The City in War

 

 

 

Notes:

 

It was not long ago when this event occurred, the Great War lasted for over 15 years, over 3,000,000 citizens of Varrock were killed in this War, and many of these people were just ordinary citizens who hated the corrupt king. Many more were injured, but, I must let you readers know that the secrets and the dark past of this great city must never be revealed to anyone who hasn't read this. This is the only proof that the war happened, there is no other proof that this war ever existed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Episode 1 - King Harolds Mistake:

 

 

 

I never knew my Dad was a fighter, today he had just applied our whole family for the clan that was called, The Revolutioners, at the time, I disagreed with all their beliefs but I stayed in the clan to keep my Dad happy. But, I was never expected the events that happened a week after this. The Revolutioners, main target was to rid Varrock of its corrupt monarchy, a week after I had joined the monarchy, my Dad and all the warriors of the clan were sent to try to invade Varrock Palace and kill King Howard. Our clan didn't know that the Royal Army (the kings army) was building their numbers. So as the warriors of the clan went on, the ruthless army met them and demolished all the warriors of the clan, they came in numbers over 5,000 and they had to team up to be able to kill 700 of our clans best warriors. They slashed and stabbed every single warrior of our clan, including my Dad, I watched the whole thing behind the safety of my house, but, our house wasn't safe, the army had obtained the list of all the people who were enrolled in the clan. Instantly, 3 soldiers from the army entered my house and stabbed my mother in the heart they, then, they saw me, they were so cruel they decided not to kill me and just to leave me and watch my family die and grow up in hardship. I was only 10 when this occurred. But, this event caused me to grow a constant hate of the Army, strong enough to when I become older, to restart The Revolutioners and destroy this King and his wretched army. At this time the King was only 21. I would then go on to hate him for the rest of my life.

 

 

 

To be continued...

 

 

 

Post your comments pl0x!

Um...first of all, one paragraph hardly constitutes a chapter, unless you are using the paragraph for a comedy reason.

 

 

 

Otherwise, there are run on sentences, an overuse of commas, and it ultimately failed to impress me. I think you should add a little more to the story, elaborate. That would make it longer. You should also work on punctuation. I would direct you toward my punctuation guide if you have any questions.

Plagued with run-on sentences, misplaced commas. It reads like a brief synopsis and not like a real story; hint: chapters should be longer than one (blocky) paragraph.