"Rako and Pajo" - A WIP. Chapter 3 added!

[Guest]

A short story I made in about half an hour. Its my first out-of-school piece of writing, so dont be too harsh. :P

 

 

 

Still working on it, post feedback/suggestions.

 

 

 

[hide=]Rako was the tribes weapon smith. Everyday, he would shape various minerals into blades and sharp ends, which would be used to hunt, to fight, and to live. To Fight. This is something that had been a common part of Rakos life. He was a good weapon smith, but the tribe just went through so much equipment, so fast. Swords would be brought back for sharpening, swords covered in blood. Just as he was about to take a break, the curtain doors flew open, as a human ran inside.

 

 

 

Pajo! He said to his assistant. Your la-

 

 

 

He didnt have time to finsh his sentence. As he stood, his eyes receded, watching Pajo slowly crumple to the ground. He rushed over to his still body. He could hear breathing, feel a heartbeat. He picked his assistant up, and brought him to a near-by room, where he laid Pajo on his small, straw bed. He rummaged through the drawers, mumbling to himself.

 

 

 

Ah ha. Here we go. Come on son, youll be fine He muttered as he spread white paste over Pajos forehead. Come on he prayed. As soon as the white paste began taking effect, Pajo bolted upwards.

 

 

 

OutsideWarFireC-chaos He moaned. Its ok. youll be fine, just stay put, ill be back in a few hours he told Pajo, as he grabbed his amour and sword. I need some new amour He thought, as he barely managed to squeeze into it. Then, he put his sword into its sheathe. The swords magnificent hilt gleamed in the sunlight as he burst out of his shop, eager to hack anything living, breathing or moving into bits. He drew his sword, and charged bravely into battle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

 

 

 

 

 

One year later

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rako hadnt changed a bit. He had a few new scars, but he was his same old, battle ready self. Pajo seemed to be more attached to him ever since that battle. They continued to make weapons, each one being lighter, better, stronger. Their amour continued to be the best. No weapon smiths in the entire tribe could compare to this dyamic duo.

 

 

 

The shop had grown considerably. The tiny, one room shop now had several rooms, including an entire room dedicating to eating. Eating and fighting, the two things Rako loved the most. They had new equipment. Rocks, they could write on with a new creation called chalk, which helped them to invent new weapons.

 

 

 

Rako peered over Pajos shoulder. He was impressed of what he saw. Some sort of axe, with blades on both ends. The oddly shaped handle suggested it could be thrown. It was shaped like a V, with wide ends. Below, he saw his assistant finshing the very first one.

 

 

 

Very good He told his assistant, as he simled. Whats with the odd shape, though?

 

His assistant grinned. Watch this he said, as he threw the thing at the wall. About 5 feet away from breaking into a thousand pieces, Rako gasped, as it did an amazing thing. It came back to him, in a perfect position to catch, which he did. Rako was amazed. An 11 year old had just created some sort of projectile that would come back to you. He had created a boomerang.

 

 

 

Chapter 3

 

 

 

The move

 

 

 

In a fortnight, Pajos creation was the Tribes favourite weapon. It was flawless. It could kill animals with a single throw, and seemed as if they were indestructible. The Chief, Jakoji declared it as The most lethal weapon to date, especially when the razor sharp edges were poisoned. It seemed as if the small tribe had found its breakthrough. Meat came in faster, and the colony slowly started to expand. They won began to win huge wars, with the use of this creation. Rako and Pajo just couldnt keep up with the demand, so they decided to hire Gumbi, a boy around 15 years of age. He proved to be a great help. Together, they were able to mass produce these great weapons. One problem, however, had arisen. The local supplies had completely run out.

 

 

 

So, I figure we need to head someplace north, explained Jakoji, to the tribes elders. We need more animals to hunt, and there are pastures up there. There are also mines, so we can continue to produce these Boomerangs.

 

 

 

Eventully, a decision was made. The tribe would move north, following the food, the water, and the minerals.

 

 

 

OkSo, well need lots of food to carry us that way, then?, questioned Hoji, the grocer. Yes, explained the elders. We figure the journey will take a week or so, so well need about 3 meals daily, plus what we can scavenge along the way. There are about one hundred people, so thats about 300 meals. Well also need some emergency food. So bring about 350 meals, they told him. He nodded. 350 meals it is. Thank you.

 

 

 

Then, came the matter of shelter. Well need blankets, at the very least, he told the tribe during the meeting. So, bring all the supplies you can. Keep in mind the more of us there are, the safer we will be, so bring extras.

 

 

 

It had been decided that donkeys would be used to haul some of the supplies. All of the farmers were asked to volunteer whatever animals they could to help the tribe.

 

 

 

If we work together, we will surely survive, nodded Jakoji. We will head out in three days. You have the choice to come or not, however we will not protect you should you choose to stay.[/hide]

 

 

 

Still adding more :razz:

[i_love_burritos]

Like the concept. Not too much the story itself.

 

You should'nt just have cut it off at "It was a boomerang"

 

Original piece of writing.

 

 

 

7/10.

 

 

 

8/10 if you read and comment on My Story

 

 

 

^ Linkehh.

[Guest]

Like the concept. Not too much the story itself.

 

You should'nt just have cut it off at "It was a boomerang"

 

Original piece of writing.

 

 

 

7/10.

 

 

 

8/10 if you read and comment on My Story

 

 

 

^ Linkehh.

 

 

 

Still working on it :