    Karen eventually fell, but not before crippling Charmander in all her determination and glory! Now comes the finish!
     

    Victory was mine once more, and much spoils to indulge in as well! 4-2 score!
     

    Says the one who used Sand Attack. And you’re just mad I plundered 144 Pokedollars off your fanny pack!
     

    I beat you twice in a row! We earned our right to dawdle! Frankly, I shall dawdle our bums as a victory dance, and right in front of your face nonetheless! Dawdle dawdle dawdle! *shakes bum* WITNESS MY DAWDLING SKILLS!
     

    He forgot to tell me to smell you later. Guess my dawdle dance was too much for him to handle to the point where he forgot his catch phrase in the process. Oh well, his loss! At least I am not the one going to suffer on the first two gyms. *dawdles in the open some more* I could get used to this!
     

    Then I remembered I had two fainted little girls that needed tending to. Hope they aren’t afraid of doctors and such, which is where we were headed to. Now onwards to Pewter City!
     

    Oh, look! It’s the human roadblock who roadblocked me to oblivion over a lack of coffee and got kicked in the gut in retribution! And look, he's trying not to gaze into my direction! Let's say hi!
     

    You are in no position to give me advice, you obnoxious, blocking hobo! And are you blind as well! *shakes pokeballs* See this Ratatta and Mankey? I don’t need your late-on-arrival exposition, you!
     

    Take note of the fact this in the only male Moemon in existence and bask in its rarity before it would be enslaved by this elderly hobo. Seriously, that Weedle would have been ruling Route 2 and Viridian Forest like it was nobody’s business!
     

    I have no idea how one fits a television in a purse and still can walk around in spite of such an item hindering them.
     

    But before we continued out revolution, we took time to enjoy cheap and horribly made edutainment on the T.V. for the sake of gawking.
     

    It was an analogue T.V. It was destined to screw up! It was even made by Deke Inc, for Arceus' sake!
     

    After a short-lived television break, I proceeded to the Viridian Forest in all of its infested glory.
     

    A boy and several of his friends split up the gang in the search for venomous insects far away from civilization. There was just no way this could end well.


    Pikachu has a 5% encounter rate and it was the first little moe girl I encountered! The only way it could have been luckier was if it was in the possession of a Light Ball. It was absolutely criminal to not let a thing so adorable and rare join La Resistance. No, that’s not a good name for us.
     
    Team Plasma! That would make a good name! I doubt any group has taken the name anyway so it’s not like there is anything to tarnish.
     

    Oh my, this one is going to cause so much trouble. Welcome to Team Plasma, Ikki! Now let’s have and adventure and survey the wildlife!
     

    It then dawned on me that I forgot an essential item that would make this forest tolerable. And I was going to pay for it.
     

    But one has to admit these little things are just adorable! Seriously, I just want to hug this thing- Oh wait, Karen is still suffering from poison, isn’t she?
     

    … At least I was heading to the Center anyways.
     

    At least I learned my lesson and stocked up. Yes, the broken analogue television is still there.
     

    Before returning to that horrible maze of insects, toxins, and electric rodents, me and Ikki took some time out to bond through combat. This plucky moemon really pulled her weight rather quickly. It was likely no thanks to Pidgey being weak to electricity.
     

    It turned out the forest was not only prone to venomous insects but bug-catching thugs as well. Quite the little gangsters we have!
     

    Four on two. How cruel of me! *laughs*
     

    Our little dominatrix fighter is now ready to dethrone the first Gym Leader and give Team Plasma some momentum!
     

    But this game sure can! Now that the fun was over with, it was with the rest of this horrid forest.
     
    NEXT TIME: Team Plasma or Team Cherra engage in battle with Brock! Oh, and more moes are met.
     
  2. The votes have been tallied (with three votes, it didn’t take very long) and the starter has been chosen! Before I can go off and explore the world and all of its adorable moemon, it appeared I had to engage in being a courier for a day (or half of a day). However, rejoice, the adventure has just begun!
     
    Now I present you all (an earlier than I expected) Episode 2!
     
    [spoiler= Episode 2: Delivery Service with a Smile!]
     

    So after what appeared to be over a day, I reached for the first Poke Ball was bestowed with the magnificently adorable Bulbasaur. Let’s assess the goods!
     

    Her name is Clara and, like many of her kind, she wishes to one day evolve further and become a powerful Venusaur like her ancestors. Beneath that cute and gentle smile lies a stern personality with an iron will that makes even the pluckiest of people look like wimps in comparison. Now that’s covered, here comes the part in my plan where me and Clara make a speedy escape, laughing at Oak along the-
     

    Damn! Another point goes to the Oaks this time! At 2-0, I should really even out this score.
     

    A battle in a mad scientist’s laboratory! Just what I always dreamed of! Shame it wasn’t Oak because a victory usually results in the destruction of the base in other media!
     

    OH MY ARCEUS, LOOK AT THAT BULB AND THOSE TRAILING HAIR THINGIES! SHE IS SO CUUUUUTE- Oh, I forgot we have a fanny pack-wearing jerkass to defeat!
     

    After several minutes or what probably may have been the cutest battle I ever witnessed, Clara pulled through and came out on top! She is such a trooper!
     

    And with victory came vast amounts of spoils from riches to EXP! It’s good to be a winner! Ahahaha! So how does it feel, Luigi? No matter what game you’re in, even if it is a hack, you’re always going to play second fiddle! With the score at 2-1, a comeback is in the works!
     

    What a sore loser. He loses and he decides to beat up little cosplaying monster girls as a coping mechanism. What a dick! Anywaaays, now that scuffle was settled, me and Clara continued to set out towards the great unknown.
     

    Setting out into Kanto Route 1, it wasn’t long before the two of us mingled with the native fauna. Alas, we lacked a means to befriend a potential aerial ally, but it was likely for the best.
     

    Then the fun of exploration and interaction came to an abrupt, crashing halt upon an encounter with a person just as bad as Samuel Oak: a corporate shill! The fact it was out in a quiet, rural route made the appearance of this spokeswoman unexpected and I ended up hearing an earful from what was essentially a living billboard.
     

    But I would be a total idiot to ignore free goodies, however!
     

    And civilization had been reached at last! Okay, whatever given value of “civilization” that is, given this world runs on enslaving girls in balls and making them engage in combat. Clara and I then proceeded to hit up the city.
     

    What a surprise, this world does care for the little things. Neither of us were eager to enter this place though, given it was a hospital and in it contained those creepy white-coated individuals. Ugh…
     

    Ahead, we made a discovery of how bad this world was. A frail old man was laid down on the road with a woman supposedly just standing there and watching his agony like some sadist. Just how apathetic can these citizens get?! Alright, I’m giving that woman a piece of my mind! Let’s find out why she would just stand there-
     

    Aaaaaaaaaaand there went my sympathy, vaporized into dust particles! Feeling tricked, I took my right foot and applied it to the man’s left side, swiftly and painfully. He totally deserved it! Okay, let’s visit the other parts of this town!
     

    With my ability to read a guide on items instincts, I did take a detour to forage for discarded items before continuing further on my trek through the settlement! Free stuff is awesome, even if they are lodged in the corners between trees!
     

    And Pokemon Walmart was found! Even though it was ideal to avoid the first of many soulless store chains, the temptation of cheap and convenience was just too much! TOO MUCH! Plus, shopping is fun!
     

    Much to my dismay, I had to say “yes”! We could have discussed many, many things such as the deals, the new items, or even how fun it was to kick moody old men on the street! But no, she brings up that man!
     

    This gave me an idea! Perhaps I will trash the box for a few minutes, say his grandson attacked and abused me, and then proceed to make haste knowing I threw a monkey wrench into his plans! There is no way this plan can backfire!
     
    I didn’t bother taking a screenshot for the return trip; it was a waste of time. Nothing happened. Seriously, ledges can do that thing.
     

    I hope you enjoy your ruined gift, Samuel. You won’t get to- wait, BUBBLE WRAP?! YOU PREPARED YOURSELF FOR SUCH AN EVENT?!
     

    OH GOD! OH GOD NO! I WAS AN UNWITTING PAWN! I PLANNED TO SABOTAGE THE CONTENTS AND ENJOY YOUR ANGUISH AS KARMA TOOK PLACE, BUT YOU WERE A STEP AHEAD AND NOW YOU HAVE A NEW MEANS TO ENSLAVE ANOTHER GIRL! OAK, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! I NEVER READ YOUR BOOKS, BUT I CONTEMPLATE ON DOING SO IN THE FUTURE!
     
    Wait, that last sentence made absolutely zero sense… 3-1 score, and feel certain even breaking even is looking to be an uphill battle.
     

    It appeared Luigi was meant to be the courier, so his grandfather was going to receive the package intact either way. Well played, Oak! Well freaking played!
     

    I was soon bestowed several tools for the task I was being dragged into, much to my chagrin.


    It seems my worst fears were realized. Regardless of what I did, becoming Samuel Oak’s plaything was as inevitable as death itself! 4-1 score, and I am now worried where things are heading.
     
    Next time: Cherry and Clara acquire like-minded allies, meet up with an old foe and eventually get lost in the woods, all while scoring imaginary points!
  3. Cherry Plays: Moemon FireRed
     
    Like my friend Alg, I decided to follow suit and create a blog solely to share my experiences playing a Pokemon Hack. Unlike my friend Alg, I have gone for something that is less of a translation disaster and more… humanoid, in a sense. So what happens when you take a game that has invoked the gijinka (as in taking things like animals, or Pokemon in this case, and draw them as human) art style and have the commentary done by someone prone to getting their foot in their mouth, chews the scenery with absolute gusto, and always has something to say? You could say “imminent disaster” or “unpredictable maelstrom of creative fun", but let’s leave that decision until the end. Now, without further ado…
     
     
    *drumroll*
     
    MOEMON FIRERED
     
     
    [spoiler=EPISODE 1]
     

     
    Hey, it’s everyone’s favorite expositor! Professor Samuel Oak! Well, he’s such a nice guy to invade my dreamscape just to give a greeting… wait, that isn’t nice. Not at all! Wait, how the hell is he able to do that?!
     

     
    “Affectionately” in what context? I am seriously praying it’s the platonic kind since the romantic kind just makes it come off weird… at least he’s known for being a messiah-like figure that is the paragon of virtue-
     

     
    WHAT THE FLAAFFY IS THIS?! YOU IMPRISONED A YOUNG GIRL IN THAT SPHERICAL DEVICE! What the hell, Oak? Wait, people make them their pets and fighting slaves as well?!
     

     
    You just showed me your unnerving level of callousness by subjugating an innocent girl and now you think you just nonchalantly inquire me about my bodily structures? Hey, maybe I should give my name as well for even more convenience!
     

     
    Oh, now you have gone too far! First, you invade my mind, then you displayed your ability to capture young girls, and now introduce me to your offspring and he makes a first impression with a FANNY PACK! I cannot tell what is more out of whack: your moral compass or your fashion advice!
     
     

     
    To remedy these errors, I bestowed on my rival a meaningful name that has dignity in comparison to what other names he would have had. Such as “Asshat”, “Derps McKensy”, and “Gobblepuff”.
     

     
    WAIT! I DO NOT WISH TO BE IN SUCH A WORLD WHERE YOUNG GIRLS BECOME SUBJUGATED FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF OTHERS! NO! NEIN! NUNCA! JE NE PAS, S’IL VOU PLAIT! I DO NO WISH TO-
     

     
    Oh god, was I sleeping on the floor? And to add insult to injury, I was drooling all over the Gamecube too?! Well, no use crying over spilled MooMoo Milk. I should go out and mingle and frolic with the locals…
     

     
    … As in get the hell out of here!
     

     
    Alas, it appears I was caught! Damn you, Oak! You win this round, monster! No matter what, I still refuse to be assimilated into whatever nefarious task you have in mind! Even if use your Poke Balls to capture me, my defiance stays! There is absolutely no way I will-
     

     
    … I hate you. So. Freaking. Much. How did I go from having a nice dream to being Professor Oak’s tool? This day cannot get worse.
     

     
    Fine, have it your way. If I have to pick one of these poor souls, then I should free them as well and hinder your plans, Oak! Didn’t expect your plan to backfire so soon, huh?! Since I have to be quick, only one can join me. Now, who will be my compatriot?
     
    Now for the part where democracy takes place. Choose now!
     
    Charmander: 0
    Bulbasaur: 2
    Squirtle: 1

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