Losing a friend can be painful,

 

Whoever thought it would be a walk in the park?

 

 

 

Sometimes you wish they could come back,

 

but they never do.

 

 

 

You used to soar like an eagle when you were with them,

 

Now you feel like you have no reason to live without them

 

 

 

You've been pals since 1st grade,

 

Right this moment you wish you could go back in time and get them back

 

 

 

You used to talk with them all the time anytime whether it was at lunch or during English class,

 

Now you can only hear the sound of their voice

 

 

 

Going to their house across the street was part of your daily routine,

 

Now going to their house is a flight across country

 

 

 

MIN4 11-24-08

 

I will probably be editing this alot. I just need you guys to help me out. Thanks!

 

I have rewritten my poem.

It was not very good...

 

First of all, a bit of editing goes a long way...

 

 

 

Also, its something that sounds like it was made up on the fly...it makes no sense, conveys no general meaning, jumps all over the place, and is something a fourth grader writes for a writing project.

 

 

 

Nice attempt anyways...

It was not very good...

 

First of all, a bit of editing goes a long way...

 

 

 

Also, its something that sounds like it was made up on the fly...it makes no sense, conveys no general meaning, jumps all over the place, and is something a fourth grader writes for a writing project.

 

 

 

Nice attempt anyways...

 

Yeah it sucks I know that. Although I'm not very poetic, it's true I was in a rush to make this. And yeah it sounds like a 4th graders work. I'll keep practicing so I can get this right. Thank-you very much.

 

 

 

MIN4

hahahahahahahahahahahaha. you can't be serious.

hahahahahahahahahahahaha. you can't be serious.

 

 

 

Be nice. This isn't very good critiquing...Not at all.

 

 

 

It's...A start. Needs rhyming, more coherence, perhaps some more emotion and a good meaning behind it?

 

 

 

Again, it's a start. Nice attempt.

I disagree that it needs a rhyme scheme, but definitely some kind of meter. It's pretty pointless right now because it conveys no emotion, the whole of it is summed up in the title, and the language is bland. Poetry is the ultimate demonstration of the "show, don't tell" rule; let every word contribute to the overall meaning and let that meaning be open to interpretation.

Its still not too good, though a step up from the previous version...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha. you can't be serious.

 

 

 

Be nice. This isn't very good critiquing...Not at all.

 

 

 

It's...A start. Needs rhyming, more coherence, perhaps some more emotion and a good meaning behind it?

 

 

 

Again, it's a start. Nice attempt.

 

 

 

my critiquing is better than the poem.

hahahahahahahahahahahaha. you can't be serious.

 

 

 

Be nice. This isn't very good critiquing...Not at all.

 

 

 

It's...A start. Needs rhyming, more coherence, perhaps some more emotion and a good meaning behind it?

 

 

 

Again, it's a start. Nice attempt.

 

 

 

my critiquing is better than the poem.

 

 

 

Your critiquing is crap

 

nothing but that

 

be nice, he's new

 

by the way, I've never seen you

 

write a better poem and then we will see

 

who will be laughing, you or me?

 

 

 

Wow...that was written in less than a minute!

I disagree that it needs a rhyme scheme, but definitely some kind of meter. It's pretty pointless right now because it conveys no emotion, the whole of it is summed up in the title, and the language is bland. Poetry is the ultimate demonstration of the "show, don't tell" rule; let every word contribute to the overall meaning and let that meaning be open to interpretation.

 

 

 

I disagree a little on the leaving it open to interpretation point because then it just loses all the meaning that the author intended. I would make your points clear enough to be dintinguished by someone with enough time to look at it thoroughly.

 

 

 

And lol at ratchet.