(for those who have nu clue what Gielinor is, it is the land of RuneScape).

 

On one of my travels trough Asgarnia, I came in the city of Lumbridge. I was going over the bridge to cross the Lum, when I saw an other traveller, who looked pretty poor to me.

 

I asked why his clothes were torn like that, and he said that someone robbed him while he was walking in the woods.

 

Now I have heard rumors about the Wilderness, and I think it is not a place where you want to be without good protection.

 

He explained that some big and strengthful person promised him full bronze if he would follow him for just 5 minutes.

 

So he did, but suddenly, that person took his dagger and stabbed him.

 

And now he stands here, without food, without clothes, only a wooden shield and a weird net.

 

He said that I looked so cool, I must be very rich, and probably not care about a bit of money?

 

So I said, "hm, yeah, you are really poor eh? Here have a bread and some coins."

 

His eyes glansed, and he cried out, "keutel Force, you are so great, thanks for all that money!"

 

 

 

I saw all the people gathering around, and told him to be quiet, but he was too excited and kept screaming.

 

Soon, about every man and woman in a fifty feet distance was asking for money.

 

I thougt then "Hm, this is a nice magic-practising day, and it has been a long time since I have been in Falador.

 

I opened my spell book, spoke out some charms, and i appeared in the capital of Misthalin, WHite Knights City Falador.

 

I said to myself, "Phew, I escaped of it!", but then I heared a voice. and one more, and suddenly my head was bouncing of the whole stream of voices.

 

I thougt, "Oh no, they followed me!", but I couldn't see anyone. I was thinking I had gone mad, as hearing voice in your head is not a good sign...

 

Then I remembered something my godfather had told me: "We, people of Gielinor, possess magic. When we know the name of someone, we can call him, wherever he is. You can expell them out of your head, but you need to concentrate deeply."

 

WIth that in my mind (and those voices), I expelled them, and I was wondering how quiet it can be when noone is talking...

 

 

 

Now that I was in Falador, I decided to go and talk to the chief of the WHite Knights, Sir Tiffy, as I wanted to tell him proudly I finally had becomen a White Knigtht Master.

 

I started to tell, but he was,'t really listening. He said he 'd found a trace of King Vallance, King of Misthalin, and I was required to explore it further.

 

He told me that I couldn't use the orb anymore, as the black Knights had found out how it works, and it would not be safe to talk trough it.

 

The only clue he could give me were a piece of the cape King Lathas was wearing the day he disappeared, which was found in the Black Knights Fortress in the Wilderness.

 

That means that I had to go to the wildy again, and interrogate those Black Knights.

 

Knowing how well-willing to speak those Black Knights are, I took my strongest gear and some runes to summon mystic powers.

 

I was on my way to their castle, when I met a guy who was a bit smaller than me, and he asked me what I was up to.

 

I said that I was on a quest for the WHite Knights, whereafter if he could help me.

 

At first I didn't trust him, as the Wilderness is a place where many people are able to forget their pride and attack other humans, so I said it would be very hard.

 

He said he didn't mind, and that he was not afraid of some stupid knights. I was too shy to say that I didn't trust him, so I decided to take the risk.

 

I continued my road, followed by a proud man, who thougt ut was an honour to be accepted on my quest.

 

I now felt that he wasn't lieing, he was honest, but he seemes to think that it was needed to prove himself, which means that we couldn't pass anyone without him challenging on a duel on Life and Death.

 

I told him I was in a hurry, and I would leave him alone if he didn't shut up. This convinced him to continue in silence.

 

We reached the castle, and of course the gates were closed. I was stupid enough to forget my rope to climb on the walls, and now I was lucky to have my mate with me.

 

He did carry a real Fixed Device with him! I thougt these didn't exist anymore, but he did have one (he told me afterwards that he picked it of some musketeers when he was Morytania).

 

He began to load it with special botles of nitroglycerine, which he had found on in ercheologic centre near Varrock, Diggers Site or something like that.

 

When he shot such a bottle on the wall, it exploded with a big "Kaboooom!" and a holf of 9 feet large gaped in the wall.

 

We quickly entered the castle, and attacked a confused Black Knight. We were careful to not kill him, tough, as he could give us some information about King Vallance.

 

First he declined to speak, but after i charmed him with a spell of willingness, he said all he knew about the King. However, he was not that important, and so he didn't know that much.

 

But at least we found out that King Vallance was not dead, and that he had been transported to ScapeRune, a place I had been once when Evil Bob Kidnapped me.

 

That is a very weird place, where everything is the other way round. When E. Bob took me there, I could fish cooked fish, and uncook them! I always thougt i dreamt that...

 

The other Black Knights had recovered of their confusion, and were now running to us, with their swords ready to part our heads from or bodies, and we prepared to fight.

 

We moved backwards, to not get surrounded by the Black Knights, because then we would be done for.

 

I was happy to have taken my abyssal whip with me, and i swung with it to the Black Knights, and they went back a bit.

 

This was the moment to rune, and i called my mate, but he was too busy fighting that he didn't hear it.

 

I decided that it was time to unleash some of my spells, so I ran some squares away, took my spellbook and summoned an illusion of some ondead horses, which really looked scary.

 

The Black Knights stopped fighting, and my mate noticed that I made a way out.

 

We then gathered to the hole in the wall and ran away. We went back to Falador to report this to Sir Tiffy, and he told me I could rest and go back tomorrow.

 

So, I went to my bed, together with my mate, and asked him if he wanted to stay. He sad he didn't want to cause any troubles, buti convinced him to stay.

 

We drank some Dragon Bitter and ate some Pizzas, and after some games of Hangman and Darts we went to bed.

 

~~not ended yet...~~

reserved

reserved

Well, I'm sure where exactly I am to start with this but i'll try...

 

 

 

Your story was very......(No offense) Bad.

 

 

 

You have good writing potential and Definitely a creative mind. On this story though, You had very many grammar mistakes and Everything was mushed together into one giant paragraph.

 

 

 

I also noticed in the very begining you didn't started out with quotes and eventually you did notice and started to put dialogue in quotes.

 

 

 

The Main Reason why i didn't like the story was because of these two lines.

 

 

 

 

I asked why his clothes were torn like that, and he said he was scammed and killed in the Wilderness.

 

 

 

He said I looked so cool, i must be very rich, and very probably not care about 500 gp?

 

So I said, "hm, yeah, you are really poor eh? here have a bread and

 

1000 gp."

 

 

 

 

As you can see in the Library here, We Absolutely CANNOT stand it when people write stories with dialogue such as:

 

 

 

"I pwned the noob cuz he was ha4xing !!!"

 

 

 

Or

 

 

 

"Noob567 was g3tting 0wned cuz h3 had 45gp and cuz a stupid mod scamed him!"

 

 

 

 

 

You get the general idea though. We like creativity and stories with good grammar.

 

 

 

Please, take this advice into consideration!

Well, I'm sure where exactly I am to start with this but i'll try...

 

 

 

Your story was very......(No offense) Bad.

 

 

 

You have good writing potential and Definitely a creative mind. On this story though, You had very many grammar mistakes and Everything was mushed together into one giant paragraph.

 

 

 

I also noticed in the very begining you didn't started out with quotes and eventually you did notice and started to put dialogue in quotes.

 

 

 

The Main Reason why i didn't like the story was because of these two lines.

 

 

 

 

I asked why his clothes were torn like that, and he said he was scammed and killed in the Wilderness.

 

 

 

He said I looked so cool, i must be very rich, and very probably not care about 500 gp?

 

So I said, "hm, yeah, you are really poor eh? here have a bread and

 

1000 gp."

 

 

 

 

As you can see in the Library here, We Absolutely CANNOT stand it when people write stories with dialogue such as:

 

 

 

"I pwned the noob cuz he was ha4xing !!!"

 

 

 

Or

 

 

 

"Noob567 was g3tting 0wned cuz h3 had 45gp and cuz a stupid mod scamed him!"

 

 

 

 

 

You get the general idea though. We like creativity and stories with good grammar.

 

 

 

Please, take this advice into consideration!

 

 

 

Agree.

 

 

 

Just don'te 1337 or anything like that, either.

 

 

 

Nice work Fist_Of_Ozzy. You took the words from my mouth.

 

 

 

Hey, just work at it and it will be good! :D :twisted:

to sephiroth_king's and Fist_of_ozzy's replies:

 

I don't really see what is wrong with writing 500 gp and 100 gp, or scammed, but I'm Dutch, so I don't really know that much of the rules in English grammar, and so I won't be able to correct the mistakes (just because I dont know that is wrong...), but I'll replace the words you most hated anyway.

 

I am very glad that you at least like the story, and thanks for the advice.