tobeyfox

Has this thread been forgotten by its progenitor?

This story may end up long and relatively convoluted, but it is all true. First of all, I'm 20 years old, and a college student. That's sort of relevant to this story. It all started when I came to college about 2 years ago. You see, I met this girl. Her and I instantly clicked, we just seemed to connect on a certain level. After knowing each other for about 3 months or so, we started spending nearly all of our free time with each other, even forsaking class at times, which in hindsight was pretty dumb, but it was all based on the premise of love. Sometime during the Spring semester that year, she introduced me to Runescape. I instantly loved it, though I never had the money for members' (though I do now, I'm waiting to get members' until I reach my starting goal of 1,000 f2p overall levels). I played more often than her, and soon caught up to her in levels and eventually, went on to learn more about the game than even she did. Over the summer, we moved into an apartment, even though she didn't seem to be able to keep a job, and I ended up supporting this one bedroom apartment while still attending college as she seemed to lack any real sense of responsibility. Her dream was to have children and have a family, and I was fine with that. Eventually. For example, when I finished college and we had some sort of stability. She also had her own subtle nuances, she was very submissive, and saw herself as naturally submissive, even though she subtly manipulated the relationship and controlled it, and myself, however I simply bore this burden, as I loved her. I was just happy to have someone that I could identify with on that level. And I was afraid to be alone. My levels soon nearly doubled hers, and in all honesty, it frustrated her how much I played. However, it always seemed to make her feel better, as whenever she did decide to play she would just have to ask and I'd give her anything she wanted in-game, within my means. Over that summer, she met a local guy online, and they started talking. She said that she thought that she really liked him. I got jealous and possessive. I did a lot of thinking and soul searching, and really, really didn't want to lose someone else (I had lost others in my life, as well..). A few days later I... well, I took her outside, for a walk at night, "I'm about to do the dumbest and craziest thing that I've ever done in my life." I'll always remember those words, and so will she. I proposed to her, a true commitment, told her that we were going out tomorrow to get a ring, and that we would get married as soon as I got out of college. We'd go off somewhere, and I'd forget everything that I wanted in order to give her the life that she felt she was meant to live. True enough, the next day we went out and got a ring. I paid $120 for a $600 diamond ring, as the first place that we went just happened to be going out of business. It was obviously fate. Right? We lived there for the summer. She met up with the guy that as mentioned before, but I didn't think anything of it. We had made promises to each other, after all. Towards the beginning of the fall, it came out that she and him were seeing each other, through a mutual friend. She reluctantly admitted to it. She claimed that she loved both of us. She spent a lot of time alone, and finally said that she had made a decision, that she chose me. We renewed our promises and moved on. I was still very hurt by this, and emotionally shaken. She was mine... we were ours, and we had made promises. It was very difficult for me to trust her, and I was more distant that I originally was in our relationship. Around this time, she started really controlling my life. To this day, I'm about $1,800 in debt because of her. Suffice to say, I did very poorly in my classes, worked a full time job to support her while she fluttered from one job to the next, only working occasionally and when she did, she would spend it on nonsensical and unnecessary things and then complain that I could barely manage to get enough food for both of us and that she didn't have nice things or the life that she wanted. I also was basically forced by her at this time to stop playing Runescape, as I had to work full time, take a full college course load, and in all of this, she constantly got upset that I didn't spend enough time with her because I "wasn't around," so most every waking moment of my free time was spent lavishing attention upon her. Fast-forward to this Spring, and the same thing happened again. With the same guy. I had known him now for a while, we hung out and talked a bit, we knew that we both cared for her, however there was something amiss with him, but I did consider him a friend. Well, I found out what was going on with her and him because I had found things on my computer, as that is how she had mostly been communicating with him. They were in a master/slave BDSM-style relationship and had been seeing each other while I worked to support her and went to school to try and build our life together. The things said in those missives... I found disgusting and degrading. I hated to see her treated like that. She claimed to like it, but when I tried to give her "the sort of relationship that she needed," she would only get upset and angry with me. So eventually, I gave up. This thing lingered on for about 2 months, as she refused to make a decision, even though she left my place and started staying with him. I was an emotional wrecking ball at this point, and in all honesty, so was she. I considered things that people shouldn't consider or think about. They both pressured me for a polygamous relationship, as they claimed that that was the only way that "she" could be happy, but it would wreck me worse than any alternative... it's just something that I can't do, though I've tried in the past. She finally came over that last weekend, and we talked, and cried, a lot. I finally told her that I wasn't going to put up with her stalling and wouldn't let this linger. I said, "It's simple... you claim that you can't make a decision. Well, if you choose to be with him, you choose to not be with me." Famous last words, not to be forgotten. Sure enough, she left. Move all of her things out. Her, him, and two of their friends all got a place together, carved symbols into their arms and declared themselves "in a pack to Tyr" (????). She later told me that she had to choose him because he could give her what she wanted now (he was older, 23), and that she couldn't stand to wait... to wait for her life to start (pretty impatient for a 19 year old). I quit my job, finished the semester, and went home from college for the summer, for the first time since I'd started, so many years ago. I really needed a break. However, I was shattered, lost and without direction. The future that I had created in my mind and worked so hard for would never come. At least... I had to enter a new era in my life. At least I'm not afraid of being alone anymore. Well, I hooked up my computer up when I got home, and remembered this thing that I used to play called "Runescape" (though she always called it "Run, Escape!," at least later on). She had apparently deleted it from my computer, as well as a whole bunch of other things. As a matter of fact, the contents of the computer were pretty much entirely what she had put there, as most everything else had been deleted. Well, I had fond memories of the things I used to do and had on Runescape (I've had up to 4M in cash at one time). I finally downloaded it on dial-up and logged in. I didn't see what I wanted. Well, I still had rune armor, a bunch of runes for spells that I had made (she HATED magic for some reason), and about 200k in cash. I then remembered all of the things that I gave away to her, way back when.. So, I started playing again, and now I've managed to gain a few levels and get up to about 400k or so (I'm mostly working on leveling things). It's strange though, playing it does in some ways remind me of her. Even if she is insane, I do still love her, but oh well. So, why should I be given this? Because I sacrificed my Runescape experience and would be so much further than I am now if I hadn't given it up for what I thought was true love, a union of souls. I guess it wasn't, well.. I'm not even sure if I believe in it in reality any more, though I still hold onto the idea, I'm entirely too romantic to doo otherwise. Even if I don't get anything out of this... I don't really care. I really don't have anyone to talk about with this, to tell this story. Most of my friends are also her friends, though we don't hang out together, and friends don't go out of their way to make sure we are around each other. If I mention something, they say "Switzerland," "neutral ground," or something similar. At the very least, I managed to bleed to someone. Oh well. I guess I think about this way too much for my own good, though I try not to. I guess that's all I have to say. If you managed to read through this entire thing, then you get a cookie. Now I'll switch out of my emo mode and back into my happy high-strung mode that I'm usually in. I really do need to feel emo sometimes, though... in a non-razor blade sort of way. Hope this isn't too "adult" for this forum, I haven't posted here in quite a while, and even back in the day, I only posted infrequently.